Chapter 9: To Kill is to Save a Life
Warm steam wafting from the red mug took many beautiful shapes, blending lazily in the air. He'd offered her hot chocolate before she took a seat next to him and Madeline agreed thankfully. Along with the drink, he brought a bandage for the gashes on her palm, and as he was swathing the small hand, she was still a bit shaky. The girl was silent and unsure at first, and he gave her time, he knew exactly how it was to be one of the few that have actually faced It and got away in one piece. While Mike was focused at bandaging her injury, the girl was trying to gain the courage to finally open up about the things she's been hiding, to talk about what she's been dealing with recently. But how can I be sure if he really knows? Is that album enough of a proof? What if he doesn't? What if he doesn't believe me and I'll only make a fool of myself? The fact that Mike Hanlon was a complete stranger did not make things easier. But he was helping her, right? She had not much to lose.
"I suppose, that you're here because there's something you wanted to talk about." He began, meaning to make it easier for her. "Something completely irrational and out of this world." Her eyes rose up, brightened with hope. Maybe he indeed understood. "You know, when I was about your age, a little younger actually, I saw things too. Disturbing things. It was like a bad dream, but... real. Utterly real."
"What did you see?"
"It wasn't just me. There were seven of us. We formed a sort of club, called ourselves 'The Losers'." The words left a nostalgic smile on his lips. "I guess the only two things we had in common were that each of us was an outcast, and we all knew about the creature we called 'It'; an Evil Thing, that lives under the streets of Derry and feeds off of human fear, but I assume you already know that. It wanted to take us down one by one, taking a different shape each time, but we've all seen the Clown." It was hard for Mike to bring those faint, yet very much alive memories up, but he needed to be strong to give her the strength she needed right now. And, when he thought about it, there were still so many things he'd never manage to say...
"Yeah, I saw him too." Madeline said staring blankly into the distance. "He murdered a boy right before my eyes. But to me It always comes as human." She took a sip of her drink. The warmth really was comforting.
"Human?" The man seemed a bit surprised, but then thought: But there are many people to be afraid of. For Bev, it was her father. "Someone you know or..?"
"No, no it's just It. It's human shape, I believe. He referred to himself as Robert Gray." Saying it out loud, the girl felt a stab of guilt, as if she was betraying him. Mike however, got deeply confused.
"That's odd." His black, usually mild eyebrows furrowed in thought. "It can find countless ways to get what it wants, that's for sure. You're very clever you didn't fall for its tricks."
Well, I wouldn't necessarily say so...
"But how did you fight it? How did you make It stop? Because you did, right?"
"Oh yes, we did. In fact, until the last weekend, I was almost certain we've defeated it." The man got closer and bent slightly to look her directly in the eye, taking a more serious tone. "You see, the thing with that creature is, you have to show it you're not afraid. That it doesn't have the power over you. You need to overcome your fear and use it against It."
"But why me?" Asked Madeline hopelessly. She didn't feel overpowering at all.
"Sometimes things in this town just are as they're meant to be. I'm sure you can do it. You're young." The girl wasn't very happy about it, but nodded.
She stayed a while more, finishing her chocolate but time went on relentlessly and soon enough she had to go. She thanked the librarian and he even led her off to the door.
"If anything goes wrong I will call for help. Good luck, Madeline." The girl gave him a brief, questioning look, knowing they didn't really make a proper introduction to each other, but he just chuckled under his breath. "Don't worry, I don't have any mind controlling powers, I just checked your library card."
"Oh, um, right." Madeline smiled shyly at her own distrustfulness, and remembered that she also checked the plaque standing on the counter. "Thank you once again Mr. Hanlon."
And that was it.
She didn't stumble through her things in search for something adequate to her task, for she knew exactly what she needed and where it was kept. The girl had decided that whatever she was going to do, she had to begin right now, otherwise her determination would weaken, and she might eventually change her mind. There was only one thing she wanted to take with her. Cleverly hidden, stuck up with tape underneath the bottom of a drawer, was a shiny revolver. It wasn't notably large or bulky because it was bought to be handled by a woman, and so it has been, a long time ago.
When Madeline took it in her hand and felt how well it fitted, a strange sensation crept up her spine. Was she really ready to use it? The last time she's seen it, it was held by Lynn and pointed at her father. Overcome your fear and use it against It, that's how the librarian put it. This had been an object of great fear, before Madeline's parents parted ways. Although Lynn never used it in a threatening way, little Madeline was always afraid that one day it would just accidentally fire, and release all the deadly power it's been carrying inside. Since it's never been used by her, now was the first time, the girl looked at it differently. True, the revolver could bring death, but it also could save hundreds of lives. But why did these two attributes always needed to come inseparably?
I am about to kill. I don't want to, God knows I really don't, but I have to.
I have to.
With pained heart, she made sure it was loaded, and put the gun behind the belt of her blue skirt.
To her terrible disappointment, nothing stopped her on the way. Even the delicate wind blows seemed to push her subtly towards the Barrens, and before she knew it, Madeline crossed the grassy path, then the river, and the large, hollow tunnel stood open right before her eyes. One of the entries to the sewers. Just now she realized, she could've put on a pair of solid boots instead of the material trainers.
Here we go. It's now or never. Thought the girl and with one, long, splashy step found herself inside. She went on slowly, careful not to slip on the muddy surface. The air was musty to say the least, and the walls filthy, so she had nothing to steady herself with and not get dirt all over. With all the unpleasant surroundings, still atmosphere and only the light from the round gratings above, Madeline felt just like in the dream she had the other night. Her eyes scanned the darkness restlessly, but there was nothing to be seen, so she carried on, getting more and more tense with each step. She picked the turns randomly, without any particular strategy, but apparently they led her in the right (or, as one may think, the wrong) direction, because after what seemed to be an endless walk, the round passageway opened to a much larger area. Was that the center? Madeline didn't know that yet, but before she reached the end of the tunnel, a crunching sound hit her ears from the distance. Her whole body trembled and she struggled not to make a noise. She's heard it before. The sound was interrupted by another one; a ripping of material, then went on incessantly.
Don't you dare panic now! You mustn't be afraid! You've dealt with him a good amount of times before, you can do it.
Collecting all the courage her fragile, human body could contain, she made it to the opening and stood there in dimmed light, mesmerized by what she saw. It was indeed the center of the sewer system, and furthermore — It's lair. In the middle of this gigantic, underground location there was an old circus wagon literally flooded with a pile of all kinds of old, abandoned objects, but that wasn't what made Madeline's jaw drop. She mindlessly came closer, lured in by the sight of the floating bodies. And what shocked her even more was, she recognized two of them. They levitated up there, out of reach, almost peaceful. One was headless, the other had his chest pierced inside out.
A loud creak from not so far at all brought the girl back to reality rather abruptly, and her eyes momentarily scanned the crouching silhouette, a few feet away. It was, and, at the same time wasn't him. It was the Clown. He was turned aback from her, so she couldn't see his face, but as soon as she acknowledged just what he was doing, Madeline realised she didn't really want to see. Beneath him laid a small body of a girl, whose face was being frantically consumed right here, right now. Before Madeline could even think of holding it back, before her palm went up to cover her mouth, she'd let out a terrified squeal, regretting it immediately. The creature froze, and so all the crunches and growls ceased. The girl watched as it shrugged off, with a couple of bell jiggles, and when It sluggishly turned to face her, she managed to see a couple of large teeth recoiling back into its mouth. Just a second ago there was more, that is certain.
"Madeline! What a surprise!" He exclaimed, fresh blood dripping from the corners of his mouth and onto the already stained collar. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" Fake. Fake, fake, fake. This voice was just beaming with false enthusiasm, while the golden eyes held pure malice within them. He straightened up, and she examined the aged, but surprisingly rich fabric of his costume. She's never had the opportunity to take a good look at this appearance, which despite the horror it was designed for, was oddly alluring. "I should've seen this coming sooner or later, but definitely not this soon. You see, darling, you approached me at a very wrong time." There was a brief shift in the Clown's features, as if he was trying to change again, with no result. His eyes flickered green for a second, and it was a helpless shade of green, screaming Run while you still can!. Had she not come here for a reason, she would've listened. "Curiosity killed the cat, they say. I wonder what will happen to you."
It started to move around the girl in circles, making it harder for her to focus and finally take an action. The faceless body was left on the filthy ground. Madeline didn't know what happened after she'd left the girls' bathroom, didn't see as he starkly captured that little girl directly from the school's backyard, wasn't aware that while feasting he thought only of her, whose blood still stuck to his palm.
"Reckless child, why did you come? What makes you stand still, while I could end your life in an instant? Do you really want your own doom?" For this question, Madeline knew her answer.
I can see past the monster. You fascinate me unlike anything I've ever come across, and I've grown attached to your affection. I want someone's embrace to secure me from the rest of the world, and I want it to be yours, but such thing would be forbidden even to dream about, and so I have to commit to what's meant to be. I have to kill you.
"I'm not afraid of you."
The Clown's eyebrows went up in a mock of disbelief.
"Really?" With that, he came closer, stopping just before the red pom-poms brushed against her shirt, and sniffed her hair. "You smell... different. Somewhat familiar, dare I say." His eyes scanned her up and down, shining a bit lighter, when they noticed the bandage. "Ooh! I see. You've met an old friend of mine." A sudden, high-pitched laugh filled Madeline's ears, and she moved away, gaining back her personal space. "He was a funny one, that Mikey boy." It managed to say in between the maniacal bursts of laughter. "And whatever he's told you, is probably true."
The girl's breathing was shallow, her legs felt numb like wooden sticks. With a great difficulty, she reached for the revolver, then held it up, aiming at the Clown's chest. He didn't mind. He was having the time of his life.
"And you believed him! Well, that 'is' a surprise. Who would've thought that the old bastard would finally achieve something. He didn't get me last time, so now he's using you." Then, in the middle of his monologue, he rushed forward in an otherworldly pace, crashing into Madeline, all in a split-second. Suddenly, the whole world rolled back, the water splashed, and she was laying on the cold ground, with the creature creeping over her, lucky she didn't let go of the gun.
"So how's this gonna be, huh? You're just going to shoot me?" She didn't understand. She didn't understand any of it. "Go ahead. Do it." He said a bit quieter now, wrapping a large, glowed hand around the gun's barrel, directing it to his forehead. "Do it now, there won't be a better occasion." Her hands were steady, as well as the finger around the trigger, but seconds passed, and she was still struggling with making that one, simple action. The inscrutable look in It's face... There was just so much more than madness to it.
"I-I'm not.." She began with a shaky voice, hoping it would make things clearer, like a magic spell. "I'm not afraid." Her grip on the gun tightened, but not enough yet.
"Oh, I know you're not, dear." He said, giving her a look filled with a feeling she couldn't name. "You never really were, your curiosity was always stronger. That's why you're different. You're brave enough not to fear me, and yet you don't have the desire to kill. You don't want to. You don-"
And yet, she did. The things we do are quite often not the ones we want.
His head flew backwards. The gun slipped off her hands, while the bang resounded through the nearby tunnels. She waited for his muscles to ease, the body fall to the side, or for whatever happens when an entity ceases at its existence, but no such thing came. With sheer panic Madeline felt his hands crawling up to pin hers down, and just then she knew she'd screwed up. Convulsions took over his head, neck and torso, when some invisible force dragged the bullet out of the Clown's cracked skull. The small object didn't fall, but floated off. The girl tried to squirm out of his grip, but it was of no use. With this shot, she'd condemned herself to the monster, and there was no point in escaping now. Slowly, very slowly, he turned to look down at her, his mouth filled with dozens of pointed teeth.
"You never cease to impress me, little one. Did you really think this would work?" The grip on her wrists pressed tighter, harder than a clamp. "It seems that impudent, little coward managed to turn my precious girl against me." He spat, driven by fury mixed with hurt. He was hiding it well, but it pained him. That's what he got for being careful, for playing the game fairly. But it was all going to change now. "And he will pay for this, believe me he will, but first I'm going to fix what he's been trying to spoil. I'll take back what's mine. Because you're mine, aren't you?"
He drew his face to hers until she could see only his golden eyes and the dark smudges of paint around them.
"Meet Pennywise the Dancing Clown. He doesn't like to be betrayed."
