A/N: This is a lot of updates for one day, but it had to be done! I had all these ideas and they were just waiting to get out!
HIS
Kaidan shut down for the next few days. He sat silently through Shepard's memorial service, which was just for show because her body wasn't found. They didn't even look. They just assumed there was nothing left to recover.
There were too many people. The continual string of condolences from the rest of the crew just turned into white noise. There was nothing left to say.
He cried a little with Liara simply because he knew how deeply she had felt for Shepard as well. He even told her about their engagement. He wasn't sure why. Somebody had to know. He couldn't hold on to it alone forever. There was nothing left to hide.
When Admiral Hackett told the crew they could have some leave time to recover, Kaidan went back to Vancouver. He needed something warm and familiar. There's nothing left with the Alliance.
After he had killed Vyrnnus and Brain Camp was shut down, Kaidan locked himself in his room for nearly 3 months. He would wander out sometimes to steal alcohol from his father's liquor cabinet and try to drink away the memory of the turian lying there. Blue blood splattered on the wall. His head twisted in a grotesque direction.
Kaidan knew this time alcohol wouldn't be the answer. He'd grown up, but he still needed his family. He opened the door to his parents' home.
"Kaidan, my baby, I'm so sorry." Emily Alenko dissolved into tears as she wrapped him in her arms. "She was a wonderful girl."
He simply nodded his agreement. "I need some time alone, Mom." The tears weren't there right now.
"Call me if you need anything," Emily said quietly. Kaidan was already walking down the hall.
He shut the door and looked around. All the military posters and knick knacks were still up. Shepard had laughed at him when she saw it, saying, "You really did sign on for the dream! I just wanted to kick ass like Blasto!"
So now what? The woman in the dream is gone. What does the hero do? Tears began to fall again. He lay down on the bottom bunk. He rolled onto his stomach hoping to catch Shepard's scent in the pillow where she had slept. I wish Mom weren't such a good housekeeper. He looked up and something caught his eye, his face still in the pillow.
A gray military issue t-shirt. Hers. Shepard wouldn't the first night, but the second night they spent in his room; she finally let him get in bed with her. They laughed while they tried to quietly make love. He pulled her shirt off and threw it in the corner where it got had apparently fallen to the side of the bed in an inconspicuous spot.
He had to move the beds to pick the shirt up, and a wave of embarrassment washed over him. Glad Mom never saw this. She'd wash it and send it to her. Or me.
He sniffed it and her coconut vanilla scent was still there. He remembered first smelling her hair on Eden Prime, when he thought she was dead. And now she is.
He sat up considering what he should do, where he should go now. The hero would go back to his duty in honor of the woman he loved. He would go back to the Alliance. Kaidan clutched her shirt and cried until he fell asleep.
