Chapter 15: Lost and Found
She was sitting on the Kissing Bridge, legs dandling over the metal barrier, hands on both her sides steadying her posture. Frost covered almost every inch of each bar, and a thin coat of white fluff covered even the smallest branches of nearby trees. Winter was especially beautiful this year, putting the whole town of Derry into a sleep free of all worries. Delicate threads of sunlight shone through the cloudy sky, making the snowdrifts sprinkle.
Of all seasons, Madeline always preferred winter, even if the cold caused her fingers to go numb and nearly white at the tips. It was soothing.
She saw the treads of her brown boots reflecting in the perfectly smooth surface of the frozen Kenduskeag river. Almost a year had passed, nine months exactly, and they were full of things completely new to her. Often very troubling, but also delightful things. What she was the most grateful for, was the Losers' help. There was nothing more comforting than to have someone on her side, when Lynn was almost losing her mind, seeing her daughter at the edge of physical exhaustion, dirty as a sewer rat. Not even mentioning that they were the one's to talk to the police while she was being transported to a hospital, and prove their fake explanation, as to her disappearance and wounds, genuine. She was captured and tortured by the oh so feared town's murderer, but can't remember much because of the drugs that'd been forced into her. She was abandoned in the Neibolt House with an intention of bleeding out to death, but then miraculously found by the group, along with a man, who's been put into amnesia — another sadistic experiment of the criminal.
Cliche, but believable enough to convince both the police officer, and the girl's mother, who of course had a whole lot of other questions, that had to remain unanswered, for her own good. And as to the second so said 'victim', his case was... problematic to say the least. Surely the same would go to anyone, who couldn't even remember their name, but as if his identity wasn't mysterious enough, he insisted on following Madeline everywhere as soon as he managed to stand on his own.
The Losers could've killed him straight away, could've left him underground and forced the girl to believe that it's just the demon's another trick, but they did not. Furthermore, they'd trusted her even though she didn't want to reveal much of her and It's past. Well, after what the girl's done for Bill, trust was indeed what she deserved. And after they went away, Madeline was spending her time grounded to a hospital bed, assisted by her mother, who visited her at least twice a day, while Robert was at Mike's, trying to get used to his new situation. She didn't know what was going on inside of his head and how was he in general (alone with Mike!), and it was driving her insane. Apparently her feelings were mutual, because when she arrived to visit Mike as soon as it was possible, the librarian welcomed her with; "Oh thank God you're finally here Madeline 'cause I can't cope with this any longer. He only talks of you! Where is that girl? Have you heard from her? Is she OK?" Though his tone was pretentious, and the girl was aware the man'd been fighting the urge to violently wipe that blameless expression from Robert's face for all he'd done in the past, but restrained and did not spill only for her sake, it warmed her very heart.
Yes, she remembered that moment clearly, when she walked into the small living room and...
...and saw him sitting on the couch, bent over a newspaper, which his sharp green eyes scanned intently. Such a casual gesture, and yet so oddly unnatural for him.
"Yeah, I believe I owe you two some privacy." Said Mike though he didn't think that at all. "Just tell me if you need anything, I'll be in the kitchen."
"I sure will. Thank you, Mike. I am 'truly' grateful for what you've done for me. All of you."
"The nightmare is over, and that's all that matters." He added quietly. "It is also thanks to you. It's gone. Time to move on."
And Madeline did move on, further into the room, making herself known. Robert gazed up, and that assured her she'll never get rid of that weird tingling inside, each time his eyes were to meet hers. But he felt so... normal. It did not suit him at all. It did not suit the way his pupils detailed, while looking at her. Like if he's just found a missing piece of a puzzle, which he still wasn't able to put together properly.
"It's you." He brightened up a bit, and suddenly looked less miserable. She swallowed back the stress, and came shyly to seat beside him. Her redeemed companion's mind was an unknown area to her. She hated that. Did she really have to start over the entire relationship? If only she could pour her memories into him the same way they'd left his body... But it just couldn't be that easy. Nothing was ever easy when it came to these two, and though now it should be simple, it was just the opposite. "Please, tell me your name."
"But... You know it already." His voice was soft, but also deep and carrying that hint of wicked familiarity, and she was at the edge of breaking up right then and there.
"I do. But I just want to hear you say it. To make sure I remember it." How could she say 'no' to that?
"Madeline."
"Madeline." He repeated slow and clear. Her heart froze when his tongue rolled at the last syllable, distinguishing it.
He's still there. You just have to find him.
There was a moment of silence between them. She admired the way his lips tightened when he was thinking intensively. The newspaper was now sprawled on the coffee table. It was one of the older ones, the title said; "You'll laugh, you'll cry! You'll cheer, you'll die! Derry's annual festival ends with a horrible murder." What a stupid name for the front page's article.
"I don't like him." Robert spoke suddenly. "I don't trust him. Mike, I mean. Or his friends. I don't know why, but I just... I know that the official version of what happened to us isn't true. Madeline... Who am I?" He was so confused, so lost, so human.
What should she tell him? What topics is it best to avoid? Madeline suddenly felt so small and weak under the weight of all these questions.
I know he'd prefer the truth, and he'll get it. But in time. I should let it all unfold before him slowly, because the whole story might be too much for him to handle.
"Your name is Robert Gray. I'm sorry to say that, but though Derry is your home, you have no relatives here. I don't know your age, or profession, or any of the practical information to be honest, but I do know you like to dance." Her voice softened at the few last words.
"Dance?" He asked, amused. Well, it was more of a sad amusement of a person who's already lost all hope, but it was there.
"Ym-hm" She nodded. "You enjoy late night walks. And amusement parks. Especially the scary rides. You're also a collector of beautiful, old-fashioned things. You can be quite impulsive, and have problems controlling your temper, so it's better not to bother you when you're hungry. But I don't mind." She smiled just slightly with gaze pinned to her fingers which she fidgeted with nervously, and didn't even notice he was gazing at her. "And as to Mike and the rest... Well, you haven't exactly been in good terms recently."
"And what do you have to do with all this? Who are you?" They locked stares again, and Madeline bit her lip with worry. That was the topic she wanted to avoid. "Why are you so important to me?" Robert added almost inaudibly.
"Well, I... You..." The girl sighed, disappointed with herself. She couldn't think of an answer reasonable enough. "I won't lie to you, this is a conflicting topic for me. I know it's unfair, but I need time."
She couldn't have known how chaotic and urging were his thoughts. She couldn't have felt how it was to have her mind ripped in half and function as incomplete. Or how much he wanted to just clench to her and never let go.
"OK." Said Robert, resigned.
"Thanks." It wasn't the best move from her, yet she couldn't help it, but be relieved. "Besides, we've got many other problems to take care of. You can't stay at Mike's forever, I'm afraid." 'And the sewers aren't an option no more.'
"Guess you're right. We've had enough of each other. I think... I think I'll rent something?" It sounded so alien, said by him. "As soon as I'll have the money to afford it."
If not the weight of this situation, Madeline'd burst into laughter. Pennywise — the murderous entity — having a job, and paying taxes like a normal person. He was a normal person! Unbelievable.
"I think I know just the right job for you." She said with the faintest smirk on her lips.
"You do, don't you?" He smiled as well. "Oh, and about my age... I was just wondering. Would twenty-seven be alright?" The funniest thing was that he had no idea why he chose this number.
"It would be perfect." Yes, it was.
"Lost in thought again, huh?" She indeed was, and when his voice brought her back to reality, she had to hold onto the barrier tighter, not to collapse.
"I'm sorry, did you say anything?" Madeline gazed down, a bit embarrassed. Robert was standing below her on the glassy ice, with his usual teasing smirk exposed boldly.
"Been for the past two minutes, but thanks for noticing."
"What are you even doing down there?"
"Trying to get your attention? Obviously?" His words marked the cold air with a subtle, misty trail. The girl giggled.
"You know that's not what I mean, I thought you were just gonna get my gloves."
"I did." Robert reached to the pocket of his black overcoat, and pulled out a pair of fluffy, woolen gloves. "But I don't know. Guess I'm going to keep 'em since you're not interested." He said, shoving them back to his pocket.
"Hey! I am! My hands are freezing."
"Then come, and get them." Those huge, green eyes narrowed at her daringly.
"Oh, no way!" He just loved to pull tricks like this on her, and Madeline'd never admit it, but she kind of liked it too. "Hasn't anyone told you, you shouldn't be treading on thin ice?"
"No." Well, that might've actually been true.
"Aw, come on. Come back up."
"Oh no no, I really think you should come back down." Robert said, making a few long steps towards her. There wasn't a game he's played to give up and lose. "What would happen if I made you, I wonder."
"Oh yeah? And how are you going to achieve that?" She was just asking for it.
"For example... Like... This!" He outstretched his arm to grip her ankle, and though the pull was just pretend, she let out a short, high-pitched scream. Robert wasn't aware what it meant for her. That he's done it all before, but driven with very much different intentions. He momentarily let go and just laughed at her.
"Ah, you're such a jerk!" She exclaimed, irritated, but the angsty feeling disappeared quickly. "OK, OK, alright! I'm coming." She said, swinging her legs to the other side and making it down the bridge to make it through the bushes and stand at the edge of the frozen river.
Yes, their relationship has definitely developed throughout these impossibly long nine months. A random observer would probably call it a friendship, but it's really grown beyond that, and none of them knew how to define it yet. They didn't feel the need to. Although he tried to be careful. Inseparable duo as they were, Robert knew she was still immature (though often he could be just a mental child himself) and watched to keep their connection as it was, not pushing it forwards. Madeline probably couldn't even imagine how much he struggled with it. Especially when he saw her in that pretty, red coat, cheeks and nose ruddy from the cold, a few snowflakes on her eyelashes.
"You really want to drown us, don't you." She mumbled, making a cautious step, entering that temporary rink. He just waved the gloves before her encouragingly, standing in the middle of the frozen stream, and watched her move towards him trying her hardest not to slip.
"Happy?" She asked, finally standing in front of him. The right corner of his mouth curled. The top of her head was barely at the level of his shoulders. "Can I get them now?"
"First, you gotta tell me why you like this bridge so much." Robert gave her one of his most gorgeous sly smiles, and her lips quirked.
Ohh, so that's what this is about. That was exactly his way of getting information, which Madeline was still a bit anxious to give away.
"I don't know what you're talking about, it's just a nice place."
"Well, then you can say 'goodbye' to your gloves." He made a move as if he was throwing them away, and the girl reached for them instinctively, and at that moment the girl lost her balance. Her shoes whisked on the glassy surface, and she could almost feel the ice breaking under the pressure of her fall, but just in time, Robert caught her by the wrist.
"Damn, your hands really are cold." He admitted, and before she could do anything, wrapped her palms in his. Whatever Madeline was going to say got suddenly stuck in her throat, and she gazed furtively at their hands. It did make her feel warm inside.
"Don't ever do that again, please." She tried to mold her voice to sound firm, but failed.
"OK, I won't, if you just tell me. Why the Kissing Bridge?"
She sighed, defeated. She should've told him earlier anyway. Besides, his long fingers entwined with hers were just so distracting! Sometimes it was still hard to believe he was completely, utterly human. Or maybe 'she' just didn't want to believe in that.
"This is where we met." Gosh, it shouldn't sound so intimate. "I was actually sitting up there, and you showed up just where we stand, only it was early spring, so..." Her gaze went down at the ice below them.
"Oh." Well, he certainly wasn't expecting that. The man saw her cheeks flush, and thought that might've been a delicate topic indeed, but it was good to know, even though he still had so much to ask about. "Wait, so I was standing in the river?"
"Ym-hm."
"Why would I do that?"
"You tell me." She smirked. "I have no idea." He was silent for a while, trying to let it all set in his head.
"Thank you." His hands squeezed hers once more before letting go. "Alright, I think we should get going now. Otherwise your mum is gonna get mad at me again for keeping you out so long."
"You know she adores you. I'm sure you'll be forgiven just as soon as the last time." Said Madeline amused, but already headed after him.
"I'd call that pity, not adoration."
And on they went, careless, and just genuinely 'happy', forgetting that there were times much darker, even after his so said 'amnesia'. That there were nights long and full of emptiness, when nothing seemed to be right, just like...
...like that one night she dreamt of The Turtle. Maturin appeared in her dreams quite often during the first months, but that one night was different, because 'that' night, she stayed at Robert's. And where was that? Even though she definitely could've seen this coming, still finding out about Robert's interest in the haunted house on Neibolt Street was worrisome. But he bought it anyway, taking up every part-time job he could, and considering the fact that the house stood there unwanted and in miserable condition (probably for ages), the price was next to nothing. So the man allocated most of his time and money to renovating it, and Madeline became a devoted helper. The activity was useful actually, because, to Madeline's delight, throughout spring and summer he worked in nearby town's amusement park, as an actor for the scary rides. The girl hoped for a scary clown, but he usually appeared as a skeleton, due to how tall and lean he was. And the dreadful house was just a perfect place to practice the required skills. It was after just a couple attempts at scaring Madeline, when he discovered his pure talent. Even as human, Robert could be pretty much terrifying, and the clients loved it.
When the summer season ended, and he got more days off, him and the girl spent most of their evenings on doing such things as painting the walls or reconditioning the old furniture, and that day the atmosphere was so pleasant neither of them noticed that the sun had set hours ago, and a full moon took its place. Madeline knew Lynn was taking a night shift that day, so no one'd be at home anyway, and he let her stay. When the lights went out, the visions began.
She saw Maturin's figure, floating somewhere there in between time and space. Only this time she wasn't there with the turtle, she wasn't fighting, but observing from the distance. The scene was a flashback.
The silent plea still hung in the air. It's plea.
Would this kill him?; she asked, drawn away from It's presence, and put into a place where she was herself again, alone with Maturin.
No. It cannot be killed, physically nor mentally. The power however, it can be taken away from the being. Something in his voice was just so comforting, and good... Eternal peace and knowledge surrounded the creature like a vivid scent.
Can you do this?
Of course, I can.
Then... Why haven't you done it before? So many lives could've been saved.
Well, he's never asked me before. Besides, he underestimates me greatly. I thought one day his own madness would finish him off, but it seems it only made him more fierce. And now, he wants to give up what he is for you, human girl. How could I turn down such a desperate appeal?
So what is going to happen to him? There must be consequences.
His soul will be ripped in half, and only a piece of him will remain. He'll forget all about himself, though some human memories may be kept. The eternal thirst and all his powers will be gone. As to the physical form... You know very well what shape he'll take.
Thank you.
Don't thank me, girl. It's you, who should be thanked. You have awoken the good in him.
And then it was all gone. Her eyes snapped open to see the blank ceiling, still cracked in certain places. Only flickering embers were left among the ashes of the fireplace, smell of fresh paint filled the room. Madeline fidgeted nervously on the temporary bed, consisting only of a mattress and bare frame. Laying on her side, she saw Robert's eyes were also open. The man didn't look at her though, but up into nothingness.
"You mumble in your sleep." He said, voice husky.
Her lips pressed in a tight line.
"What did I say?"
"Thank you." She saw his features harden in the corner of her eye.
"Oh."
There was something else he wanted to tell her, she knew it. And a long while had to pass before he did.
"You know, I... I remember kissing you at some point. Is that weird?"
Madeline's throat suddenly went dry. Her silence was just the answer he expected to get.
"I have those visions sometimes. But they're just images. Madeline, I don't know what I did, but if I harmed you in any way..." She tried to keep her emotions tamed and mouth shut, while his voice broke. "I'm not that person anymore. I-I mean I don't feel like I am. What I want to say is-"
"Robert." With one word she put his manifest of confusion and mixed feelings to a stop. Maybe it was the acceptance in her tone.
"What?"
"I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to." And that was enough.
"Good day, Mrs Glave!" Said Robert, through the opened front door, holding them for Madeline.
"Hi mum!" They walked in along with the freshness of chilly, December wind, and snow melting on their shoes.
"Hi, Madeline! Rob, you're just in time for dinner." They heard Lynn greet them from the kitchen, and in one moment the delicious scent hit their nostrils.
"Well, then it's just the perfect time." He said with a smile creeping onto his lips. Unfortunately (or rather fortunately), while removing his overcoat, he pulled to hard, and two loose buttons came off, landing on the carpet.
"Ah, dang it! He flounced. "Have you got anything I could sew these on with?
"Uh..." Madeline put her red coat at the hanger.
"Would you help me with dishing out, dear?"
"Coming!" She answered her mother first. "Yeah, you'll find a sewing kit in one of my drawers."
"OK, I'll be back in a minute."
But a minute has passed, and he wasn't back. Two minutes even. Madeline knew she was totally overthinking it, and there wasn't anything odd going on there, but she just... had to check up on him. And when she did, the girl quickly realized she was not overthinking.
Robert stood there perfectly still, slightly bent over an opened drawer. The coat laid abandoned at his feet, the man's mouth were opened just slightly.
"Robert?" She asked, puzzled, and watched his eyes raise languidly to meet hers. They carried within something new, something solemn, but intimate. Knowledge. Realization. Astonishment. All of these and many more.
Then it occurred to her, that what he was holding was not a thread, but a string. A single, white string. The string she kept inside that damned drawer since the day he gave it to her.
A true storm of memories swirled through his mind. A popped balloon, a carousel among the dark, red neon, a golden pin, a kiss, an empty classroom, shattered mirror, a gun, a pool of blood, a music box... Each beautiful moment followed by an equally traumatizing event, and it all filled in his head, his lungs, his veins. But what was the cause, who was the antagonist? The villain?
And then it all clicked, every taste, scent and sensation from the past put in its rightful place. He experienced it again; the hot, red liquid dripping down his palm, and golden light reflecting on his face, and the curiosity in her eyes...
Robert Gray knew who he was.
He also knew who was the girl in front of him, and before he knew it, she was squeezed in his embrace. He made sure to feel her beating heart, and unsteady breath, and the gasp of surprise when she realized what just happened. And it was all new, but so familiar. Robert was like a dead man brought back to life.
"I don't feel the hunger." He whispered to her hair, still disbelieving his own words.
"I know." Came Madeline's weak answer.
"I can't turn anymore."
"I know." A couple salty drops fell silently onto his shirt, but they were no tears of grief. He moved back slightly, only to have a look at her. When the girl raised her eyes to meet his, she saw the difference straight away. Same, old wicked glance was hiding behind the green ocean of his irises, and his features became somewhat sharper, unlike before. And God, did she love it.
"I missed you, little one." Robert murmured, and a full on smile extended her lips. "Such a clever girl. You got me wrapped around your little finger, and took care of everything, keeping up the act for so long... Seems like you're even better at pretending than I am."
Madeline was speechless. Not even in her boldest dreams did she imagine this moment would come so soon. That was still It speaking, but enclosed in a human body, given a human soul and needs.
"And I've been awfully well-behaved recently too. I've got to make it up to you." It might've seemed that the words referred only to the past months, but really it was so much more than that. Her scars still burned at times, and for nine months straight she had to wear shirts with modest necklines to cover up the biggest one before him, but maybe now there was no need to. It was so strange; to find comfort in bringing back if only just a part of his iniquity.
"Hm. Got any ideas?" If she was to be honest, making it up to her was just what she needed right now.
"I do." He really did, especially with her so close to him right now and in such a glorious moment. But some of the many warning signs were left running around his mind, repeating: You shouldn't, you shouldn't, you shouldn't! You're a human now. Behave like one. Oh, but who was he trying to fool? It was too late for restraining now. Way too late. Her reaction to his hand lifting her chin only reassured his thoughts. She knew what was coming, and a chill ran down her spine. Yes, that was it. No turning back now.
Kissing Robert Gray was not sweet and delicate, nor balanced in the slightest. It was rough and passionate, dominated by him completely, but this time she enjoyed it just as much as he did. Standing on the tips of her toes, though her legs went weak in the very first second, she let him lick the smile off her lips and mold it into something completely new, filled with need and longing, which he was willing to satiate with his own. These delightful seconds could've as well been hours, when there was no one and nothing left in the whole wide world, but them. He didn't expect that, but the taste of her was just as sweet to him as ever before. Unfortunately, the moment had to break sooner or later, otherwise they'd both lose their breaths. Madeline could barely focus, and had he not been holding her tight, she would need a moment to steady her pulse, but unexpectedly she was the one to speak up first.
"So..." Her voice was kind of hoarse, though she tried her hardest not to show it. "There's no chance you'd wear a clown costume sometime, is there?"
Robert chuckled, surprised to find out she wasn't joking at all. She really is a miracle, this girl.
"Any time you want, Madeline. Any time you want."
The End
A/N: Yup. This is it. We're oficially done! I can't believe it ^^ As you can see I went for the happy ending, because, well I just couldn't bring myself to kill one of these two. (Or even any member of the Losers, which I am glad fit the story, because the book and its adaptation suck at this point ;P) I've actually grown to like them so much, I might do some extras in the future, like for example Madline and Robert's reunion with the Losers, so if you have any ideas or requests feel free to share them with me!
I've had a great time writing this fic (and a good couple of sleepless nights ;] ) and I hope you had as much fun reading it. I would like to thank those, who have been here since the very beginning, and the ones, that caught up somewhere along the way. Thank you for your suppot! :3
