HERS
Shepard, Garrus and James helped Kaidan, Bailey and a C-Sec officer named Torres escort the remaining councilors to safety aboard the Destiny Ascension.
"We'll have the trash pick up Udina's body," said Bailey with no sarcasm in his voice whatsoever when they were back at his office. "I can't believe that son-of-a-bitch sold out the whole damn Citadel to Cerberus. We're damn lucky you arrived when you did, Shepard."
Shepard chewed her thumbnail and just looked at him. She gave him no nod of approval. She was angry and she felt betrayed. She never did completely trust Cerberus during her time with them, but what I was doing was right, wasn't it? She knew that destroying the Collector base was right, because of how it pissed off the Illusive Man. Why had he wanted to keep it? Keep that abomination of a Reaper? Why the hell were they trying to take the Citadel? There were so many things she didn't understand, and she hated more than anything not knowing what was going on.
"Where's Thane? Is he ok?" Shepard said, remembering her friend.
"Well, he's back at Huerta, but he lost a lot of blood," Bailey said regretfully, looking over a file he pulled up on his console. "There isn't much of a supply of drell blood and they called in the only one we knew who was a match. You remember his son, Kolyat? He's with him now, and you'd better get down there too before….well, you know."
"I'll see you later, Bailey. Keep up the good work."
Thane's room was close to where Kaidan's had been, and Shepard decided she didn't like hospitals anymore, not that she ever really did. Stepping in to his room felt like stepping in to a tomb. Kolyat was there, and both men were silent. Kolyat looked like he was praying.
As she edged closer, Kolyat took notice and turned. "Commander Shepard, my father said you were no longer incarcerated. I don't know if you remember me. I'm Kolyat Krios. I came to donate blood, and…well…He asked me to take off his oxygen mask to be more comfortable. I don't think it will be long now." The sadness in the young drell's dark eyes was unmistakable.
"Your father helped me save a lot of lives. Would it be ok if I stayed?"
"Of course," said Kolyat, as he motioned toward an empty chair. The door swished open again. Kaidan. He was carrying a cup of coffee. He stopped short when he saw Shepard.
"Hi, I didn't expect you'd be here."
"Same here," she said quietly. "We can talk about this later." She looked back to Thane. This time he saw her and smiled.
"Siha, I'm afraid I've picked a bad time to leave."
Shepard took his hand, and she felt Kaidan's hand rest on her shoulder.
"That assassin should be embarrassed. A terminally ill drell managed to stop him from reaching his target."
Shepard sadly chuckled. "I'll pass the word along."
Thane's breaths were sharp. "There's something I must do before it gets worse." Coughs interrupted his words. A tear began to fall from Shepard's eye.
Thane relaxed a little and began to speak again. "Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness. Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand…" More coughing.
Kolyat continued, "Kalahira, purge the sins of this one and set them on the distant shore of the Infinite Spirit."
"Kolyat, you pray as the priests do. You have spent time with them," Thane said proudly.
Kolyat nodded to his father and moved toward Shepard and Kaidan. "I have brought a prayer book. Commander, Major, would you care to join me?" Both nodded their agreement.
Following Kolyat's finger along the lines of the book with her eyes, she heard his voice start again. "Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention." He motioned to Kaidan to read.
"Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, and the hungry never starve."
Shepard took the last line. "Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me."
With the sound of the last words fading, the trio watched Thane's body relax for the final time. A second silent tear fell from Shepard's face. It was then she finally took notice of Kaidan's hand intertwined with her own. He gave hers a soft squeeze.
"Kolyat, there's something I don't understand," she said. "Why did the last verse say 'she?'"
"The prayer was not for him, Commander. He has already asked forgiveness for the lives he has taken. It was for you."
Letting go of Kaidan's hand, Shepard placed that hand on Thane's unmoving chest. Many tears were falling now, and she had no intention of hiding them. "Thank you, Thane," she whispered into his ear. "You have given me much more than I can ever repay. Say hello to Mordin for me."
Hugging Kolyat, Shepard whispered her condolences. Then she and Kaidan left the room to allow him some privacy.
"I had never heard drell prayers before," commented Kaidan. "Thane and I spent a good deal of time talking while I was here recuperating, but I never heard him pray. They're beautiful."
"I'll admit, I never did either. Not when he was on the Normandy. But knowing Thane and Kolyat, it's a shame the drell are so few. This galaxy would be a lot better of with a good dose of faith in something."
Kaidan and Shepard started to walk from the hospital. "Are you getting religious on me?" Kaidan asked.
"Well, I kind of already was. How much did you actually talk with Ashley, back on the SR-1?"
"Not too much. Her picking at me was incessant, and I was kind of distracted to develop too many relationships, I mean, friendships," he smiled.
"I did a good bit. Found we had something in common. Her father died; she said he was with God. She said something that stuck with me. She didn't know how anyone could look out at all the stars and not believe in something greater than yourself. I can't deny I never believed that was true."
"Yeah, I guess I understand where you're coming from," said Kaidan thoughtfully. "My mom was always in to that. Some of it rubbed off. Have a lot more questions than answers, though."
"Yeah…" Shepard answered sadly.
HIS
The pair continued on without any real destination in mind, staying mostly silent.
"What's on your mind, Kaidan?" Shepard asked without looking at him.
"I'm trying to wrap my mind around all that's happened. It isn't every day where you have an armed standoff with someone you love." They stopped in front of a Presidium storefront and faced each other. "The way it all went down, I don't know…"
Shepard reached for his hand. "You're talking about Udina, aren't you?"
"Yeah, I mean. I thought I was doing the right thing, working for the right person who had the same goals. I mean, I thought I was acting with integrity. What was I to him, a puppet? Was the Spectre thing part of his plan? I—" Kaidan shook his head in frustration. "I feel like I was used because I was an easy target, easy to manipulate or something."
"Kaidan, I think you and I have gone through the same things today. When I saw that Cerberus was trying to take over the Citadel, I didn't know what to think. I worked with them. With them! Did I in some way help them start this? I was pissed because in my mind I had done the right things too."
"I never thought of it like that, Rachel. You know what? That makes a lot of sense. I don't know why I didn't see that before. I guess I needed to experience it myself to really believe you. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. What matters is that you believe me now."
Kaidan's omni-tool beeped.
"Hold on," he said. "I have a message from Admiral Hackett."
"Oh? Can you tell me what it says? If it's classified, I'll go."
Kaidan studied the text in front of him. "Hackett's offering me a position, back on Earth."
"Oh." Shepard looked down at the ground. "Well, maybe—"
"I'd turn it down in a second if there's any chance I can join you on the Normandy," Kaidan interrupted.
The smile that appeared on her face was sincere. "Kaidan, I couldn't imagine facing the Reapers without you. Welcome aboard, Major."
"Ha. About that…we still have a bit of a standing dispute on those CO quarters, don't we?" Kaidan smiled naughtily.
"Not really. I moved in. So I guess that means you are out of luck."
Kaidan cocked an eyebrow. "How about we go up there and settle this like adults?"
In the CO quarters, Kaidan could see Shepard had filled up the glass cases with model ships, and had about a million fish in the fish tank. He heard an errant squeak, only to notice a space hamster taking up residence on a shelf.
He was incredulous. "What is this? You running a zoo?"
"No, I like company. I get lonely after a while by myself."
"The fish, I get. Even the ships, that's fairly normal, but what is with the hamster?"
"What's wrong with my little Kaidan?" she asked, looking fondly at the hamster.
"Nothing, but I'm not little."
"Not you! Him!" She pointed at the furry little mammal.
Kaidan put his face in his hands. "You named your hamster Kaidan?"
"Not Kaidan, Little Kaidan. And yes, I did. He gave me someone to yell at. I got him before I saw you on Horizon. Afterward, the poor little guy took all my hate. Hardly made a squeak." She looked at the animal affectionately. Kaidan looked shamefaced.
"I can't tell you enough how sorry I am about all that. It was the hardest thing in the world with you gone, but then you were back and...I just didn't know what to think or feel."
Shepard stayed looking at the hamster. "You were the first thing I thought of, the first person I asked about when I woke up. I was scared to death, and I wasn't in a hospital. I was in some base that was under attack. I remembered everything about the Normandy going down. I hoped to God you were ok. When they told me it was two years later, I almost lost it. I thought there was no way someone as wonderful as you couldn't have moved on with someone else who was probably a lot better and nicer to you than I am."
Kaidan held her and pressed her to his chest. "Rachel, we have so much to catch up on. I never spent one night without thinking of you, thinking of us. I want to get to know you again."
"Yeah, let's do that," she said quietly.
Kaidan led her to the couch and sat down. For hours, they talked and laughed, held hands and exchanged meaningful looks that Kaidan had been missing for too long. In the wee hours, they were both exhausted and laid on the bed next to each other. There was no pressure for sex; no rush for it either. He leaned back against the headboard and she nestled her head on his shoulder. Kaidan reached to dim the lights and they lay there, not sleeping, but not talking, until she broke the comfortable silence.
"Kaidan, I don't want you to leave."
"I'm not going anywhere right now, Rachel."
"No, I mean, forever. With the Reapers out there, I don't know how long we have. Our chances are minute at best."
"Yeah, I know."
"You are staying with me. No other assignments, no Spectre business, just me and you. We fight together. We..." She didn't finish.
"Just me and you. No dying," he said. And they fell asleep.
A/N: I have had a good run of angsty, emotional chapters. I believe that a happy one is more than due. We shall see where the next one leads. :) Thank you again for reading!
