To ALL the Salex fans... every road has a rainbow, it's just a matter of choosing the right path.
I DO own SALEX! Not SoN though.
64 - Lost Lovers – Forever Friends
Sammy's PoV
"Okay, one last time, your fingers don't move down the fret." Alex smirked and sat back on her couch in her home studio. "You really suck at this, you know?"
I laughed and placed the guitar down, putting my hands up in the air. "I suck, I admit it." I grabbed my coffee and took a sip, peering over at the woman across from me. "So what's up?" I asked softly, knowing her body language all too well.
Alex sighed and brushed a hand through her hair. "I just had a tiny fallout with Tracey before I came here."
I frowned in concern. "About what?"
"I don't know really," she let out a laugh and sat up on the couch, tucking her legs under her, "mainly about us."
"Us?" I raised an eyebrow, pointing between her and me; she nodded. "There is no 'us'."
"I know." Alex breathed and picked at her fingernails. "I think because we've been spending so much time together, I guess she thinks there is an 'us'."
"Well there isn't." I insisted softly and sat down next to Alex on the couch. "She really has nothing to worry about."
"Really?" Alex asked quietly, her grey eyes finally looked up into mine for the first time since we started the conversation.
I grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently. "Alexis, you know that you'll always be my number one girl, right? I mean, you know that there'll always be a part of me that'll never stop loving you."
Alex held my gaze and nodded. "Same here."
"Remember when I first came back to you after leaving and we ended up jumping right into bed together without talking?" I hated the memory because it had to have been one of the best times in bed ever, yet it was tainted by the knowledge that she was with someone else.
"How could I forget?" Alex shook her head.
"We can't do that again," I licked my lips, "I mean you're engaged to an incredible woman and I'm dating Carmen."
"I know." Alex frowned and let go of my hand, standing up. "I never said I was going to do that again," she looked hurt for a second, "do you really think I'd do that to either of you again?"
"Well no, I-"
"Tracey has been the only one who tells me when I'm being a complete asshole yet understands it all. She's been my rock through these past couple of months." Alex started to pace.
"Alex… I know that…"
"She was pretty much the only one who told me it'd all be okay and I had no choice but to believe her because she was the only one…" she stopped talking and looked out the window.
"I wish I could've been there," I moved towards her, my hands reaching out to touch her shoulders only to have her pull away, "Alex?"
"Yet here I am, wishing all that time I was with you!" She laughed and shook her head. "Can you believe it? I mean I haven't seen or heard from you in months and all of sudden we're hanging out every day. Yet I still think about you and wonder 'what if'."
I stepped back and tilted my head slightly. "We always think about our first loves," I whispered, "it's normal."
"It's not when you're engaged and you're still wondering if you made the right choice." Alex spat out and rubbed her hands over her face hard. "God I'm such a fucked up mess."
I swallowed and successfully grabbed her hands and pulled her into a hug. "Was it better when I was away from you?"
"No." Her voice was muffled through my shirt. "It hurts."
"Alexis," I sighed and rested my forehead against hers, "we can't do this."
Tears started to fall and fingers gently wiped them away delicately. I felt for her because I knew exactly what she was talking about. If I had never walked away from her that day, would she still be mine? If I had come back before Tracey entered the picture, would I be the one who was proposed to on national television?
I questioned those a lot too, I was only human after all. I admit I never got over Alexis Carlin. It'd be a hard thing to achieve. I also knew that remaining friends was the best either of us could do.
I liked Carmen and I was interested to see where things would go but at the same time, spending time alone with Alex has been a dream come true.
Did I want to kiss her? Yes.
Would I? No.
As much as we hadn't changed, Alex and I changed even more so with growing up.
I missed her and I wanted her back in my life but in the meantime, being her friend was the only thing I could offer her.
"I know." She sniffled and pulled away from me. "I'm just so confused Sammy. I love her, I really do. I don't want to hurt her because she deserves so much, you know?"
I only nodded, staring at her.
"But yet, if I keep thinking this way about you – how fair is it to her?" She whispered hoarsely and wiped her eyes again. "I'm trying to be a better person and it seems I can only be myself when I'm with you and I'm so sorry that I ruined that for us years ago."
"Stop." I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and ran a hand through her hair. "You can't go through life beating yourself up over things that had happened forever ago. We both know that they can't be changed. You can, however, go on with the life you live now and start making decisions before you step past that point of regret again."
"Yea?" Her raven hair fell forward into her eyes and I tucked strands behind her ear.
"Yea."
"Sam, do you still think about me?" She asked softly, her fingers playing with the sleeve of my shirt.
"All the time." I smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
I wasn't sure where we stood at that point and to be honest, it was all a jumbled mess.
My phone started to ring and I smiled slightly knowing who it was calling me that late. "Excuse me," I pulled away from Alex, much to her protest and grabbed my phone. "It's about time you called," I laughed and averted my eyes from grey ones that stared at me.
"I'm one popular chick, what can I say?" Carmen laughed. "Have you seen the Carlin-Davies clan yet?"
"Nah, they needed time with the family before I butted my nose in." I bit my lip.
"What are you talking about Taylor? You are part of their family. You've been sleeping with the youngest one for years." She replied with a grin.
"Carmen!" I hissed and blushed as Alex's eyes never really left me. "So what? It doesn't mean I can intrude on a fragile time you know. Ashley is seeing Paula and Arthur again for the first time since graduation."
"Whatever, you were probably too busy hanging out with Alex anyway." The teasing tone in her voice comforted me because I knew she wasn't one to get jealous over us. She wasn't the biggest Alex fan at the moment but she respected my friendship with her.
"Oh yea, we had a couple of hot dates." I winked at Alex and Carmen's husky chuckle echoed through my ear.
"I so hope you got it on video tape."
"Pervert." I gasped and sat down on the floor next to the fireplace. "Your head is always in the gutter."
"I can tell you where else I want it to be." She purred and I swallowed, biting my lower lip. "Unless of course you have company."
"Alex and I were just talking." I looked up to find the musician already walking out of the room and up the stairs. "I think she's heading to bed though."
"I should be too," Carmen yawned, "I have an early flight."
"Where?"
"Midtown. Night babe." She blew me a kiss and hung up.
I made my way up the stairs and noticed Alex sitting on her bed, a picture of Tracey in her hand. "Hey," I said softly, not stepping into the room, "I think I'm going to head home."
Alex turned around and nodded. "Thanks for keeping me company."
"She'll be home soon," I smiled softly, "out of everyone in the world Alexis, you're the one we all have a hard time staying away from."
"Thanks." She smiled and made her way towards me, pulling me into a hug. "You're amazing Samantha Taylor."
"Right back atchya, babe." I winked and patted her back.
We weren't in high school anymore and there was no reason for me to send anymore confusing signals to Alex. She needed to be with the one she loved and I wasn't about to assist her in that decision – one she had to make alone.
I couldn't wait to see Carmen though and hopefully Tracey would make it back soon.
Maybe then the pieces of that messed up puzzle would finally come together.
Maybe.
--
Next time in Points Underneath:
"Good morning." I whispered and kissed her softer that time. "It's time to get up. I don't hear the house stirring yet so we may have gotten lucky with not being heard last night."
"Please," she groaned while she stretched, "you totally screamed my name several times."
"Uh," I nodded – like I'd deny that, "duh but maybe everyone was out like the dead."
"Maybe." Ashley smirked but didn't buy it.
