A/N: I got a little lazy writing some of this chapter and I had to do something wonky with the structure in one part and the dialogue and writing was so cheesy and lame and crappy because I was also kind of half asleep ahaha, so if you're offended by a lack of quality lol I sowwy! I haven't revised yet and I know it's very rough, but blerrrrggggghhhhh... (There are TISSUES EVERYWHERE IN MY ROOM.)
Thank you for the kind reviews and for reading the chapter! You all are unbelievably sweet, and I'm lucky to have such wonderful readers. You all are so special to me! Thank you from the bottom of my heart :)
Disclaimer: I don't own GMW or A Walk To Remember.
"Alright Alex. Do you have any questions?" Lucas asked, shutting his tutoring notebook with a smile.
Alex sighed, his shoulders slumping. He looked really distraught.
"Not really…"
"What's wrong, buddy? You've been sighing all night."
Alex chewed on his lower lip, hesitating as he stared at Lucas. Lucas waited patiently, knowing that the boy had something to say.
"Lucas…?"
"Yeah?"
"How did you get Maya to be your…?" He made a gesture with his hand.
Lucas paused for a moment, confused by his question.
"My…?"
"You know…" Alex said earnestly, lowering his voice to a whisper and leaning closer as if it was a taboo. "Your girlfriend."
"Maya's not my girlfriend." Lucas couldn't help but smile at that though. Was that how many of the kids saw him and Maya? "But what brought on this question?"
"I like this older girl. And she's such a lady, and she's so nice. And she's really cute and pretty and her eyes are really pretty and she smiles really beautiful, but I don't know how to tell her." Alex fidgeted in his seat uncomfortably.
Older girl? Unless Alex was referring to one of the nurses or the tutors, none of the children in this particular ward were older than eight.
"Is this someone you see every day?"
Alex nodded. "But she doesn't see me. I leave her candy because she can't get out of bed, but I have to make sure it's at night when she's asleep."
And suddenly Lucas knew exactly who he was talking about.
"So you like Nadia." Lucas playfully ruffled his hair.
"No I don't!" Alex face turned pink. "Well… maybe… I don't know what to do. How do I tell her? Help me, Lucas!"
Lucas glanced to the side, noticing that Nurse Joy was on her way to get Alex to return him to his room.
"Tell you what, Alex. Since we don't have time to discuss this tonight, how about I go talk to her? Slip some hints. See what she thinks of you. I can be your wingman."
"Wingman? What's that? Is that like a bird?"
Lucas chuckled. "No. It just means I'm going to try to help you with Nadia."
"Okay!" he said excitedly, "Can you?"
"Sure, buddy." Lucas smiled.
Nurse Joy approached them with a smile. "Alright guys. Tutor time is up."
"Don't forget to be the birdman!" Alex said as he waved goodnight to Lucas and stood up to follow the nurse back to his room.
Lucas laughed. "I won't."
After he cleaned up his materials and put them in his bag, Lucas stood up and made his way to room 512. He figured Maya would also be there by this time and afterward they could just leave.
When he walked in the room, Nadia was sitting cross legged on top of her blanket poking at a Jello cup atop the little table attached to her bed. It was the first time he'd ever seen Nadia not submerged under her covers. She generally talked like an adult, so he tended to forget she was barely eight and thus he was surprised to notice just how small she really was. He was also a little alarmed to see a smattering of bruises along her legs, not unlike the ones Maya sometimes got on her wrists and arms when she wasn't careful.
There was a Disney movie playing on her TV, and Lucas could see a stack of opened DVDs sitting on the table next to her with many more movies. Had she been watching them for the past hours?
He rapped his knuckles against the door, and she turned to him with a wide, happy grin, seemingly pleased to have something to focus her attention on other than the wet Jello.
"Prince Charming!"
"Hey, sorry to bug you."
"You're not bugging me at all! Are you looking for Maya? She just went to the bathroom."
"I wasn't actually looking for Maya. I came to see you."
Nadia blinked in pleased surprise. "Me? Yay!"
"How have you been?"
"Stuck in a hospital bed with the world's worst food. But look at what Maya got me!" Nadia giggled excitedly, pointing to the stack of DVDs, "She gave me all of her Disney princess movies so I can watch them whenever I want to over and over!"
"You must really like princess movies and fairy tales."
"Yeah. I really love them! They're my favourite stories."
"What's your favourite fairy tale?" Lucas asked, leaning against the doorway in intrigue.
"I like Rapunzel a lot." Nadia glanced out the open window, a smile on her face. "When I first came to the hospital, I had a dream that a prince would come one day and swoop me off my feet and save me from my leukemia and being stuck in this hospital tower all the time… And we would escape into the sunset…"
She turned back to face Lucas and with a start, Lucas realized there was despair running deep in her gaze. A deep, dark melancholy that he would never have expected to find in the eyes of a child, much less a child who hadn't even broken double digits yet.
It was a wretched sadness and bitterness. The kind one only saw in someone who had no more hope.
The kind Lucas knew he kept sensing in Maya's eyes as well.
"Nadia…"
"There's no prince coming to save me." she said with a wistful smile, "And even if he came, he would be too late."
"What do you mean by 'too late'?" Lucas asked in alarm.
"I'm leaving the hospital."
"Leaving?" he asked in confusion, "Leaving as in you're cured?"
As far as Lucas knew, that sounded like a good thing.
But Nadia grimaced, bringing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them.
"No. Not cured. It means I'm not going to live much longer." Nadia stared at the TV screen, though her eyes were a little hazy, as if she wasn't seeing anything. "I was five when I first came to the hospital and met Maya. I was in remission after six months and then relapsed and came back. They transplanted the bone marrow that had the cancer after my treatment and expected it to go away. It looked good for a while, but then before my sixth birthday, it came back. I've been in the hospital ever since."
Lucas stared at her in shocked speechlessness, having trouble being able to form any real coherent thoughts.
"The chemotherapy kept me alive, but now the leukemia spread too much. I haven't been responding to treatment for a little over three months now." Nadia stared at the Jello, moving the cup around nonchalantly. "When the doctor talked to my parents in the hall, I snuck out of bed and listened in on the conversation. He says I probably only have two months. I'm probably only going to make it to Christmas or so. So my parents are taking me home after Thanksgiving to spend my remaining months surrounded by people I love."
Lucas was thrown completely off guard by her somber words. He could feel her pain as she spoke. That slight tinge to her voice that she'd given up. The complete lack of hope.
"Does… Does Maya know?"
"No. I don't want her to know." Nadia's face dropped, and she swallowed thickly, her eyes a little glassy. "Please don't tell Maya. She's been my big sister since I got admitted in this hospital. I don't want her to get upset right now. She already has her own things to deal with. I don't want to add more pain to that. Plus, I've made peace with it. I've met wonderful people who made me happy, so I don't want to worry Maya."
He could understand her reservations. Lucas knew how attached Maya was to Nadia.
Nadia was wise beyond her years. Despite her age, she definitely was unbelievably mature, and Lucas had nothing but respect for her for being able to handle the news of her leukemia indeed becoming terminal with such grace. The fact that she still smiled despite all the hardships she had come to learn. She'd barely had the chance to grow or even experience much life yet and yet that didn't deter her choosing to enjoy what was left of her life.
It was heartbreaking.
"I understand. I won't say anything to her."
Nadia smiled. "You know, even though she likes to say you're a villain, I think you're a good guy. And I think Maya likes you."
Lucas rose a brow. Just a few days before, Maya had kicked him in the shin for supposedly being an idiot when he'd gotten a paint brush for her from an upper shelf.
"I don't think she does."
"Well, Maya shows affection in different ways. She's a little cautious getting close to people."
"Why is she so guarded?"
"Nope! You're not getting that secret from me." Nadia made a zipper with her fingers and lips and tossed the imaginary key over her shoulder. "But I know one day she'll definitely tell you."
Lucas seriously doubted that. A lot of the questions he had for Maya and the mystery surrounding her life usually ended with her shunning him or giving him dirty looks for a while. And though he thoroughly enjoyed Maya's presence and hanging out with her, Maya—when she was in a mood to tear him down—was quite brutal and could usually get him irritated within seconds.
But Nadia seemed to know a lot of things about Maya that he didn't.
And if she believed it, he supposed he could believe her.
Maybe Maya would tell him.
"You know, Nadia…" Lucas said, "Maybe your Prince Charming hasn't come yet because you've been looking in the wrong place. Prince Charming might be closer than you think."
"Yeah. I think he really is here. He's been sneaking me candy though I don't know when. I just wish I could figure out who it was."
"Tell you what?" Lucas replied. "Don't fall asleep tonight. You'll be in for a nice surprise."
"You know who gave me the candy?"
"I do. Just trust me: you'll want to stay up tonight."
She smiled happily. "Okay! I will."
Lucas felt a finger poke his back and he turned to Maya standing behind him with a grin.
"Hey. I'm hungry. Take me to Nighthawk." She leaned over and peeked in the room. "See you next week, Nadia?"
Nadia nodded, poking at the Jello cup once again. "See you next week, Maya!"
"Goodnight, Nadia."
"Goodnight Prince Charming!"
Lucas and Maya headed out of the room and made their way back through the ward in order to head out.
"So what were you guys talking about?" Maya asked curiously, a slight bounce in her step.
"Nothing. Just how big a crush you have on me."
Maya shot him an annoyed glare and sped up her pace so she was walking ahead of him. Lucas laughed and upped the pace of his steps as well, easily matching her strides to her absolute obvious annoyance.
~.~.~
"You two kids need anything else?" Katy asked, setting down Maya's third plate of fries since they'd gotten to the diner on the table. "I'm off my shift and have to meet a client, so now's your chance if you want something else for free."
"I think I'm good, thanks." Lucas said.
Katy nodded, gingerly running a hand through Maya's hair. "I'll see you at home, okay baby girl?"
"Please don't buy alcohol, Mom." Maya looked fairly unhappy. "Gammy is worried about you. And so am I."
Katy gave her a thin, barely there smile, one that didn't quite reach her eyes and also one that Lucas knew meant that whatever came out of her mouth next would be a lie.
"I won't, baby girl." Then she glanced at Lucas briefly. "Get her home safe, okay? It's starting to get cold, and I don't want her getting a fever. They hit her harder than others."
Because she was small? Lucas was a little confused as to what Katy meant by that.
"I will."
As he responded, Maya shot her mother a warning glare, and Katy put her hands up in apology before walking off and leaving the two of them by themselves.
What had that exchange been about?
But Maya's expression grew neutral once again, and she picked up a couple fries eagerly.
"You must really be hungry." He commented. "Two whole plates of fries and a burger, and you're still eating."
"I couldn't eat anything earlier, and I'm starving." Maya sighed in happiness as she ate.
"Why didn't you eat earlier?"
"Not didn't." Maya corrected, pointing a fry at him before popping it in her mouth. "Couldn't."
He frowned. "Why couldn't you eat?"
She pointedly ignored his question, and Lucas rolled his eyes in exasperation, not understanding how that question could possibly be a secret that he couldn't know. It was a simple question. It wasn't even like he had asked her if eating was a problem.
But Maya was stubborn. If she didn't want to answer something, she wouldn't. What he didn't get was if she wasn't planning on answering any of the confusing things she would always say to him that merited more questioning, why did she bring them up in the first place? Did she just expect him to put the puzzling pieces together on his own without any hints at all?
"You know, you always ask me about stuff, but I feel like I haven't returned the favour as much." Maya finally said after the silence had been drawn out for a while, "I want to know, Lucas. How do you end up getting into so much trouble when clearly you're not really the type of guy to seek it out? I mean, I just don't understand how when you can be such a good person sometimes."
"…I honestly don't know." Lucas said at length, holding her gaze seriously, "Part of me knows it's wrong. The other part of me feels like it's just a part of who I am. It would be easy for me to say that I behave that way because of my friends, but it's not all peer pressure. Some of me really does have a desire to act out."
"You weren't always that way." Maya replied softly, putting down the fry she took a bite of, "The Lucas I remember in third grade before he moved was a sweet kid who cared so much about the people around him. Someone who found an injured bird and nursed it back to health every day until it could fly again."
"He also cried all the time and picked his nose regularly." Lucas said dryly.
Maya snorted with a roll of her eyes.
"That sweet side in you still exists, believe it or not. You just have to find him beneath all that rage bubbling under your skin."
How Maya was able to see that in him when even Lucas himself didn't know what the hell was going on with him anymore really meant more to him than he wanted to admit. When he moved to Texas to live with his father, he slowly got worse, losing himself and even once he was back in New York, nothing changed. They only deteriorated even more. His current track record was a testament to that fact.
But Maya still saw something more in him.
"Maya…"
"When I can't find myself, Lucas, or when I start to feel like I'm getting lost in the tumult and sadness in my life, I sit beside my window and look at the stars. They're comforting. You can't see very many and sometimes I wonder if I'm just looking at satellites, but they're there. And they always will be there for comfort and to bring me back and away from my struggles."
Lucas' eyes widened slightly. "I do too."
"I know you do, Lucas." Maya smiled softly. "You seem like the kind of guy to contemplate life like that. You're not like others."
His heart started racing in his chest, and Lucas stared at Maya, unable to tear his gaze away from her face.
And suddenly, it was like he was seeing Maya in a new light.
Something that made Lucas' heartbeat skip erratically.
"That first day you came to paint the sets—the one where you apologized—you were wondering why I had a shooting star tattoo, right?"
"You heard me?"
Lucas couldn't remember the details of that day very well since it was a pretty long time ago, but he was fairly certain he hadn't inquired about the tattoo very loudly.
"Do you still want to know?"
"Yeah."
Maya unzipped a pocket of her bag and slipped her hand inside before pulling out a folded up, tattered sheet of notebook paper. She slid it across the table to him.
"Read it."
Lucas unfolded the crumpled paper and read the words scribbled by Maya on the page in his mind.
I wished upon a shooting star
Andrea Kennedy
I wished upon a shooting star as I lay alone one night;
To send me someone wonderful who'd love me all my life,
Someone really special who would take me as his own;
Then that shooting star exploded, leaving me in darkness all alone.
But, still I kept on wishing as those dying embers faded
'Cause I had been alone so long, my thoughts on love were jaded.
I really needed someone I could love with all my heart;
Someone funny, warm and caring, from whom I'd never want to part.
Then, suddenly, lo and behold, you came into my life.
You stood by me through sun and rain, now want me as your wife.
So I'll meet you at the altar love and give my heart to you
The stars will celebrate with us as we both say, "I do!"
Lucas glanced up at Maya when he was done. She was patiently waiting for his reaction.
"Is this your favourite poem?"
"Not even close. I actually hate it with every fiber of my being."
Lucas frowned in confusion. "So… You got a tattoo representing a poem you hate? What?"
"I believe the speaker is dead and never had the chance to fulfill her wish in real life or she's dreaming, imagining up her happy ending. She'll be in for a rude awakening when she opens her eyes and realizes nothing happened and she's back to wishing." Maya said with an almost sneer, "The poem sounds unbelievably naïve and the speaker seems to wholeheartedly believe that wishing on some star will give her what she's hoping for. She has so much hope for something that isn't even a certainty. It's laughable."
"That's a little morbid." Lucas looked at the words with a frown. "I didn't take it that way, though. The way I see it, this poem might be a little naïve, but it's uplifting. This person never gave up once and in the end, found the love they were truly hoping for. They waited for so long and were finally granted their wish. It wasn't too late for them. It's never too late to have hope. And it's kind of admirable that someone can have so much faith in something that they never give up, despite their struggles."
Maya only rose an opposing brow, picking up a fry with a derisive snort and munching on it.
"So why the tattoo on your neck, if you think the poem is terrible? Kind of contradictory, don't you think?"
"That's the point." Maya said seriously, looking for the first time that evening a little vulnerable. And Lucas knew what she was about to tell him was important. "I hate the poem, I hate that idea of having naïve hope, but I do like the idea of finding someone who would love me all my life. I once thought that maybe one day… I could experience a lifetime of love from someone special…"
"Do you not think that anymore?"
"It's too late…" she muttered.
"What is?"
"It just is, Ranger Rick. Plus I've been left too many times to believe that will ever come true." Maya shrugged, abruptly changing the conversation. "Have you ever been left?"
Maya clearly didn't want to talk about the poem or hope anymore and he didn't know if she would ever bring it up in conversation again. Lucas felt like he'd just been privy to something important about Maya's life and about her in general. But he couldn't lie that it only made her even more of an enigma.
"I wouldn't necessarily say left. My father lives in Texas, though."
"What's the story behind that?" Maya asked, "If you don't mind me asking."
"My father ruined my parent's marriage by cheating on my mom and getting someone else pregnant and then moved to Texas when they separated." Lucas finished off the last of his drink, staring out the window and into the night as he recalled the details. His eyes narrowed angrily. "He took me with him, and it wasn't until I got older that I found out why when they officially got a divorce."
"You acted out."
"I refused to live with him. Refused to stay with that asshole after I learned how much he hurt my mother. Who could do that to his family and then try to behave as if I was his son after he'd destroyed the trust we had in him? He's no father of mine. He tried to control my life, but each day I spent with him in my stepfamily, I got worse and worse. The day he sent me back to live here with my mom I trashed his house and tried to set it on fire. I tried to burn it to the ground. I haven't talked to him in almost six years." Lucas said through grit teeth, "Some people think I'm overreacting about my father, but I can't help it. The very thought of him makes my blood boil. Every time I remember what he did to our family, I just want to tear everything to threads."
"You're not overreacting." Maya asserted with a frown. "Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. You have every right to be mad. Because you didn't deserve to be treated like that. That anger, that boiling rage from what happened to you, is justifiable. But taking it out on others is not."
"Yeah I know…" Lucas looked down at his slightly shaking hand. "I just can't understand why he would do that!"
"…Some people are just not meant to be parents." Maya replied softly, "My father also ditched us when I was young. Haven't seen or heard from him in thirteen years. He wants nothing to do with us."
"Thirteen years?" Lucas' gaze shot to hers incredulously. "What the hell?"
"It doesn't bother me much anymore. If he would rather not be in my life, then that's a clear sign to me that I don't need him."
"But it bothers me!" Lucas growled hotly, pounding his fist on the table with a clatter. He was furious. Not just with his own father but with Maya's for abandoning his daughter. "Why the fuck do some fathers abandon their children and ruin their lives like that?! These irresponsible, flaky people are all fine with making children however and whenever they please, but run off and do whatever they want and fuck up our lives with no remorse! And then we're left to grow up with these issues that follow us for the rest of our lives!"
Lucas didn't realize he had been shouting his words, until he stopped talking and noticed some of the patrons of the diner staring at them in silence.
"Lucas…" Maya said.
And Maya set her hand on top of his fist, closing her hand around it and squeezing gently. Her hand was cold and her touch was unexpected, and Lucas inhaled sharply, his gaze shooting to hers in surprise. Maya said nothing, just watching him, her eyes silently telling him that she was with him. That she was supporting him.
That it was okay.
He didn't have to let his rage consume him. He would be okay.
Because she was there.
Lucas felt his anger seep away as he searched Maya's beautiful stormy eyes, conveying nothing, but everything at the same time. His pulse was on fire as Maya's lips curved up into an affectionate smile.
Slowly, his tightly clenched, shaking fist stopped trembling and loosened.
Slowly, he uncurled his fingers.
Slowly, he turned over his hand and held Maya's, enclosing her smaller one in his own.
They said nothing, just held each other's gazes in a slight daze, their breathing steady and even. They didn't even have to say anything. Lucas knew Maya was supporting him. And he was supporting Maya.
It was a perfect moment.
Until a waitress came by to pick up the used dishes and glasses.
Maya's eyes widened suddenly and she snatched her hand out of Lucas' with a soft gasp, clearly snapping out of whatever trance she'd fallen in.
"Look at the time." she suddenly said, grabbing her poem from the table and stuffing it back in her satchel, her eyes looking anywhere but at him, "We should probably get going. Gammy doesn't like it when I come home really late."
"Right…" Lucas muttered, disappointed that their moment had ended so abruptly.
He had honestly liked holding Maya's hand.
They gathered their things and headed back to his car so he could drive her the brief way home.
The car ride was undeniably awkward and Maya didn't say a word, contemplatively staring out of the window, tightly clutching the sleeve of her sweater. And before he knew it, he was already walking her up to her apartment door, and they still hadn't said anything to each other.
"It's really starting to get cold." He said as they walked down her floor, and he shivered.
He had to at least break the silence before he left her.
"They don't have a good heating system in the complex outside of the apartments." Maya supplied. "When it gets below a certain temperature, I just don't leave my apartment at all because I know it will be much colder outside if the hallways feel that cold."
They fell into silence once again as they came to a stop in front of her door.
"Hey, I was wondering…" Lucas started, rubbing the back of his neck a little nervously. "Since tomorrow is the last day we're painting sets, do you want to commemorate it with something special? Like go anywhere? Or do anything?"
Lucas knew deep down that he was technically asking her out and he hoped Maya wouldn't really pick up on that vibe because he was certain she would reject the offer. But when he looked at her, Maya looked genuinely surprised. Then she smiled, a slight sparkle to her eyes as she stared up at him. One that Lucas hadn't ever seen before, but decided he liked on her face.
"Yeah, I'd… I'd love to actually."
"Uh, what do you want to do?"
"Well, I've never been on a ferry boat ride before. It might be cool to go before the weather gets really cold."
"Okay then. Tomorrow night. You and me. Ferry boat ride."
"…Thank you, Lucas."
"No problem, Maya."
"See you tomorrow?" she asked softly, a faint blush painting her cheeks.
"Yeah." Lucas replied just as softly, "I'll see you."
Maya opened her apartment door and headed inside, casting him a brief smile over her shoulder before she disappeared behind the door in a wave of tousled blonde coils and a cloud of peach scented lotion.
Grinning from ear to ear, Lucas left her apartment feeling more at peace and happier than he had been in a while.
