HERS
Kaidan fell into the couch, his mouth agape. "You're sure? I mean, I thought we were being careful."
Shepard gave him a weak smile. "So did I."
She thought she knew what to expect, but this wasn't exactly it. He wasn't smiling and he didn't seem happy. He seems scared. Maybe this isn't the best time for this. God, I already know it isn't. We can't keep this baby.
"You don't have to worry, Kaidan. When I talked to Chakwas, she said that it's really early, and there'd be no harm in termination. I know what you're thinking…this is terrible timing. Believe me, I'm just as surprised as you. I kind of thought that it was impossible for me."
Kaidan looked up at her, his eyes full of concern. "Do you really want to do that? I just don't know what to think right now, so don't take any reaction from me as reason to do anything rash. I'm just…overwhelmed."
"We're in this together, so I want you as part of the decision, ok? I didn't know when to tell you, but I found out on the Citadel."
Kaidan took a mock hurt look. "You mean, when I was feeling bad about this very thing, the day before yesterday, you already knew? Rachel, you're a sadist!" He got up from his seat and walked over by the fish tank where she was leaning and wrapped his arms around her. "Why didn't you tell me then?"
"I don't know…you were being all cute and angsty and it was just so sexy that I…had to take advantage of it," Shepard purred and started laying kisses on Kaidan's neck.
"Are you going to be one of those pregnant women whose libido goes through the roof? Because if so, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me…" Kaidan turned his mouth towards hers in a slow, deep kiss.
Shepard thought she would get lost in it, but the sight of Thessia filled with Reapers and Kai Leng and Cerberus getting away with the Prothean VI slammed back into her mind. She pulled away from him quickly. "I don't think we can do this, Kaidan."
"Sure we can," he said in a low voice. "I believe we've got our privacy."
"No," she said, pulling his face up with her hands. "We can't have a baby right now."
"Oh." Then he fell silent.
"Too much is required of us right now. I'm going to talk to Chakwas and we'll get this taken care of. I'm sorry, Kaidan. You do understand, right?"
Kaidan shook his head as if to come out of a daze. "Yeah, sure, of course. Life is just too dangerous for that right now. I mean, do you know how far along you are?"
"Probably about 5 weeks, tops."
"It's probably for the best. I don't think the Normandy could handle two Shepards." Kaidan's laugh was strained, as was his smile.
Shepard gently elbowed him. "I seriously doubt it could handle another Kaidan Alenko either, bud."
They stood there in silence, his arms wrapped around her waist. They were both looking off in different directions, lost in their own thoughts. Her stomach fell as she thought about what she knew she had to do.
"Kaidan," she said, her scratchy voice finally breaking the silence. "I have to go see Chakwas. The sooner, the better."
"Right," he said, his voice raspier than usual. "Do you want me to come with you? I'll be with you as much as she'll let me."
"No, the crew needs somebody in command. I'll be down for a little while, I'm sure. Kaidan," she paused, "they need you."
She left his arms and walked to the door without looking back. She couldn't face him, not with the tears that were suddenly streaming from her eyes. Stepping onto the elevator, she hit the button for the crew deck. Looking down at her stomach, still flat and firm, she sighed heavily, stopping the tears. "I'm sorry, dear. It isn't your fault. There are just so many more lives that need me right now."
At the crew deck, Shepard was cool and composed as she walked to the med bay. The door opened and her heart started to pound.
"Hey Doc," she said flatly.
"Hello Shepard! How are you feeling? Do you need something?"
She heaved a big sigh again and nodded. "We need to terminate." Forgive me.
HIS
Kaidan was taking off his armor and watching Shepard do the same. I love the way her body moves. Just so damn sexy. Then he chastised himself for leering simply because of her countenance. She was withdrawn and sad. Liara was the same when they boarded. I understand the feeling of losing your planet and then having to leave it.
Kaidan threw on his fatigues and Shepard put on a tank and sweatpants. He could see the bruises that were forming on her arms from her struggle to not fall into the chasm in the temple. He closed his eyes again and thought about how close he was to losing her.
"Kaidan, I said we needed to talk."
"Yeah," he said, opening his eyes. "What's up?"
"I'm pregnant."
She did just say that right? She's pregnant?! Kaidan crashed back onto the couch he was standing in front of. "You're sure? I mean, I thought we were being careful." I've been getting my shots for years. How the hell?
"So did I." She looks like a scared little girl. "You don't have to worry, Kaidan. When I talked to Chakwas, she said that it's really early, and there'd be no harm in termination." Kaidan looked down at the floor when she said that. "I know what you're thinking…this is terrible timing. Believe me, I'm just as surprised as you. I kind of thought that it was impossible for me."
"Do you really want to do that?" he said, just trying to wrap his mind around the whole thing. "I just don't know what to think right now, so don't take any reaction from me as reason to do anything rash. I'm just…overwhelmed."
"We're in this together, so I want you as part of the decision, ok? I didn't know when to tell you, but I found out on the Citadel."
He smiled briefly and then feigned offense. "You mean, when I was feeling bad about this very thing, the day before yesterday, you already knew? Rachel, you're a sadist! Why didn't you tell me then?" He wrapped his arms around her. It was his instinctive move to protect her, but he wasn't sure what from.
"I don't know…you were being all cute and angsty and it was just so sexy that I…had to take advantage of it," She started kissing on his neck and soon his mind filled with thoughts of relieving some tension together.
"Are you going to be one of those pregnant women whose libido goes through the roof? Because if so, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me…" Kaidan moved in to start doing exactly what his body was telling him to do. His kiss was deep and his hands slid over her body. He couldn't help but let his hand linger on her stomach for just a moment, as if he could feel it anyway. My baby is in there. We are going to have a child of our own. The thought fueled Kaidan's already growing desire, until suddenly she pulled away from him.
"I don't think we can do this, Kaidan." Her voice was unsteady. He thought it was just from her arousal.
"Sure we can. I believe we've got our privacy."
She grabbed his face and pulled him away, looking straight into his eyes. "No. We can't have a baby right now."
"Oh."
"Too much is required of us right now. I'm going to talk to Chakwas and we'll get this taken care of. I'm sorry, Kaidan. You do understand, right?" Yeah, I understand. All too well. Reapers, planets falling, Cerberus. The galaxy is hell and why would we ever want to bring something so small and helpless into this? Because it is us, together, new and unique. He stopped and answered her as her eyes searched his.
"Yeah, sure, of course. Life is just too dangerous for that right now. I mean, do you know how far along you are?"
"Probably about 5 weeks, tops." She's looking for my support now. I have to give it to her, even if I hate this.
Kaidan did his best to joke. "It's probably for the best. I don't think the Normandy could handle two Shepards." If it were a girl, I bet she'd be tough as nails just like her mother. Maybe she'd have…Shepard's elbow interrupted his thoughts.
"I seriously doubt it could handle another Kaidan Alenko either, bud." A son…stop it, Kaidan. Throw it out of your mind. He stood there thinking about what a child they had together would look like and he couldn't help but feel an ache in his soul. Shepard's deep, controlled breathing told him she was trying just as hard to hold it together.
"Kaidan, I have to go see Chakwas. The sooner, the better." He thought he heard her voice breaking. He couldn't stop emotion from coming out in his own.
"Right. Do you want me to come with you? I'll be with you as much as she'll let me."
"No, the crew needs somebody in command. I'll be down for a little while, I'm sure. Kaidan…they need you."
She walked away and Kaidan wanted to tell her to stop, that they would figure this out, but he knew there was really nothing to figure out. Either she kept the baby and became a liability on the battlefield or she terminated and could keep serving the same as ever.
The door slid shut behind her and Kaidan felt like his world was falling apart again. His mind knew this was the right decision, but his heart…his heart fell like it did when the Normandy went down. A part of his heart was dying, and this was a part he never knew.
He sat down on the bed and stared at the pillows. He wondered if it was here or if it was on the Citadel where they made love that fateful time that caused this to happen. Maybe if I weren't so impetuous. If I would have waited another week…the timing would have been better and no inconveniences.
He buried his face in his hands and just listened to the bubbling of the fish tank, trying to hear a pattern in the sound…something to take his mind off of what was going on two decks down.
It seemed like forever, but Kaidan heard the door whoosh open and he sat up. He had fallen asleep. He saw Shepard, pale and breathing heavily. She looked at him with watery eyes.
"I couldn't do it, Kaidan."
