"Pick Up Lines"

Summary: When Melody suggests she would like to hear Alexandra use pick up and romantic lines on her like all the men in Midvale do, Alexandra goes on a quest to find a line that Melody has never heard before. Considering Melody has heard them all, this could be an impossible task. Meanwhile, Alexander is trying to pick up Veronica Lodge who is in town for the Cabots' Halloween party.

Sorry for the long delay – I've been struggling to write lately. Now I think I'm getting my ideas and groove back. The next story will be out sooner than later this time. ;p

+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+

Alexandra lied across the end of her bed and watched as various items of her expensive clothing flew by and landed on the floor.

"Have it, have it, have a better version of this…"

Alexandra scratched her fingernails on her cheek as she felt her blood pressure skyrocket once again. But, as it was when any of her father's friends were over, she couldn't say a peep without harming the Cabot's prestigious reputation…or their wallets.

"EEEEEAAAAGGH!"

Alexandra sat up at the horrified, high pitched scream coming from her closet. "What's wrong?!"

Veronica Lodge rushed out of the closet, holding up a beautiful dress in her hands with a face full of disgust. "This is last year's line!" Alexandra stared at her. "LAST. YEAR. CLOTHING. Did your servants forget to throw this one out? Ugh, it is so hard to find good help these days…"

Alexandra bit the inside of her cheek as Veronica tossed the garb into the garbage pail. She tried to smile, but her lips contorted into a painful half smirk. "I was going to wear that as my Halloween costume this year, since it is SO old."

Her sarcasm sailed over Veronica's head. "Good idea! I should wear a retro piece of clothing for Halloween one year too! I'm sure I have something that is at least one month old…"

Alexandra rolled her eyes and groaned quietly when Veronica disappeared back into her closet. Normally, Alexandra would be ashamed that she had something a year out of date in her closet, however, things like "out of style" clothing no longer mattered to Alexandra anymore.

"Why are we going through my closet again?" Alexandra asked.

Veronica stepped out again, looking annoyed. "There's nothing else to do in this town! You have to drive 15 minutes to get to ANY store, and the boys…!" Veronica let out a sobbing sigh, placed her arm to her forehead in a dramatic fashion, and slumped against the wall. "They don't even look at me!"

Alexandra blinked. The boys in Midvale were notorious horndogs, especially with…

"And it's your friend's fault! That blonde!" Veronica spat.

…Melody.

"Melody? Why, whatever do you mean?" Alexandra asked as innocently as possible.

Veronica began pacing the floor. "Every time I go out to go sight-seeing…" That was Veronica for 'scoping out boys,' Alexandra had learned. "She comes out of nowhere prancing about and all the boys rush over to her like she's some sort of human magnet!"

Alexandra suppressed her laughter and turned her body around to stroke Sebastian's fur as he watched them from his spot in the middle of the bed.

"There should be laws, laws, against women like that! She needs to stay inside for some part of the day so the rest of us can have a turn!" Veronica ended her rant with an angry huff. She sat down on the edge of Alexandra's bed, resting her head in her palms, elbows on her knees. "…But I wouldn't have to be looking for a new date for your family's Halloween party if Archie hadn't already made plans with Betty!"

Alexandra turned to look at Veronica's back. "Isn't your friend Kevin coming later today? He's a cute little darling, why not take him?"

Veronica snorted. "Between that Alan guy and Kevin, you got it bad for blondes!"

Alexandra couldn't hide the enormous, devious grin that spread across her lips. "It seems that way, yes."

Veronica waved her off with a laugh. "Besides, Kevin is, you know!" Alexandra stared at her blankly. Veronica turned to her, surprised by the fellow millionairess' blank expression. "…You know! You've met him!" Alexandra exchanged confused glances with Sebastian. "…He's going to the party with his friend, Paul?"

"Well, that's nice of him. I guess Paul would have a hard time finding a date in Midvale since all the girls are attracted to Alan. He's the only good-looking guy here," Alexandra replied, completely missing the hints Veronica was dropping.

"Not the only good-looking guy!"

Both girls and Sebastian turned to the door to see Alexander leaning against the doorway, brushing his hair with a comb.

"Oh? And who is the other one?" Veronica asked with a sly smile.

Luckily, Veronica seemed amused by Alexander's increasingly lame attempts to impress with her. Although, sometimes Alexandra thought she actually liked the attention. Veronica did seem to live for any male attention, even the unwanted type.

"Yours truly," Alexander replied coolly, stepping confidently into the room.

"Oh please," Alexandra groaned, putting a hand on her forehead.

"Quiet, Sister, a real Midvale man is speaking to a lovely lady," Alexander said, striding over to Veronica.

Sebastian made a loud gagging sound, pointing into his mouth. Alexander glared at the cat and Sebastian looked away innocently.

"Well, since you are the other good-looking man in Midvale, naturally someone like I should go to the dance with you, correct?" Veronica continued to flirt.

Alexander eyes grew huge. "Yeah! Yeah!"

Veronica stood up, walked over to Alexander, and promptly passed him, flipping her long black hair into his face. "No thank you."

"No thank you?!" Alexander asked, slapping his cheek and jumping into the air.

"Yes – the answer, right now, at least," Veronica teased, entering the closet again. "Now shoo, I'm waiting for-"

HONK HONNNKK!

Alexandra and Sebastian turned to look out the window into the driveway. Outside the gate, an enormous crowd of men gathered, blocking the entrance, while a limo honked at them. The gate guard was also throwing a fit, but the men didn't seem to notice they were not wanted there.

Veronica re-joined Alexandra, looking out the window. "What on Earth is going on out there?" She paused when music began to come out of her pocketbook on a chair close to the closet. She hurried over, pulled out a phone and pressed the answer button. "Smithers? Yes! What is going on out there? Is Kevin and Paul with you? …What? …A blonde?!"

Alexandra and Alexander looked at each other with exasperation. "Melody's here."

+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+

Melody watched the excited crowd of men surrounding her on all sides. She was trying to get in and show Alexandra the Halloween costume she picked out for the party, but it was looking hopeless. So, she waited, smiling at all the wide-eyed men around her. She really didn't know why they were excited…she was just wearing her Pirate Beauty Halloween costume.

"Melody!" one of her regular male stalkers called. "Do you have a map? Because I am lost in your eyes…"

Melody blinked, confused. "But you're out here – not in my eyes, silly!"

"Hey, Melody! Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven, my angel?" another man swooned.

Melody stared at him in surprise. "Well, golly, that would hurt! But I'm no angel, I'm a Pussycat!"

"HEY!" Alexandra's voice barked from behind the group.

The men turned around in fright to see Alexandra, Alex, and Veronica glaring at them.

"H-hey! It's the girl who sent the dogs after us!" one man whimpered, pointing at Alexandra.

"Run away!" another man cried, leading the pack of men off in a dead run.

Alexandra glared after them. "What a bunch of perverted Neanderthals."

"WOW!" Alexander suddenly cried out, jumping into the air with his tongue hanging out.

Alexandra turned to look at what had gotten her equally perverted brother so excited and was promptly greeted by Melody in a black mini-skirt, thigh-high brown pirate boots, and a puffy white shirt opened to expose most of her cleavage with the bottom tied up above her bellybutton.

"Hi everyone!" Melody sang, waving.

Alexandra stumbled back as if someone had punched her in the face, catching herself on the gate with one hand and the other covering her nose and mouth.

"Laws, I say, laws!" Veronica hollered, whacking Alexandra's shoulder for emphasis, causing Alexandra to lose her balance and slam her face into the gate. She turned to glare daggers at the blonde girl. "Why are you so…so…indecent?!"

Melody put a finger to her mouth as the limo doors opened. "In Decent? I'm not in Decent, I'm in Midvale!"

Alexander managed to roll his tongue back into his mouth. "Hey Melody! Why don't I take you to the Halloween Party?!"

"Hm…no thanks!" Melody sang. "I'm going with someone else!"

Alexander shrugged, looking at Veronica. "Aw well, at least I still have options. Right, Sweetie?"

Veronica scoffed loudly and shoved him away. "Pig!"

"Aw, don't be too rough on him," a voice laughed. "Why don't you make a habit out of a Cabot?"

Veronica perked up and rushed over to a blonde teenager grinning at the group from beside the limo. "Kevin Keller! Oh thank goodness you're here!"

Alexandra finally recovered, checking her palm for any signs of a nosebleed, and turned to rejoin Alexander and the others, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. "Poor Veronica has no one to fawn all over her, except for my dopey brother."

Kevin laughed. "Well, Paul and I are here now. We're going to go into town. Who wants to come?"

"Finally! Shopping!" Veronica cheered.

Alexandra waved at them. "No thanks."

Alexander rushed towards the limo. "I'll come! I'll buy you something Veronica to show what a nice guy I am!"

Veronica blocked him. "You're not invited. I have to think about whether or not I want you as my date."

Alexander stood straight up, clasping his hands together. "Yes! Think about it! You'll be going to the party with one of its hosts, after all!"

Kevin rolled his eyes with a smirk. "Poor Alexander."

Another teenager wearing glasses peeked out of the limo. "He's being led on, isn't he?"

Veronica shoved Kevin and the other teenager into the limo. "Oh, don't be silly, Paul! Less talking more shopping! Ciao, Cabots!" Her blue eyes glowered up coldly in Melody's direction. "…Melody."

"Goodbye!" Melody sang, waving cheerfully as Veronica slipped into the limo. The limo made a u-turn and drove off quickly towards the town. "Gosh! What a nice girl!"

Alexander turned to the girls, panicking. "I don't think she'll take me! I need to think of a good pick-up line or something!"

"Pick-up line?!" Alexandra scoffed. "Girls don't really fall for those…do they?"

Alexander grinned devilishly. "What's the matter, Sis? Never had anyone try to use a line on you?" He dodged Alexandra's fist and stepped back to avoid any further attempted assaults. "Besides! Melody likes them – and she's definitely a woman!"

Melody beamed. "Oh good! Sometimes I get confused."

Alexandra crossed her arms close to her chest, looking at Melody from the corner of her eyes. "Ha! Melody doesn't like them – she just tolerates them! …Right, Melody?"

Melody placed her finger on her cheek in thought. "No, I think they're cute!"

Alexandra stepped back, shocked. "What? R-really?"

"HA! Shows what you know, Sis!" Alexander laughed. "Now if you two will excuse me, I gotta think of the perfect line to use on Veronica!" He rushed away back to the mansion. "Darla! Fetch me a pad of paper and a pen!"

Melody giggled at Alexander's sudden enthusiasm, then turned to look at Alexandra. Alexandra once again had her arms crossed, looking away and down at the ground. Her lips were pursed together in a frown that looked more like a sad pout. Melody knew that look – she had something to say, but was afraid to say it because it would make her seem vulnerable. That was the only time Alexandra was afraid to say what was on her mind.

"S-so…you really like those lines those men use on you, huh?" Alexandra asked in a low voice, eyes darting up quickly to Melody's face then retreating back onto the ground.

Melody watched as Alexandra turned and walked slowly back towards the mansion, still hugging her chest. The blonde knew she had hurt Alexandra's feelings somehow, but didn't quite understand.

"I just said they were cute – it doesn't mean I like the guys who use them on me," Melody retorted, jogging after Alexandra.

Alexandra stopped and put her hands on her hips, turning to Melody. "Why are they so cute? They think you're some unthinking idiot who will swoon over some cheap lines they heard in a movie!"

"Well, when someone really likes you, but doesn't know how to say it, they use lines like those to try to express themselves. I think it's cute," Melody explained. "You should try it sometime, Alexandra."

"Me? What for?" Alexandra asked, curling her lip.

"You have trouble expressing what you really feel," Melody replied, smirking. "…Besides for your anger."

"I don't have any trouble expressing anything at all!" Alexandra barked, face turning red.

"See?" Melody giggled.

Alexandra pulled her head back, spun back around and began walking towards the mansion again with a low growl in her throat.

"Besides, I like that kind of stuff. Don't you think it would be cute? Saying cute lines to each other?" Melody asked sweetly, walking quickly behind Alexandra.

Alexandra rolled her eyes. "Darling, we're from different planets."

"You're an alien?!" Melody gasped. "Far out! Literally!"

Alexandra ignored that, opened the mansion doors and walked briskly to the coat closet on the immediate right. She opened the door and pulled out a long, expensive-looking black coat from the depths. Alexandra held it up to Melody, shaking it slightly to make her take it. "Here. Put this on."

Melody beamed. "Oh you're right! This would definitely look good with the rest of my costume!" She put it on, leaving it unbuttoned. "Now I really feel like a pirate!"

Alexandra blushed, turning her head. "I mean use it to cover yourself, Dummy! You can't walk around town like that!"

"But I just did! Like this!" Melody insisted, walking around in a circle to demonstrate.

"Oh, Melody!" Alexandra growled. "Look – when you walk around wearing that kind of costume…"

Melody gasped, putting a hand to her mouth. "Oh no! People will really think I'm a pirate!"

Alexandra did a double-take. "Wait, what-?"

"I understand, Alexandra! I would scare children! Women! Pets!" Melody continued. She quickly buttoned up the jacket, covering up her entire body including her legs. "Phew! Thanks! That was close!"

Alexandra shook her head a little and then sighed. "You're welcome, I guess…"

"Girls! I thought of a brilliant one!" Alexander's voice echoed along with the stamping of feet. He skidded to a halt infront of them. Pausing, he looked down at Melody and frowned. "Aw, show's over?"

"What show? Is the TV on?" Melody asked, puzzled.

Alexandra bristled, grabbing Melody's arm. "Melody is not here for your sick entertainment! Now what is it this time?!"

Alexander puffed out his chest, presenting a small flip pad of hastily scribbled notes. "Melody, listen to this one and tell me what you think!" Alexandra rolled her eyes and Melody perked up. "I'm not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together."

Alexandra put a hand over her mouth to keep from projectile vomiting.

"That's a good one!" Melody giggled.

Alexander's shoulders slumped. "You heard that one? How about this one - You're so hot, I could bake cookies on you."

"Oh my god," Alexandra moaned to herself.

"That one always makes me hungry," Melody replied to Alexander.

Alexander scratched his head. "I guess a beautiful girl like you has heard them all, huh?"

Melody shrugged. "Pretty much, but I still like to hear them." She looked at Alexandra from the corner of her eyes. "I think it's cute."

Alexandra glanced back at Melody but then turned away, feigning disinterest.

Alexander seemed to deeply consider Melody's words, arms crossed and his head turned down to stare at them intensely. "Hmm. Maybe Veronica has heard them all too…"

"Why don't you make up one by yourself, from your heart?" Melody suggested, touching her chest.

Alexander looked back up and began laughing. "Ha! A Cabot doing any kind of work?! That's why we have money…and high speed internet!" He walked away, still laughing. "I'm sure I can find one none of you girls have ever heard before…or pay some sucker to make one up!"

"Poor Alexander! He doesn't know that love never has enough money to buy you anything," Melody sighed, looking after Alexander with concern.

Alexandra rolled her eyes. "Why is he wasting so much energy on this?"

"Because he really cares about her," Melody explained.

"I don't think he necessarily cares about her as a person, but he definitely is interested in what's attached to her," Alexandra snickered.

Melody seemed upset by that. "I'm sorry, I don't believe that at all, Alexandra. His heart is in it, so he has to love Veronica!"

Alexandra forced herself to keep from making anymore comments that would blow Melody's innocent theory about her horndog of a brother out of the water. Melody was obviously intent on getting Alexandra to use cheap lines on her, but Alexandra didn't understand why. Maybe it was because she liked the attention the boys gave her and thought that their lame attempts to pick her up were genuine expressions of love? Alexandra shook her head – she, Alexandra Cabot, would never stoop so low anyway, so why was she even thinking about this?

Suddenly, the ringing out the grandfather clock snapped Alexandra out of her thoughts. Melody looked at the clock with a panicked expression.

"Golly! Noon already? I have to get to practice!" Melody gasped.

"I'll call Jenkins and have him drive you," Alexandra said, walking over to an intercom on the wall.

Melody rushed towards the door. "No thanks, I'll run!"

Alexandra hurried after her. "Wait, Melo-"

She stopped when the door shut behind Melody. Alexandra stood there for a moment, wondering whether Melody was mad at her, or very late to the Pussycats' rehearsal. Still, Melody always at least gave her a hug before she left…

"Ooooh stop being stupid, Alexandra," she grumbled to herself, face turning red. "What are you, two years old?"

She chewed her lip, tapping her foot against the marble floor. Then the tapping turned to pacing up and down the hall. So what if she wasn't "romantic" in that cheesy way? It wasn't even "romantic" at all, being fed those stupid lines. Melody was too innocent to see that they were all disingenuous….weren't they? Alexandra chewed on her bottom lip some more, crossing her arms in thought. It's not like anyone had ever flirted with her before. Sure there were those guys who instantly recognized her family's mark – the lightning bolt in her hair – and tried to romance her for the family money, but they barely had to try considering, at that time, she was so desperate for attention she would welcome their advances without a second thought. Meanwhile the men around Melody had to try because the blonde girl was a terrible mixture of dumb and innocent: she never got the hint that they wanted to get together with her. But even though time and time again Melody would unwittingly deflect their advances, they always came back with a new line or a new compliment to try to get the beautiful girl's attention.

…Maybe it was kind of romantic, in a weird way. …Maybe she was beginning to understand why Melody liked it.

And what if the unpleasant goodbye just now was a showing that Melody was losing interest in Alexandra? That maybe the girl didn't like her the way she was. That maybe…Melody didn't love her?

Alexandra felt a cold chill going up her spine. No, that couldn't be. She was perfect the way she was. Melody liked her for her…didn't she?

…Maybe she was hoping Alexandra would change? Should she change? Do you have to change when you have a partner? Was that some sort of silent requirement? Then how does anyone know when they really love someone?

"F-fine! I'm going to make up a pick-up line that nobody, not even Melody, has heard before!" Alexandra raged to no one, shaking both fists in the air.

+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+

The first part of Alexandra's plan was to go outside and mingle with the peasants of Midvale. She pulled up her red sports car in front of a local mom and pops store and began to scope the street. A group of young men huddled in front of an electronics store, watching a football game on one of the display televisions. Alexandra couldn't help but sneer – couldn't these peasants afford their own televisions? She parked and swung open the car door, carefully stepping out in her red high heeled shoes. Alexandra changed into a tight pair of black pants and an equally tight leather jacket, buttoned down at the top to reveal her cleavage emerging from a red v-neck shirt. She smirked triumphantly – this outfit had to get their attention.

Alexandra put one hand on her hip and swung the other as freely as she was swinging her hips, walking slowly past the men. Their eyes were glued to the television. Alexandra grimaced – she had to bring out the big guns. She slid off one of her expensive diamond rings from her hand and dropped it onto the street.

"Oops!" she said in a sweet voice, slowly leaning over facing the men, her cleavage now extremely visible if they looked down.

A few men turned to see what the noise was and looked at Alexandra picking up the ring before turning back to the game.

Alexandra stared up in disbelief. She growled this time, "I said – oops!"

This time none of the men turned around.

Alexandra sighed and walked a few steps away from them, wriggling back on her ring. "…I didn't want to do this, but this is for Melody…"

She reached into her jacket pockets and pulled out a wad of hundred dollar bills from both. Alexandra let the bills drop around her. "Oh no! Daddy Cabot would kill me if I lost all these one-hundred dollar bills!"

The men instantly perked up. "Cabot?!"

They turned to see Alexandra picking up the bills. After a quick study of her hair, they quickly realized it was the heiress of the Cabot fortune. In a moment, they gathered around her.

"Are you Alexandra Cabot?! I knew it the moment I saw you – the beautiful heiress!" one brown-haired man explained, dollar signs filling his eyes.

Alexandra posed, putting a hand to her hair. "Why thank you, Darling."

"You shouldn't be out here by yourself! Why don't we take you back home?" another man suggested, eyeing the crumpled bills in her pocket.

Alexandra stopped posing and looked at them with her hands on her hips. "…Yeah…but…don't you all want to ask me something?"

The men exchanged confused glances.

"…Like…I don't know…if it hurt when I fell from heaven? Or something?" Alexandra asked, standing up straight, placing her hands on her hips, and raising her chin to make herself appear taller.

"Uh…" a blonde man spoke, looking at his friends.

Alexandra sighed loudly. "Ugh, peasants! Look – I know you all are just after my money! I'll give one-hundred dollars to whoever of you gives me the best pick-up line! Easy, right?"

The men's faces twisted into even more confused looks. "What?"

The brown haired man turned to the others. "Yeesh – I heard the Cabots were eccentric, but…"

The blonde agreed. "Come on, guys, let's get out of here."

Alexandra watched, stunned, as the men walked away. "Are you serious?! Free money! Aren't you peasants always complaining about not having any?!" The men disappeared around the corner. "…What is wrong with this town? This is why I don't go outside…"

She turned and walked back to her car, hopping in and slamming the door after her. Alexandra drummed the steering wheel thoughtfully. She was sure that would work – at least, the giving away money part. Alexandra was now ready to admit Melody was far superior to her in the looks department, and that all the attention she got was well-deserved.

She suddenly saw Melody surrounded by boys, beaming. ["Gee Alexandra! If only you were more like them – then I would have never dumped you!"]

Alexandra slammed her head down onto her steering wheel to get rid of the mental image. She slowly lifted her head back up, holding her now red forehead. "Ow! …Next time I'll just slap myself…" She rubbed her skin. "I guess I'll just have to do the research on my own."

+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+

Alexandra sat in the library in front of a computer. She had put on a large winter hat and sunglasses to avoid the embarrassment of being seen in the library. The Cabots gave the library large donations, sure, but they had their own library at home.

"Ugh, these websites are awful," Alexandra grumbled, looking at a website that listed 'funny and sexy pick-up lines.' "I want to put your muffins under my flames? What does that even mean?"

She sat back, grateful that the people on the computers next to her were deeply entranced in their work and wearing headphones. Crossing her arms, she went back to her thoughts. She was terrible at this – if she was the Romeo Melody wanted, she could just pull a line right out of her butt. But her thoughts – her very cynical thoughts – were always in the way. Why couldn't she shut them off? Maybe, instead of finding a pick-up line, she should look into how to change herself – or at least how to channel another emotion besides for explosive anger and jealousy.

"Excuse me, young lady?" an elderly man's voice croaked from besides her.

Alexandra turned to see an elderly couple watching her, holding books in their hands. "Oh, yes sir?"

"Can we please use that computer if you're done?" the elderly woman asked. "Just for a few minutes, we need to use the email."

Alexandra got up hurriedly, gathering her purse and jacket. She always had a weakness for the elderly, especially after her beloved grandfather passed away. "Please, you can have it. Google has failed me, I need to do my research the old fashion way."

The man beamed and carefully sat down, looking up at Alexandra as she began to walk away. "What a nice young lady."

Alexandra wasn't so sure about that, but she smiled and walked towards the back of the library.

"Look at this website she was on," she heard the man chuckle. Alexandra froze, feeling her face turn red. "Hey, Honey – are you a piece of a puzzle? Because you complete me."

Alexandra turned her head to see the elderly woman blushing and laughing. "Oh, Bert! You don't need those goofy lines – you always say the nicest things from your heart. That's why I stayed with you!"

Alexandra snapped her head back around and walked hurriedly to the self-help and psychology section of the library. [Crap!]

Alexandra rummaged through the books in a desperate manner, tossing aside the ones that didn't pertain to her situation. Finally, she came to a blue book with a smiling woman on the cover. The woman had short, black hair, cat-eye glasses, and freckles dotted on her cheeks. Alexandra looked at the title: Why Sarcasm Doesn't Defend You, It Becomes your Own Worst Enemy. …Definitely a book for Alexandra. Alexandra tucked it under her arm and looked through the books again, suddenly coming to one that really caught her interest: What Your Woman Wants: How to Become the Perfect Spouse. She self-consciously took a glance around and grabbed the book, hiding it against her chest. She chose other books about anger management and "getting in touch with your emotional self" before she snuck to a table in the far corner of the library. Alexandra sat down and opened the What Your Woman Wants book, greeted by a blunt introduction of what a woman does not want: anti-romantic, quick to anger, cold, uncaring…

Alexandra groaned, "I've always been like that. Why did she even-?"

"She even what?"

Alexandra shrieked and jumped in her seat. Several voices hushed her, so covered her mouth and looked up, seeing Valerie look down at her with surprise.

"What are you do-?" Alexandra began to whisper, but stopped when she realized she still had the book in her hands. She turned and chucked it across the room, ignoring a pained yelp from where it landed. "…Ahem. What are you doing here?"

Valerie put her hands on her hips. "I always come here after practice. The real question is what are you doing here?"

Alexandra looked down glumly as Valerie sat down in the seat across from her, picking up one book from the pile.

"Self-help books? Aren't the Cabots perfect or something?" Valerie teased, flipping through the Sarcasm book. "…Hm. I actually might need to borrow this when you're done."

Valerie looked up at Alexandra whose eyes were unreadable thanks to her heavy-tinted sunglasses, but her mouth was twisted in a mix of embarrassment and annoyance.

"Look, I just want to be alone," Alexandra grumbled. "Go get your nerd books and go someplace else."

Valerie glared at the millionairess, but didn't find herself as angry as she usually got when Alexandra snapped at her. The words were used to form a bite, but they were delivered like a whimper. From her other observations about Alexandra lately, it seemed the girl was finally growing up…but no, there was no way. Alexandra was up to something, she knew it. She crossed her arms and sat back in her seat, a silent signal she was not going anywhere. "Alexandra, if you need to talk…"

Alexandra sighed loudly. "Here we go. I don't need to talk, I need to read. Now shoo."

Valerie rolled her eyes. "Okay, what is with you lately? You're acting strange. You haven't tried to latch onto Alan, you haven't tried to ruin our shows, and you're acting…nice-ish."

Alexandra laughed. "Life's not the same without me, huh? Admit it – I'm the life of the group."

Valerie snickered. "You give us something to worry about, that's for sure. Now it's quiet."

Alexandra sat back, crossing her long legs and putting her hands behind her head. "Well, get use to it. I'm working on myself."

"Working on yourself? Please. You got something up your sleeve, Alexandra Cabot. Are you trying to be nice to win over Alan?" Valerie accused, squinting at Alexandra.

Alexandra's cocky smirk turned into a frown. "What? I can't change? I can change!" She got up, her entire face now red in anger and humiliation, grabbing her coat and purse. "I'll show you and Blondie I can change!"

"Blondie?" Valerie asked, perplexed. "Alan?"

Alexandra stormed away. "Mind your own business, for once!"

Valerie felt a sting in her chest, knowing she had probably touched a very raw nerve. "Wait, Alexandra, I didn't mean-"

Alexandra was already gone. Valerie sighed and shook her head – what was Alexandra so upset about?

"Excuse me," a male voice rumbled.

Valerie looked up to see a man wearing a sweater with the word 'Coach' written across it. He was rubbing his head and holding the book Alexandra had thrown in his other hand. "Oh…s-sorry, sir. My…friend…"

He waved her off. "That girl has quite the arm! Do you think you can tell her about my Women's Softball Team?" He pulled out a flyer from under his arm and held it up to Valerie. "We really could use an arm like that."

Valerie chuckled nervously and took the armpit sweat-stained flyer. "Yeaaah… Sure." She paused and looked at the book. "Uh, can I get that book back?"

He nodded and gave her the book. "We've had our first practices, but tell her she can come right in."

He waved and walked off. Valerie waved back and then looked down at the book. "What the…? What Your Woman Wants: How to Become the Perfect Spouse? Why would she be reading this?" She placed the book down thoughtfully and leaned one elbow on the table, holding her chin. "There has got to be something behind this all…"

+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+

The youngest housemaid of the Cabot mansion, Felicia, looked at herself in the full-length mirror by the front entrance. Alexandra had let her borrow a beautiful, very expensive, green dress to wear on her date with the man that she met thanks to Alexandra's great escape plan. Or so the others claimed. Felicia liked to think she knew Alexandra pretty well, considering she was the one who usually waited on her, and she still felt that their underground adventure was more than some escape attempt. Alexandra was extremely clever, and her infamous escapes from being sent to her room by her father were far more involved and complex than wandering around the forbidden tunnels, looking for an exit. Then again, Alexandra did inherit the same eccentricity Felicia saw in Mr. Cabot, Mrs. Cabot, and Alexander, so anything was possible. She shrugged her shoulders and fixed her short, brown hair, admiring the large, pearl earrings Mrs. Cabot pinned on her.

Suddenly, the front door opened weakly. Felicia turned and was surprised to see Alexandra with her face pressed against the slowly inching open door, the rest of her body slumped in a defeated manner. When the door came to a rest, Alexandra rolled herself off it and closed the door behind her.

"Ah, uh, hello Miss Cabot…" Felicia greeted, clearly baffled by the rare sight of Alexandra looking defeated. "…T-thank you again for letting me borrow this beautiful dress!"

Alexandra trudged to the closet, opening it while slipping off her jacket. "Don't let Veronica see you with it, she'll probably throw it out since, god forbid, I got it a few months ago."

Felicia laughed, but her laughter faded when Alexandra hung up her jacket and hat, clearly uninterested when they both slipped off the hanger and fell to the closet floor. Alexandra closed the door and walked to the banister, hugging it and letting the rest of her body slump to the ground.

"Uh…Alexandra…erm…Miss Cabot…are you…okay?" Felicia asked meekly, looking back and forth between the closet door and Alexandra's slumped form, her long arms wrapped around the banister for support.

"Felicia, let me give you some advice for your date," Alexandra mumbled. Felicia braced herself. "Make sure he likes you, for you. Not because you're wearing an expensive dress or because you're really pretty. …Or something. I don't know…"

Felicia laughed lightly. "He met me in my maid uniform, so I'm okay, I think. But…" She squatted down and put her hand on Alexandra's white stripe of hair. "…Thank you." She looked down, eyebrows knitting together angrily. Alexandra was always being fooled by men who just wanted her money, and she had probably been fooled again, which would explain her behavior. "…And…one day, you'll find someone who likes you for you. We all like you because you're Alexandra, so someone will see what we see, okay?"

Alexandra nodded weakly, letting go of the banister to slide to the floor. "…Thank you."

Felicia smiled and patted her head again before a car's beeping echoed outside. "Oh! He's here – wish me luck!" Alexandra weakly gave her a thumbs up. Felicia grinned and hurried outside. "I promise, we'll talk later about this! Bye!"

Alexandra waited for the door to close before she pushed herself up with a long sigh. "I don't want anyone else, I want Melody…" She shook her head and slammed her fists on the floor. "I need to stop lying around and get to finding or making up a line for her!"

Suddenly, she heard Alexander's voice coming from his room upstairs. Alexandra crept up the stairs, straining her ears to listen. She had become very good at spying on her brother without him noticing. In the past, she would listen in to his private affairs and use them as blackmail or a way to ruin his or the Pussycats' lives. But now, she wanted to listen to see if she could get some insight on the art of the pick-up line.

"Oh! I give up!" Alexander's voice wailed as Alexandra reached the top of the stairs. "My passion for Veronica Lodge and all the female-type kind cannot be put in a few words!"

A man's voice sighed. "Young Mr. Cabot, do not give up hope so easily." Somehow, he sounded very detached from his words. "Where are you going?"

Alexander marched out of the room, passing Alexandra in the hall. "I'm going to get something to eat – brain fuel, man, brain fuel."

Alexandra watched him disappear down the stairs. One of the family's butlers, Jenkins, a tall, thin, black-haired, older gentleman followed him.

"Good afternoon, Miss Cabot," Jenkins greeted wearily as he passed her.

Alexandra nodded and watched Jenkins make his way down the stairs after her brother. Suddenly, she realized Alexander was not holding the notepad of lines he had before. She looked down the hall, noticing Alexander and Jenkins had left the door to his room wide open. Dared she?

Alexandra crept over to the room and peeked inside. Much to her disgust, Alex's room was adorned with giant portraits, paintings, and photographs of himself. She tried not to gag as she made her way in, glancing around. Downstairs she heard the front door open and voices filled the air with chatter. She ignored it and continued to check around the room. Right on Alexander's desk, she saw the notepad, splayed open violently as if it had been thrown down. Around it various pieces of crumpled up pages were strewn about, silently telling the story of frustration.

Alexandra picked it up and flipped to the last page. "I'll just peek at the last one he wrote, and then I'll leave." Alexandra squinted down at the scribbling in red pen. "…Baby, you are my forever girl?" She tossed it down, groaning. "Oh, brother!"

"There you are!"

Alexandra leaped up in surprise at the woman's voice behind her. She whirled around, grabbing the desk with her hands as she used her body to conceal the notepad. A tall, older woman with the body of a model blinked at Alexandra. One of her blue eyes was concealed under her short, dark brown hair.

"What is with that reaction, Darling?" the woman questioned. "Surprised to see your mother back so soon?"

Alexandra breathed a sigh of relief. "I-I just didn't hear you come in!" She walked over to the taller woman and hugged her. "I was just…checking on Alexander, making sure he was okay…"

Mrs. Cabot nodded. "Well, he's downstairs, not in here. Come, come – I need to tell you what happened at the Henderson Function!"

Alexandra followed Mrs. Cabot out of the room. Her mother was often out and about, attending all the social functions Mr. Cabot refused to go to. She was the one who talked up potential new clients or kept the connections with current clients while Mr. Cabot did the business end of the deal.

Alexandra shook her head, finding herself somehow seated on the couch in front of her mother's cushy chair in the living room. Her mother was gossiping and laughing, but Alexandra could barely concentrate on what she was saying.

"Darling, what's wrong? You usually love this kind of stuff," Mrs. Cabot suddenly said.

Alexandra dumbly looked up at her mother. "Oh- I was, uh…" She sighed and looked down. "…I just have something bothering me."

Mrs. Cabot seemed surprised. "Really? That's not like you, Alexandra, you're usually so confident." She eyed Alexandra closely. "Is it a boy?" Alexandra blushed hard. "Ha! I knew it. Tell your mother what's on your mind."

Alexandra took in a deep breath. "Well, I don't think…he…likes me for me anymore. I just can't do what other girls do, or are supposed to do, or…whatever."

"Alexandra, my dear, if someone dates someone else thinking that they can 'change' them or 'mold' them into some Frankenstein-perfect significant other, the relationship is doomed to fail," Mrs. Cabot explained calmly. Alexandra winced. "It's just not healthy, or normal. People don't change, they adjust."

"Adjust?" Alexandra repeated incredulously. She thought she got her cynical nature from solely her father, but now she knew differently. "What do you mean?"

"When you fall in love with someone, sometimes you overlook the bad. Then, when you're living together, or spending a lot of time together, the bad, or at least what you're not use to living with, rears its head. But, you adjust. You don't want to change to accommodate what feels uncomfortable. Or, you can talk it over and the other person adjusts to meet your needs. But deep down, he, or you, is still the same person. Just…adjusting," Mrs. Cabot explained, leaning over to the coffee table to pick up her mug of tea.

Meanwhile, Alexander walked to the edge of the room, eating a sandwich and listening in on the conversation.

"But…I don't want to just adjust. I want to change, I want to be somebody s—he will love with all h…his heart," Alexandra mumbled, looking down.

Mrs. Cabot looked up, mouth hung open. "Oh, Darling, you do love the person with all your heart. But sometimes it's hard being with and sharing with another person."

"Well, I don't want it to be hard! I…don't want to make it hard. He…deserves the world, and I know I can't give that to…him. I can only give him the next best thing, my world, my entire being, and even then, it's not perfect. That's why I need to change," Alexandra replied. There was a long moment of silence before Alexandra's eyes widened. "That…was…PERFECT!" She flew up from her seat and hugged her stunned mother around her neck. "Oh, thank you, Mother-dearest! That was it!"

She ran up the stairs as Mrs. Cabot sat, stunned, with her mouth hanging open. In the shadows, Alexander grinned ear to ear and snuck past his mother up the stairs.

Darla, the elder Head Housemaid, entered the room with a teapot. "Mrs. Cabot? Would you like some more tea?" She looked at the younger woman, mouth hanging open and eyes brimming with tears. "Mrs. Cabot?! Are you crying?!"

Mrs. Cabot got up, covering her face and turning her back on Darla. "I'm not crying – you're crying!" She fled the room, sobbing. "That was beautiful!"

Darla stood in her place, confused. She looked at her teapot. "…But…it's just tea?"

+o+o+o+o+o+o+o+

The Cabots' Halloween party was in full swing on Halloween night. The house servants were divided between helping run the party and passing out treats to the local children who came to the door. Veronica Lodge was dressed in a sexy vampire outfit, talking with Kevin who was dressed up in his father's old army uniform.

"So, is Alexander Cabot your date tonight?" Kevin teased, taking a sip of some red punch from his cup. "Or are you going to suck his life out and leave him in the cold?"

Veronica snorted. "Ha, ha. We'll see – he said he had something that would absolutely convince me." She grinned and flipped her hair. "I'm holding out until I see it."

Kevin rolled his eyes with a laugh. "Right."

"Hey everybody!"

Veronica and Kevin whirled around at once to see Archie Andrews, dressed up like an astronaut.

"Archie! But…where's Betty?!" Veronica gasped.

Archie looked disappointed. "She came down with a cold and had to cancel our plans. So, I figured I would come here, to be with you and Kevin!"

Veronica instantly latched around his arm. "Oh, Archie! I'm so glad you're here!"

Further away, Melody stood by one of the snack tables; dressed in her sexy pirate costume with the jacket Alexandra had given her unbuttoned around it. She looked around the crowd to see if she could spot Alexandra anywhere. When she couldn't, the blonde looked back down at her feet. Alexandra was known to be fashionably late, but it was far past that.

"Melody-dear," a female voice called out to her.

Melody looked up expectantly but her face fell again when she saw it was Mrs. Cabot, dressed like a flapper girl. "Oh, hi Mrs. Cabot, have you seen Alexander or Alexandra?"

Mrs. Cabot shrugged her thin shoulders. "My children, unfortunately, inherited their father's knack for always being late to a party. Although, Alexander did say he was preparing a welcoming speech…and Alexandra seemed to be up to something." She looked back down at Melody. "Oh…is that Alexandra's coat?"

"Yup! She gave it to me because she knew if anyone saw me in this costume, they would think I'm really a pirate!" Melody explained, perking up. "But don't worry, I'm not, I'm just pretending!"

Mrs. Cabot smirked. "Right, of course, Darling, to think I was scared for a moment." She looked around to see Josie and Alan talking in the far corner with Valerie. The three were dressed up as 80s rock stars, and when they caught Mrs. Cabot's eyes, they turned back around and began whispering again. "Well, I need to greet more of the guests, are you going to be okay here?"

"I'm fine – I'm just waiting," Melody explained, offering the older woman a smile. "Have fun!"

When Mrs. Cabot merged back into the crowds, Melody sighed and reached for another slice of cheese. Her hand was blocked by an enormous…paw? Melody looked up in surprise to see someone wearing a giant cat costume.

"Wow! Cool costume!" she complimented, touching the faux fur on the enormous mascot-like costume. "Did you make this by yourself? I think that's pretty neat! You know, I'm in a band called 'The Pussycats,' well, 'Josie and the Pussycats' because it has a nice ring to it, right? Jo-sie and the Pussycats! Long tails, and ears for h-!"

"Melody," the muffled voice inside interrupted. "Come with me."

Melody looked apologetic. "Sorry, Josie and Alexandra tell me I can't go with strangers anymore. Even if you are a cute cat!" She paused, looking around. "By the way, have you seen Alexandra Cabot? She's really pretty, and has this cute white stripe through her hair that looks like a lightning bolt!"

"I think I do know where she is," the cat smugly replied.

Melody stared up at the cat's large, fake, green eyes, her own eyes sparkling with emotion. "Wait…" The cat reached for its mask. "…Are you the cat in the kitty litter commercial?!"

The cat stumbled backwards, almost knocking over the table, and made a familiar growling noise. "Ooooo, Melody!" It recovered and put its paws on her shoulders. "Look, I need to say something-"

"ATTENTION EVERYONE!" Alexander's voice rang out over the speakers set up around the room.

The entire party turned their attention to the back of the room where a small stage had been set-up with a microphone. The party's DJ was also on the stage with his equipment, which he had quickly turned off when Alexander began to speak.

Alexander was dressed as a prince, donned in a white and gold trimmed uniform. His hair was combed and slicked back neatly behind his head and ears. "Thank you all for coming! I especially want to thank the lovely Veronica Lodge for being my date this evening."

Everyone applauded and turned to Veronica who was still latched on Archie, looking into his eyes. They broke away, both surprised at what they heard.

"Veronica! You're Alexander Cabot's date?" Archie asked.

Veronica frowned up at Alexander. "No, I'm not! Let's go, Archie!"

She grabbed Archie's arm and began to storm out of the room. Alexander's jaw dropped, but he quickly recovered. "WAIT! I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!"

The cat leaned over to Melody. "Melody, I have something to say…"

"VERONICA! YOU DESERVE THE WORLD, AND I KNOW I CAN'T GIVE THAT TO YOU! I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU THE NEXT BEST THING, MY WORLD! MY ENTIRE BEING!" Alexander called after Veronica, running off the stage without her.

Mr. Cabot, dressed as a hobo, marched up next to Mrs. Cabot. "Egad! What is going on here?!"

The cat shot up. "WHAT?! ALEXANDER! YOU STOLE MY LINE! THAT WAS MY LINE, FROM MY HEART! YOU COPYCAT THIEF!"

Everyone turned to the giant cat, taken aback. Melody looked up at the cat, recognition finally coming across her face. The cat growled and turned, rushing off in the opposite direction where Alexander, Veronica, and Archie had gone. The entire room went silent before everyone casually went back to mingling, laughter filling the air.

"…Was that…Alexandra?" Mrs. Cabot wondered.

Mr. Cabot sighed loudly, hand on his head. "Why can't we ever have a normal party?!"

Mrs. Cabot laughed lightly. "Darling, why do you think our parties are so popular? Come on, let's mingle and let the children cool off."

Melody watched the two disappear back into the crowd before turning to where Alexandra had stormed off to. She walked into the hallway leading out to a large storeroom filled with swimming and boating equipment. Melody looked down to see the cat's head on the floor, still grinning with a Cheshire cat smile. She picked it up and looked down at it, before looking out the large glass doors leading to the outdoor pool. She saw a figure slumped on one of the white metal pool chairs, leaning its elbows on the white table in front of it. Melody carefully placed the head back down and opened the doors. She stepped over the rest of the costume discarded on the cement and crept to the small figure of Alexandra sulking at the table. Alexandra wore a tight, short black dress and had her long, raven and white hair tied up in a ponytail. Her skin shone a little in the moon from the sweat that collected on her skin from being inside the costume. Melody sucked in her breath quietly: she was so beautiful.

When she got close to Alexandra, she noticed a bouquet of beautiful red, white, and blue roses on the table lying on its side. She smiled and picked them up, looking down at Alexandra who did not even look up. Melody swayed her hips a little then smelt the flowers, gently caressing their petals with her fingers.

"Are these for me?" she asked softly.

"Yeah," Alexandra replied quickly, anger still evident in her voice.

Melody looked back down at the flowers. "They're beautiful, thank you."

"Whatever," Alexandra growled in an uncaring manner, though Melody noticed her neck turning a shade of red.

Melody sat down in the chair next to her and looked at Alexandra's miserable expression. Her cheek was planted on one of her palms, her elbow propped on the table. Her other hand was drumming the table in a fast, erratic pattern that switched from loud to soft. Melody reached out and brushed one of Alexandra's tufts of hair that masked part of her ears. A tear fell from Alexandra's eye, followed by a steady stream. Alexandra turned her head away and covered her mouth, shutting her eyes to let more tears fall out.

"Why are you crying?" Melody asked as gently as she could.

"WHY DO YOU THINK?!" Alexandra finally exploded, shooting out of her seat and nearly knocking the entire table over. She paced back and forth, her voice raising several octaves and she began to ramble through tears. "Because I'm no good for you! I tried, and I tried, to dig down deep in my little, black heart to find ANYTHING romantic, but I couldn't! So I went to try to pay some random guys on the street to give me a pick-up line and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be hearing from their attorneys! Or the funny farm! So then I go to the library and saw this cute old couple and they were like 'we're together forever because we know how to speak from our heart' and then I was like crap and so I got these books out but then Valerie shows up and is all 'you're up to something, Alexandra, you can't change! Demons can't change! Hardy-harr-harr!' So then I go home and Felicia is all 'find someone else who loves your nasty self see ya' and then I go upstairs to sneak into Alexander's creepy room and rummage through his stuff to see if he thought of any lines that I could steal but then mom caught me and Melody…" She took in a huge breath, looking at the gawking Melody through tears. "I said the most beautiful thing – that line that Alexander used – because I could never bear the thought of losing you because of who I am! And he stole it to use on Veronica! Veronica! Can you believe it?!"

Melody brought up her hands to her face, eyes brimming with tears. "Oh…Alexandra… You did all that, for a silly line?"

Alexandra wiped her tears away, turning her back on Melody again. "…Yes. I just…I just want you to be happy. I know…it's not easy being with me."

Alexandra had to catch herself from tumbling onto the pool cover when Melody raced over and leapt onto her back. Melody squeezed Alexandra into a massive bear hug, lifting her several inches off the ground. "Oh, Alexandra!"

"Melody!" Alexandra yelped, hearing her bones start to crack.

Melody released Alexandra and spun her around to hug her from the front. "I am happy! I'm so sorry for saying all that junk! I like you far more than any silly ol' lines!"

Alexandra let out a loud, happy sigh in relief. "You have no idea how happy that makes me." Melody grabbed her head and planted a long kiss on her lips. Alexandra smiled and ran her fingers through Melody's hair. "Please tell me I'll never have to think of a line again."

Melody laughed. "Well, I don't know, did you find any interesting ones in Alexander's room?"

Alexandra looked deeply into her eyes and said in a mock serious voice. "Baby…you're my forever girl."

Melody exploded into giggling and Alexandra couldn't help but join in, both hugging each other and shaking with laughter.

"Oh!"

Alexandra and Melody whirled around to see Kevin and his date Paul standing a foot away, looking surprised.

"Sorry, we heard yelling and…" Kevin apologized.

Melody beamed at him. "Oh, it's okay, Kevin. Alexandra and I were just telling jokes!"

Paul adjusted his glasses with a smirk. "And making out?"

Alexandra was already in front of him, grabbing him by the collar of his doctor costume. "If you tell anyone I'll-!"

"No, wait, Alexandra!" Kevin interrupted, detaching Alexandra's hand from his terrified date's collar. "We won't tell – we're like you two, after all!"

Alexandra looked them over, and then looked at Melody. "…Oh. You two are blondes, and we're not."

Kevin and Paul exchanged confused glances. "Uh…?"

Alexandra cocked her head. "…Am I wrong?" Melody giggled to herself as Alexandra glanced back at her, confused. "…I don't get it."

Melody took her arm, grinning at Kevin and Paul. "Sorry – she only recently found out she was part of the club."

Kevin and Paul laughed with Melody as Alexandra looked back and forth between them, still confused.

Meanwhile, inside the mansion, Valerie held up a book to Josie's and Alan's faces: What Your Woman Wants: How to Become the Perfect Spouse.

"There's something fishy going on here," Valerie whispered in a serious tone. "We need to keep a close eye on her."

Josie and Alan exchanged glances and looked back at the book. They nodded in agreement.