An intense moment... I don't own SoN! Thank you all for the kind words, reading and reviews! You're the reason I'm keeping this alive.

68.1 - Tears of Self-Deprecation

Ashley's PoV

"Mommy?" I heard Dylan speak softly as she walked into Spencer's childhood bedroom quietly. I put down the small load of laundry I did on the bed, and took in her sad face.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I knelt down in front of her and she shrugged, letting herself fall onto my lap and her small arms wrapped around my neck. "Hey," I cooed softly and got her to look at me, "is everything okay?"

"I've missed you." Dylan finally whispered and I noticed tears were starting to gather up in her eyes. "When you were gone, I wasn't very happy."

I closed my eyes and held her tighter, my own eyes watering slightly. "I know baby and I am so sorry."

"It's okay," she looked around the bedroom before her eyes darted down towards her lap, "I need to tell you something and you aren't going to like it."

I tucked a few stray curls behind her ears, "you can tell me anything, you know that."

Dylan nodded and bit her bottom lip before taking a deep breath. "The past couple of nights I've been having really bad nightmares. I think it's because I was treated really bad at my last home."

"What?" I whispered, broken. I knew Alex had mentioned that Dylan had it hard but as a mother, I really didn't want to believe that someone would hurt my little girl.

"They hurt me and never let me go to school or talk at the dinner table while the others kids got too. They said that you were something really bad and you probably deserved to be messed up." Dylan was shaking and my heart shattered as her body wracked full of sobs.

"Oh God Dylan." I cried and clutched her close to me. We were on the bedroom floor for who knows how long and I allowed myself to feel guilty and responsible for allowing Dylan experience any of that.

I needed to make it better and I didn't know how.

"So when I met Spencer, I knew things would be better," she pulled back, wiping her eyes. "She took me for ice cream that day, I met Lucas and I got to sleep in my own bed with actual blankets and not just sheets."

Even though she was smiling, I couldn't stop the millions of thoughts storming through my brain. The family who took care of her better be thankful for their lives because if I ever crossed paths… we wouldn't go there.

"I'm so sorry baby." I whispered into her hair.

"Dylan?" Lucas came into the room and immediately frowned when she noticed us on the floor with tears in our eyes. "What's wrong?" She rushed towards us with a worried look.

"I told Momma about the bad nightmares." Dylan whispered.

"Oh." Lucas sank down on the floor and grabbed Dylan's hand. "I was going to ask if you wanted to go with Carmen and Sam to the movies? Is that okay Momma?" She blinked her grey eyes at me. "Mom already said it was fine but I wanted to ask my sister to tag with me."

I smiled softly and kissed Lucas on the forehead. "You two go and have fun."

Dylan scrambled out of my lap and threw her arms around my neck. "Thank you for listening."

"Dyl," I whispered, "I'm your mother. I will listen to whatever you have to say and not judge. I love you."

"I love you too." She grinned slightly and then was out of the bedroom in a flash with Lucas trailing behind her.

I sighed and closed my eyes. I couldn't help but feel all the past emotions take control. I couldn't help but relive those awful memories when I had the accident that changed my life for good.

"Baby?" I never even heard her walk into the room, let alone kneel down in front of me. "Ash?"

I opened my eyes to see her staring at me intently.

"You're crying." Spencer frowned in concern and wiped the tears away from my cheeks.

I could only nod and tried to look away from her so I could compose myself but she held my face in her hands tightly. I had no choice but to speak. "Dylan just told me about her past homes." I sighed shakily.

"Oh." Spencer ran a hand through her hair and slide down beside me, her hand laced with mine. "Yeah, I just really hope her nightmares go away knowing that you're aware and can protect her."

I frowned and stared at her. "You knew?" I whispered.

"Ash…" She squeezed my hand but I didn't squeeze back.

"You knew and you didn't tell me that my daughter was hurting that bad inside?" I got up. "For Gods sake, Spence! You should've told me. I could've helped her through those hard nights, it was hard enough I wasn't there for her when she's living the reality." My voice wavered slightly and rose a little bit.

Spencer shook her head and bit her lip. "I couldn't tell you."

"Oh don't you dare pull an 'Alex' move and tell me it wasn't your place! You're a mother, you should know!" I backed away from her a little bit, noticing the hurt look cross her features. I closed my eyes and exhaled. "Sorry, I didn't mean that."

"I wasn't going to say that." Spencer said seriously, her own voice on the verge of rising. "I wanted to tell you but you know what? Dylan was the one that asked me not too, okay? She wanted to be the one to tell you when she was ready. I wasn't going to push her. She may be smart for her age and has been through a lot, but she's still just a little girl." She sat down on the corner of her bed and picked at her nails. "Trust me, I wanted to tell you, Ash. I would never keep anything from you, especially when it involves our daughters."

Well didn't I feel like an ass. I was always one for jumping the gun before facts were thrown at me.

It was a Davies trait that I quickly despised when I was younger; even more so after I met Spencer in high school.

I winced and rubbed my temples before making quick steps towards her. "Shit Spence, I'm sorry."

Spencer sighed heavily and shrugged. "I know that you're still very angry at yourself for what happened Ash, but in some way, you have to stop dwelling on it. You have Dylan back in your life, you have your daughter and with her telling you, means that she trusts you to keep her safe. She missed you and she missed that comfort so don't go getting all self-deprecating on us or yourself, not now."

"That whole counselling thing works for you." I whispered and she cracked a small smile. "I'm sorry I went all… seventeen on you. I guess I thought you were keeping it from me to protect me."

"You don't need protection." Spencer whispered, her hands pulling me closer as I stepped in between her legs, looking down at her. "You're a full grown woman who has learned from her mistakes. Dylan looks up to you baby, big time. I think her telling you was a huge deal for you both. This is where you two will start to heal together." I smiled at her and crawled onto her lap, wrapping my legs around her waist.

"I'm so glad I have you," I whispered, "you keep me sane."

"Really?" Spencer raised an eyebrow, leaning back a bit. "You kinda bit my head off back there."

I could tell she was teasing but I still felt bad. "I know and I'm sorry. Thank you for wanting to tell me."

I felt her hands trail up my back and into my hair, our lips meeting in a sweet embrace. I moaned softly as her tongue made a pass at my lower lip. I couldn't help but grant her permission.

The kiss was passionate and sweet.

"Ugh." We heard a sigh from the doorway. "It's like high school all over again." Alex smirked and made her way inside.

Spencer and I did nothing to untangle ourselves. "What do you want?" Spencer mumbled, her lips finding my chin briefly.

"Well I was wondering if you'd like to come with me and Glen to the movies?" Alex stood in the middle of the room and laughed. "But I can tell you're a little busy so I'll just tell him no."

"Wait." I got up off of Spencer's lap, kissing the cute frowned creasing the middle of her forehead. "I think we should."

"Seriously?" Spencer threw in there, looking down at her lap in disbelief. "You're going to give up hot semi make-up sex and spend the night out with my siblings?"

Alex snorted and wrapped an arm around my waist. "She never could resist me."

I tensed, thinking it'd be a sore subject but to my surprise, Spencer laughed and rolled her eyes. "Bitch please, she was totally screaming my name last night."

"Yea," Alex made a face and stepped away, "I heard."

"Wow, all the way from your house? What big ears you have." Spencer ruffled Alex's hair while grabbing my hand and walking out of her bedroom.

"Spencer!" Alex shouted and kicked the back of her sister's leg. "You will not do that again, you hear?"

"I heard." Spencer mocked. "Doesn't mean I'll listen."

"Are you two fighting again?" Mr. C laughed as we made our way into the living room.

"She started it." Spencer pouted and picked up Hannah. "Are you coming to the movies as well?"

"No," Paula smiled from her place on the couch, "Han is gonna stay with us. Glen thinks it'd be nice for her to be around us alone."

"Aww," I cooed and tickled her belly, "someone's sleepy."

"Not." Hannah fought through her heavy eyelids.

"Come on Princess," Glen swooped her up in his arms, causing her to giggle, "let's get you cleaned up so Nana and Grandpa can read you a bedtime story."

"Belle!" She grinned, clapping her hands.

"Aww Glen, isn't Beauty and The Beast your favourite Disney movie too?" Spencer teased.

"Spencer, be quiet." Glen said while smiling and walking away.

--

Next time in Points Underneath:

Lucas and I made eye contact before pumping fists. "If I win, I get to join you and Mom tonight." She whispered.

"Lucas..." I warned.

"What?" She whispered. "Think of it as… a live show. It'll be perfect."