Nobuo Uematsu - Dear To The Heart


Home. I'm finally home.

And someone has been waiting for me.

Isn't that why we, soldiers, always want to come home? Such a pleasant thing to do, isn't it? I'd stay out home all day, if there wasn't anyone to care about. I leave the sheath with my sword, helmet, shoulder pads in a corner. I threw them away as fast as I could. The less it takes to put away the weight I carried on this entire day, the better. And how I feel better. Sweaty, a bit tired, but after feeling the scent of those carrots, hearing the knife cutting them… no cries upstairs, as well.

— Ohh, soft! – Got Learie from behind. She gasped, and I thought my cheeks would turn red with a slap of her hands.

— Dan!?… Oh, what a surprise. – I can feel the scent of boiled meat together with Learie's own perfume. And I had to ruin it all with my sweaty body.

— How I've missed you, darling… – And how much you've grown up. My mind is somewhere else when I think about… uh, , well… my hands lay upon her chest.

— I know. – She smiled. I hope Learie doesn't mind any tickles. – Hey! I've missed you too, Dan… hahaha!… Oh, stop! Please!…

— Okay. – I've had enough fun already. – Let my hands be yours, how's that?

— That's very kind of you. – She said, as I began to cut the carrots in her place. – How was your day?

— It was a good day.

— How much good?

— You know, the unusual good. Well, I came back home. For me, that's already a good thing. – I said. It feels so good to smell around her. I mean the kitchen.

— Anything else?

— You mean if I had to fight? No. Words can be as sharp as the tip of my blade. Heh, who said that I didn't pull the sword out of its sheath today?

— Dan…

— Come on, darling. There's only two of us. – Yet, somehow, I feel like I'm being watched.

— Uh… yeah. Only you two. – I heard Freya coming down the stairs. Now I feel ashamed, and so does her. – Nevermind. I'm outta here.

— Already leaving, Freya? – I can't let go of Learie. Reminds me of the day we've glued our hands. We've stood together for an entire afternoon. – Won't you stay for dinner?

— I will. – Freya stares at me with a cold look. Caught me in the act, and she's judging me as if she was my mom.

— There's so much to do. Take the clothes out the line hanging outside, cut the tall grass, fix the fence… And dinner. – I can feel the weariness in my darling's voice.

— I can't believe you let your husband treat you this way, Learie.

— Which way? – Most of the time, I am too tired to do anything at home, leaving it all to Learie. That doesn't mean I mistreat her. Why would I, if it's so much better to hold my china girl with care?

— Oh, you don't mind. – Freya is like that kid who closes her eyes whenever an adult kisses one another.

— I'd do anything for you if I had the time and strength, my dear. – I admit kisses are disgusting. Only when you think about what crawls upon the skin…

— Being at home is fine for me. – Learie's cheeks are soft and red as apples. Then I hear cries from above. Someone else is demanding my attention.

— Take a rest, honey. – I said, as Learie took a seat on the kitchen's chair. – I'll go check the kids.

— Have you finished exchanging germs to one another? – Freya said, with her eyes still closed.

— Would you like to see your nephews?

— I'd rather not. But if you insist…Wash your mouth before you enter in contact with any of the kids.

Huh, someone here is feeling envy today. I don't blame you, Freya. I mean, Learie and I were trading spit to one another since little. She was so fun, I even forgot the reason why I hated girls. Maybe it's because they mix with our heads. In a good way. Nah, girls do more than that. If it wasn't for Learie, I would be dead. There's no better way of saying. But as I walk upstairs to see the little ones, I think a million better ways of telling my sons about their dad and mom's relationship without scaring them.

When they're near me, close to my warm skin… There are no lies betweens us.

— I never thought of being a father. – I said as I took Adam with me, while Jack stood in the crib. He holds those bars with his tiny hands and stares at me. Ever since he learned to open those blue eyes, he does nothing but stare. – Am I good enough? I'm not even here most of the time.

— Now you are here. – Freya said, reasonable as well.

— Yeah. That's what matters, isn't it? – Jack keeps staring at both of us as we talk. I think he stares at me and Learie in our sleep. – What's up, Jack? You want to be held too? Uh, Freya? Mind if you…?

— No, Dan. I cannot.

— You don't know how to hold a baby? – I almost laughed, but it's understandable.

— I do, but I'm worried that I might let them slip out my arms.

— Babies aren't slippery like soap. Come on, give it a try.

— No, please. It'll be my fault if I let him fall. – Freya is usually a calm person, but does it take a second for her to get anxious and distressed. – Oh, I don't like to think about it. What a sin.

I feel for you, Crescent. I also felt the same guilt for the first time. The feeling of hurting these little beings is something that can't be forgiven.

Don't worry. That's why I'm giving one for you to hold.

— Okay. – Said Freya, reaching out for my child. Something about the way babies look at us frightens me a bit. It's like they're smarter than they pretend to be, and are judging us all time. They look cute, we say they're cute, and they think "what a dumbass".. Weird. – Why are you laughing?

— His name is Jack. I named him after your brother.

— I see. What's so funny about it?

— Seeing you hold little Jack in your arms… You were always older than us, and because of that… Freya means lady, right? So we called you ladybug.

— And you… The lord of flies. – She remembers. And smiles, frowns, looks sideways, a bunch of expressions. I think that's why I envied girls a lot, they had a lot to express.

— So, how was your training? – I hope Fratley took it easy on her.

— See my hands?

— I see nothing.

— Yes. Let me tell you about my day…

Five hours ago…

The Jugend's Gardens

THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP!

— … Heart pumps blood to all directions. When you breathe, you make the blood move around your body. It's something more complex that I can explain in a few words, but that's it. Sponges and starfishes regenerate lost tissue faster than other animals. Even lost limbs can be brought back, isn't that fascinating? Heard me, Freya?

— … Now you're gonna tell me that oysters can swim.

And they do.

Freya… All she does is punch the trunk. With her bare fist, knees, kicks… I wonder if she's been hearing what I've said. I live by words.

Go to the point already, Sir Fratley. My hands are beginning to go numb…

Use your knees.

— …So do my knees.

Then use your legs.

I've wasted my legs enough!

I feel trembling at her voice, shivers across her skin, flowing like the raindrops. A rushed kick, the sound of cracking, and…

Damn, how long will it take for this cherry tree to come down? If I really tried-

You've had enough for today, Freya.

Indeed!

I try to locate her figure, but all the trees around are so tall. Then I smell blood, and I know where Freya is. As if I didn't already know she was standing near the cherry tree. A cherry without any blossoms… hard to tell, isn't it?

— …pant, pant, pant, pant… Now you're going to say that I'm hasty, right?

Why would I say so?

I try to find her hand. As if she could raise it on her own by now…

You did a good job. I thought it would take a whole week until you've reached this far.

— …Pant… It hurts… hurts a lot…

Lost tissue, dead skin and dead bark.

I… I don't want to look at my hands. Not before you… you know, heal them.

I… I'm impressed by what you're capable of.

The pain of a whole week at hands, how is she able to handle that?

Doubting my strength?

Not even a bit.

Freya breathes like she just came out of earth. It's kinda distracting. Look at me, surprised by the breath, but those hands… if those were the first pictures I had of hands after I lost my sight, I'd be horrified ever since. Nothing seems to shock me enough.

What's up, Sir Fratley?

Uh… nothing.

You seem shocked.

Wouldn't you be if you could hear the amount of platelets clotting around a wound?

A greenish aura surrounds us both. If it ain't green, it reminds me of its scent. I like to imagine the green, green grass of home. Imagine colors, shapes, the best thing for a blind kid to do to feel secure, as a pastime…

Can you do that?

Do what?

To hear my bloodstream flowing out in detail.

No. There are things in this world not even I can hear.

I hear the wings of thrushes migrating to the south at night by the window. Always night. Right, where I was? Yes, treating Freya's wounds, that's right.

I avoid standing near pregnant women. Can't avoid hearing two, three, nine heartbeats at once. Maddens me.

So you can tell if a girl obeyed her parents or not?

Eh…

I think I meant to say 'yes', but it feels so awkward to say anything. Funny, when I was young, hearing those two heartbeats, one inside another, I believed that women ate their own children. Not all imagination I had as a kid made me feel any better.

Well, I'm done.

And what exactly did you do?

Do you breathe?

Huh? Is that a question?

Really, do you breathe?

Why, of course I do. Anything to do with my breathing that made my skin, muscles and flesh come back?

Reis's Wind. It's how it's called. The breath of life, your own breath converted into healing energy.

So, all I had to do was breathe in a specific way in order to heal my wounds, simple as that?

Not any breath. To put it simple, I made you breathe in a very special way… Let me explain. As you may know already, breathing has to do with your blood. After all, your blood is what moves oxygen from your lungs, the same blood has to do with the cells in your body. And those cells make up your body as a whole. I shared my breathing pattern, close as the one Reis discovered by herself during her exile at the mountains. It's hard to breathe in high altitudes, there's less oxygen in the air as you go up, close to the stars…

I like how you go from simple explanations to lucid talk.

And look who arrived. Little Miss Chardonnay.

How are you doing, Hrist?

I'm doing well, Fratley. It ain't everyday you break the floor with your hair.

Or break someone's hands with the power of fixing it.

Said Freya. Together with Hrist, they both stare at me with the same stare, same frown. They do have a reason.

You know I'm against these outdated training methods as much as you do. Yet, you can't fight against tradition most of the time. It's unbearable.

Unbearable, eh? Said the lawyer who stood at the side of a handicapped woman who hadn't been treated like a woman at all by said 'tradition', and the defenders of the same. Shame on you, Fratley!

Hrist only comes to be specific at these moments. And she gets support from Freya too.

For the first time, Hrist, I'm at your side.

First time? Hate to admit, but you're the one who… who… you know.

Know what? Do you have any skeletons in your closet?

Do you mean literally or figuratively?

Honestly, the fact that I have to specify…

(I don't want to talk about that. Not in front of a man who can listen to all our secrets.)

They whisper to each other. I could avoid any whispers from coming to my ears. Really, I could ignore them…

Ya heard me, Fratley. Get out, and stay out.

As you wish, Hairy.

I leave the girls on their own with a jump, but in secrecy, I listen to their small talk upon a tree. I used to do this a lot when I lived in the outskirts of Lindblum, where people met each other by the eye, but I found a kind of comfort no one ever felt by the ears.

(I hate when he calls me like that.)

(Still whispering?)

(Want me to shout in your ear?)

(You're not a 3-year-old, Hrist.)

(Often he treats me like a child.)

(He who?)

(Fratley. He has a small dick.)

(… What!?)

(I said Fratley is such a dick.)

(No, you said something else.)

(… Don't look at me like that, Crescent. I had to come up with something just so he left us alone.) Right, Iron-Tail Fratley!?

How did you know I was listening?

It's almost as if Hrist developed a sixth sense, but the answer was just as simple.

Your tail…

My… Tail…

When I was a kid, I thought Burmecian tails were sentient beings on their own, rather than the final portion of the spinal column. Much to my amazement and fright, I'd say stuff like 'mom there is a snake behind me!', but it was just my tail, wiggling whenever I felt excited, aching when someone stepped on… I once tried to jump rope with my own tail but I failed to do so, silly me.

Uh, care to leave us alone? This is a private talk.

Okay. See you later.

With a fierceful leap, I left Hrist and Freya on their own.

Five hours later…

The Brandford's Home

— … Wait, does Fratley has a small-

— That ain't of our concern, Dan.

— Oh, I see. – I look at Freya's hands and I wonder if there were any huge scratches at all. – Anyway, he taught me what he had to do ever since the first day I stepped on that place. Well, not really. He just healed and hasn't taught me how to heal by myself at all.

— And why did he not? Fratley ain't a neglectful guy, or is he? The sheer amount of violence one Dragoon in training has to pass through… it ain't all of Fratley's doing, my dear, you know that.

— I know. But, doesn't that mean he agrees with those methods? If he keeps doing these? – And so Freya shows her arm once again. Little I care for her arm, but the one's she's holding. – You should have seen my arm yesterday. Or a time ago. If Sir Fratley could have done the damage, he could heal at will. His very will kept me bleeding.

— Only his will? – I don't see any signs of bad conduct. I can't say what's bad conduct or not, I just have a sword and people obey me. Though, I don't need any weapons to make my boys sleep quietly.

— Well, no, but… – Given her tired tone, Freya has a lot more to tell. – On my first day of training, Sir Fratley had to leave the Jugend. To take care of a delicate situation. I'm not a fool or too innocent to know it was someone about to kill himself in front of many. Captain Edea came in and said he was a man of good words, or something like. His good words weren't enough, and that guy… my brother said that he got stuck on asphalt like rubber, everyone was shocked, and some, I would say, entertained. And Fratley, well…

— He is devastated, I know.

— Everyone, Dan. Even I, who wasn't there to see it.

— I see. – With Freya's aid, I put Jack and Adam on the crib. Children… These little cute things we carry in our arms do not know what happens outside. The day they will see and hear and touch, if I'll be there or not to tell… of course I will. I'm a sucker for keeping promises, counting the bad ones.