AU: Sam's time missing onboard the Prometheus drives Jack to distraction, setting them on a course they have denied themselves for years. Set in Season 7 after 7.13 Grace, but before 7.16 Death Knell.
Prequel to Lost and Found.
This is the final chapter for this story. I hope you have enjoyed my Prequel to Lost and Found. I have been putting some work into a post Lost and Found fic in between writing Breaking Down Barriers.
Chapter Summary: Jack and Sam talk over making breakfast (really talk). Jack breaks out his Irish heritage for Sam.
Chapter 16: Come home to me
Tuesday morning, 3rd February 2004
"That smells amazing." I said as I wrapped my arms around him in his kitchen while he cooked breakfast. "So, I guess something happened to our no mid-week sleepovers rule?" It was a rule we had both agreed on, but summarily dismissed at 0300 this morning when I woke to go home. His arms tightened around me when I tried to get up, and I didn't fight it.
Flipping the pancake, he turned around enough to wrap one arm around me while the other maintained its hold on the spatula. "I made a command decision."
"A command decision? Is that you call it?" If having a sexy Air Force Colonel snuggle and make love to me before we promptly fell back asleep in sated bliss was a command decision, I was never leaving SG-1.
"Yeah, I am a Colonel after all." He replied with his stock sexy side smile.
"Yes, you are, a very sexy, very… hmmm… ripped Colonel." I replied while running my hand up his naked chest to his shoulder and finally to the back of his neck. A slight tug had him dipping his face for a kiss. "So, what was this decision, Sir?" I asked when we parted.
He smiled and kissed me again, his brown eyes sparkling with happiness and desire. "I decided that I didn't like waking up in my cold empty bed anymore."
"Is my bed better?"
"Doesn't matter which bed, Sam. Just as long as you are there. My bed, your bed, the couch, a tent on some backwater planet. As long as you are in my arms, I am home."
I could not help but to smile. I loved him so much, had done for years. Tears of happiness formed in my eyes. "I love you. Jack." I said, letting him see the emotion in my face, glad that I no longer had to hide from him. This last two and a half weeks had been simply amazing and I was excited for the time when we could make it official without sacrificing our careers. Samantha had been right. Being with him was like seeing for the first time, coming home after being away. Why on Earth I had denied my feelings for him for so long was beyond me.
"I love you too, Sam. Always have." He said, running his hand down my cheek.
"When did you know?" I asked as he flipped a pancake out and poured a new one.
"I'm not sure, I definitely felt something for you at the Air Medal ceremony, though I denied it long after that. I think I finally admitted it to myself when I was stuck on Edora. The thought of never seeing you again nearly killed me. You don't know how close I came to scooping you up in my arms that day."
"But, why Laira?" I asked. I had never asked him about her before. It had never been my business, it still wasn't, but relationships were built on trust and honesty.
"I was drunk, and lonely, and missing your smile. She wanted a child, and I was drunk enough to think to hell with it. At some point, I thought of you." He said closing his eyes. "It was the only way I could… oh hell…"
"It's OK Jack. I get it." I reassured him. It's not like I had never thought of someone else during sex before. Not with him. Never with him. Jonas however, I frequently imagined I was with the hot PT Lieutenant I had a brief thing with during my Academy days.
He nodded and swallowed, flipping another pancake. "Just before I climaxed, I knew I couldn't give Laira what she wanted, so I pulled out and came into my hands, begging for your forgiveness." He confessed while looking at his pancake cooking. I could see the disgust painted with sorrow in his eyes despite him not looking at me.
Putting my hand on his cheek and turning his face to mine, "There was never anything to forgive Jack. I was never going to give up on you. When you were gone, I wouldn't rest. Leave no one behind. You taught me that." I told him before placing a tender kiss on his lips.
He breathed in and continued, "Before then, there's lots of little moments where I ask myself if that's when it started. Cassie in the silo, when Jolinar nearly killed you, when we met Narim."
"Narim?"
"Yeah. I didn't know it then, but now I recognise that I was jealous when Daniel told me he had seen you kissing him. Then there was Samantha. When she... well you know, it was good, but I found myself wondering whether doing those things with you would be the same."
I smiled at his sheepish look, reminding myself how much joy beyond the physical act that encounter had brought Samantha, how it had literally saved her life and how much courage it would have taken for her to do such a thing with him, I could never begrudge either of them from keeping it a secret for so many years. If I had not discovered her pregnancy, I doubt she'd have ever said anything to me. "I am sorry for acting the way I did when you came back through the mirror. I had no right to be mad at you for something that was out of your control."
He nodded. "Thank you." He whispered, starting another pancake. "How about you?"
"Well, I think I had a crush on you before we met. You know lunatic fringe and all. I had read what I could of your file, and it gave me a rush of desire to meet you." I confessed, remembering the way my heart almost beat out of my chest when I saw him in person for the first time all those years ago.
"Is that right? A rush of desire."
"Oh yeah, it's a good thing you didn't take me up on that arm wrestle." I commented with a mischievous smile and chuckled when he looked at me funny. I knew that if he had accepted, he would have been beaten me. I had fantasised more than once in the days after that first meeting about pulling on his tie to gain the upper hand. An upper hand that most certainly would have seen me against the wall or on the lab table.
"Oh-kay... not sure I want to know the rest of that one. So, how about after we met?"
"Desire, all the time. Love. Antarctica. The first time, I think. You ordered me to climb to the surface. I didn't want to leave you. When you begged me to follow your order, I felt something in here," I said pressing a hand to my heart, "something like heartbreak. The thought that I had to live without you was painful, that's why I came back instead of endlessly searching for help. The thought of you dying alone… it was…" I winced at the memory that had been the focus of my many nightmares over the years. "You called out for Sara, and I pretended to be her. It turns out I would rather die with you than live without you as well." I confessed.
"Oh Sam." He said gathering me up in his arms. I let him hold me until the next pancake was ready.
"I have to go in a little earlier today. It's Tuesday." I said, breaking the sombre mood.
"OK. You know, it's still a little weird knowing that you talk to yourself, Sam."
"I know, but she needs me as much as I need her. She's not had an easy time these last years, Jack. Losing you was hard… if it wasn't for…" I nearly said Gracie before I stopped myself. I didn't know if I had Samantha's permission to tell Jack about her. Not that he would believe that she was his child. Thinking about that adorable little girl made me wonder if we were destined to have our own Gracie. Maybe one day, when this war was over or when I was out of his chain of command. I already knew he wanted children. I thought about the envelope I had given Dad two years ago while I watched him cycle the pancakes again. I'd tell him about it when I got back from Alpha.
"Wasn't for who?" He asked.
"Uncle George and Charlie." I covered with people I knew she still had with her. She didn't have Mum or Dad anymore and Mark hadn't spoken to her since she started working with the military, so deep was his hatred after he had been convinced that they were responsible for their dad's early death. Focusing back on Jack, I continued, "Besides, she's keen to know about the weapon that I will be working on with Dad this week. I'm going to give her a copy of my preliminary notes, that way next week my follow up notes will make more sense to her."
"Good idea. Has her SGC encountered Anubis yet?"
"SGA." I corrected, "I don't think so. I think after Apophis' attack, Earth isn't so much of a juicy target anymore. I mean we don't have Naquadah and we are too far out of the way. The only reason we are public enemy number one here is because of our program, and you, of course."
"Me? I'm one person Sam."
"Yeah, one person who killed Ra, Apophis, Hathor, Osiris, Seth…"
"Hey, that last one was you, and technically the Tok'ra killed Osiris."
"OK, Seth was me, but Osiris was you, the Tok'ra just extracted him from Sarah, and don't forget Apophis."
He scoffed, "No. A lot of good that did, he came back as substitute replicator food. Either way, the only ones you can lay at my feet are Ra, Osiris and Hathor."
"Nirrti?"
"Nope, she was killed by Jekyll and Hyde. I didn't want them to kill her until she fixed you."
"Oh, I just assumed. Anyway, I figure why not give them a fighting chance in case Anubis does show up."
"Yeah. Hey, are you sure you don't need a security detail?" He asked, a look of hope in his eyes.
"Nah, can't have my very sexy CO distracting me. Besides, Dad is with me, and he would probably try to kill you." I said, taking a sip of coffee.
"He seemed OK with this last night." Jack replied gesturing between the two of us. I smiled. Of course Dad was OK, but Jack was a singly annoying human being when he was bored. He would spend three days getting in Dad's way and end up having his blessing removed along with some appendages. After seven years, I had grown accustomed to Jack's habits and knew how to get around his propensity to act like a dumb Colonel. Besides, now I had the option of withholding certain things if he annoyed me too much, not that I'd ever follow through on such a threat. I liked the way he made me feel far too much to ever stick to my guns.
"I'll miss you." He said, kissing my temple as he flipped the last pancake out of the pan and onto the pile.
"It's only two and a half days Earth side. I'll be back before you know it. You'll be having too much fun torturing the new cadets to even worry about me." I said as we moved to the table.
"Yeah. C'mon we had best eat this and get to base. Don't want to be late again." He replied with a cheeky smile causing me to laugh. It had been so his fault that we had been late the last few days because he couldn't just shower in the shower, not that I had been complaining.
Our respective days were filled with briefings and training plans. Though I still managed to leave base at the respectable time of 1600. I knew Sam would be a few hours behind me. Tonight, we were at her house. My plan had been set in motion this morning after she left my house. Hastily building an Irish Beef Stew into my slow cooker using my Maimeó's recipe, I had driven via her house to set it cooking. Opening the lid told me that it was done, now I just needed the accompanying mashed potatoes, table settings, candles, and music.
Two hours later, she walked through the door just as I finished putting everything into the serving dishes I had brought from my place.
She breathed in, "Wow, Jack! What is that smell?" She asked as she came around the corner to find me standing with an open bottle of red wine pouring into her glass, the soft melodic sounds of my favourite Celtic folk music filling the room.
"Your dinner Macushla." I said using the same word my grandfather had used for my grandmother during my young years.
She smiled. "Macushla?" She had a question in her eyes. I smiled as I put down her glass and the bottle then walked over to relieve her of the cumbersome laptop bag she carried with her.
"It's Gaelic for 'my darling'. It was Daideó's special name for Maimeó."
"Your grandparents?"
"Yeah."
She smiled. "I like it. Macushla. I've never been into pet names like babe, sweetheart, dear. But that one, that one I like."
"How about honey?" I asked.
She smiled again. "I like Macushla better, but I can live with honey." She walked over to check out dinner, "Irish Stew, you've really gone all out with the Irish theme, haven't you?"
"O'Neill is about as Irish as they come. At least my name isn't Patrick."
She snorted out a laugh, "No. It's Jonathan and you go by Jack. Can't get much more Irish than that me boyo." She said with a terrible Irish accent, then giggled.
"Oy, that's a terroyble accent Macushla." I responded with the correct inflection. The accent I grew up with, but lost overtime after my grandparents had died.
Her hands went over her mouth to cover her look of shock, "Oh my… how come I have never heard you talk like that before?"
"Ya loyke et?" I asked in the same brogue as I pulled out her chair.
"Oh, definitely. I could listen to you talk like that all day." She confessed.
I smiled again. Maybe I would, now that I had someone who appreciated it. My first CO reckoned he couldn't understand me, ordering me to talk like an American. I didn't bother explaining that a lot of American's were descended from Irish or English, especially since he had been from one of the southern states with a permanent bee in his bonnet over those 'northern English'. You would think after 140 years, we'd be over that whole us and them crap from the colonial days.
"Shall we eat?" I asked in my normal voice. My final surprise was burning a hole in my pocket, but I was determined to do this right. Well, as right as I could when we couldn't go out to a nice restaurant for dinner. She smiled wide and nodded before breathing in the scent of the flowers.
Over the course of two hours, we enjoyed our meal followed by a dessert of chocolate butter pastries, which were a favourite in our house every St. Patrick's Day. I had fond memories of helping Maimeó in the kitchen every year with my brother James as young lads before we went our own ways, me to the Air Force and James on a road trip to try and escape the inevitable call up to go to Vietnam. I never did tell any of my team how much Michael and Jenny from our trip to 1969 reminded me of James and his girlfriend, Bernadette. It had been a regular blast from my past and I often wondered if he made it to Canada or returned home to answer the call. If he did go, I hoped he made it home, unlike my brother.
"I'll clear away." Sam said, coming to her feet.
"No. Let me. It won't take long, most of it is already done or in the dishwasher ready to go." I replied, standing quickly to take her dishes and cutlery. Besides, I needed the distraction to calm my nerves. Returning a few minutes later, I stood before her. "May I dance with you?" I asked reaching for her hand. She smiled and let me pull her into the middle of her living room floor.
"What's going on?" She asked after we had been moving together for a short while.
I could feel the velvet box in my pocket. Words like 'marry me' didn't seem appropriate because we couldn't be engaged or married, even though that is what I really wanted to ask. Chewing on the inside of my lip as we continued to dance slowly.
"Jack, is everything OK?" She asked, a look of worry flittering across her face.
"It's great, Sam. You're great." I bumbled, "Look, I want to say something, and I don't know how it's going to sound because I suck at words. So just bear with me."
"OK." She replied, her hand slipping from my shoulder to my back while the other drew circles at the base of my skull.
"I love you."
"I love you too." She replied, looking up at me through her eyelashes.
"Sam, you are beautiful, and talented, amazing even. You light up my life, you gave me a reason to live when all I wanted to do was end it all, and… I know it's only been, whatever, a few weeks of this thing, but I don't want it to stop, and I don't want to hide. I want to retire, or resign, or get reassigned…"
"Jack, we talked about this." Sam interrupted.
"I know, I don't mean now, but soon." I explained as I pulled the box out of my pocket. We stopped dancing so that I could open the box. "Sam, I can't ask you to marry me, not yet, so instead I want to give you this. It's a Claddagh ring. With it, I give you my love, my loyalty, and my friendship. It goes on your right-hand ring finger with the point of the heart towards your wrist." I explained, handing her the box. The ring was a simple gold band with hands holding an opal heart and a crown on top.
"Oh, Jack. It's beautiful. What stone is that?" She asked with tears in her eyes, taking it out of the box and giving it to me. Slowly I lifted her hand and slid it onto her finger.
"Opal. My birth stone, to represent my heart that I have given to you." I replied as I slipped the perfectly sized ring onto her finger.
"Oh wow! Jack, it's beautiful. I wish I could wear it always." She chuffed, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears of happiness.
"It can go on your dog tags if you like. I didn't get it engraved, so anyone who sees it won't know who it's from." I replied with a sad smile. One day. Her only response was a slow and loving kiss before she drew me towards her bedroom.
Our lovemaking was slow, wonderful, full of promise and confessions of love. Afterwards, we lay together with her draped across my chest, tracing Stargate symbols through the sparse hairs, taking time every now and then to hold her hand out like a starfish to admire the ring. My training plan tomorrow meant that I wouldn't be there for her departure through the Gate. The best I could do was rouse her from her lab early so we could kit up in SG-1's ready room together before I headed to the surface an hour before she went through the Gate. Kissing her hair while she drew her symbols in a line down from my sternum to my stomach, I whispered, "You come home to me, Sam. I'll be waiting."
She kissed my chest. I could feel her smile. "Always, Jack. Always."
Thank you for joining me on my journey to get Jack and Sam together. I felt it was important to explore this after the tragedy that was Lost and Found. Hopefully it helps solidify why Jack was so devastated by her loss.
Daideó = Gaelic Irish for Grandfather
Maimeó = Gaelic Irish for Grandmother
Claddagh Ring: The design's earliest appearance was in 1700 in an Irish fishing village called Claddagh. Claddagh is now a part of the city of Galway. This is where the many versions of Claddagh ring history started. The Claddagh rings represents Love, Loyalty and Friendship. It can be given as an engagement ring or a wedding ring, worn on the left hand. When worn on the right hand, it serves as an eternity ring or a symbol that that persons heart belongs to another (point of the heart facing the wrist).
