2. Where Are You, Why Did You Go?
"We have to find him." I declared an hour later, pacing in front of the sofa I was just sitting down on. I ran my hands through my straight brown hair, struggling to not hyperventilate because of all the stress I was under. If Stefan was hurt, then it would be all my fault. Because I didn't stop him.
"No…" Damon said, not looking at me, but at the corner, "I have to find him. You need to stay here."
I stopped walking to stare and glare at Damon, "You want me to just sit here and wait for you to bring him back? You can't do this alone, Damon, you need me."
"You'd just get yourself hurt. I can't save Stefan if I have to worry about Klaus killing you, or Stefan killing you for that matter." Damon's eyes were saddened, regretful to what he just said, although he knew it was the truth. I would get us both killed, I was nearly useless because I was a human.
"Stefan would never hurt me." I huffed, knowing I wouldn't get to go with him, so shifting to a different topic.
"Elena, there has to be a reason Klaus kept Stefan with him, and didn't kill him. And I doubt it's because he wanted to play tea party with those little sandwiches all day long."
"And what's that reason?"
"I don't know, Elena." Damon said, giving me a serious gaze, "But whatever it is, I doubt Klaus would let him keep his diet. If Klaus wants Stefan around, he'll want him strong. Which means that Stefan could be on edge right now, and if you came it could stir it into an overflowing pot of death and horror. And if Stefan killed you, there'd be no way he would forgive himself for that." Immense guilt entered my heart, stronger than before. I loved Stefan, and I hated to see him struggle. And because of me….because I didn't stop him from going to Klaus to find answers, he might be overwhelmed and struggling with humanity.
"I-I-Oh god." I said after a minute, struggling to comprehend what I'd already figured out. That this, that everything that happened, was my fault.
"Look," he said, coming over to me and taking my hand, "You should go home and check on Jeremy while I go and try to figure out where Stefan is." His tone was serious and saddened as he looked into my eyes. As if something had happened, more harm had hit my already tragic life.
"What, why? What happened to Jeremy?" I asked, fear running like ice throughout my body. Slowly it made its way to my heart, freezing my body in entirety.
"I-I don't entirely know." He said, as if grappling, struggling to find the words, "I remember we were in the grill…The sheriff was there. And she had a gun. I didn't know Jeremy was behind me until I hear the screaming. I'm sorry, Elena…I should have told you before, but I couldn't-" I was already walking towards the door. Not in anger, but in desperation to see if my brother was dead or alive. I didn't know what to except, or maybe I did. But the pain in my heart told me that if I lost one more person, it would truly kill me. There would be nothing left but an empty shell, a black hole where my heart used to beat strongly throughout my chest. No, I couldn't lose my brother too.
"Elena!" He called after me. But I didn't turn around. I had to see if it was true, if my brother was indeed dead.
"Bonnie?" I said, when her voicemail picked up, "Call me back, I really need to ask you something." Driving back to my house, I couldn't comprehend why Bonnie wouldn't pick up unless Jeremy really was dead. Oh god, I thought, she must be so sickened with grief. I only knew that because I could feel it in the pit of my stomach, nausea from all the heartbreak and tragedy lately. I fought hard the tears as I drove, knowing they would blind me if I let them come. I had to know, one way another, if my intuition was true, if he really was dead, and never coming back.
The lights were on in the living room, I could see, as I pulled up. They were dim, and a fire of torture and grief tore at me as I looked upon them, fearing that if my family (or friends, if that was all I had left), was in the living room, and not asleep, than he really was dead, and they were just sitting there, still and silent, waiting on more loved ones to come so they could tell them the god awful news. "Well, I guess I'll find out one way or another," I said to myself, letting go of the steering wheel I was clutching so tightly that it left deep red marks on the palm of my hand, and stepping out of the car.
I could hear the dead silence as I opened the door to my home, and it made the fear more vibrant, more alive. So I was relived and then shocked when I found Alaric sleeping on the sofa, and Jeremy standing between him and the kitchen, his mouth agape and eyes widened in surprise. "Jeremy!" I cried, running towards him as I let the tears of so many emotions run down my face. I hugged him, relief and joy being the only emotions I felt, the relief causing the tears. Because I was so afraid, so afraid I'd lost him. And I couldn't bare to think that I'd lost yet another person I cared about.
"Jeremy…" I repeated, taking a deep breath, "Are you okay? Damon said you were…?" I trailed off, not wanting to finish my thought. It was then that I realized that he wasn't hugging me back, that he was still standing as still as he had when I entered the room. I pulled back, looking into his eyes, and fearing that he was indeed not alright, "Jeremy, are you okay? Jeremy, please answer me!" I was starting to hyperventilate.
"Huh? His eyes blinked at first, and then he started to move very slowly, "Anna? Vickie?"?
"What, Jer? It's me, It's Elena…Anna and Vickie aren't here, they're-"
"Dead, I know." He said, "But they were here…I-I saw them."
"You what? Jeremy…when? What are you talking about?"
"I-uh…nothing." He closed his eyes, and then opened them, seemingly to see me for the first time, "Hey, Elena…I…just…how's Damon?"
"He's healing," I said, pulling Jeremy into a real hug, one that felt supportive, and helped me calm down, "But Jeremy, he said you died? What happened, Jer?"
"Yeah, I, umm…died. Sheriff Forbes shot me…not on purpose, but I still died…but Bonnie brought me back."
"Brought you back? How?"
"With magic…she begged the witches to help, and they agreed." He stepped back, "So how'd you get the cure?"
"That's what need Bonnie's help with…Stefan sacrificed himself to Klaus to save Damon…" I exhaled, loudly. I felt physically and mentally exhausted, and I just wanted to sleep. But I had a feeling that I'd never be able to get enough sleep, that it was my life to be this way, to never feel happy, or energetic, but to feel like I'd wasted all my energy. To feel like nothing was ever going to be right or happy again. That I was going to be sad for forever.
"Well, what do we do next?"
"You do nothing next." A voice said. I heard the front door close, though I'd never heard it open. But there it was, closing, Damon standing in the entry, "I, go after my brother…alone. And I have a good idea where to look. The sheriff found a body in a warehouse downtown, with the throat torn open."
"You think Klaus…" I trailed off, mentally hating but thanking Klaus for deciding to leave a parting gift. At least it gave us a place to look…because there was no way, no matter what Damon said, that I was going to be left behind.
"No." He said, sighing, "Elena,you need to listen to me carefully, because your not going to like this…Remember what Klaus said? That he'd convinced Stefan to go one a decade long bender?"
"No, he wouldn't…" I said, trailing off.
"He wouldn't have a choice…but look, Elena, I have something for you…it was at the warehouse, and it had your name on it. I stole it from the Sheriff's desk, because she was talking about it with one of the deputies…I think it's from Stefan."
The silence engulfed the room, as my eyebrows shot up to the sky in surprise.
