A/N: Hello my friends! So sorry for the long wait and I have to say the next chapter probably won't come much quicker I'm so sorry. I'm very busy at the moment. Nonetheless this one is long so..there's that!
Also I got a review saying can we get some flashbacks of the past year and the answer is….ABSOLUTELY you can! I probably should have said this in the first chapter, but don't worry everything will be revealed, mostly through flashbacks, throughout this story.
Without further ado, here is the chapter!
~O~
The fluorescent lights hung like small suns overhead, blaring down around Maddy and the work she was hunched over. She gritted her teeth in frustration as the worked at a screw with a spanner in her latest design in solar technology. It wasn't going too swimmingly.
She dropped the spanner and sighed in defeat. She glanced at the clock and realised it was well past 6 o'clock on a Friday night. I'll pick it back up on Monday, she decided and began packing her backpack.
"Do you actually have any friends, Thompson?"
Maddy jumped and squealed, spinning around to face her boss. "Jesus Christ Tony! You gave me a heart attack."
He shrugged, meandering closer with his hands stuffed into his pockets. "Not my fault you're still here at 6 o'clock on a Friday. Everyone else is gone."
She rolled her eyes, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. "I'm leaving now. And just for the record, yes I do have friends. Do you?"
He half-smirked, his dark eyes shining. "I got Friday and Pepper. And I got you. C'mon kid. I need your help with something." He turned on his heel and just like that he was walking away, fully expecting Maddy to follow. Maddy sighed and dropped her backpack to the floor, jogging to catch up to him.
"You always do this! You always try and make me stay even longer than I already do. I better get paid for this," she grinned as they entered the elevator. He voice-commanded Friday to take them to his top lab.
"And Rhody!" he said. "That's another friend."
"Wow, 4 whole friends and only 1 of them is a robot! I'm impressed," she laughed, bumping her shoulder against his. The lift doors opened and the pair walked out, Maddy softly teasing the billionaire and giggling at his quips back.
They rounded the corner and he opened the glass door that led to his lab for her. She walked in and stumbled to a halt.
The smile on her lips slowly dissolved like ice-cream melting against a summer sun. She felt her pulse in her fingers, her face flushed red.
Bucky was sitting there on the bench, his tactical jacket off, and his metal arm tucked tightly against his bare side. Steve stood beside him, in full Captain America uniform except for the mask. They both looked at her and her throat went dry.
Her first instinct was to smile. Her cheeks twitched, like a muscle spasm spurred on from simple memory. Her second instinct was to run. To turn around and walk straight out of the room, go back down the elevator, forget her bag, and then get a cab across town. Maybe to the airport. Maybe she'd go back to Italy. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she needed to escape, to leave. She couldn't be in the same room as them, especially both of them together.
She hadn't seen Bucky in so long that it felt like she was seeing him for the first time again. He had stubble covering his striking cheeks and jaw bone, and dark circles under his eyes. The smooth, olive skin of his chest and stomach was marred by small cuts and bruises. He had blood on his forehead. And despite it, all of it, he was still the most breathtaking person Maddy had ever seen.
Their eyes met. Before, whenever their gazes had locked, she had felt something. This weird unfurling in her chest that made her giddy on love. Now, she felt nothing. Nothing but emptiness. Not even sorrow could penetrate the hole where her heart had once been.
She felt Tony brush at her shoulder and could feel his gaze on her. "Why would you bring me up here?" She breathed quietly.
"I need your help with-"
"No," she cut him off forcefully, turning to face her boss. "This is just cruel. You know I don't want to see-...I'm leaving." She turned, but only got a few steps.
"Maddy," Steve called and she stopped, her eyes closing. She hadn't seen him in a long time either. She missed the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, she missed his head strong values and kind gestures. God, she missed him, almost as much as she missed Bucky.
She turned around and looked at him and for a moment she was sure she was going to burst out crying. Somehow, she managed to hold it in.
"Please," he said. She gulped and forced herself to look at Tony expectantly.
Stark looked cautious when he next spoke. "I think Terminator's arm is due for an upgrade. It got shot at and apparently didn't withstand it too well. You've studied it before - I know you have. You can fix it, easier and quicker than I can."
It was, possibly, the first time she had heard Tony say that someone else could do something better than he could. Any other situation, she would have been flattered.
She looked at Steve again, because she could not bare to look at Bucky. Finally, she acquiesced. She walked forward slowly, like she was approaching a dangerous animal. Her eyes trained onto the metal arm. It was scraped and one of the panels was missing, another bent.
"I'll have to replace the damaged panels," she said. "And then I'll have to check for interior damages and see if anything needs re-wiring."
"I'll get started on some new panels - they shouldn't take long," Tony said and walked over to his far bench. Maddy picked up a tool to begin pulling the damaged panels off the arm. She looked down and realised her hands were shaking, too badly to properly work. Her breathing was slightly unsteady. She dropped the screwdriver and it clanged loudly on the metal benchtop. Steve and Bucky looked at her, but she refused to meet their gazes.
Get it together, she told herself, steadying her breathing. It's just Bucky and Steve. You can do this. You never have to see them again after this if you don't want to. There was a dull ache in her chest at the thought.
Bucky's body leaned slightly closer to her, like she was a magnet and he was entirely made up of metal - he was, at least, partially. "Maddy-"
"Don't," she cut him off harshly. His voice was gravelly and warm and familiar. It drew her in like a moth to a flame. But the fire was dangerous and Maddy had already been burnt more than once. She would not fall into that same trap again. She gulped on a parched throat and finally looked up, staring straight at him. He was really there, after so many months, sitting in front of her, beat up and gorgeous. But he was a parasite that she couldn't shake. "Just sit still and shut up," she commanded and pretended that her voice didn't wobble, pretended that the obvious pain in his eyes didn't make her want to cry.
He has no right, she thought, angrily snatching up the screwdriver and beginning to remove the damaged metal. He has no right to act upset when he left me. He doesn't care - he's selfish and untrustworthy. How dare he act as though he's hurt at all!
It was a long and tedious process and the tension in the air was thick enough to cut. Steve tried to make stunted conversation with Maddy but there was a large awkwardness and possibly even more tension between the superhero and her than there was between her and Bucky. Finally, she finished. They just had to wait for Stark to finish the new panels and then she could put them on and be done. She could be done with all of it, go home and pretend this never happened, pretend that looking at Bucky didn't bring back a thousand unwanted memories for her.
They stood in an uncomfortable silence, Bucky's eyes trained on the floor, Maddy's on the far wall, until Steve finally spoke. "Can we talk?" His eyes were heavy and blue like the depths of the Atlantic ocean. Familiar eyes, safe eyes. She reluctantly nodded and wiped her hands with a rag. She could feel Bucky's heavy gaze had turned to rest on her, but she ignored it in favour of following Steve out of the room. They stood in the hallway that led to the elevator and suddenly the air seemed heavier, more intense. She and Steve looked at each other. "Thank you," he said finally. "For...helping with Bucky's arm."
She shrugged. "Tony could have done it," she muttered. "He was just being stubborn."
Steve half smirked. "Sounds like Tony."
She smiled, just a tiny bit, as well.
"You and him seem to get along," he said. "It's nice."
She nodded. "I didn't know you and Tony were back on such good terms. Or him and…" She trailed off. It was like she couldn't even bring herself to say his name.
"We patched things up," Steve replied, shifting a little.
She looked at him. They were silent for a few moments, and although they both knew what was coming next, it still managed to surprise her, like a good kick to the guts.
"I have to tell him."
Maddy looked up at him, her lips parted. "Steve you can't," she protested.
"I have to, Maddy. I can't keep lying to him, you know I'm a terrible liar," he said.
Maddy couldn't breathe. The guilt in her stomach was making her feel light headed and queasy. She remembered feeling something similar, a few months after she and Bucky had broken up.
6 months previous
Maddy balanced her phone between her shoulder and her ear as she poured milk into her cereal-dinner.
"Have you spoken to your father?" Ellie asked over the phone, trying to pose the question lightly.
Maddy let out a breath and stirred absently at her dinner. "No," she admitted. "He's rung a few times, but I haven't answered. I just...I don't know. Can't. Won't. I don't want to."
"It's been months Maddy, since before you went to Italy. I've told him where you are and everything-"
"Are you the one that gave him my new number?"
"No," Ellie immediately said, and Maddy immediately believed her. Ellie didn't lie to her, not ever. "I didn't, but as if I would need to. He's literally crazy and stupidly rich."
Maddy laughed at that. A knocking on her door interrupted her. "Hey, can I call you back? There's someone at the door."
Ellie sighed. "Ok, fine. But this conversation isn't over."
Maddy rolled her eyes. "Whatever coach. Love you."
"Love you too."
Maddy hung up the phone and threw it on the couch before pushing the short strands of her hair back, out of her face and opening the door. She would be lying if she said she wasn't completely and utterly surprised to see Steve Rogers standing on her doorstep. For one offbeat moment, Maddy wasn't sure what to say. She hadn't seen him in well over two months.
Then he smiled. "Hi."
And she smiled too. "Steve...Hey. Um, come in." She stepped to the side. He hesitated and she could tell that he was nervous, but he obliged. "How are you?"
"Good," he said, nodding a little. "And-and you?"
"I'm good," she shoved her hands into her pockets and then took them out again.
"This is nice," he said. "Your new apartment."
"It's not really new, anymore," she admitted. "I've been here two months."
He looked apologetic. "I know. And I am sorry Maddy. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. It's just…"
"I know," she said. "Conflict of interest and all."
There was a distance between them, a Bucky-shaped distance that could not be bridged. She hated it, hated that in losing Bucky she had lost Steve as well.
She crossed her arms over her chest. "Why did you come here, Steve?"
His jaw clenched. "I-..." He let out a long breath. "I was walking downtown and...And then I was here. And I realised that somehow...I just keep leading myself back to you."
Now, her eyebrows pulled down and her arms fell to her side. She took a step back.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Her voice sounded more hostile than she intended. His face creased with worry or hesitation or some other complex emotion that Maddy couldn't quite decipher.
He pursed his lips and shook his head. "Nothing...nothing. I'm sorry Maddy, I shouldn't have come." He turned to leave and went to the door. Her heart stuttered in her chest and something akin to panic seeped through her.
"Steve, wait," she stopped him and rubbed her arm. "Please, don't go. I-" Miss you. Miss you so much I can't breathe. Miss you and Bucky every day of this stupid life. She clenched her jaw. "Just don't go. Not yet."
He took in a deep breath and turned. They looked at each other and there was a silent understanding between them. He nodded. They sat down on her couch and began to speak. The conversation flowed easily between them after only a few minutes. It was almost too easy to fall back into that old routine of close friends. He asked about her new job and how she was settling into everything. She asked about his job too, but avoided the topic of Bucky, even though she wanted desperately to know how he was, to ask about him. She refrained.
"And you've recovered fine...from-from the incident?" He inquired and she could see the most genuine worry in his gaze. She gulped.
"It's fine. I'm fine, Steve. I was always going to be fine."
He frowned. "You could have died Maddy. You almost did. You do get that, right?"
She sighed and nodded and they were silent for a solid minute, reflective.
"I like your hair," he finally said. "It suits you." He reached out and brushed the end of the short strands with his fingers, his hand rubbing against the bare skin of her shoulder. He took it back after a moment, like he felt as though he was violating her personal space. "Maddy ...about-about what I said before. About continually finding myself being led toward you-"
Her eyes widened and her chest tightened. "Steve…"
"Please," he said. "Please just-just hear me out." She hesitated for a few moments, but finally agreed and nodded. "When I first met you….I thought that you were going to end up dead. Another casualty. I was scared of that, of Bucky losing someone who...who seemed so intricately tied to his-to his sense of self. But then I got to know you. You saved us and then you took us to Italy. We needed you, Maddy. God we needed you. Both of us." He stopped then and looked down at his hands. She felt like she was about to cry, but she wasn't sure why. "I lied to myself for as long as I could. Told myself that what I felt wasn't real. That I could never feel that way toward a girl that was with my best friend." He looked up at her and her lips parted in a silent gasp. "I would never have said anything. Not ever, not whilst you were with him. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. Or you. I started to realise that I was no longer scared for you because of Bucky, because of what losing you would do to him. I was scared because of what it would do to me." He reached out for her hand, but then stopped and pulled back. "I don't want to be selfish. You were the last person I wanted to be selfish with. Even after you two broke up I knew that I could never-... But I can't keep pretending that I can just move on without saying it at least once. Just once and then...And then you don't even have to see me again if you don't want, I promise."
Suddenly she was crying, tears rolling gently out of the corners of her eyes. She wiped at them.
"I'm in love with you Maddy," he said and her teeth clenched. "I don't know how long I've been in love with you - awhile, I think. I don't know how not to be anymore."
Her heart ached and trembled in her chest. She was so confused. There sat Steve, beautiful, righteous Steve. Declaring his love for her. She could see the guilt written on his face, plain as day. He was struggling to get the words out, like he'd been holding them in so tightly for so long that it felt wrong for him to finally let them out. She knew for a fact that a slightly more selfish man would have admitted these feelings months ago, but of course not Steve. Not Captain America, who was supposed to be patriotic and perfect. The Nation's Hero was not supposed to fall for the wrong girl, and yet here Steve was, admitting that he was not in fact as perfect as everyone would like to believe.
It was easier to have an ideal hero than one who was flawed. But Steve was not just a hero - he was also human. And so was Maddy. Humans make mistakes, they fuck up and then try again and somehow manage to fuck up once more. And that was exactly why Maddy did what she did next.
She surged forward and kissed him, messily on the lips. He seemed so stunned that at first he didn't even reciprocate. And then he did. He held her hands in his own and drew her close and kissed her like she was the last good thing on the earth. They got lost in each other, lost in touch and feel. His arms wound around her waist and pressed her to his chest.
The next morning, when they woke tangled together, naked, the euphoria wore off. Instead, mutual guilt clouded the atmosphere and when Steve said that he couldn't keep what they'd done from Bucky, Maddy begged him to stay quiet.
"If he finds out Steve….I don't think he'll forgive you," she said. "And I don't think I could live with myself knowing that it was me who came between you. Please, Steve." She was wearing his shirt and still smelt like him and through all of his shame he still felt that burning love he had for her.
She had a control over those two super soldiers, a kind of influence over two men who should have been more powerful than any 20-something year old girl. So he begrudgingly agreed. He didn't want to lie - it went against his very nature - but he was also afraid to lose the best friend he had been yearning for since 1944.
"This can't happen again," she said, twisting the material of his shirt with her hands. "I'm sorry Steve. It was a mistake… I should never have-"
"Don't apologise," he said. "I shouldn't have said what I did...It's just...You had to know, Maddy."
Her bottom lip wobbled, but she kept it together. "I wish that I felt the same way Steve...I really do. But after Bucky….I don't know if I can ever…"
"It's ok," he murmured, even though his heart felt like it was being crushed. "I know. I understand."
She reached up and kissed him on the cheek, her lips lingering as she remembered what it had felt like to have his hands on her body. It had been nice - he'd been familiar and safe. But...and God she hated to say it... it hadn't been the same, it hadn't been like it was with Bucky. She knew it never would be. So she said goodbye to Steve, even though it broke her heart to see him walk away. And despite the fact that she said 'don't be a stranger, please Steve', she still didn't see him for another 6 months.
"If you tell him now," she said, looking at Steve, whom she hadn't seen in so long it hurt, "then he'll know you've been lying to him for months. He won't forgive you."
"He's my best friend. We'll figure it out."
She pursed her lips, her once bright eyes dulled from their natural glow. "I've already lost him Steve. Completely. I don't want you to go through the same thing. He needs you."
Steve's jaw clenched. "No," he said, very quietly. "He needed you." She felt an unwanted anger flame in her chest.
"If he needed me, then he shouldn't have left," she bit back.
Steve opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted when Tony called, "Finished! You wanna come and install these panels so that I might actually be able to go home on a Friday night?"
Steve and Maddy exchanged a look before making their way back into the room. "You live here, Tony," Maddy reminded her boss, who rolled his eyes in reply. She glanced at Bucky, to find his gaze resting on her. She quickly averted her own stare and got to work. Standing close to him was hard enough, but coupled with the conversation that she had just had with Steve, it was practically unbearable. When she finally finished, she put down her tools and stepped back. The arm looked good as new. Bucky flexed his fingers and rolled his shoulder and then he looked at her.
"Thanks," he said, quietly. She quickly looked away, rubbing the back of her neck.
"You owe me one, Tony," She said, a faux tone of playfulness in her voice. "I'm gonna get out of here." She looked up at Steve and their eyes met. She opened her mouth to say goodbye, but then she looked at Bucky and couldn't bring herself to. Stark walked her to the door. He pulled it open for her.
"See you on Monday kiddo," he said. She kissed him on the cheek before pulling back, just a bit.
"Don't ever put me in that kind of situation again or I swear to God I'll walk away from this place," She warned quietly. He looked a little shocked for a moment, like he'd always thought Madelyn Thompson was nothing but sweet. Then she walked out the door, not looking back. It had been a long day and an even longer year. Maddy didn't have the patience to do sweet anymore.
~O~
A/N: Hey! I hope you enjoyed - a few revelations here! Maddy and Steve? Don't worry my people, it was clearly just a one time mistake. I hope everyone enjoyed.
PLEASE LEAVE ME A REVIEW and tell me what you thought! I want to know! I eat reviews for breakfast!
Just kidding...mostly. Love you all, until next time x
