"Dreams are the language of God."
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist
Daryl and Tyreese were sleeping restlessly. Daryl had managed to keep water down but was still confused. Tyreese had eaten and managed to limp to the rest room. Michonne and Carol were leaning against the wall totally exhausted. The building seemed secure as they could make it, it had lighter panels at the top to let light in and they had used a small candle to make an enough light to see their way around.
"Which granite are you putting in your kitchen?" Michonne asked. "I really like the gray with the dark river of black flowing through it", Carol answered. "And they have those corresponding backsplashes to go with them. Which do you want?" Well, the dragon's breath is pretty hot but it might get old after a while, I also like the white marble, very clean and crisp," Michonne answered. They looked at each other and laughed until tears came to their eyes; a world in which you actually cared about such things seemed a million years away.
"So what do you think about Daryl?" Michonne dared to ask. "Daryl had a serious blow to his head, this confusion and memory loss may be temporary or it may last for a long time. I think he will be weak and disoriented for a while, he is going to need to be taken care of, and I don't think he will be happy about that. Tyreese needs to rest his leg and he won't be able to move very fast." Carol wished she had better news but she knew she was only saying what Michonne already knew; Daryl and Tyreese needed them to do the heavy lifting for a while.
"Do you think we can both get some sleep?" Carol knew that she was at the end of her rope, they hadn't slept in days. Michonne thought it through, she didn't think staying awake was an option for either of them. They were falling asleep on their feet. "I'll sleep in front of the door, the only other exit is blocked with a ton of granite, and the only way in is over me. Let's get some sleep."
Michonne took her blankets and pillow and went to sleep in front of the door. She went to sleep almost immediately. Carol wanted to be closer to Daryl and had chosen to sleep on the floor by his table top bed. She did not fall asleep quickly, she prayed to God for guidance. She remembered going to church with her grandmother when she was a little girl. She had loved a song about asking an angel band to come and around me stand. She fell asleep with the refrain echoing in her mind.
Carol dreamed that she was going in a car up into the mountains as she had done as a child spending summers with her father's mother. Her grandmother was waiting as she jumped out of the car and hugged her tight. She hugged back and felt such joy at seeing her grandmother. They walked toward her grandmother's log cabin and her father and grandfather came out of the door and greeted her. She hugged them and felt their love coming through their touch. Then a young blond woman opened the door for her, it was her Sophia smiling and whole and filled with such joy that Carol felt her tears flow even before Sophia came into her arms smelling like she had when she was a baby after her bath. Carol had never felt so much love and peace in her life. She wanted it to last forever, but one by one they kissed her and walked away, leaving her looking at her grandmother's house with its wide open door.
Michonne woke up in the night, she had been dreaming about driving through mountains with Carol in the passenger seat. Daryl and Tyreese were in the back asleep. Then she realized that her mother was sitting in the front seat between her and Carol. She could feel the warmth from her mother and she leaned closer to her. They were on the crest of the mountain and they could see the fog rising from the surrounding hills as the world unfolded itself before them. Michonne woke up then, remembering her mother who had passed when Michonne was in college.
Carol was up early the next morning, checking on Daryl who was now confused and irritable. Tyreese was in pain and needed a pain pill. Still, she was more at peace now than yesterday, the dream had not faded with the night, she could still feel the joy of the dream. It was a gift, and she said "Thank you" for it.
Michonne crawled out of bed with her usual early morning bad mood, but was relieved to see that Carol seemed to be handling everything very calmly this morning. They ate oatmeal for breakfast, and Daryl tried to get off the bed but was too dizzy to stand up. Tyreese recognized the problem and motioned for Carol to get something for Daryl to urinate in. Tyreese sent Carol and Michonne away and helped Daryl use the pot.
Carol and Michonne conferred about today's plans. Should they stay here, use the camp stove to boil water from the still flushing toilets and give the wounded a day to heal or try to find a more permanent place to stay? Carol knew that Daryl and Tyreese needed the rest. Michonne felt vulnerable in a building with no way to see outside. The Sub had a half of tank of gas and ten gallons in cans. They decided to spend another day here for Daryl and Tyreese. Daryl might remember the fall back location as he grew stronger.
It was a long slow day, Daryl seemed clearer by the end of the day, he still had a headache and was dizzy if he got up, but being Daryl he was determined to take care of himself. Tyreese's wound seemed to be healing without any sign of infection. Their pilfered pills seem to be working. The news wasn't all bad, Daryl was remembering Tyreese and Michonne in a vague sort of way, and he seemed more comfortable with Carol touching him. The really bad news was that he didn't have any idea where Rick and everyone else could be.
. Carol had spent the day thinking about her dream and remembering the deep connection she had had with her grandmother. Carol allowed herself to remember a time in her life that she had shut down years ago.
Her name was Carol Ann McAllister and she lived with her mother and father in an army base. He father was an officer in the army and they moved a lot. His name was Michael McAllister and her mother was Cheryl McAllister. They always went home to the mountains for Christmas and Carol stayed with her grandparents all summer. Carol loved her parents but she always was ready to go stay in the mountains and never ready to leave when it was time to go. Their big log cabin had lots of books, lots of room, and lots to do. Grandpa and Grandma raised chickens and a garden. They liked to walk around their mountaintop farm every evening and just check on things. Carol would walk with them through the gathering dusk while the evening sun lit the tops of the mountains with elfin light. She was a happy child even after Grandpa died one winter when a log truck lost control and smashed into his truck. Grandma explained that he had just gone ahead to heaven and was waiting over there for them. She assured Carol that she was in no hurry to leave her. The next summer Carol came to stay like always and though she missed her grandpa the mountain was still her happiest place.
Carol adored her father. He was often away with the army and her mother seemed to go out a lot at night. Her mother was taking nursing classes and Carol went to stay with her grandmother. Her grandmother had a trundle bed that Carol slept on at night. During the day she played with her cousins. She was the oldest granddaughter and Ashton was the oldest grandson. They left the little ones behind and explored the land around their farms. Ashton's mother and father owned a farm right beside of theirs. They called it McAllister Mountain and they were king and queen of their own kingdom.
One day her grandmother called her in and told her that her father had been killed in action. He had been an honorable man in life her grandmother said and he died with honor. Later he was buried in the family cemetery with full military honors. Carol just understood that her father would lie in this grave and not be her daddy ever again. That evening her mother talked to Carol about coming back to their house. She was now living in an apartment off base and working in a hospital. It was time for Carol to come home. Carol told her that her grandmother needed her. She refused to go but the next morning her grandmother talked to her and reminded her that her mother was lonely too. Carol only agreed to go when her mother promised that she could spend next summer with her grandmother. Carol cried all the way back to her mother's apartment.
Her mother soon married the first of a succession of men. Carol wished she could fly away home to the mountains and often dreamed of her grandmother and the mountains. Her mother told her that her grandmother had passed in the spring and her name was changed to match the new husband. Happy Carol Ann McAllister ceased to exist and she pushed her memories into a locked box and left them there.
Carol had never returned to the mountains. She and her mother moved often as the husbands and boyfriends changed. Then she had married Ed and they went where he wanted to go. Then she was with Rick's group and she stayed because she loved them and because she was afraid to leave them. She had lived her whole life trying to please everyone else and not being where she wanted to be. She just wanted to be Carol Ann McAllister and she wanted to go home.
If Daryl woke up tomorrow and remembered the fall back location she would go with them to the place, make certain that all was as good as it could be, but someday someway she was going to drive up into the mountains and not stop until she was back on McAllister Mountain.
Michonne had noticed that Carol had been preoccupied all day, but it was time to talk about the next day. Her instinct was telling her to get a move on, and Tyreese and Daryl were better. She told Carol that she was ready to go if Carol thought that the men could take it. Carol asked her where she wanted to go and Michonne just shrugged her shoulders. She wasn't surprised when Carol said she wanted to go north into the North Carolina Mountains. They agreed that if Daryl could recall where Rick and the group were at they would go there. They both knew that the prison was not an option. If Daryl could not remember then they were loading the Sub up and going to the mountains.
Carol and Michonne slept well that night, there is peace in going with your heart and your instincts.
