I don't know if any of you remember, but a while ago I said I would do a picture for chapter 30 (with Jack in his Easter Bunny costume and Bunny being angry). Since I do digital art, I couldn't do it because of my computer issues. But I got it to work long enough today, so I finally did that picture. You can check the link on my profile or just look up sisaat on tumblr.
This is set between Going Too Far and I'm Not Sorry.
A storm raged in Antarctica as Jack tried to calm down. Since leaving the Warrens, all of his attempts to bring snow days to the children had turned to violent storms like this one. He could no longer bring fun with him, only fear. He needed to calm himself.
He turned the situation in his head several times and he no longer knew what exactly it was that he felt. The joke may not have been funny, but it should have been relatively harmless. It hadn't been. Now, Bunnymund was angry at him and he was afraid. Not of Bunny, specifically, but of losing the only family he had. The only people who had cared in a really long time.
But other than the fear, Jack didn't know if he was feeling guilty over Bunny's anger or angry that he had to pay for Bunny's guilt. He wanted to scream into the Easter Bunny's face that it was his own fault, but he was too afraid to lose him. He wanted to beg for forgiveness, but he was too angry to do it. He sighed and buried his face into his knees as the storm raged on. This was getting him nowhere.
He had hoped to never need to come back here. The desolated frozen wasteland had been his refuge whenever he needed a place to scream, to cry, to rage against the world and the unfairness of it all. He thought this was over. Now, he wondered if the place might not become his permanent home. He shivered. He did not think he could survive being alone again. Not after having a taste of what it was like to be loved.
A small, still rational part of his mind told him he was being an idiot. That he was overdramatizing the situation. Bunny was angry, certainly, but that did not mean they would all turn away from him, did it? He pulled his legs closer to his chest. Three centuries spent alone were too much for him to be rational about this. He was afraid.
It was not so long ago that they had faced Pitch again. Only a month. The others had showed him how much they cared, then. And he told them things he had been too afraid to say before. But now, Bunny had told him to leave. Because he had messed up. It was bound to happen, sooner or later. Pitch was right; he made a mess of everything. Maybe he should just have accepted the Boogeyman's offer. Jack shuddered when the thought crossed his mind. Fear must be driving him crazy. No doubt Pitch was overjoyed, wherever he was.
It frustrated him that the Pooka was so willing to hold him and comfort him and promise to make everything better, but only when he was weak and vulnerable. He did not like feeling weak and vulnerable. And so he lied. And now he was bitterly regretting it.
Guilt won over anger, in the end. He had to fix this. He was too afraid of the consequences should he fail to. But he did not know what to do. He wasn't good at patching up relationships. Until recently, he never had a relationship he might need to patch up. Maybe he should try a gift. What did Bunny like? Eggs? Easter? No, wait. Chocolates. Bunny loved chocolates. But he was picky and Jack had no idea where to find some that he would find acceptable. The others might be willing to help, but he could not face them yet. He did not want to admit just how hopeless he was at this whole family thing.
He was about to lose all hope when the idea hit him. It filled him with both hope and dread. There was one person who could help. One person he had been avoiding most of his life. But sometime, sheer loneliness had won and he had sought the other spirit out. Just like he would now. As scary as it was. Staying here alone was scarier.
Maybe this time he would be more ready to deal with the utterly alien and overwhelming love of Cupid.
You'll get to meet Cupid next chapter.
