If it all fell to pieces tomorrow, would you still be mine?
Eagles, "Take It To The Limit"
19
"Why won't she stop crying?" Lucy asked aloud while on the verge of tears, desperately trying to rock the wailing Noelle to sleep. "I don't get it! What am I doing wrong?"
"You're doing nothing wrong, Luce," Natsu said as he took the child into his arms. "I guess she's just cold. Let's see if we can change that. Theeeereee we go… who's your daddy? That's right, I am."
Perhaps it was the dumb way he spoke that confused the baby, or perhaps she genuinely needed warmth. Gray didn't know. However, he was beginning to believe that Natsu had been blessed with super baby powers because he always got Noelle to quiet down. It had given him quite the big head.
"I think she likes me better than you," he gloated. "Yes, you do!"
Any other time, Gray wouldn't have given his idiocy a second thought. However, what Natsu missed was the glare of hurtful fury that Lucy sent his way. She said nothing on the matter. Just wiped her tears and went back to her meal. Gray didn't want to start a conversation right there, so he turned towards Wendy, who caught his glance and raised her eyebrows questioningly. Gray shook his head. If she hadn't caught it, no point in talking to her about it.
He would've talked to Erza, but she was fast asleep. Well deserved, too. The crew were crammed into one of the huts Luca had left on his way to the coast. Night had fallen on the first day of their travel from Camp Mavis and Gray expected them to reach their journey's end the next day. Wendy, knackered herself, went to sleep soon as well. Gray had arrived last and was only halfway done with his hoosh. After finishing, he too would turn in.
Outside, a blizzard raged. The ice walls of the hut were thick enough that they could hear each other talk if they huddled close together. Which they were. There was nothing better to do. Thanks to Natsu, they had some light. The ice below was thick enough that it wouldn't melt under the campfire. The added warmth from it also made Gray drowsy. After a whole day of manipulating five dog sleds, he had a near-constant migraine. The food helped. Sleep would help, too.
When Noelle fell asleep in his arms, Natsu decided to lie down. Gray was eating slowly on purpose. He had a feeling something was up with Lucy. When she didn't follow Natsu to bed, his hunch grew stronger. She just sat there, wrapped up in all her layers, staring blankly at the infant girl. Her bowl of food, half-eaten, sat on her lap. Gray wondered if he ought to bring it up, if it was actually necessary. Spending so much time with someone, anyone, in such close proximity usually led to them getting on one's nerves. If that was what he was seeing, he knew Lucy would be fine in a few days if she got some space. Once back on the mainland–
He stopped and blew his breath out of his nose. The mainland. Getting them there was his responsibility. Gray had a vague idea of how he could pull that off. It was risky and he would have to rely on luck, but it was doable. Luca's way had been very effective so far. He wondered if he could match up to that. Would he be outclassed by his own student? On any other day, it would make him happy. Not when their lives were on the line. Failure was not an option.
Gray was about to return his attention to his food when he found Lucy looking at him. He gave her a smile and flipped his wrist, silently asking her what was up. It was his gesture that startled her, somewhat, for she sat up straighter and blinked. Then she smiled back and shook her head. But was it really nothing? He didn't know.
'Are you finishing that?' he signed at her and then pointed at the bowl of hoosh. Lucy looked down at it, then smiled sheepishly at him.
'I don't have the appetite,' she replied.
Gray nodded. 'Want an energy bar instead?'
'No. It's okay.'
She wasn't willing to talk. Gray had hoped that using sign language and bypassing the dragonslayers' super hearing would help her come out and say what was up with her, but Lucy was unbreakable. So far, at least.
Smiling, Gray signed, 'If you won't eat, get some rest. I'll finish yours. I could use some food.'
When Lucy didn't complain, Gray got up and took her bowl. He poured whatever remained of her hoosh into his bowl and sat back down to eat. Mostly, he was curious to see what she'd do. Would she attempt to sleep now that her distraction was taken from her? Or would she find something new to keep her up?
When Lucy started signing at him again, Gray knew what she'd chosen.
'When do you think the blizzard will end?'
'Hopefully by the time we wake up. Speaking of which…' He gestured towards the others, all fast asleep. 'You'll need your strength. Trust me.'
Lucy smiled. She nodded and obliged, scooting over to Natsu and Noelle before lying down. Gray didn't comment on how her shoulders slumped when she moved. He pretended not to see. It wasn't something he needed to push himself to solve. Sure, it was a problem, but as long as Lucy pretended it wasn't one, there was nothing anyone could do to help.
After finishing his food and dissolving the plates and cutlery, Gray sighed and lay down himself. His sleeping bag put him between the eastern wall and Erza, and he wasn't about to complain about that position. With everyone quiet, Gray could faintly make out the winds whistling past outside. He couldn't say if the blizzard was still raging without going outside, but he hoped it would stop and let them escape. He hoped Luca had taken refuge as well. That is, if his location was suffering from a similar weather pattern. Things could be incredibly localised at the pole.
The sigh that left him took some of his tension with him, but enough remained to deny him a restful sleep. He was dreaming about being suffocated by a cheeseburger when he was woken by Natsu lightly tapping his face.
"What happened?" he asked blearily, sitting up.
"Storm's over, ice princess." Natsu chuckled. "Time to go."
"Yeah. Gimme a moment."
His headache hadn't abated. Gray emerged into the morning gloom while massaging his temples. Everybody else was awake already. They had let him sleep in while getting the sleds packed up, but it was time to move.
"Here," Natsu said and tossed him an energy bar. "Breakfast."
Gray grunted. When the Dragneel family was packed into the first sled, Gray went over to make sure everything was okay.
"We'll make it to the coast today, barring any unforeseen weather anomalies," he told Lucy. "It'll be warmer by the water, too. Hopefully, that'll be a good change for us."
"Any change is a good change from where I'm at, Gray," Lucy replied with a smile.
He didn't doubt it. After last night, he was more worried about Lucy than anyone else. Just as the first sled began to move, he made his way to Erza, who was helping Wendy into the sled.
"Ride with me," he said without preamble, making her look at him. So did Wendy, but she looked more amused than confused. Erza searched his face for a reason why he would change the plans, but he gave her none. Not yet.
"Okay." She nodded. "Help me transfer the load, then."
Together, they moved some rations from Gray's sled onto Wendy's. It created enough space for Erza to comfortably sit, and once Wendy's sled left the shelter, she looked at him expectantly.
"Something on your mind?" she prompted, opening an energy bar herself. Any other time, Gray would have nagged her for skipping out on breakfast and working instead, but he just shook his head and went ahead with what he wanted to say.
"I don't think Lucy's doing okay," he said, stepping into the sled and putting his legs up on the runners. When she sat and leant back against him, Gray looked out at the sleds over her shoulder, watching as they gradually gained distance. "Something's up for sure."
"You noticed too?"
"Didn't want to say anything in front of Wendy. Not until she was out of range with her dragon hearing."
The third sled started moving but Gray heard Erza's laugh over the scraping of the runners on ice.
"Wendy knows. She has not told me in so many words, but she has made it very clear that she has noticed something is the matter." She sighed. "It wasn't there before Noelle was born. I mean, we were all depressed from the mission, but it wasn't as palpable for us." A pause. "Or maybe I didn't notice."
Before Erza could take responsibility for this and start blaming herself, Gray asked, "Are you going to talk to her about it?"
"Hmm? I will. Once we are at the coast and no longer on the move, I will." She patted his thigh gently. "I have an idea of what it is, Gray. I just hope I'm wrong. I am wrong a lot."
"Yeah?" The fourth sled started to move. Soon, it would be their turn. "What have you been wrong about recently?"
"Just a few minutes ago, I was wrong in thinking that you wanted me to ride with you because you wanted to talk more about us." She chuckled. "I was wrong, clearly."
Gray was very glad that she was sitting in front of him and thus unable to see his face. He knew he was getting red at her words. As red as the hair he wanted to bury his face in. How did she do that? It was probably a joke, but did she get him all flustered with just a few innocent words like that? Was that also a part of her magical arsenal?
"Well. You aren't technically wrong."
"And how is that?"
"Just because I haven't done it yet doesn't mean I won't."
"You give a girl hope, Gray." She chuckled again and patted his thigh. "It was just a joke. Don't feel forced to talk about anything you don't want to. I don't want to force you. Far from it."
His groan of embarrassment was muffled by the dogs starting to pull, and Erza leant back against his chest fully, turning back and speaking over her shoulder.
"Lucy will be fine, Gray. We all will make sure of that."
I sure fuckin' hope so.
There was something to be said about Erza. Knowing her was a blessing. To know her was to know her strength. Titania, Queen of Fairies, the strongest there was in the land. Gray had known her so long that, sometimes, she just felt like an extension of himself. And that felt nice. She was so strong that she could carry the burden of everyone else depending on her. In times of need, when his own faith was flagging, Gray found that he could lean on her and borrow some of that strength for himself. At that moment, he could have used it.
Her faith in their ability to help Lucy was so direct and uncompromising that he couldn't help but believe. Pulled towards that confidence, he sighed and wrapped his arms around her stomach from behind. Pressing his chest to her back, he hoped to bury himself in her conviction, her faith that things would be okay. To her credit, he wasn't disappointed because he felt a lot of his doubt evaporate just from embracing her.
But… knowing Erza was a two-way street. Just as much as it was a blessing, it was a curse in equal measure. For to know her was to also know her weakness. When she placed her hands upon his, he could feel a tremble. It was slight, but he felt it clearly because he knew her all too well. He couldn't see her face, but he knew that the corner of her lips were twitching. He couldn't gaze into her thoughts, but he knew that the confidence in her tone was just as much to convince herself as him.
Erza Scarlet was the strongest not because she was inflexible and tough. She was strongest because she had doubts and anxieties and carried on despite it. She walked the middle path between the rigidity of steel and the flexibility of a flower. She was strong because while she could take on the world on her own, she needed others to push her through. Without something to lose, someone to hold dear, Erza Scarlet was nothing.
That was why when he felt her hold on to him turn, when he felt her draw upon whatever reserves of strength he had in him, when he felt her rely on him to help her convictions, Gray felt a burden unlike no other lift off his shoulders. He exhaled a weary, long-suffering breath from the depths of his gut and lowered his forehead upon her shoulder.
It's as simple as I want it to be, huh?
If that was the case… then he would hope for the simplest things ever. The simplest thing he could conceive so that it would take the least amount of effort. He would wish for something so instinctual to the both of them that they could do it without breaking a sweat. If he could wish for anything at all, Gray wished for Erza to be able to count on him when it mattered. He wasn't going to protect her, maybe, but he was going to be there as her source of strength, come what may.
He could do that because he knew that, come hell or high water, Erza's strength would be there for him to borrow. As long as they could lean on each other, they would be able to find a way. Emotionally, anyway.
"Oh, finally," Natsu said as Gray and Erza's sled finally came to a stop beside the others. He'd let go of her long before then. "How we gonna find a way to climb that?"
Gray snorted as Natsu pointed at the massive wall of ice standing in their way. Gray and Luca had encountered this on the way to Mavis Camp. Their solution had been to use the dogs to climb down, slowly. That would not work. Risking Noelle or the equipment was out of the question.
So much for finding a way.
"Yeah, yeah," Gray replied as he clambered out of the sled, Erza making space for him as much as she could. He caught a glimpse of her smile as his feet touched the ice once more. Just a glimpse, but that made him unable to stop his own smile. What a disaster they were. "I got this."
Approaching the wall, he placed his palm upon the ice and splayed his fingers. Gray reached out with his magic and let it permeate into the ice, testing its strength and receiving feedback almost instantaneously. While he searched the inner subtleties of the ice with his magic, his eyes focused on the outside of it. He looked for any signs of Luca having passed through, the route he might have taken to climb. There weren't any. That in itself wasn't worrying–Luca was skilled enough that a sheer ice wall would give him no trouble.
Neither would it give him any. The ice was strong and solid, both before him and below him. Fertile ground for a good lift. Crouching down, Gray touched the ground and raised it. The ice put up some resistance at first but obeyed soon enough. With a slight creak and little tremble, the ground under their feet started to rise and rise and rise… carrying them up along the ice wall to the top. As their lift began to rise, Gray looked back to make sure everyone had remained in their sleds. They had.
"I'm glad you guys aren't teenagers anymore," Gray said with a chuckle. "Don't gotta tell you to keep your limbs near you during the ride. But!" He pointed behind them, causing them to turn. "There you have a wonderful view of the South Pole, ladies and gentlemen. Take a long last look if you need to, because we're getting' outta this place."
Despite telling them to catch a last look, Gray himself didn't follow through. He simply didn't have any interest in looking upon the Frozen Frontier anymore. Ice and snow–that had been his life for as long as he could remember. In the beginning, even now, it was all frigid. Only in the middle, during those precious few years in Magnolia, had he really bloomed. Bursting with life, he had pushed through the ice and bloomed under the sun. Away from it for so long, he didn't need to look back and see more ice and snow.
No, Gray was ready to look ahead at greener pastures. Ahead, towards the ocean, farther yet to the mainland… and then? Then he would figure it out eventually. He and Erza had a few things to figure out, officially, and the promise of that was enough to keep him going.
When the ice lift reached the top of the wall, Gray locked it in place. From such a height, the group could no doubt look down at the valley, the lake, and make out all the ground they had covered. They had truly set the trend and opened the way for future generations to set up shop in the South Pole. True enough, he caught them looking out at the vast icy expanse when he glanced back over his shoulder. Natsu, Erza, Wendy, and Lucy, stood shoulder to shoulder, gazing out at the distant horizon, free of any and all landmarks, staring into the dark reflection of their achievements.
Staring at their backs as they reminisced in silence, Gray didn't feel the need to get up and join them. It surprised him a little, but he knew it wasn't because he thought he didn't belong with them. He did, but not right then. They deserved this moment. A final salute to all they had faced together. Him? He would be there to have other moments with them down the line. He didn't need to be there with them.
He just needed to be there for them.
The next stretch of their road passed without incident. Crossing the ice bridge across the crevasse was the only thing of note, and Gray was heartened to know that the end was nigh. Within two hours, he could smell the ocean. A big part of him expected to see a large icebreaker standing at the ready, waiting to whisk them away to relative safety. He remembered the friendly faces of Jeanne and Herr Boschen. Though they would know of the return of the Chosen Frozen–it would be all over the news–Gray was determined to reach out to them personally. They deserved that much, at least.
At long last, after a five-hour journey, their sled pulled up alongside the others in front of a very large, very comfortable looking cottage sculpted out of ice. At a glance, Gray could tell that the walls were thick. Igloo thick. Outside, on a stool, sat Luca, wearing his winter gear and a very large grin. As the ice dogs pulled them astride the other empty sleds, the boy got up and spread his arms wide. Then he started signing–the buffeting of the katabatics was so loud that even words whispered into one's ear might get snatched away.
'Welcome to the world-famous Ocean View Resort and Spa,' said the boy as Erza chuckled and got out of the sled. 'Your refreshments will be with you shortly–served with a side of ice, stinky ocean scents, and a big dose of whoop ass because I opened up a can full of that shit on the South Pole!'
Gray snorted. He was about to push himself out after Erza but stopped when she extended her hand to him. He stared at the pink mittens, then up at her brown eyes behind the dark goggles. She smiled impishly. Though she knew he didn't need a hand, she was offering hers regardless. Too bad for her, he was into that shit.
Returning her smile, Gray took allowed himself to be pulled up to his feet. Erza patted his upper arm and went and gave Luca a hug. When she went inside, Gray stepped up and rubbed the boy's head.
'You did well,' he signed. 'How long have you been waiting?'
'About a day. It didn't take very long.'
'How'd you climb the wall?'
'Had the dogs claw in and climb up. Reverse of how we came down. Why?'
Gray shook his head. To experience that once and then pull it off afterwards was very impressive. 'And where are the others?'
'Wendy is sleeping inside. Natsu and family went towards the ocean a little while ago.'
Gray didn't run, he sprinted. He went as fast as his physical body would allow, unheeding of the black marks blooming all over his arm, of his head pounding like a jackhammer from all the mana expended. Gray didn't notice. He needed to move fast, and the Devil Slayer magic allowed him to do that. He pushed off the ice just a fraction faster, or was the ice throwing him forward? Gray didn't know. Didn't care. He only wanted to make sure they were okay.
The darkness occluded his vision. Relying on the twilight bouncing off the ice and the distant crashing of waves to orient himself, Gray propelled himself forward and created a pair of ice skis for himself. He flew down the ice, headed towards the waves until he saw a shape that was softer than its surroundings. In a world of jagged rocks, there was Lucy, her lines soft and gentle as she sat atop a rock. Before her, maybe five or so feet away, was Natsu. From the looks of things, he had Noelle in his arms. A small, small bundle of soft clothes and a softer body held close to her father to share his warmth. It was a very dangerous and delicate balance, and Gray skidded to a stop beside Lucy when he saw that all members of the family were safe.
Due to the oppressive howling of katabatic winds, Lucy hadn't heard him coming. She jumped when she saw him materialise beside her, springing up from her seat. With one hand placed over her chest, she flipped the other one to ask him what was up. Instead of replying to her, Gray waved his hands overhead to get Natsu's attention. When he inevitably looked over, Natsu stopped and flipped his palm in a similar fashion to Lucy. Again, instead of answering, Gray motioned for him to come towards them.
That was when he realised his folly. In trying to read his gestures, Natsu had stopped in one place. Big mistake. Underfoot, he felt the tremor. A small one, but he knew what it was. Immediately, Gray leapt towards his friend.
He reinforced the ice floor under him as best as he could but before his magic could reach Natsu, the ice below his feet had cracked open.
For a moment, time stood perfectly still. Gray, as he advanced, saw Natsu's face cycle through confusion, dumbfounded denial, and then sheer panic as he looked at Noelle in his arms. With every change in expression, he sank a little lower. First his ankles, then his calves, and then his thighs, they were all eaten up by the mercilessly cold, dark water waiting beneath the surface. It was when he was down to his chest that Natsu raised Noelle high overhead and, in his desperation, launched his daughter towards his friend. Gray caught the faintest hint of a grin on Natsu's face before he closed his eyes and disappeared beneath the surface.
And then… then time started to move too fast. Between his sinking friend and his airborne child, Gray knew which one he would prioritise. He changed trajectory as much as he could in an attempt to catch Noelle, but the ice under his feet, now packed and hardened due to his magic, didn't let him get a foothold. Gray felt himself hurtle onwards, towards the ever-expanding hole in the ice, away from where Noelle would fall. Frustration building up, he wanted to scream. Instead, he blinked. When he opened his eye next, he saw a goddamn grandfather clock appear under the still Noelle and swallow her whole mid-air.
At first, he was horrified. Then he remembered. It has been a long time since he'd seen Horologium. One of Lucy's summons, it could store people within its body for a time. For a fleeting moment, he glanced back over his shoulder at Lucy. Found her standing, hand outstretched from summoning her spirit. Good. She'd saved her daughter.
Now, he would save his friend.
Relieved that Noelle was safe, Gray ripped off the coat he was wearing seconds before reaching the hole in the ice and jumped in after Natsu.
Whatever twilight hit the surface of the water was enough to illuminate only a small fraction of the water. The diffused light lit up a few inches beneath the hole, but Gray almost wished it hadn't. In complete darkness, nobody can tell just how far it reaches. Throw in a little light, though, and it gives perspective. What Gray saw was darkness extending in every direction. Thick, oppressive darkness that gave up none of its secrets. He felt it push in towards him from all sides, all at once. Whatever light hovered near the hole felt like a safe zone. In the darkness, he would only get lost.
Perhaps Natsu had gotten lost, too, because he could not be seen. It was very plausible that he was swimming along under the surface ice somewhere completely different, trying to find the hole. If that was the case, he would be able to track his movements through vibrations in the ice. Hovering near the hole, he placed a hand upon the ice and released his powers. The sting of the black marks returning was familiar to him by then, but that left him wholly unprepared for what he felt next.
How his powers worked were simple. They notified him of the presence of ice near him and of any forces acting against them. The ice shelf above him was being affected by a force, but it dwarfed whatever Natsu's fire could do. No, this was a force being applied to the ice from far below the water. It was almost like this force was keeping the frozen continent afloat. Gray couldn't tell what this force was, or how deep below the waves its source lay, but it frightened him enough that he forgot he had to breathe. With his heart caught in a vice grip of fear, Gray found himself staring down at the watery abyss, attempting, in vain, to make sense of it. His body reminded him of his oxygen dependency by threatening to shut down his brain. Thus reminded, Gray shook off his paralysis and surfaced, pushing his head above the water and filling his lungs with air so cold, it would have frozen his intestines off.
The first thing he saw was Natsu, dripping wet, sitting on his haunches on the ice beside the hole. Gray panicked for a second. Then he remembered that he had reinforced the surrounding ice and instead just shook his head and took his friend's extended hand to clamber out of the water.
By then, the winds had picked up once more, and Gray pointed at his discarded flak jacket, then at Natsu. Understanding his intent, Natsu stripped out of his wet clothes and pulled it on. He wasn't wet anymore thanks to his naturally high body temperature. Anyone else would have been dead.
While Natsu changed, Gray looked around and found a second hole in the ice, five or so feet away from the original. Natsu had used his fire to bust out of the ice, then. He should have been able to feel that tremor but he'd been too distracted by whatever was down there in the water. After all, does one notice a single drop of water amidst a bucketful?
Gray caught himself staring into the pitch-black water and snapped himself out of it. He picked up Natsu's clothes and, together, they made their way back to Lucy. She had stayed rooted to the spot, holding a still crying Noelle, but that didn't stop her from giving Natsu the biggest, tightest hug that Gray had ever seen. She damn near lifted him off his feet.
And though Gray was happy to see them reunited, he couldn't help but feel envious of that moment. Then Lucy slapped Natsu just as tightly and envy loosened its grip on him just as quickly.
The winds, by then, had started carrying snow with them. Gray suspected it to be from the same mountain he and Erza had climbed. In truth, the winds had probably shaved the snow off of a dozen different mountains, but it was nice to imagine it, anyway. However, with a blizzard seemingly in the works, he decided to not push their luck. While Natsu and Lucy did their couple thing, he squatted down and pushed his magic into the ground. A spacious one-room cabin sprang up around them, cutting them off from the elements. Inside, it was almost quiet enough to talk. Almost.
"How the hell did you know that was gonna happen, Gray?" Lucy all but demanded, handing over the baby and whirling around to face him. "Did you have some sorta… ice sense?"
"Yeah," Natsu added on. His warmth seemed to pacify Noelle more than anything. "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you came, but it was kinda spooky, ya know? The timing of it all."
Gray let out a shaky breath. Even without his coat, his body could weather the cold pretty well. He raised a slab of ice and sat down, shaking the water off his hair.
"It was you." He pointed at Natsu. "Soon as I heard you were out and about, I figured there was a chance that might happen. So, I came."
Lucy tapped her foot. It wasn't a good enough explanation for her and so Gray obliged.
"Natsu's body temperature is higher than all of ours combined. Wherever Luca or I go, we make sure to reinforce the ice beneath us. It's reflex. Plus, the closer you get to the water, the thinner the ice will be. It won't be as thin everywhere, but there is always a risk of things going south. It's not a chance I could take."
Gray had taught Luca many things, imagination chief among them. Ice Make depended on the mage's ability to create resourceful solutions to existing problems and then will them into being. Luca had mastered that to a large extent. But though he had learnt to apply imagination to solution, he had yet to learn that the same principles applied to problems. To him, wind chill could just be numbers on a paper. He didn't associate that with conditions being bad, or how bad they could be. He hadn't started to think about the potential cavalcade of things that could go wrong and prepare for them. Had he done so, he might have predicted something like this and not allowed Natsu and Lucy to wander ahead by themselves.
Imagination. It was both a gift and a curse. By imagining the worst, Gray was always prepared. People called him pessimistic, but they never complained when his solutions came through. Sometimes, though, he wished he could use it to see better things in the world. Happier things. He was getting weary, dodging the unrelenting thoughts of doom and gloom that had dogged him from that day long ago in Bergstad.
Lucy sighed. "We should have thought of that."
Gray opened his mouth to reassure her but stopped. She was right. They should have thought of that. Why hadn't they? Natsu had the intellectual capacity of a peanut but Lucy? Lucy had always been the most grounded and smartest of the bunch. She couldn't have forgotten about little details like that, could she? He wondered what she was preoccupied with, because she had been out of it in recent days. Erza had noticed. Wendy, too. He didn't know whether the others had, but he was on the verge of asking her about it. Erza had told him that she would have that talk, and that was the only reason why he held back.
Instead, he said, "Well, you still saved Noelle, Lucy. That was some real hero shit." He smiled. "Being a mom really levelled you up."
His words did not have the effect he desired. Lucy looked like she was about to cry.
"Thanks," she told him quietly and Gray raised an ice chair for her to sit down on. Sighing, she sat and stared at Natsu, who had since quieted Noelle with little shakes and whispered words. "I trust him with her completely. I was just… caught off guard completely."
"You and I aren't ice mages, Luce," Natsu told her immediately. "We couldn't have known… but I shoulda been more careful."
Neither of them said out loud what might have happened if Noelle, who had not demonstrated any fire-based powers of her own, had plunged into the dark, icy depths of that frozen abyss. Gray figured they both knew better than anyone else what they had just escaped. Noelle wasn't built for extreme places. She was a burden, in strictly pragmatic terms. Had Lucy reacted even a fraction of a second later, well, Gray didn't want to consider it.
"I think," he began, catching the attention of both Natsu and Lucy. "You two make a great team, you know? Always have. I was there today on a complete fluke. Even on your own, you two would've been able to keep Noelle safe."
"Yeah, Lucy's a mom now. Her instincts are on point." Natsu grinned. "Sometimes she acts faster than I have thoughts."
"Thoughts?" Gray asked. "Plural?"
"I'll have you know that my brain goes a mile an hour."
That finally broke Lucy. She had been holding it in for a few seconds but then she burst out with a laugh. Her body shook and she wiped away a few stray tears that leaked out.
"I'm okay," she reassured Natsu who was immediately worried. "Really. It's just hormones. I cry at everything. You know that."
Gray smiled as he watched the scene unfold. His mind remained elsewhere, though. Knowing that the scene before him was secure, he subconsciously returned to the void in the depths where, surrounded by frost and shadow, something lingered. He didn't know what, he didn't know where, but his magic had bounced off something capable of generating a huge amount of force. Enough to push against the continent. It could have been an underwater vent or volcano for all he knew. But there was something more to that. Part of him wanted to go back in and release his magic again. Get a better idea.
The other part of him was terrified because if he could sense something, then it could probably feel his magical presence as well, if it was alive and aware. It was a paralysing fear and it made him chuckle inwardly.
Imagination. Both a gift and a curse. Why can't I think of farting ice dragons instead?
The blizzard lasted close to two hours. By the time Gray got back with the Dragneel family in tow, dinner was already cooking in the cabin. Thankfully, it was just hoosh. Not even Luca could mess that up. Lucy very animatedly shared their latest adventure with the rest of the crew while they ate but Gray remained silent. Whenever his imagination was running wild, his tongue found itself leashed. He was listening to everything, but it was filtered into a different compartment of his brain–to be retrieved and ruminated upon at a later time.
Despite himself, his thoughts turned to the 'Nebula'. It was the ship that was supposed to relieve Erza and company but drowned. The news of that ship sinking was what had pushed him into action. It was reportedly a capsizing. Gray hadn't stuck around long enough to find out more details about it, but now he was beginning to wonder whether that really was an accident.
His fingers itched. Not for the first time since coming to the South Pole did Gray wish that he had a few packs of cigarettes with him. Those usually did a good job with convincing him that his fantasies were, in fact, fantasies. The others were still talking when he forced himself to break out of his thoughts and, in looking around the room, he found Erza's gaze fixed upon him. From across the table, she raised her eyebrow questioningly and he smiled. Leave it to Erza to worry about him when he was lost in his thoughts.
Gray shook his head. Nothing. At least, nothing concrete. He would have to feel it again to know for sure. He decided to try his luck after dinner. While everyone was settling in for the night, Gray stood up and cleared his throat.
"I'm gonna go check out the coast," he said to the team. "I needta see where and how I can put my plan into action."
"You're not going alone?" Wendy asked.
"Of course, he isn't going alone," Erza replied before he could. "I'll accompany him."
What is this, a date?
"You–" he began. Out of instinct, he wanted to tell her that she didn't have to come, that he would take care of it, that he would be back soon and that she didn't have to worry. All of those things were true. She knew that better than anyone. Still, she offered to come. Gray closed his mouth and smiled when he saw her raise her eyebrows again, as if daring him to contradict her. Some things simply would not change.
"You are most welcome," he told her. "Won't take long."
"I shall take your word for it, Gray."
He stepped outside to wait for her to get dressed. The Chosen Frozen had been around each other long enough to make privacy a not so important concern. Though he, Natsu, and Erza had a history of bathing together when they were kids, he couldn't stay while she changed now. Seeing as how Luca followed him out, the boy must have felt the same way.
"So, this a date or what?" he asked in Isvali the moment he closed the door behind him. "You two gonna head out into the night and smooch by the ocean? Gonna get up to naughty shit?"
Gray sighed. "Why are you the way that you are?"
"Listen, bro, I've been where you're at and I gotta tell you–chicks dig it when you take charge sometimes. I've seen how she looks at you. Don't think that just because I'm blond that I'm dumb, okay?"
"The correlation must be a coincidence, then."
"Nyeh. All I'm sayin' is… after all the time you two have been spending together, are you really gonna wait longer?" He shrugged his shoulders and turned away when Erza opened the door. Immediately switching to Fiorian, he continued, "Just something to think about. Ey, Aunty Erza! Don't fall into any more ice holes, okay?"
Chuckling, Erza patted Luca's head. "I shall try my best not to." Then she looked at Gray. "Shall we?"
He didn't reply immediately. Gray had thought the same thing almost a dozen times every hour, but she really was beautiful on a whole other level. The light from the inside framed her form, creating a silhouette that was illuminated by diffused twilight, giving her face an almost ethereal glow. Her pink gear matched her hair perfectly. The warmth of her eyes remained undimmed even behind the thick sunglasses she wore. She was covered from head to toe in clothes that did nothing to flatter her figure, but it didn't matter. If he had been the sort to love people only for their bodies, he would have moved on ages ago.
"Yeah," he said quietly, swallowing his awe and smiling at the ridiculousness of it all. "Let's go."
"Are we taking a sled?"
It would be simpler but… Luca was onto something. Could he afford to wait? Hadn't he waited long enough? Long years of only seeing her once or twice a year. That isolation, the yearning, it would eat him alive if he were to feed it more. That stupid kid was smart about the weirdest things, and Gray sighed out of his nose when he realised that he, in fact, didn't want to get back quickly.
"No," he said, extending his hands towards her. "Something else. Trust me."
Erza smiled. Gray thought she might have questions, but she didn't hesitate. Without a word, she reached out and took his hands and, as they stood facing each other, Gray was blown away by the renewed realisation that she trusted him with her life.
"You are the ice expert. I shall follow your lead." She hiked a shoulder almost playfully. "What's next?"
"Next…" Gray stepped back, gently pulling her along with him. However, his feet didn't touch the ice. Instead, magical skates, pure white and shimmering, materialised under his and her snowshoes and as he slid back along the reinforced ice's surface, he pulled her along with him. "We move."
She was surprised. That much Gray could see. It didn't last long, though, as her surprise soon morphed into amusement and she gripped his wrists tighter, letting him lead her along in this dance as they slipped and slid along, holding each other's gazes and staying close enough to hear their hearts whisper their secrets to each other, though their tongues daren't move.
For a while, he would forget about pretend sea monsters and feelings of unworthiness. No, he would focus on her tonight and, for the first time in a long time, do something he desperately wanted to do without any fear of holding back.
After all, it could be as simple as he wanted to be, right? There was nothing simpler than skating along the vast frozen frontier, hand in hand, with the wind at their back and the ocean waiting ahead. Just them, together, at the end of all things, without speaking a word. They moved in tandem, balancing each other and controlling their speed. There was never a need for words. Not for them. There would be a time and a place where he told her everything that he had kept prisoner in his mind, but that could wait a while.
After all, where else could he go?
Their little waltz took them out into the ice shelf. Where they skidded to a stop, the ocean was a stone's throw away. In the distance, Gray could see several icebergs floating away from the mainland. Guided by the currents, they were off to make life hell for any ship attempting to reach the continent's shores.
Erza, who had stopped beside him, exhaled and pulled down her sunglasses. As her eyes washed over the rolling waves, she balled up her fists and stuck them inside her pockets.
"You came to get us out," she began, not looking at him. "What's your plan?"
He'd been thinking about that himself. In quiet moments, when there was nothing to do, Gray had been going over his so-called extraction plan. Even now, when he was staring the ocean in the face, he didn't know if it was such a good idea, but it was the only one he had. He was willing to bank on his skills. The question was whether his efforts would bear fruit.
"I wanted to talk to you about something else first," he said instead and mentioned to Erza the presence he'd felt beneath the waves. He even mentioned his suspicion of the Nebula's demise. She listened closely, frowning all the way, and shook her head when he was finished.
"You think it is some sort of giant sea monster?" she asked.
"I don't know. I won't know until I take a closer look."
"You will not be able to hold your breath long enough to reach the necessary depths to examine what the source of this force is. We do not have the necessary diving gear, either."
"Yeah, that's a bit of a bummer." Gray closed his eyes and sighed. "My whole plan hinged on–"
He paused. He had to. A strong katabatic wind buffeted them, and he reached for Erza's elbow immediately. Bracing her, he let the wind blow away any chance of a regular conversation and instead opted for signing.
'My plan didn't take into account any dangers rising from under the sea,' he told her. 'If that happens, I don't know how we'll manage.'
Erza watched his hands first. Then her eyes rose to meet him, and she smiled at his sentiment.
'I have full faith in you,' she answered. 'And in the event that a chthonic beast decides to bar our way to freedom, you are not alone. All of us, together, have defeated many a foe before. Beings that rivalled gods in power. And, together, we shall triumph again.'
It was such a simple sentiment. Simple, yet powerful. It was something Gray had made many efforts to forget over the years. He had spent years teaching Luca to be self-reliant to hone his skill to the point where he wasn't dependent on others, where he could take care of himself. If you couldn't use the tools you had to solve the problems laid before you, then it was best to step away from the problem. It was smarter. Gray had prepared Luca for the world but, somewhere along the way, he had convinced himself that he, too, had to solve it all on his own. There was nothing wrong with having a team, but how could he teach something he himself had no conviction about?
Which was why those few words had now struck him dumb. With his mouth agape, he stared at Erza like an idiot. Trust her to kick me in the ass when I need it. Her conviction, her faith in both his ability to get them out and in their ability to back him up… it wasn't new, but it felt good to be reminded so bluntly. It was the only mode Erza operated on. It felt even better to truly believe that Team Natsu was there at his back. Whatever he missed, they would pick up. They always had.
And knowing that, in a weird way, made him confident. Without fear of crashing and burning allowed him to soar higher, closer to the expectations he had of himself. Closer to the man he wanted to be for Erza. Closer to standing at her side.
Gray filled his lungs with the frigid air and exhaled out of his mouth. He had come to rescue them. He wasn't alone. He wouldn't disappoint them. Her.
That thought embedded itself in his mind. Fuelled by the determination of not letting Erza down, he cracked a grin and, against the raging wind, declared, "I'm all fired up!"
Whether or not Erza heard it, it didn't matter. All that mattered was the success of what he was about to do. Brimming with confidence, Gray stepped forward, toward the ocean, all the while moulding his magic and tracing the shape of the object in his mind. It was a familiar shape. It was something he had made before, but back then he'd had Lyon and Juvia's help. Now, he was alone. The task was still formidable, no doubt, but he ate formidable for breakfast. Besides, he wasn't the same mage he used to be back then.
Gray released his magic. He drew from the frozen world all around him, sucking up the latent magic lying trapped in the ice all around him. The more he ate, the faster his markings grew, but he didn't care. The Devil Slayer magic was a tool, and if he couldn't solve the problem laid out before him using all the tools at his disposal, well, he wouldn't be a very good teacher if he didn't practise what he preached.
Ice mages needed structure. Their magic hinged on the lattice they breathed into the world. And so, keeping his creation in mind, he tamed and shaped the wild magic around him, taking it into his palm and exerting his control over it. He absorbed, mastered, and projected it, letting it take shape farther away from them, over the ocean. It was safer that way. Gray kept his eyes closed. Beholding the construction wasn't as important as using his mind's eye to shape it, and there was a lot of detail to go over.
A wide hull. Two decks. The prow, the rudder, the propeller, the bridge–he imagined everything down to the rivets and boards. His mind held the complete mould of the vessel and it was into it that Gray poured his magic, casting the image into reality. He could see it now, his ship, floating serenely on the dark waters of the frigid ocean. It looked majestic in his mind, the luminescent white and blue ice reflecting the twilight and appearing as ethereal as the Queen of Fairies herself. Many a time Titania had entered a battlefield when all hope seemed lost and single-handedly snatched everyone away from the jaws of defeat and destruction. That was what Gray wanted to achieve with this ship. He wanted it to be as a beacon, a light in dark times when all other lights had gone out. He wanted everyone to feel relieved and confident in the way Erza inspired. And when he opened his eyes to gaze upon his creation, he was satisfied to see that his work had retained the essence of the image in his mind.
The figurehead carved into the bow was a sculpture of a woman pointing a sword towards the distant horizon. Her long hair swept over her right eye, hiding it from public view. Her smile, warm and welcoming, radiated belief. Hope. The swordmaiden bore an uncanny resemblance to the woman who now stepped up and stood beside him. Had he applied some of his blood, he might have been able to recreate her scarlet locks as well. As it was, it was good enough.
He hoped, anyway.
"That's my plan," Gray told Erza, raising a hand in a sweeping motion to gesture towards the ship he had created. He leant in to speak directly into her ear. "She'll sail as far as I can take her by feeding her magic. Two decks: lower for storage and upper for living. I don't know how fast I'll be able to make her, but–"
Erza grasped his hand. Her mittens stopped her fingers from finding the gaps between his, but the pressure she exerted was enough to let him know that she was moved. Gray knew he didn't need to explain any more. She was satisfied. That was enough.
"I'm going to call her Titania," he said further. "Someone I know goes by that name and refuses to sink regardless of the pressure the world puts on her. I'm hoping the namesake will prove just as resilient."
It was only then that Erza shook her head. "Idiot," he heard her say before feeling her temple rest against his shoulder. Heaving a sigh, she asked, "Why are you such an idiot?"
"Idiot? I'd say I'm damn near a genius. Built a ship outta nothing." He chuckled. "Not many other ice mages can do that, ya know."
"I know." She patted his hand. "I appreciate your trust. I hope you know that."
"You trust me, I trust you. That's how it goes, right?"
"Yes, Gray. That is how it goes." Erza raised her head from his shoulder and took a few steps forward, putting her hands on her hips. He could tell that she was already in problem solving mode. "You will need to bring her a little closer to shore. We will need to load her, and we cannot fly with heavy equipment with the katabatic winds assailing us."
"Yes, ma'am. I can do that." He chuckled, saluting when she turned to look at him. "Anything else?"
"Nothing yet. Not until I've been aboard her and inspected her myself." She looked back out at the ship, though he could see the faint upward curl of her lips. "Honestly, I am still processing the fact that you conjured up a ship all on your own."
"Think I should bring The Great Gray monicker back?"
"Perhaps not." She sounded more amused than anything. Perhaps a part of her wanted him to do it regardless of what she said. He could grant that wish no problem "Though I am curious what Natsu will make of this. What do you think he will say, Gray?"
Gray shrugged. "Probably something dumb as fuck."
And, as it turned out, he was right on the money.
"Holy jumping fucking shitballs," Natsu exclaimed the next morning when Gray led the party to the shore to show off his creation. With a forefinger pointed right at the firgurehead, he turned back to the rest with wide eyes and exclaimed, "That's Erza on that ship! That ice bastard put Erza on the ship! Why would you do that?"
"Because he loves her," Luca replied–thankfully in Isvali. Nobody was fluent enough in the language to understand his words and Gray counted his lucky stars for that. Then, in Fiorian, he added, "Couldn't get her hair right, though."
"Yes, it's curlier than Erza's," Wendy agreed.
"It's supposed to be windswept, you assholes," Gray grumbled as he fed the ship his magic, drawing once again from the continent itself. "I didn't go up there with a hammer and chisel, ya know. Woulda done it right, then."
"But why Erza, though?" Natsu persisted. "Why not me? I'm your rival, not her!"
"Shut up, dumbass, I'm concentrating."
Truth be told, he hadn't fully thought through the consequences of recreating Erza in ice. He should have expected the questions. He was dreading more of them from Natsu but, fortunately, loading cargo onto the ship left them all with very little time to do other things. For two days straight, the party fit everything from the sleds onto the ship's cargo hold, from scientific equipment to rations, while also making the cabins habitable. It was all ice, after all, and sleeping on hard ice would be difficult–especially when the waves started throwing the ship around every way imaginable.
At the end of the second day, the party had moved onto the ship. The ship had five living quarters–a large cabin for Natsu, Lucy, and Noelle, and four small rooms each for the rest. By securing insulation pads on the ice bunks and laying out their sleeping bags over them, the crew had managed to find a way to sleep. The galley was stocked with ready to eat food. Hoosh was still a mainstay, but Gray and Natsu had found a way to mix their magic and create a stove for actual cooking–though it involved Natsu actually standing in one place and making sure not to burn the food. Gray was happy to learn that years of living with Lucy had finally resulted in him growing up.
Because the ship was modelled after a modern icebreaker and not galleon–the figurehead being the only callback to ships of old–there were no masts and ropes. Anyone on the bridge had complete access to a 360-degree view. It was here that Gray usually went during the nights to look out at the end of the world. On the night before they weighed anchor, after a hearty meal, Gray had gone up there to say goodbye to the South Pole. Come dawn, he would be steering the ship away from the great white plains. A farewell was in order.
So, it wasn't surprising when he found Lucy already there. Gray figured the others would come up, too, at one time or another. They had spent longer on the pole than anyone else so far. No wonder they would want a last look at it.
It was with this thought that he approached Lucy, who was leaning her forearms upon the railing. The wind was tousling her hair. It was loud enough that she didn't hear him coming, so, again, she was a touch startled when he appeared at her side. With a hand upon her heart, she almost jumped a whole foot in the air before Gray could even attempt to calm her.
'You scared me!' Lucy chuckled, laughing off her surprise. 'I almost fell overboard!'
'Sorry. I'm trying not to let it become a habit.' He smiled back. 'Getting a last glimpse?'
'Yeah.' Lucy's smile turned wistful, and she glanced back at the frozen wasteland she had survived on. 'It's strange. I almost don't want to leave.'
'Why? You like the cold?'
'Sort of.' Though she did not look back at him, Lucy's smile sort of froze in place. 'I guess I'm just dreading going back.'
It dawned on Gray at that moment that he was on the threshold of opening a door he might not like the inside of. He had been aware of something funky going on with Lucy for a few days. So was Erza. Probably all of the others as well. Lucy had confided in no one, as far as he knew. Except him. Even during her labour pains, she had sworn him into secrecy to tell him things. He hadn't judged then, and she knew he wouldn't judge now. Here she was, opening the door a crack for him. All he had to do was ask the right questions and push it open further.
Was it worth it? As a friend, he had been absent from her life for years, so, obviously, he wasn't the best confidante. As team leader, for now, he needed to know that she was mentally okay otherwise there was a chance she could cause problems later on. As a human being, he wanted to make sure she was okay and whether he ought to get help. Especially with an infant dependent on her, her health was of the utmost importance. That was what clinched it for him.
'Why dreading it?' he asked her silently. 'You can't possibly want to stay here. For what? The tourism? The food?'
The barest glint of teeth broke through her placid smile and Lucy turned towards him. 'Do you really want to know?'
Without hesitation, he signed, 'Yes.'
Instantly, Lucy's shoulders slumped. She exhaled deeply, as if ridding herself of a heavy, heavy burden. Gray waited patiently for her to gather herself but with the first sentence she signed at him, he knew why felt so off.
'I am starting to regret having the baby.'
There was no good way of responding to that, so he just asked the obvious question: 'Why?'
'I just cannot make her happy. She always cries when I have her. The only time she is quiet is when she's feeding.' Lucy's fingers moved fast. It was the only release for the impotent desperation she felt. Her words were a torrent, and it took Gray all his concentration just to keep up. 'With the others, she falls asleep in a flash. With me?' She shook her head. 'I feel like she just does not like me at all, and that makes me dislike her in turn. Here I am, sacrificing sleep and my own well-being just to make sure she is fine. Not once has she smiled while in my arms, Gray. I think she can tell that I'm no good for her.'
This was a sentiment wholly alien to Gray. He'd never raised an infant. His intense fear of children in his youth had kept him away from them very effectively. He had been a sort of father to Luca, but he'd taken the boy in after he had learnt to talk. Noelle's only mode of communication was crying. And she really did a lot of that.
'At least here, there are things I can do that I am good at. I was good with planning and research. Once I go back? I will have to drop everything to raise her. Do you know what that means Gray? I have to spend every hour of every day doing something I am horrible at. Everyone will be fussing about how great of a baby Noelle is and how lucky I am to be a mother, but I don't feel lucky. I feel cursed. This is supposed to be something beautiful, and I want so badly for her to like me… but I'm convinced she hates my guts. That is why I don't want to leave here.'
Lucy stopped with a frustrated sigh and threw up her hands. Her eyes were shimmering with unshed tears and Gray offered her a handkerchief before they fell. Lucy took it, mouthed 'Thanks', and dabbed at her eyes.
Gray took the moment to think. What could he say? How would he even make her see a different perspective? This talk should be coming from Erza or Wendy–or maybe others who already had children. He wasn't even married!
When Lucy held his handkerchief out, Gray shook his head and asked, 'Tell me something. You don't hate Noelle, do you?'
Lucy's shoulders shook with a mirthless laugh. 'Sometimes. Sometimes I feel like shouting at her to shut up. Other horrible things. It convinces me that I'm not fit for motherhood. There are no resources here that can help me, either.'
'I guess that's why you should go back,' he tried. 'Here, there are six of us. Back at the Guild, there are at least five times that amount–three of whom have kids of their own. They will help you raise her, help you find ways of dealing with everything. Don't forget that Fairy Tail is a family.'
'I know, but it's weird, right? She's my daughter. For her not to like me… that's bad, right?'
'We don't know how she feels because she's a lump who only cries. I don't know about you, but humans have a little more emotional range than crying and sleeping.' He paused for thought. 'But I guess she's Natsu's daughter, too, so it checks out.'
That made Lucy smile. Gray kept going.
'Honestly, we all knew you and Natsu would end up together. I think even you two knew. But how long did it take? Years, right? You have to give your baby a little more time. She's born in the asshole of the world, where things come to fall off the edge. Give her a chance where it isn't freezing and dark all the time. I bet you there will be change.'
'You think so, huh?'
'I do. I also think that you'll be a wonderful mother. Tell me this: a few days ago, when Natsu fell into that hole–' Lucy shivered. 'Yeah. When he fell and you summoned that clock thing, did you hesitate?'
'No.'
'No. You did not. If you really hated her, you would have let her fall into the water and die.' Lucy turned away and closed her eyes. Gray waited for her to look back at him before he continued: 'Exactly. You could have been rid of all this bullshit, but you saved her life. You saved your daughter's life. Without thinking about it, too. How can I ever believe that you'll be bad at it? Yeah, sure, the crying is hard to interpret, but it's a new language. You're smart as hell, Lucy. If anyone can crack it, it's you. Just… give yourself time, okay? Just because you're letting others help you out doesn't mean you're bad at it. I couldn't have gotten you guys out of here without your cooperation. Does that mean I'm bad at rescuing?'
Lucy shook her head. 'No, no it does not.'
'Give it time.'
'I'll try.' Her smile wasn't fully warm, but it wasn't frosty, either. Gray didn't expect the problem to be solved because of a random monologue, but it was a start. 'Thank you. For listening without judgement. I know it was… dark.'
'It's okay. I think about killing myself every week. Wednesday nights are incomplete without a little suicidal ideation.' Lucy snorted. 'Join me, if you like. We can bitch about everything together.'
'Yeah? Sounds fun.'
Without another word, Lucy wrapped his arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. She was a strong woman. Gray felt it in his ribs.
"Thank you," she spoke into his ear and Gray nodded. He patted the top of her head and kissed her cheek.
"You'll be fine," he whispered back and parted from her. With his hands on his shoulders, he smiled and said, "Now go. Rest."
"What about you?"
"In a bit."
"Okay. Goodnight, Gray. And thanks again."
"Night."
He watched Lucy walk down the bridge and head down towards the sleeping quarters, wondering whether anything he said would help. Sure, he knew now, but what could he do with that information? It was an uncomfortable truth everywhere among mothers, and Lucy wasn't the only one going through it. The sooner he got them home, the quicker she could see that for herself. Honestly, the sooner he got them home, the better it was for everybody. Gray was at his most powerful at the Pole because he wasn't using his own magic. Instead, he was drawing from the world around him. After they left, he would only have his own magic to draw from. That would make them significantly slower. He had toyed with the notion of keeping large amounts of ice from the Pole in the cargo deck he could use as fuel but had decided against it. Firstly, it would amount to a lot of extra weight. Secondly, it was difficult to estimate how much he'd need. If there was a surplus, it would start melting as soon as they hit warmer climes. That could harm the scientific equipment.
The working solution was for him and Luca to take turns. One would rest and recuperate while the other was on bridge duty. Four-hour shifts around the clock were what they had settled on, with Gray taking the first watch. Using his Slayer magic, he would be able to use the continent itself to push them forward with speed. Come morning, he would do just that.
Gray decided against sleep that night. He let the Slayer magic take a hold of him, allowing him to slowly but surely steal the magic from the ice of the South Pole. There was only so much he could store. Too much and his body wouldn't be able to hold it. Too little, and it wouldn't be worth anything. He also had to make sure he wouldn't lose himself to the magic. He needed his faculties about him for what was to come, and he had used enough of the Slayer magic to know when to call it quits.
Whether fortunately or unfortunately, nobody else came to the bridge during the night. Gray was left alone with his thoughts, the wind, the waves, and the stars. There was no rainbow bridge extending over him. Nothing pretty to look at. Only the harsh and jagged landscape. It was beautiful in its own way, but Gray had other priorities to think about. He thought about his house up in the mountains, about the villagers at the base and everyone else in the community that counted on him. He thought about Emilie the seamstress, her family, and all that she had told him about leaving it all behind. He thought about Erza and everything she had told him over this experience together–from atop the mountain to the night he'd created the ship. There was nothing concrete there, but did all the words need to be spelt out? For them, anyway?
Gray was a cautious soul by nature. He wanted information before he acted. Erza was going through a tough time herself. He would always be there to support her, no doubt, but beyond that? Would he risk it all on a feeling? He didn't know. She had said that it was as simple as he would let it be, and he wanted to believe it more than anything, but was anything truly that simple?
When the dial of his watch told him it was only half an hour to weighing anchor, he heaved a sigh and got up. These were things he could worry about later. After he got the ship going.
The sounds of the heavy anchors being lifted must have roused the bunch for they all made their way to the bridge one by one. Luca was the first to arrive. Standing in the middle of the bridge, Gray watched over his shoulder as the boy came and stood at his side, taking over control over one of the anchor chains and using his magic to slowly pull it up.
"We have shifts, ya know," Gray reminded him.
"Shaddap. You ain't the only one who gets to show off."
"Fine. Have it your way. But when you're tired during your shift and sail us into an iceberg, don't come cryin' to me."
"It's called the Titania, not the Titanic. Calm your tits."
That was not a connection Gray had made before creating the ship. Now, part of him was afraid that he had awakened a curse of some kind.
"You two boys are at it quite early," came Erza's voice as she appeared next. "I thought we had fifteen minutes more before departure."
"Just gettin' the grunt work outta the way, Aunty Erza. Donchu worry. Why don't you dig in the sights a little? Not that there's a lotta light to see shi–see stuff, anyway."
"True though that is, I do not need to see it to relive it," Erza said as she came into view, walking past the ice mages and looking out at the ice floe infested ocean laid out before them. "I am more interested in looking forwards. Gray, the hull is reinforced, yes?"
"No ice will break my ice," Gray reassured her, watching her back against the dimly lit morning. It was getting darker by the day. "Bank on that."
"I shall." Patting the bridge's railing and turning back at him. "I trust you both with my life, as you are tired of hearing by now. We're all ready to get moving whenever you are."
That momentous occasion came a few minutes later. With the heavy anchors raised and the entire party gathered on the bridge, Gray took a deep breath and got to work. He squatted down and placed his palms flat on the ice, fingers splayed. A single burst of magic allowed him to scan the ice of the ship and check for any abnormalities. There were none. Satisfied, he exhaled and focused all his magic on the propeller.
"Okay, folks, welcome to your return voyage to the Kingdom of Fiore, courtesy of The Great Gray. I am The Great Gray, and I shall be your rescuer on this fine day. If you look out in either direction, you'll see an endless sea and lotsa icebergs. If you look back, you'll see an endless frozen hell. Our goal is to get your asses back to your homes in one piece at best and two pieces at worst. Natsu can live with his ass in many pieces, so I don't give a shit about him."
"You're lucky we need this boat, or I'd have burnt it into the ocean by now," grumbled the dragon slayer in question while rocking Noelle in his arms. Beside him, Lucy chuckled. She seemed to be in better spirits. The prospect of leaving hell could do that to people.
Gray himself smiled. In the middle of all that banter, he had started powering the propeller. Now, it was sinking in for the others that they were on their way because of the inertia of forward movement. As the hull started cutting through the water and ice alike, Wendy raised her hands overhead, raised her face heavenwards, and sighed.
"Whatever gods there might be, I thank them for you, Gray," she said. "And you, Luca. Thank you for coming to get us. It's only now that the ship's moving that I'm starting to realise that I'm… I'm going home."
She punctuated home with a little, stifled sob, before her relief caused her to start crying in earnest. Lucy and Erza were there for her instantly, and Natsu brought in Noelle to share a group hug. Luca, whether invited or not, took part. Gray couldn't, mostly because he was trying to get the hang of handling an animated ship and any lapse in concentration on his part could end in disaster. Knowing this, Wendy came up and hugged him tightly. She didn't say anything, but she didn't need to. Gray understood.
"Get some rest," he told her. "All of you. It's gonna be a long journey, and you'll need your strength. Last two days you worked without pause, so give yourself a treat and sleep some more. Even you, Luca. I'll come wake you up in four hours."
None of them left. Not until the ship was clear of the South Pole. Not until the coastline was a fraction of its size on the horizon. Gray pushed the ship hard, using all of his stored-up reserves to rush the ship away from the coast and belligerent icebergs. Thankfully, the amount of water displaced by the ship created a current strong enough to push them away.
Erza was the last one to leave. She lingered in silence for a good half an hour after Luca finally went down to sleep. She did not look back, true to her words, but stood beside Gray and scanned the open ocean laid out before them. The plan was simple: point the ship towards the direction of Fiore and go straight towards it. Ignore all shipping lanes and whatever else there might be. A straight line was the shortest distance. Once she woke up, Lucy would man the radio and send out distress signals to any ship in the vicinity. If they were picked up, all the better. Easier on the ice mages that way.
"You were up all night, weren't you?" Erza asked him, breaking the silence. "I checked in on your cabin once. You didn't answer my knocks. I know you well enough to know you won't ignore me."
Once again, she was right on the money.
"I coulda been asleep," Gray tried anyway.
"You know my knocks. Besides, I called your name at the door, too. We didn't have an argument, so you had no reason to ignore me."
The reminder stung a bit and Gray grimaced at the memory. That had not been the best of nights, halfway up the mountain and hanging in a tent. However, he focused on the more prominent question that presented itself.
"Why were you looking for me, Erza?"
She looked at him and he returned the gaze out of instinct. Though she smiled, a pervading sadness had settled behind her eyes. It was always there, ever since he'd known her, but she was always good at hiding it. Gray suspected it was because she knew he wasn't good at handling her tears.
"It was our last night moored by the continent," she answered. "On the eve of the journey, I wanted to spend some time alone with you." His heart thudded in his chest. Erza hiked a shoulder. "There were some things I wanted to say."
There was nothing worse than a missed connection. Gray's breath almost caught, and he had to swallow to make his mouth work again. What had he missed out on? Would that moment ever come back? Was he going to regret it forever? The thought was too much to bear.
"Say them now," he all but pleaded but Erza was not having it.
She shook her head. "Not now. Not here. Perhaps… no. Definitely some other time, but not now." So saying, she smiled anew and patted his shoulder. "Now you have work, and I shan't be a distraction. So, finish your vigil and come down. I shall have food waiting for you. After you eat and rest… then we can talk. Okay?"
It was a promise, at least. She wasn't just going to forget about what she had to say. That was something, at least.
"Okay," he replied quietly. "I'll see you in a few hours."
"Yes. I shall see you then."
The farther away the ship moved, the more Gray found himself wondering what it was that Erza had to say to him. Did she have anything to say at all? He couldn't help it. His expectant brain was full of hope and imagination. He knew he ought to concentrate on the sight before him, but his racing mind refused to yield.
It was strange. Despite all the weight of responsibility that he carried, his mind was wont to regress back into that of a teenager's when he thought about Erza. For the four hours of his duty on the bridge, while he pushed the ship into the pack ice, backed up, and rammed again in order to break his way free, all his stray thoughts turned to Erza.
All that's missing is a flower. I could play, 'she loves me, she loves me not.'
It was an arduous few hours of work. Between the constant sawing of the ice, the ship was hit on both sides by icebergs both small and large. Gray paid them no mind. The vessel would not sink to ice. It was only when ice clogged up the rear that Gray had to divert his attention. No space to go astern meant no force with which to break the ice in front. And it was a constant struggle. Even after four hours of constant sawing, Gray was unable to clear the Titania through the ice fields of the South Pole. It was almost as if the place was keen on keeping its bounty.
Luca came to relieve him right on time, and he brought with him a water bottle. "It's got electrolytes in it. Thought you could use a boost."
"Thanks." Constantly moulding magic depleted the body of more resources than most people imagined. Gray took a long chug, pulling his magic away from the ship's propeller. Exhaustion hit him instantly and he leaned back until he was lying down on the bridge. "This is exhausting."
"Yeah, well, I'm relieving you, so go lie down on your bed or something," Luca told him. From the way the ship shuddered back to life, he could tell that Luca had taken over for him. "Not my fault your own plan's kicking your ass, man."
With a rather undignified grunt, Gray sat up in time to feel the ship slam into the ice shelf in front of them. He had pushed hard enough that instead of weeks of sawing, their icebreaker would break free in a few hours. It was all thanks to the ice he'd absorbed. Now, his reserves were all but depleted.
"If you get us outta the ice before your four hours is up, I'll buy you a chocolate," Gray declared.
Luca snorted. He moved back and forth, checking both ways, before driving the ship back and forward again. "I can buy myself a chocolate, you cheap dumbass. Get me something epic. Like a bike."
"Two-wheelers are death traps, and you'll ride one over my dead body."
"A car, then."
Offering only a noncommittal hum in response, Gray got to his feet and shook off the numbness threatening his fingertips. "I'll think about it."
"Think about it while you give your ass something to eat," Luca replied and threw him the bottle of electrolytes. "Finish that. Get me some sometime in the middle."
"You got it, Captain."
Contrary to popular belief, Grau did listen to Luca. Case in point, he finished the bottle on the way down. It did his flagging body some good, but it was just a stopgap measure. Not sleeping the night had come back to bite him in the ass, and he resolved to get some sleep now that he had a chance. Before that, he dropped by the galley to keep the bottle. It was a mistake. As soon as Gray stepped in, he knew he would get no sleep because Erza was there at the table. She looked at him and smiled when he entered, causing him to forget how to walk momentarily.
"Good job," she greeted him. "Luca was telling me that our progress was rapid."
"Yeah, well." He shrugged and placed the bottle among its many comrades beside the sink. There was no running, but they needed a place to wash their hands. Two buckets under the sink half-filled with fresh water served that purpose. "I stayed up all night to absorb magic from the ice. Pretty much used it all to save us a few days."
Erza hummed. "You have done so much for the mission already, Gray. It is okay to not break your back over it."
"I won't be able to relax until we're back."
"On that contrary, I'm going to ask you to relax right now." Erza lifted the lid off a bowl, revealing almost steaming chicken soup. The broth smelt rich and Gray's stomach immediately rumbled. "I need you in full health. Which means both you and Luca cannot afford to skip meals or rest." She smiled up at him and gestured towards the chair across from her. "Sit."
Gray from the soup up at her. "You made this?"
"I did."
Wordlessly, he sat down and pulled the bowl his way. It was better not to protest all the time. "Smells nice."
"Thank you, Gray. I hope it tastes as good as it smells."
"It does." There was some cabbage and broccoli along with the chicken strips, which was a nice touch. "You didn't have to, you know. Hoosh woulda been enough."
"I know. But I said I would have food waiting for you, and I like to keep my word."
"You always do."
"Not always, but I try."
"Have you eaten?"
"We've all eaten, Gray. I simply wished to make sure that you had eaten as well."
"Thanks." Gray cracked a grin. Just like how she always tried to keep her word, she didn't forget many things, either. "I appreciate it. You also had something you wanted to tell me, right?"
"It can wait, Gray."
Vibrations coursed through the length of the ship as the prow ploughed into ice. Gray's bowl jumped on the table, but he didn't look away from Erza. "We have time now."
"I want you to eat."
"Believe me, I won't stop." He fed himself a spoonful and slurped it down. "See?"
Erza laughed and shook her head. "Okay. If you insist."
"I do insist."
"I do love you."
Erza had always been blunt and direct. It was the hallmark of her character, the pillar of her personality. There was no pretence, no talking in circles. She was always honest, sometimes to her own detriment, and that was why, initially, they had butted heads a lot. Gray didn't like hearing that she didn't like him. He would have liked a little more finesse from her end. With time she had gotten better at it, but it hadn't gone away. Gray himself had grown to appreciate that quality. It had made his life much, much easier because he didn't have to guess whether she meant something other than the words she was saying.
However, simple wasn't always easy to digest. When his spoon fell into the soup from his limp fingers, Erza only chuckled.
"I told you that you would stop eating."
Ah, to hell with proving her wrong, Gray thought. "You–You do?"
"I do."
"What? Why? When?"
"I will answer if you eat."
Gray picked up the vegetables and ate them first. Then he scarfed down the chicken. Finally, he raised the bowl to his lips and gulped down every bit of soup the ice bowl held. Only then did he set it down and wipe his mouth with his sleeve.
"There, I ate."
Erza raised a brow but didn't say anything. "So, I see."
Gray placed his elbows on the table and leant forward. Pointing at her, he asked, "And you wanted to tell me this last night?"
"Yes."
"Is there a huge but coming?"
"It's not huge. Just… big."
Gray's heart sank. "Oh, I hate big buts and I cannot lie."
"This one is not so bad." Erza mirrored him by leaning forward herself. "I promise."
"Okay. Lay it on me."
Erza nodded. "I want, ultimately, to have a family. I want a house somewhere in the suburbs. I want to build a swing set in the backyard and grow some plants out front. I want to have a pet or two. I want to have children. I want to have a husband. I want to love everything in my life and be loved in turn. I want to go to sleep knowing that tomorrow would be worth getting up for. That is not unreasonable, is it?"
Strange as it was to think about Erza painting a fence post, Gray had to shake his head. "It ain't."
"I thought so. I want these things, Gray, sooner rather than later. You and I are almost thirty, and I do not have the time to invest in a relationship that does not lead there. I want something serious; I want a long-term partner who treats me like an equal." She hesitated for a moment before adding, much more demurely, "And I would like that partner to be you. If you also want those same things."
The but hung in the air between them. She was good enough to not say it explicitly, but he knew what she was driving at. Did he want those same things? Could he be that partner?
"I will not say that I need those things now. I do not want them before I work on myself a little. Not until after I go out into the world and find myself. Only once I've done that will I consider all that I've said before." With a smile, Erza placed her palms upon the table and pushed herself off her chair. "I will not ask you to be a part of that journey, Gray. All I ask is that you use the time while I figure things out to… to think about what you want."
Gray sat back in his chair as another rumble made its way down the ship. There were many thoughts circling around his head but one only one gained enough strength for him to voice.
"You wanted to tell me this last night?"
She nodded. "We were on the verge of leaving for home. I wanted… I wanted to tell you because I thought it would also be a bit momentous. But I have said my piece. That is the important bit."
Perhaps it was, but it didn't sit right with him. She would have dropped this upon him and just, what? Walked away?
"I know that look." Erza smiled while she pushed her chair in. "You are already thinking about it. While I appreciate it, Gray, you have time. Do not let this distract you from the mission. It is not as important as that."
What happened to wanting me to relax for a bit?
"Rest now," Erza went on. "Everything else will keep."
How the hell could he relax after being asked by the woman of his dreams to marry her? If there was a draught or potion that allowed him to do it, he wanted it right there and then. But there wasn't. His thoughts were a mess. Probably realising this, Erza had left the galley in silence for when he broke the surface of his swirling thoughts, she was nowhere to be seen.
Gray barked out a hollow laugh and rubbed his face. Knowing that nobody was there, he groaned into his hands and sank into his chair.
"God damn it," he whispered, letting his hands fall limply to his sides. Gray leant his head back against the backrest of his chair, the stubborn smile refusing to leave his face. He put the back of his hand atop his forehead, as if that would stem the rapid growth of the blush across his face and neck. "God damn it."
Her gauntlet was thrown. The question was whether he would pick it up. Gray was grateful for one thing, at least: she had given him time. And time was what he needed to sift through the consequences of such a momentous proposition. A house? Kids? With Erza? That was the stuff of dreams. Dreams he hadn't dared let himself think about for years. To have it all dropped on his lap was, well, it was big, all right.
Gray laughed out loud. "But maybe not huge."
Huge was what came afterwards. A mere few minutes after he'd uttered those words, Gray felt the prow of the ship lift dangerously. It lifted to the point where the angle was so steep that he fell out of his chair. That was not supposed to happen. He clambered to his feet and started running out of the galley as the ship started stabilising because he knew he had to get to the bridge.
He wasn't quick enough.
Every action had an equal and opposite reaction. As the front part of the ship went down, the back part started to rise. For Gray, what should have been an uphill climb suddenly became a downhill slope and he found himself falling down the stairs leading up to the bridge.
What the fuck is happening?
There should not have been any waves like that. Not until they reached the open seas. With ice surrounding them still, rocking and rolling like this ought to be impossible. Gray froze the ice around his boots, helping him get a stable grip as he sprinted down to the bridge. As the ship began to right itself, he burst out into the open air, but the sight that greeted him was not one he wanted to see.
Made as if from the icy gloom surrounding it, a huge reptilian head had reared from beneath the surface of the water, blocking their way. The shadows and twilight seemed to be almost bending around it, making it almost invisible. However, he could see enough to be afraid. A single nostril of this creature was big enough to swallow the ship hole. Its eyes were a pale blue and they shone like lightning in a storm, the unmoving gaze locked upon their vessel. Its mouth was not yet open but as the scales head slowly started rising up to pierce the clouds, Gray could see that its neck seemed to go on forever.
Luca, who stood transfixed upon the bridge, couldn't crane his neck up anymore. "Holy fuck," he said, trembling.
Then, from a height suitable enough to launch an assault on the very heavens, the creature opened its gigantic maw, its many curved teeth shining with an ethereal blue light and let loose such a baleful roar that it almost churned the very roots of the ocean itself. The force from the cry created waves, split ice apart in every direction, and Gray had to fight to control the ship lest it come flying out of the water entirely.
All through it, as he fed the ship the last dregs of his magic, he held the eyes of this beast, this monstrosity from the ocean floor. His mind turned off. His body went numb. Fear claimed every iota of his being and Gray didn't think he had the will to resist. His knees collapsed and he sank down upon the ice floor of the bridge.
After all, what else would await them at the end of the world but the end of all things?
