Trigger warnings: mentions of non-con/rape


"W-Wade?" she looked at him "Did you…" it dawned on her "Your father. Oh my God, that's the town you grew up in" he chuckled

"I didn't exactly grow up in town"

"No? Was it because of your mother? Were you an outcast back then already?" then it hit her "Wait, your father was gravedigger. You're saying… that shack there… it's where you lived?" her glance fell to the small building and she swallowed "How could three people fit in there?"

"Barely" she looked back at him

"Does someone live there now?"

"No. 't's been empty for years. Decades"

"So you were the last people who lived there"

"Yeah"

"Do-do you want to have a look?" he chuckled

"Just 'cause you want to see it, huh?"

"No but… okay I am interested to see how you lived" although she would not have expected it, the shack had two rooms. One that looked like it was a kitchen and living room and the other was a bedroom. The kitchen contained a square table, a stove above which two pans hung, a fireplace, two chairs and a small armchair by the fire. The bedroom had a drawer, a bed and a small mattress on the floor. Her glance fell to it "Was this your bed?"

"Well, I'd hardly call it a bed. I'd sleep in my parent's bed whenever my father wasn't home at night"

"I can't believe you once were that small"

"Good, I started to outgrow it towards the end" she walked over to the drawer, running her hand over its dusty surface and then wiping her hand on her skirt. Not knowing what to do or say, she started drawing patterns in the dust with her finger "You know, it wasn't that bad. It used to be a little more furnished" she chuckled lowly but said nothing "Missy? You okay?"

"Yeah" she finally said "I was just trying to imagine what it must have been like. How you and your family might have been" she turned around and winced when she saw he was directly behind her now. He placed a hand on her back, gently rubbing it and starting to lead her back to the other room. Her glance fell back to the mattress on the floor. Somehow she had managed to walk into a spider web and was now occupied with removing it from her body and more importantly James' head.

"Place could use a good scrubbing" she chuckled

"Why? You planning to move back in here?"

"No" he said "That's the past. I'd never want something like this for you and my family" he moved closer. "We'll have a house. A big one. Each of our kids gets their own room and a bookshelf full of books or wardrobe with dresses" she wiggled her eyebrows

"Each of our kids?"

"Well," he said, stroking her hair "always wanted a bunch of 'em. Now I have the chance"

"Who says I'm taking part in this?" his hand moved down to her face

"A girl" he whispered in her ear "I want at least one girl. Then I'm happy" she chuckled

"Well, I believe we can manage that" he chuckled, letting go of her.

"Come"

"What? Where are we going now?" he gave her a grin and walked back outside, to the other side of the house. A rusty shovel was leaning against the wall and he carefully took it.

"You know, one day, my Daddy took me to work. He's been talking to be all the time. He said death was a business, a part of life and well we did get money for it. That was why gravediggers were important. They helped people moving on. Because by burying their dead, you helped saying goodbye" he walked a few steps away from the house and seemed to be looking for something "The ones left behind would mourn them, miss them for a while but eventually would move on into their new lives, it held a new chance for them. Guess he was drunk that he rambled 'bout all that" apparently he had found what he was looking for and thrust the shovel into the dirt. She swallowed, not too sure what to think of what he was doing.

"Did he say that while the funeral party was there?"

"No, though I wouldn't have put it past him. Anyways, my father regularly brought home a bottle of whiskey when he'd been in town. Each time he promised it'd be the last one and he'd stop drinking after that one. Well, a couple of days after he took me to work, he came home, put another bottle on the table, ruffled my hair and said that was the last bottle he'd drink. But before he could open it, he was called to business. So I took the bottle while he was gone, got a shovel and came here" he had stopped digging and instead looked into the small hole he had made, bending down before throwing her a glance "I thought if the moving on thing applied to dead people it'd apply to items too" he pulled a bottle from the hole, staring down at it and wiping some dirt off it.

"You thought he'd stop drinking because he'd move on?" she didn't know if she found it funny or cute. Both, she guessed.

"Well, turns out it wasn't that easy. He came back, found the bottle missing and was in a fury. First, he tried to go after my Mama, but I said I had it but wouldn't tell him where it was. He didn't like that either and put me over the knee. Then he left for town to have a drink. My mother tried to reason with him, 'cause we were low on money - again. He didn't care but promised it'd be the last time he went drinking" he shrugged turning the bottle around in thought. "Early in the following morning the sheriff was at our door. As it seemed, my father had had one too many in the saloon, got in a fight and was killed" he gave a shrug "Well, at least that time he'd been honest about saying this was his last bottle and last time in the saloon"

"Did you… ever feel like it was your fault he died? Your father?"

"At first. I told my Mama the truth what I had done when we were standing at his grave after the funeral and she assured me that it wasn't my fault. That I had done nothing wrong and was and would always be her sweet little boy" he closed his eyes "Four hours later I was sitting at the train station, bible in my lap" she swallowed because she knew what he meant by this

"Do you think she lied? That she thought you were responsible and that's why she left you?" she asked carefully. Somehow she wanted to move closer to him, hug him and offer him comfort but she also didn't want him to believe she pitied him.

"I don't know" she wanted to say something but didn't know what "Well that's all in the past now. Can't be changed" he said, his voice not sounding as if he might break any moment anymore. He put the bottle aside, took a black bundle from his bag and dropped in the hole he had dug, then took out the Hand of God and tossed it in the hole as well before taking out his old hat and doing the same. Then he got up and took the shovel, getting ready to close the hole.

"Wait" she cried, hurried over and grabbed his hat out of the hole "I always loved that hat" she held it against her abdomen, making him chuckle as he got to work burying his old things.

"Ben Wade the boy was born here. Ben Wade the outlaw was born here. So I guess it's only fitting if Ben Wade the outlaw gets buried here" Cecilia gave a slow nod.

"A new chance. We move on"

Later that day Ben said he had something else to show her and so they rode to the next town which was a few miles away. This one seemed bigger than the other they stayed in. This time, Ben seemed less sure of his surroundings and what was where but finally, they stopped in front of a large building near the end of the settlement. Her husband swallowed then knocked.

"Yes?" a not so friendly, fat man in his sixties opened, and inspected them both "What do you want?" Ben smiled

"I played with the thought to donate something. But first I want to assure everyone's doing fine here"

"A donation?"

"Money" Ben said and that seemed to have roused the man's interest and he opened the door for them.

"Wait here, I will be right back" while Cecilia stood around a bit lost, Ben went to a chair and sat down in it, crossing his legs and looking like he owned the place. A couple of minutes later, a young boy and an even younger girl came.

"Sir, Ma'am" they boy spoke, clearing his throat "Mr. Cooper sent us to come and get you" the girl gave a nod and was throwing shy glances at Cecilia. Ben jumped up and walked over to her

"Well, then we can't keep him waiting" the boy gave a nod and pointed at a corridor from where they had come "How are you doing, boy? What's your name?"

"Toby, Sir. I'm doing okay, thank you."

"And what about your lovely friend here?" the girl looked at him and let out a shy giggle and they started walking.

"That's Annie" giving a nod, Ben took out the paper bag with cookies he had obtained in the grocery store in the morning. The girl watched him with an interested look and her face lit up when he pulled out two cookies.

"Here" he said handing each of them one. The boy looked unsure while Annie took hers and ate it quickly, after shouting a thank-you. "Go on" Ben said and slowly the boy took the cookie

"Thank you, Sir" he too finished it in to large bites

"No need to call me Sir. Jamie's alright"

"And I'm Cecilia" she said to make sure it wasn't so silent

"Are you a lady?" Annie wanted to know, making Cecilia chuckle

"No. Hell no, I'm not"

"Then you're a whore"

"What?"

"Mr. Cooper always says you're either a lady or a whore"

"No. You know, being a whore is like doing a job. If you're not a lady, then you are simply a woman. Besides, what about princesses? They're not lady eithers"

"Then are you a princess?"

"No"

"A woman? And is that your baby?" she pointed at the baby sling on her chest.

"Yes. And yes that's our son, Jimmy"

"Hi Jimmy" she giggled.

"But if not all women are either whores or ladies, why did Mr. Cooper say it?" Toby asked as they arrived at a stair and mounted it.

"Well" Cecilia didn't need to think "There's only two type of men. Those that respect women and assholes" Ben raised an eyebrow and chuckled

"I do agree on that one"

"But Mr. Cooper isn't an asshole. He's a man of the church"

"And we all know how the church treats women" Ben whispered in her ear. But she wasn't really listening because her gaze was fixed on a girl, about twelve, sweeping the floor

"What's this place even?" she asked her husband "What are all the children doing here?"

"Old Cooper's supposed to take care of them…"

"And their parents?" his look told her everything "They have no parents, so they come here. It's like an… oh my God" she grabbed his arm when she realized it was the 'orphanage' Ben had been after he too had lost his parents. "Hey" she said "I know you said, promised, you'd show me what your old life has been like but… if you don't want to be here then we can just leave, yeah?" he patted her hand with a chuckle

"'t's alright Missy. Got something to take care of here" she gave him a critical look "Don't worry. Wade's dead. I ain't gonna kill 'em" Toby and Annie had stopped and were standing in front of a dark door.

"He's in here, Sir Jamie" the boy said and asked if they needed anything else. "Come Annie" he then said

"Kid" Ben called after them

"Yeah?"

"Take good care of her, alright?" with a confused look, Toby nodded and gently took Annie's hand. Without knocking, Ben pushed the door open and while Mr. Cooper was complaining about that he just marched to an armchair by the fireplace and plopped into it, crossing his legs. "Now, how 'bout a drink?" Cecilia didn't quite know why he behaved like that but decided to stay silent.

"Alcohol is a drink of the devil"

"Oh 'course it is" he chuckled "So" he said, sitting up a little "I heard you take care of kids who've got no one left, right?"

"That is correct, Mr…. I must have forgotten your name, I'm sorry"

"Benjamin Nickelson. How many kids you currently have?"

"Well…" Mr. Cooper cleared his throat and leaned forward "Six"

"What ages?"

"I'm not too sure about all of them" counting by his fingers, he started making the list then he glanced at Cecilia "Isn't the woman going to sit down?" he made a hand movement and when she followed it with her eyes she saw a chair right behind her and took a seat. "Forgive me Ma'am, I'm not used to having guests" she heard Ben mutter something about 'other people'. Soon after, the discussion was about the orphanage again, Ben asking questions and Mr. Cooper answering all of them. She had a feeling he was holding things back or even lied at times.

"I'd like to talk to the children"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, you know. Just making sure they're doing fine. Heard not all such institutions treat them how they should"

"Oh…" he scratched his head "Yes. Yes of course, I will call for someone of them you can talk to. Oliver" that would be the thirteen-year-old Mr. Cooper had mentioned.

"I'd prefer Maggie"

"Maggie?"

"Yeah"

"I uh…." he seemed pretty nervous now "She's cooking"

"Well, how 'bout we go and support her? I'm sure she'll have time to talk sometime. If not we stay for dinner"

"You want to stay for dinner?" Ben chuckled

"Well, I already told you I'm thinking about a donation. Wouldn't a favor be nice in return? Or you don't have enough food?" the man behind the desk chuckled

"No. No of course we got enough. But then we need to tell Maggie to cook a little more" Ben got up and went to the door.

"I'll tell her" he opened the door and the other man got up as well as did she.

"I can send you someone to show you the kit-…" her husband turned to Mr. Cooper

"I'll find it myself, thanks. Sorry for bothering you" he placed a hand on her back and started leading her downstairs. Even she could smell the kitchen from afar and when they arrived, Ben gave a knock at the door.

"Yes?" the voice sounded surprised and they entered. Somehow, the girl at the stove didn't look like she was sixteen with her thin and small form. When she turned around both she and Ben took a sharp breath. Maggie was heavily pregnant. "Who are you?" she asked, hand on her stomach.

"Old friends" her husband replied and Cecilia's eye fell onto a chair which she grabbed and pulled it out for the girl to sit.

"Here" Maggie gave an apologetic smile

"I wish I could. I have to cook. That's my job because I'm the oldest girl"

"Well, now I am. Sit, it's no good to overdo yourself. I would know" reluctantly, the younger woman walked away from the stove and sat down. Like he had with the other two kids before, Ben offered Maggie a cookie as well but she was way more wary to take it. He introduced themselves, while Cecilia took over at the stove, trying to figure out what Maggie was preparing.

"I bet you've wondered why we are here" he didn't wait for her answer "I'm trying to help you. You and the other kids"

"Help us?"

"Tryna make your life here better. Would you be willing to answer some questions? Honestly"

"I'll try" the first questions were simple. How long she had been here, if she had friends, if she minded cooking, if the pregnancy was going well and if she liked it here overall.

"What about the adults? They treat you good?"

"If I behave" throwing a glance at her, Cecilia had a feeling that wasn't the whole truth.

"Does it happen often they punish someone?"

"Sometimes"

"Like? Once day? One a week?"

"It depends. A few times a week"

"And you? How often they hurt you?" she shrugged and there were tears shimmering in her eyes. Luckily Ben, didn't probe further and changed topic "What about food? Y'all get enough?"

"We-we get what we need. So-sometimes when we misbehave we don't get dinner"

"Sometimes?" Maggie looked away and another man entered the kitchen.

"Eh, Maggie" he drawled. Quickly the girl jumped up and wiped her face. While she had seemed uncomfortable before she now was scared. "Who the fuck are you? What's going on here?"

"Ol' Coop didn't tell you?"

"Careful" the man moved closer to Ben "You've got no idea who you're talking about. Get out"

"You come to hurt her?"

"What? Hurt who? Who the hell are you and what do you think gives you the right…?!"

"What I'm doing here is between me and Coop"

"Don't call him that" Maggie had been moving closer to Cecilia and now was trying to hide behind her. In order to distract her, she gave her the spoon and told her to try the stew because she found something was missing. Obviously the younger woman wasn't quite keeping on task.

"It's alright" Cecilia therefore said. "We won't let him hurt you. Ben will make him go away if you want" and indeed, her husband was telling the other man to get lost because he was discussing something with Maggie. It seemed like he didn't want to leave but he had no chance against Ben's stare, so he left after raising his fist in a threatening manner but not saying a word.

"You okay?" he asked Maggie who gave a short nod "Did he hurt you before?" she was silent for a while, then nodded again. "How about we continue the questions like that? I ask something and you nod or shake your head, yeah?" Maggie nodded and was led back to the chair "This man, Greg, he often comes here?" A nod. "He expect you to do things you don't want so you get food?" Again a nod. "I suppose the baby is from him?" she nodded, tears spilling over. Meanwhile Cecilia saw red. This man was abusing her for food? And she surely wasn't the first girl he did that to.

"Here" she handed Maggie a handkerchief and considered if she should soothingly touch her but decided against it.

"Does he abuse other girls too?" this time she shook her head "Are there other adults?" again a no "So the other girls are left alone?"

"I…" Maggie shrugged

"I mean from sexual abuse" she nodded "They still do the proverb lessons before meals?" a nod "And still, even if you get them right, the food you get isn't enough, just scraps?" Nodding. "There's fights among the kids for the food right?" Maggie agreed. "Any of the boys abusing a girl for food?" this time, she shrugged.

"How… do you know all this?" Cecilia exchanged a glance with her husband.

"You know, when I was younger I used to live here"

"You're from here?" Ben nodded and Maggie started crying and to Cecilia's surprise, hugged him.

"Don't you worry. I'll make sure they'll leave you alone in the future." Maggie pulled back, wiping her eyes. "You'll be fine" he placed his hands on her upper arms "All of you"