Roxy was pulled out of what seemed to be a long dream, but a dream without a beginning or end.
"Roxy, the surgery went well, you're in recovery."
She was sure she gave a sigh of relief before sinking again involuntarily into oblivion.
Every now and then the woman's voice was audible enough for Roxy to briefly open her eyes. It was a miracle that she was able to answer the questions coming her way, about her pain level or if she needed more pain drugs, because every time it felt like it was the first time someone was talking to her. She had no recollection of what had been asked earlier. Aah… the amazing effects of anesthesia.
Finally, after an undetermined amount of time, Roxy flickered her eyes and realized she could finally keep them open long enough to inventory the recovery room and her own situation.
The scope was beeping at a steady rate, her oxygen levels were good, and she had a few bags and vials hooked up to her IV drip. She placed her hand instinctively over her abdomen and felt the extra layer of bandages under the covers and her hospital gown. It wasn't painful when she touched it, but she knew that it was only because of the pain meds. Even if she had been hooked up to liquids from the beginning of the surgery, her mouth and throat were dry from the intubation; something she knew would also disappear with time.
"Well, look who is finally coming back up to the surface," she heard a familiar voice say.
She turned her head to the side and saw Jay sitting down on a chair by her side, a medical journal open on his lap.
He folded the journal, stood, placed it on the chair and took the step that separated him from her bed.
"How are you feeling?"
"For the time being OK. But I'm no fool, they'll wean me off the good stuff by tonight."
He smiled. "You're right, better take advantage of the good stuff while it lasts."
"What are you doing here?"
"Just keeping a good friend company."
"Shouldn't you be tending to incoming traumas?"
"I'm done for the day, just wanted to make sure you were doing OK."
"That's very kind of you."
"Hey, I remember you sitting by my bedside when we were in our last year, and I got appendicitis. Friendship is a two-way street, Roxy."
She nodded. It had been a long time since someone had actually showed her what true friendship was. A friendship that wasn't done out of personal interest and it felt good.
"How long was the surgery?"
"5 hours."
"What about Lloyd? I don't see him here yet."
"You know things are longer for the recipient. Last I checked, everything was going fine. I'm sure it won't be too long before he joins you. I'm sure he'll be grateful."
Roxy said nothing, thinking back to everything she had learned in the past 24 hours. It seemed surreal, almost as if she was in that anesthesia induced dream where things made no sense. The only difference was that she would be able to make sense of it with Lloyd.
"You're worried."
"Yes, it's one thing to give part of my liver, but what if he rejects it?"
"You know there are drugs for that. And worse comes to worst, if there are any indications, they'll put him back on the transplant list and this time he'll have more time. If you ask me, you're worrying for nothing. You were a perfect match. He's lucky he knew someone who could be."
"He's my father," replied Roxy.
Jay narrowed his eyes trying to grasp and take in what Roxy was telling him.
"I see. You want to talk about it?"
"I don't know. It's just a tad complicated."
"Aren't all families a tad complicated? This is 2023, Roxy, nothing surprises people anymore."
"Well, it sure surprised me."
"And you're not a big fan of surprises."
"Exactly. He doesn't know that I know the truth."
"Look, in the end it's up to you. Either you tell him you know, and you talk about it, or you keep on living your life like you've always done."
"I can't do that. The life I had no longer exists Jay, and I don't want to go back to it either."
"Then it seems to me that you know what you need to do," he said smiling. "You always fall back on your feet, this is no exception, Roxy."
He was right, no matter what life threw her way, Roxy managed, coped. Even if it made her tumble and fall and kept her down, crying; after 24 hours, she got up, dusted herself off, wiped away the tears, lifted her head high and moved on her life journey. Here she was on a y-shaped path. If she continued where she would usually go down, the known factors, she remained a Dutton questioning her happiness constantly and most probably regretting it. If she chose the other path, a lot of new opportunities were possible in a non-toxic environment. Even a fool would know what to choose.
"OK, now go home," she said to Jay.
"Are you kicking me out?" asked Jay laughing.
"No, but you've had a long day and they'll bring me back to my room shortly."
"Gotcha," he said as he leaned toward the chair, took his journal in hand, then resumed an upright standing position. He then scanned her before placing a hand over her covered foot.
"Remember Roxy, life is short, you have to live it the way you want, with the people that you want. Who cares about what people think or say. Just be happy."
"I will, Jay. Thanks for being here when I woke up. I'll see you around."
"You bet."
She watched silently as he walked away and exited the recovery room.
Over the next hour, the nurses came to check on her regularly. Everything was normal, but they could see she was getting antsy as she regularly shifted her eyes to the wall-mounted clock to check the time. She had, a couple of times, sat in on transplant surgeries and knew they were long, but being in the wait was way harder and almost torture.
The nurse and two orderlies walked over to her bed with her chart and Roxy shook her head.
"Roxy, we need to free up the recovery room," said the nurse.
Before Roxy could say anything to convince her to wait, a gurney was wheeled in, making Roxy look over the nurse's shoulder, allowing her to see Keith and making their eyes meet.
He called Roxy's nurse over.
"She won't go back up to her room," said the nurse, obviously annoyed by Roxy's reluctancy.
Keith nodded. It was Roxy and all her beauty they were talking about. He knew how stubborn and determined she could be when it was something that meant a lot to her.
Keith handed the chart to the nurse and along with the orderlies, pushed the gurney next to Roxy's, so that they were side-by-side and touching.
"Everything went well, Roxy," said Keith as the nurses hooked up Lloyd to the monitors. "Now, stop worrying, it's not a good look on you."
Roxy laughed slightly. "This is my post-op look."
He winked. "Could have fooled me."
He contemplated her for a few minutes. He knew that her entire world was being flipped inside out and he couldn't help but think that after everything she had been through, she needed something to hold on to, and that something was most probably a someone laying in the gurney next to her. Ever since they had gotten to know each other in high school, he had very come to discover that Roxy was someone who followed things through. In this case, for her, it didn't end with donating part of her liver, it went way beyond that. And if you added the fact that he was her biological father, it only made things even more important.
He shifted his attention to the nurse. "Keep them together until they can be moved upstairs in the same room."
The nurse eyed him. "Of course, doctor."
"I'll come check up on you both once you are on my floor," said Keith as he gave Roxy one last look before walking away and slipping through the sliding doors, before disappearing.
Once the nurses had gotten Lloyd settled in and hooked up to all the monitors and IV bags, Roxy and Lloyd were alone in their little corner of the recovery room. She turned her head and laid eyes on him. He looked good, she thought to herself as she scanned his face. Yet, she knew that when he would wake up, everything would be somewhat of a mystery to him. Ever since he had been brought into the hospital ER, he had been unconscious or placed in a coma and he hadn't been made aware of his condition, nor the life-saving surgery he had just had. In the end, they both would have things arise that they would need to process.
She raised her hand from off the blanket and delicately passed it through one of the openings on the side of the gurney until it almost naturally found its way over his hand. To her, these weren't the hands of a stranger, she knew them well and had known them for years. He wasn't a stranger. He had been a mentor, a friend, a protector… and know he was her father, even if he had always been.
As her hand held on to his and she looked at his peaceful face, she knew it was time to saddle up and lasso up that bull. This was a rodeo she was prepared to ride, no matter how difficult it might end up being.
"Eveything will be just fine," she found herself whispering. Whether she was saying those words to herself or to Lloyd, she couldn't really tell, but either way, she knew they had to.
