Chapter 100: Starting Over
(Eret's POV)
It's been quite the journey, and I'm not talking about from our journey from New Berk to Wolfsbane.
I'm talking about the journey that's been going on the past almost thirty years.
It all started out at sea.
My crew and I had captured six out of the required ten dragons for Drago's army, and Teeny had spotted Becky. He and I lifted Becky from the driftwood she was barely keeping afloat on.
"Don't worry. I've got you." I had told her.
Once she had woken from unconsciousness, she and I started talking, and she told me that trapping dragons for a dragon army was like leading Vikings into a battle without them knowing what they'd be facing.
And then Drago Bludvist arrived at our tiny vessel, keeping Becky for three weeks. After she had returned, she and I got to know each other better, eventually falling love.
But our happiness was short-lived, since Drago somehow found out about us being in love. He separated us for six months, but that turned into ten once Becky found out she was pregnant with Drago's baby.
Before she found out she was pregnant, she helped Drago's other wench give birth to her daughter at 24 weeks. Neither Erica nor her daughter made it.
Becky eventually gave birth to a healthy baby boy, but Drago killed him soon after he had taken his first breath. Drago also killed Anthony, the man who had helped Becky give birth. Anthony was later revealed to be Becky's biological father, Loki.
Soon after giving birth, Becky was returned to me, and she had her first night terror around me. I, naively, shook her awake, not knowing how else to break her out of it.
A few days afterwards, she got sick, her guilt and her grief taking over. She then had an anxiety attack, and I coached her through it.
A few days after that, I proposed to her, despite never having told her that I loved her. Despite that, she said yes.
The next day, we got married with Teeny officiating.
Becky eventually turns 20, but she didn't feel like celebrating. My wife would later tell me that it was because of her just having given birth to our late son.
Becky had a cold during our first couple of years together, and she told me about her first suicide attempt.
I was then branded just a week before my 25th birthday.
I was whipped not long after that, and Becky tended to my wounds.
After and even before some of those events, Becky and I brushed each other's hair, to bring one another comfort.
Many months before Becky is discovered by Hiccup at our old fort, I taught her how to swordfight.
Then Valka and her Bewilderbeast came and destroyed out fort.
The next morning after that, Hiccup and Astrid arrived at our fort, and they recognized Becky, later telling the other dragon riders that Becky's alive. Ruffnut and Tuffnut told their parents about their sister actually surviving banishment.
Once the dragon riders arrived on the vessel that we now call home for the next few weeks, Becky had told the late, great, Stoick the Vast that she didn't belong on Old Berk, especially with him as chief. That was the last thing she ever said to him.
The riders soon kidnapped myself and Becky, and we reluctantly led them to Drago's camp.
After she and I were saved by Stormfly, Drago attacked Becky.
I switched sides, and helped the riders get their dragons back.
Stoick was killed by Toothless, and Becky realized that the last thing she said to him was the last thing she said to him. She also realized that I shot an arrow with the others, respecting a chief that was never mine.
I shot an arrow to not only respect a chief that was never mine, but to also respect a chief who was once my wife's.
When we got to Old Berk, Becky and I eventually stood with the other Berkians against Drago. Drago is defeated, and I became Skullcrusher's new rider.
After getting custody of Skullcrusher, Becky realized I had a new home, but she was back to drifting in the middle of nowhere. I told her that I couldn't lost her again, and Hiccup let us stay together, and Becky says her big speech, telling me how grateful she is to and for me.
Hiccup then became chief.
Becky is officially reunited with her adoptive family.
A few weeks later, I get into a fight with some of the Berkians.
A few weeks after that, after telling her adoptive sister Ruffnut (and later me) about what she went through with Drago, Becky met my sister Amalie and my father, Eret, Sr..
Before she and I got married officially, Becky told her adoptive family about what she went through with Drago. The morning of our wedding, during a downpour, I led her to a home that I had helped build for the two of us.
We officially got married in our home, and, during our wedding night, my mum appeared in ghost form. It was the first time I'd seen my mum in ten years.
Soon after we had gotten married, Becky told our group of friends about what she went through with Drago, and, soon after, had gotten triggered by Hiccup calling Astrid "m'lady", in the Great Hall.
After getting triggered, Becky got a nosebleed, which, thankfully, was caused by the dry air.
Becky's chronic pain had hit her a few times over the months before we discovered we were pregnant with Ruby.
One day, I missed my mum, and Becky had made a portrait of her and me on Becky's and my wedding day, with Amalie and my dad's help. I broke down, and Becky comforted me.
Becky then had a night terror about me being murdered by Drago after I was branded.
One night, I woke up to my branding scar burning. Becky got me to Gothi, and I woke up the next morning, forever grateful to and for my wife.
Becky had a nightmare about losing her siblings, and she is comforted by her siblings. I had been away on a fishing trip with my father, and, when I arrived on Old Berk, Amalie led me to Becky, where she was at the top of the Great Hall. She was trying to kill herself.
I told my wife I've killed dragons before, and I felt guilty about it.
Soon after her attempt, we suffered through our first miscarriage. We eventually told our extended family.
Before our first miscarriage, Becky had a nightmare about Astrid killing her after being told she had five minutes to say goodbye to her adoptive family.
In her grief, Becky started cutting herself, and, before we discovered she's pregnant with Ruby, her depression hit both her and me.
Soon, the 5th anniversary of when Becky was adopted by the Thorstons arrived, and the Thorstons and Nordisks helped celebrate the life of our child lost through miscarriage, with a small celebration of Becky being adopted on the side.
I was triggered by seeing a branding iron, and Becky helped me through my anxiety attack.
Soon after our first miscarriage, Becky came up with different tragic scenarios to deal with the grief and the pain caused by the miscarriage.
A week after our miscarriage, Becky shuts down, and I'm the only one who can break her out of it.
Becky had another anxiety attack, and, on a separate occasion, I promised her that we could get through anything, as long as we stayed together.
A year after finding out about my mum's death, I broke down and Becky comforted me after I had made a mess in the living room, telling Becky I felt guilty about the miscarriage.
After our first miscarriage, I went on a fishing trip with my father to keep my mind off of things, and Ruffnut and Tuffnut stayed with their sister, comforting her when she broke down and that caused us to have our first big fight. It nearly ended us. But, through counseling, we got through it.
Becky burned herself while I was on another fishing trip with my father, and I told Ruffnut and Tuffnut my family's true line of work.
Becky had a nightmare that she had been forgotten about everyone, including me.
We soon found out that we were pregnant with Ruby, and, during the pregnancy, Becky had a nightmare.
A year after Drago's defeat and us becoming husband and wife officially, Becky was seven months pregnant with my baby.
Unfortunately, because of Grimmel the Grisly, us Berkians were forced to leave Old Berk after Grimmel attacks. Becky had an anxiety attack because she could have lost me after I saved the stuffed Thunderclaw that Ruby still has to this day.
Snotlout and I had witty banter, with Becky defending me, despite being heavily pregnant.
We eventually had to give up the dragons, and, after that, Becky gave birth to a healthy, beautiful, baby girl we called Ruby Amora, after our mums. After Ruby was born, I came out to Becky as bisexual, and she accepted me with open arms.
Just after Ruby was born, I tell my wife that I would pick her rain, and her thunder, over anyone else's sunshine any day.
When Ruby was just five weeks old, Becky had a nightmare that Grimmel and Drago teamed up to murder Ruby.
Hiccup and Astrid got married in front of the entire village.
Becky soon had her fear come true, and she survives it, coming home a week later, but having a nightmare about it three weeks afterwards.
I soon tell my wife that I do know some things: I know I love her, and our family.
I had another nightmare about my branding, and Becky helped me through it.
Ruby was two when my Aunt Grace and Uncle Edward came to New Berk to visit us.
Not long after the visit, Astrid and Hiccup suffered a miscarriage.
When Ruby was four years old, we celebrated my 30th birthday, and it was soon revealed that Loki, the god of mischief, was and still is Becky's biological father.
Becky believed she was a bad mother, based on a rumor that Snotlout had started.
Ruffnut had a miscarriage, losing her daughter at 24 weeks. Becky had gotten drunk after drinking for the very first time...she has since stopped drinking, after seeing what it had done to her family.
A year after Ruffnut's miscarriage, Ruffnut gives birth to Hanna. Not long before the birth of Hanna, Becky and I suffered another miscarriage. No one in our family told Ruffnut, because we didn't want to jinx it...but Ruffnut, being the clever woman that she is, figured it out for herself.
My now-ex-best-friends, Michael and Stephen Harrison, came to New Berk for a visit.
They ended up attacking my wife. Hiccup had then made us a rocking chair so I could properly hold my wife.
When Ruby was still young, my little sister, Amalie, who was Becky's age, committed suicide by hanging just two days before her 26th birthday. Becky felt like she should have been the one to be dead, instead of Amalie.
I wrote a letter to my late sister, and it helped a little.
When Ruby was about six years old, she had her first night terror, about her mother hurting her. Becky promised, right then and there in Ruby's bedroom, that she'd never lay a hand on Ruby for anything but love.
When Ruby was ten, after being almost killed by Zephyr and Nuffink (literally), had her first anxiety attack.
When Ruby was twelve, she told me her mother was having an anxiety attack, and I helped my wife through it.
At 14 years old, Ruby found out from Becky and myself about her late older brother, who had been Drago's baby, or "the bad man's", as Ruby herself put it.
At 14 years old, Ruby became the older sister to not one, but two younger siblings, Dustin and Eira. Becky was told she would not have any more children.
Years later, the Nordisk family of five went through their first big storm together.
Over a decade after my sister's suicide, my father was reunited with both my mother and my sister in Valhalla. Gothi said it had been the grief that took his life.
I ended up attempting suicide myself when my Aunt Grace and Uncle Edward had come to visit New Berk.
When Dustin and Eira were both seven, they told me that Becky was cutting herself, that Ruby was with her. My wife nearly died that night, but she survived that suicide attempt, and thank the gods for that.
Two weeks after Becky's latest suicide attempt, Hiccup had told her she was extremely selfish to have attempted suicide again, that she's not worth saving.
I don't think I've forgiven him for that yet...and I honestly don't know if I ever will.
As you, the reader, know, I finally, after over two decades, told Becky about my family's true line of work, the treaty that had been signed between my ancestor's and Drago's. But we all know how that ended: Drago broke the treaty after his village was burnt and after losing his wife, two daughters and parents to slavery.
I broke the treaty as well, and I volunteered to take my place as a dragon trapper for Drago, in place of my father, seeing as I couldn't let my mother be a widow so young, and I wasn't ready to become a chief at 15.
And, so, that's the story so far.
I just finished writing down Becky's and my story when I hear a knock on the ship cabin's door. We've been at sea for almost three weeks.
"Eret?"
I look up from my place at the desk in the cabin.
My wife has tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Ruby thinks she's having a miscarriage."
Stashing my writings away for now, I head on deck towards my eldest daughter, seeing her leaning over the railing, tears trailing down her cheeks, one hand caressing her no-longer-growing baby bump. Becky's and my crew look at me solemnly, knowing that miscarriages are actually quite common for the Nordisks.
Unfortunately.
"Mama told me that that's what this is, Daddy. A miscarriage." My daughter tells me tearfully.
"I'm so, so sorry, my little love. Is there anything Mama and I can do?"
"Daddy, can you hold me?"
"Of course, sweetheart. Come here." Ruby struggles to stand, and I help her by going to her, instead of having her come to me.
My little love, our sweet jewel, Ruby, begins to sob in my arms.
Teeny and No-Name are keeping Dustin and Eira busy by teaching them the ways of the sea: teaching them to sail, teaching them how to fish, how to know how to set dragons free, and other things.
Knowing Ruby needs just me, Becky keeps her distance, helping Teeny and No-Name look after our other two kids.
"I'd give anything to take your pain away, my sweet jewel."
"It hurts, Daddy. Can you distract me? Tell me more about Wolfsbane? Are there any more books like on New Berk?"
"There are so many books on Wolfsbane, you can barely find the time to read them all. But I was thinking of documenting your mother's and my story of how we met, how we had you and went through everything we went through."
"That would be nice, to hear that story one day, Daddy."
"I'll be glad to tell it."
All of a sudden, Ruby is five again, and I'm holding her after she got her first big boo-boo – a scraped knee. I would have given anything to take her pain away then, and that hasn't changed in the last 17 years.
I don't know what else to do except hold my little love, knowing that my wife knows exactly what she's going through – losing three children wasn't easy, but Becky got through it. We both did.
When we suffered our first miscarriage, not long before Ruby came along, I would have given anything to take away my wife's pain. Our second miscarriage, I felt the same way as I had the first time around.
I can't imagine the pain my Becky felt those times, and I can't imagine the pain our Ruby is feeling now.
But Becky and I both know we would do anything to ease our daughter's agony. Ruby, at first, didn't want this baby, but now that they're gone, she couldn't imagine a life without them. But, most unfortunately, she has to suffer through the pain of losing a child.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, my little love?"
"Can you tell me the story of how you and Mama met?"
"Of course, Ruby."
With my crew taking care of steering the ship, Becky, Dustin and Eira gather around me and Ruby as I start telling the tale of when Becky and I met, and everything we went through afterwards, including the things that eight-year-olds should not yet hear.
We shouldn't shelter our kids from the things that they need to know, why their mother, and sometimes older sister, cries out at night, why Becky sometimes shakes her head out of memories she'd rather forget. Why I still touch my branding scar, all these years later, the pain having since diminished. The scar will never go away, it will become less prominent, but it will never truly go away.
But I think the scars I've gained through the years are more than physical.
"Land, ho!"
We've finally reached our new home: Wolfsbane.
As we disembark from our tiny vessel, my family looks around at their new surroundings, never having been here before, and me, not having seen this island in quite some time.
As the Nordisks, a family of five, walk around our new home, I wrap one arm around my wife and another around my eldest daughter, Dustin holding onto his mother's hand, and Eira hold onto her sister's hand.
As we approach our new home, we're greeted by neighbors and family alike.
Yeah, I think we'll like it here.
As soon as we're in our new home, my childhood home, we sit on our couch, knowing that tomorrow will bring my ceremony as the new chief of Wolfsbane, and Becky's as the chieftess of Wolfsbane. They are one and the same ceremony, but I wanted to acknowledge that my wife will be in power beside me.
It's then Ruby Nordisk speaks up.
"I never want to go through this kind of pain again." She says, referring to the miscarriage, sadly looking at her soon-to-be-flat stomach.
"Well, Ruby, your mother and I can't exactly promise you that you won't go through pain like this ever again, but we can promise you something that I've promised your mother time and time again."
"What's that?"
I give my wife a knowing glance before replying to my eldest daughter.
"You're not alone."
