Chapter 15

We spent a week at sea with absolutely no sign of land or of the blue star. The crew began to lose hope, while I felt it grow. I didn't care how long it took. The longer it took, the longer Edmund and I had. The guilt gnawed at me for thinking like that. I mean, people were being taken by evil green mist and who knows what was happening to them? But I couldn't help but love being on this epic quest.

Of course, it wasn't all fun and games. I actually wasn't seeing Edmund much at all anymore, which was depressing. He and Caspian were always locked up in the cabin, trying to figure out what we were doing wrong. Gael got seasick a lot so Lucy and I took care of her most of the days. Eustace spent his time curled up in different nooks and crannies writing in that damn diary.

I wasn't able to sneak into Edmund's hammock at night anymore, for Caspian and Drinian "forbid" it. Something along the lines of inappropriate, not a good example for the crew from their king, etcetera. I don't even know, I tuned them out when I saw their lecture faces go on and just nodded like I was listening. Edmund wasn't too pleased with them, but he didn't fight back.

A few nights later, Edmund and I went to sit up in the crow's nest. The night sky was filled with twinkling stars, though it lacked the blue one we were searching for. The air was cool, but soothing.

"Caspian really needs to find himself a girl," I said once we settled comfortably. It was cramped with us both sitting, but I certainly didn't mind.

He rolled his eyes. "He did once. It was my sister."

My eyes nearly popped out of my head. "Lucy?!" I squeaked.

"No, no, no," he assured me hurriedly. "My other sister, Susan."

I put a hand over my heart, gasping in relief. "I don't think I've ever been closer to a heart attack in my life! He is way too old for her!"

Edmund just smiled, looking down.

"Are you scared?" I asked, echoing my question to Lucy.

He shook his head. "No, are you?"

I nodded. "A little."

"There's nothing to worry about," he assured me.

I bit my lip. "I don't know, Ed. Coriakin seemed pretty serious."

"It's going to be fine," he said wrapping his arms around me. "Are you cold?"

I shook my head and leaned into him. His confidence was only a little reassuring, I still had this nagging suspicion that something was going to happen.

"Will you tell me about the White Witch?" I asked suddenly.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise and frowned. "What? Why? I already told you what she did."

"I want to know what you thought of her," I said softly. "About how she tricked you."

He didn't answer me. The expression on his face almost scared me, he looked angry. His eyebrows were scrunched together and he was scowling at his lap, deep in thought.

"You don't have to tell me," I said, pulling away. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. I'm going to go to bed."

I started to stand up but he grabbed my hand. "No, it's okay. I'll tell you."

Slowly, I sat back down next to him. He didn't speak at first. I patiently waited for him as he struggled to find the right words to say.

"I was only a kid," he finally said. "A kid who was away from home, and I was sick of constantly being pushed around and told what to do."

I laced my fingers through his and kissed his hand, urging him to go on.

He held my hand against his cheek as he continued to talk. "She told me everything I needed to hear to make me feel like special. I fell right into her trap. I just got so desperate to please her I even—" he cut himself off, choking on his last word.

"Edmund, it's alright you don't have to keep going."

He took a deep breath, composing himself. "I gave up my brother and sisters for her. To please her. Even when she locked me up I told her what she wanted to know."

He went silent again for a few moments before talking again. "I was rescued. Even after I betrayed everyone, Aslan showed me mercy I didn't deserve."

"You were a kid, Edmund," I said softly, stroking his cheek, wiping a stray tear that ran down his face. "You didn't know any better."

"I should have known better than to give them up," he said, shaking his head furiously. "It was my family."

"You went back to them," I insisted. "You fought against her. Ed, you redeemed yourself. Your family forgave you and Aslan forgave you."

He looked at me, a desperate look on his face.

"You're a good man," I said gently. "And a good king. Your past doesn't make you who you are today. You have to move on and remember who you really are, not what the Witch said you were."

He nodded, staring at his hands. I curled up in his lap and laid my head against his chest, his arms went around me. I ran my hand up and down his chest and murmured soothingly, trying to comfort him. It seemed to work, he slowly collected himself and kissed my head.

"One last question, I promise. What'd she look like?" I asked.

"Pale, blonde hair," he said with a shrug. "Tall."

A wave of terror went through me. Well, fuck.

I bit my lip, trying to contain the scream that was building inside of me. I highly doubted she was alive or anything, but something planted that dream inside me. I thought of what Coriakin said, about facing our darkest dreams.

We were definitely on the right track to find the source of the green mist. It already tried to hurt me.

But should I tell him?

"Edmund, we can't turn around," I whispered. "No matter how long it takes."

I could practically feel confusion radiating off of him. "Why do you say that?"
"Because we're going the right way," I told him.

And I proceeded to tell him about my dream.

AN: Sorry, short chapter. I should be able to update tomorrow. Review? Okay? Okay. ;)