Chapter 16

Be brave, Rosie

For those of us who are trying to be brave, and for those who are marching on – enjoy the journey and embrace the flutters.

~ Rosalie ~

Flashback: 1992, Cullen Mansion, Chicago

"This is so stupid" Rosalie deadpanned as she held a multi-coloured glittery and bejewelled scarf of some sort that her excitable sister had 'made especially' for her and regarded the garment with contempt.

"Don't be such a spoil sport, Rue" Emmett playfully chided as he casually draped a massive rainbow feather boa over his broad shoulders. Rosalie glared at him in utter disbelief.

"I don't see why we need to go, we've avoided them since they started in the 70s, why attend now, what's so special about this particular annual event?" Edward added, his tone held a sight whine to it as he eyed a tub of glitter that balanced precariously on the edge of a side table with uttermost suspicion and contempt and for once, Rosalie agreed with her stoic brother.

Alice Cullen, however, self proclaimed social secretary of the coven and all around pain in Rosalie's ass enthusiastically rounded a tight corner of their rented mansion with a grin so wide it unnerved Rosalie right down to her core.

After all, it was one of the Oracles classic 'I know something you don't know' looks, the pixie had long been banned from looking into their futures but their arguing didn't stop her, not really.

In silent protest, Rosalie began singing the rhyme in a childlike voice on a loop in her mind, wearing a deep scowl and sinister grin on her face all the while, and envisioned signing it to Alice, her sister simply rolled her eyes at the blondes antics. Edward met her eyes and half-smirked, it was the closest the moody boy got to smiling, she smirked back before Alice's bell-like voice broke their rare sibling bonding moment.

"I told you, this event is important," she stressed with a small hidden smile at Rosalie before she violently stabbed another colourful shiny diamanté onto some sort of extravagant white shirt collar. Poor Jasper , she thought eyeing the sparkling garment. Edward grimaced in silent agreement.

"besides we can't keep missing out on living through key historical moments because you are afraid of losing your cool around the humans, and you are terrified of The Volturi if one of us loses our cool in front of the humans" the pixie punctuated her point with a single accusatory finger at Edward and then Rosalie respectively. Rosalie merely folded her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes to the ceiling in protest.

"You're insufferable" she muttered as she glared at the garish accessory Alice held out for Jasper. The Texan merely grabbed the shirt, kissed his wife on her cheek and pulled the bejewelled thing over his head without so much as a compliant.

"Maybe so, but you love me" Rosalie scoffed and Alice danced and twirled with her own feather-boa until she wound it around Rosalie's neck with a small giggle. What a sight she must look – stood there regal like donning a fashionable white and pale yellow sundress, makeup applied minimum but enough to accentuate her natural (and unnatural) beauty, golden hair curled at the ends and draped over one shoulder – the stylish outfit and her beauty all contrasted with a bright multi-coloured rainbow feather boa! She must've been truly horrible in another life to deserve this mistreatment.

"Don't look so cross Rosie, your face will get stuck like that!" she flicked Rosalie's nose and Emmett choked on a laugh before he awkwardly cleared his throat at the deadly glare from his on again off again (currently the latter) girlfriend.

"Fine, let's just get this over with," she said as she tugged the garish accessory off her slender neck, "but I am not wearing this… thing " Alice pouted at her and she shook her head, "no Alice, it is hideous" she finished with a glare. Alice glared right back, utter defiance in her golden gaze and stomped her foot like the child she was.

"Let's go or we're gonna miss the parade!" Emmett intervened, pulling his own accessory around his neck, always the peace maker.

The Cullen clan, sans their adopted 'parents', all made their way to the door at a regular human pace. Rosalie quickly snatched the car keys from their little hook and grinned devilishly whilst dangling them before her family.

"I'm driving" the group gave a collective groan, Emmett subtly tugged his boa tighter, Jasper helplessly stared at the still drying and fragile diamantes on his shirt collar and Alice Cullen sighed deeply, staring off into the distance as her eyes glazed over, no doubt witnessing the approaching carnage. Rosalie grinned like a feral manic. Serves them right for forcing me into this farcical nonsense…

~

Rosalie reluctantly tied the colourful feather boa around her slim waist and levelled a glare filled with contempt at her gleeful and smug sister. Stupid pixie. She thought pettily. Edward scoffed and Emmett grinned like a guilty golden retriever. The small group of vampires rounded a street corner and stood silently for several moments…

Rosalie Hale had seen and lived through a great many historical moments in her long afterlife. The Women's Rights Movement, Prohibition, World War I and II, to name but a few. And for the most part, she watched them from a safe distance, donating her families money to certain causes from an even further distance. It was safer this way, for everyone.

Not once did she allow herself to freely immerse herself in the moment, or movement, they weren't her moments after all- they belonged to the humans', a species in which she no longer belonged. At the most, she ensured she participated very little, a silent Women's March in the back here, buying a few smuggled barrels of booze to consume and sell on there, but she was careful to keep a respectable distance from humanity, so afraid she'd compromise her integrity and deadly secret.

Such was her curse, to observe but to never truly participate. Traipsing through life like a silent ghost that witnessed history but was never part of it. The Horatio of human existence, cursed to watch and record history but never to belong in it.

That was all until now. Until this event. Until this moment...

To start, the Cullen's tentatively moved toward a large gathering crowd, cautiously and silently observing the gathered humans, with an excitable Alice at their helm.

Hundreds of people of all shapes and sizes stood, danced, laughed, drank, sang and waved. Some wearing colourful clothing and/or accessories, happily waving rainbow flags of various sizes. A sea of red, purple, green, blue, pink, yellow and orange suddenly moved forward as one, an unstoppable wave of colour.

An army of drag queens in huge heels, lovers tangled laughing together, parents smiling and trying hard to be supportive, of women and men and everything in-between, of children and Veterans. They were all welcome and they all smiled and held hands with strangers. Irrespective of race or ethnicity, gender, political affiliation or religion. They held hands and they marched as one unit. They marched atop a path of sprinkled glitter, blatantly ignoring the protesters that tried to dim their light.

It started as a flutter in Rosalie's stomach, as she watched in muted wonder. She'd seen many marches and demonstrations in her time, and sure she supported them but she never felt that flutter. That sickeningly sweet excitement . The flutter after several minutes of silent observation, moved to her chest and seized it, and she greeted the emotion with open arms. It felt warm and nice. And Rosalie was panicking, spiralling into indecision, lean into it or run away?

With a gentle shove to her shoulder Rosalie was suddenly moving with them, losing herself in the rowdy joyful crowd. She smiled tightly at the curious glances she received. I don't belong here , this is not my moment. She thought miserably, Rosalie walked ahead desperately searching for a discreet way to escape.

Her eyes darted around for her family, she thought she spotted them some few yards back and tried to reach them until a tiny child probably barely five grabbed hold of her hand. She stared at her in confusion and muted shock. Stared at the tiny rainbow painted on her small pink cheek, her friendly blue-violet eyes stared up at her openly scrutinising the tall blonde. Rosalie's stomach dropped briefly.

The girl didn't flinch at her cold touch and marble skin, didn't seem to notice her inhuman beauty, or her unspoken fear. The little mousy blonde child smiled, a gap shown between her middle two teeth and she tugged her forward, squeezing her hand once in comfort. Rosalie was in a stupor, but she moved forward with her, too aghast to do anything other. She searched for her mother who smiled apologetically at the dumbfounded blonde. Perhaps the child had sensed her reluctance? Her fear? A monster didn't belong amongst this wonder, this joy after all. But the little girl tugged her hand anyway, pulling a slightly reluctant Rosalie along like she belonged exactly where she was.

And shortly thereafter, as the child had introduced her to her moms and they introduced her to their sweet friends. Rosalie Hale was singing along to Madonna and Cher and Abba songs, brandishing a small genuine smile all the while. For the first time possibly in her life (and afterlife) Rosalie Hale simply was. She forgot about her sad past as she laughed and twirled the little girl and smirked at the grown up jokes her new friends told.

She swigged cheap beer when it was offered to her and gracefully moved and skipped forward with the huge crowd to a destination she didn't care to know, because the journey there was more important, more fun .

Rosalie felt free for the first time, but more so, she felt like she belonged and she felt a tiny shard of her heart return to her chest when she danced and sang the day away under the overcast Chicago sky, receiving compliments about her 'rad body glitter'.

She knew somehow this feeling wouldn't last forever, it didn't hide the monster she was and didn't want to be, it didn't put a bandaid over her history or trauma and it certainly didn't give her any particular guidance on bridging the gap from who she was and who she could be.

But none of that mattered in the moment. Because Rosalie Hale felt briefly, miraculously alive for the first time in decades.

She of course entirely missed the puzzled expressions on her brothers faces as they watched the uncharacteristic behaviour unfold before them from the ice queen herself.

Though her sister smiled knowingly and held tightly to Jaspers arm, twirling herself this way and that to the music.

"Important event indeed, Alicat" he purred conspiratorially in her ear. Alice smirked and tugged him in for a quick but passionate kiss, wolf whistles echoed around the couple and they smiled against their joined lips.

Her husband squeezed the pixies hand comfortingly and smiled at her excitable expression, the sea of colour reflected in her golden eyes as they tracked Rosalie.

The southern Major was barely capable of tolerating the emotions being forcibly fed to him, but the joy emanating from the crowd and from Rosalie was surprising, pleasant even. The vampires observed their cold and reserved sister as she got lost in her rare moment of living, so much so, she'd long since ceased looking for her coven mates.

~

Present day, Rosalie's Cabin, Remote Alaska

Moments where Rosalie felt so alive were extremely rare for her, and usually very private and personal. She'd never felt it so powerfully since that day in Chicago, despite attending a random Pride Parade annually, choosing a city she'd never experienced it before. Last year it'd been Rio, the year before London. Sometimes her some or one of the Cullen coven came along, but for the most part, she enjoyed the time to herself.

She'd stayed in contact with that little family, the little girl was now an adult with her own family. Rosalie sent them cards and presents on their birthdays and at Christmas. She FaceTimed them sometimes, but she maintained a wall between them.

She'd quietly attended the older lesbian couples wedding when it was legalised, and then their gay friends funeral shortly after the pride festival she met him at when he sadly succumbed to the AIDS virus. She'd kept it all secret of course, information locked tightly away in her heart. Perhaps it was a lapse in judgement on her part to allow herself to grow close to the humans, yet, she did it anyway.

In fact, she intended to introduce herself as Rosalie's granddaughter in a few more years, so she could stay in contact with them, if they'd like. Given the family currently believed they communicated via letter and email and card to Rosalie's daughter , because her mother had early onset dementia. Perhaps it was a cruel lie but a necessary one in her cruel world to keep her friends safe.

Isabella suddenly mumbled something unintelligible in her sleep, scrunching her nose cutely and flung her arm around Rosalie's bare midriff to pull her into her sleeping form tighter. The sudden action broken Rosalie from her happier memories. She smiled at the naked woman and lightly raked her fingers between her silky hair, until Isabella sighed contentedly, lost once more in her deep slumber.

Rosalie felt that same fluttering again, the beginnings of a terrible but wonderful emotion; belonging. She'd felt it firstly with Isabella as they slept together, with how attentive and sweet the brunette had been with her. How firm, with her sexy eyes and commands and yet, there was an undeniable softness to her treatment of Rosalie. She both turned her on and made her feel like goo. And the hand squeezing! Gosh it was adorable! Isabella regularly checked in on the blonde, somehow sensing her spiralling into her near panicked states, as she struggled with the intimacy after all these years… well, the flutters in her stomach were near constant.

Once again she had experienced a key event in her afterlife that she knew was important, though how it was important that she didn't yet know. On the one hand, she didn't really want to know, for it terrified her beyond all sensible reason.

Just like confessing to Alice shortly after that Pride Parade in Chicago that she may not be 'just an ally' to the growing queer community. That perhaps she felt like she belonged a little bit with them, understood their struggle, similarity to how she understood the women's movement and their ongoing struggle. She wasn't just watching their experience, she'd lived it, however unaware she'd been at the time. It'd filled her with a terror she was not prepared for.

Despite the similar stomach clenching terror she experienced as she smiled down at the sleeping woman beside her, she knew on a fundamental level, she had to enjoy the rare emotions from their time together.

She closed her eyes briefly and thought of their bodies tangled together only hours before. Of their whispered words of affirmation and begging for more, of Isabella's hot mouth on her core producing waves and waves of pleasure she'd never known or experienced.

Her eyes opened sluggishly and she smiled sadly at the beautiful figure, if only Isabella wasn't just passing through Alaska, if only she wasn't human, if only l was brave enough to pursue her anyway.

"You're so beautiful" she whispered a bit wistfully, and she couldn't help but place a lingering kiss to the sleeping woman's shoulder. Moonlight reached out and basked the woman's side profile, it moulded itself to the brunettes figure like a glove casting a soft glow to her skin.

The silver moonlight highlighted several scars on her back, some big and others small. Rosalie traced over them lightly with her fingertips, and she wondered where the human had gotten them. Some were ugly deep jagged things, those puzzled her the most. Her fingers traced them over, then down to her hip where they paused and circled back, given the thin sheet was wrapped around Isabella's legs, one poked out to the side.

"Who are you?" She wondered aloud, her voice low and quiet and filled with burning curiosity. She sighed softly, resigned to her fate, her curse, her lonely existence.

'You'd not be so lonely if you tried more' a bitter voice chastised in her mind, her voice. The voice that she regularly ignored, it was easier to ignore it than to face it. Yet, why did it hurt – the thought of this person, this stranger, this beautiful woman, leaving in the morning never to be seen or heard from again? It was incomprehensible and yet, it was to be her reality.

Perhaps she should just be thankful for her moments with the girl with the big brown sometimes green eyes and wry grin. Perhaps she should put it all into another box, locked away in her heart, that she could recall when she felt the need to. Perhaps she should simply enjoy their short journey from their meeting to present and not dwell on the smidge of pain that hurt her heart at the thought of the girl leaving?

Rosalie sighed and sat back against her headboard, she closed her eyes, feeling tired somehow – perhaps I need to feed? She unconsciously glanced at Isabella's exposed neck and licked her lips. Perhaps I will should hunt soon. Her fingers traced along Isabella's back absently, lightly stroking over her hip and down to the top of her perky ass, and then looped the pathway over and over. Until the moon was chased away by the rising sun, and her cell buzzed with an incoming message.

She reached beside her to read it on the notification bar, a simple sentence that made her feel sick, could vampires even be sick? Will I be the first? The three little words produced a dozen rapid fire questions that whirred in her mind as her stomach clenched and her heart lurched:

Alice C : Be brave Rosie x

~

AN: Hope you enjoyed? Let me know your thoughts.

I just wanted to bridge the gap a bit from Isabella going to sleep and thought since Rose doesn't sleep well, this is what fell out of me.

Ps - happy pride to you all dear readers ️