Everyone's Not Dead. It'd Be Silly If Everyone Were Dead

A Ragican Fanfic

By Winnebagels

Chapter Two – Sunday Drive

*Hollow and Rage are speeding down the M1 on their way to the city and the safety of London*

Hollow – Hey Josh can you put on something else?

Rage – What was that? You said that you want me to turn the music louder?

Hollow – It's just; well we've been listening to your outro for going on an hour now and it's getting repetitive is all.

Rage – Look Hollow, when you save my life with a 2013 Lotus Elise you can pick the music. Besides what would we listen to? Your outro? That shit sandwich hardly even mentions me.

Hollow – My outro's an instrumental.

Rage – Exactly. And it doesn't even have a bitching electric guitar riff. If you're going to be fighting for your life against evil alien overlords you're going to want a bitching electric guitar riff playing in the background.

Hollow – No I meant that it couldn't mention you at all. There are no words.

Rage – Are you trying to say that I embarrass you?

Hollow – Yes Josh that's exactly what I'm trying to say.

Rage - …

Hollow – Can we at least turn on the radio? They might have something important. Maybe something on how we're supposed to handle the aliens that just tried to kill us.

Rage - …

Hollow – I'm trying to be proactive here. We don't have food. We don't have water. We don't have weapons. All we have is a direction.

Rage - …

Hollow – If we're going to have any hope of surviving this we're going to need as much help as we can get.

Rage - …

Hollow – Josh I know you're there. I can see you.

Rage - …no you can't…

Hollow – You really are this retarded aren't you?

Rage - …

*Three figures stand ahead of them in the middle of the highway.*

Hollow – Josh look out!

*Rage turns to face Hollow.*

Rage - …

*Hollow grabs the steering wheel out of Rage's hands and swerves off of the road, hitting a tree.*

Rage – You fucking faggot. You broke my dream car.

Hollow – Don't say that word. Only people who make vlogs to gay people can say that word.

Rage – Faggot faggot faggot faggot faggotty faggot you are a faggot for hammering us into a tree. The only faggot tree in the whole faggot highway for faggot fucking miles.

Hollow – There were people on the road. You would've killed them.

Rage – You dipshit. You've always got to play the hero the hero don't you?

Hollow – And you've always got to play the asshole don't you?

Peace – Hey! Is everybody ok down there? Anybody hurt?

Rage – No everything isn't ok! Everything's shit! My dreams are lying in a heap on the side of the road.

Hollow – Peace? No shit is that you?

Peace – Hollow? Fred! Fred come quick it's Hollow! Oh and Rage is here too I guess. But mostly Hollow!

Rage – I worked my ass off to get to 250K subscribers. And now it's just gone.

Fred – Hollow! Hey buddy what's up?

Hollow – Fred! Oh you know not much just saving Josh's ass like I always do.

Rage – My home. My car. It's all gone.

Hollow – Hey Josh Fred and Peace are here. Say hi.

Rage – Fuck you man I was having a moment.

Peace – More like a gayment.

Henry – Haha good one Peace.

Peace – Thanks Harry. I've been working on that one.

Henry – Haha it shows Peace it shows. Gayment. Rage. Perfect burn.

Rage – That was not a perfect burn.

Henry – Shut up Rage. You don't know Peace like I know Peace. No one knows Peace like I know Peace.

Rage – That's a little creepy.

Henry – It's called commitment. It's called loyalty. I picked Peace to win it all on day one of the tournament. Me. Not you. Me. Mine.

Hollow – Hey Peace who's the new guy?

Peace – Hank? He's just some guy who flew Fred and me out here to congratulate me on my win in the worms tournament.

Hollow – And you didn't find that just a little bit odd?

*Henry sniffs Peace's hair*

Peace – Who Haley? Na he's a pretty cool guy once you get to know him. Isn't that right Fred?

Fred – What? Oh yeah sure man. We have fun.

Henry – Only I have fun. He's mine. I'm his best friend. Not you. I hate you. We hate you.

*Henry barks like a dog at Fred.*

Hollow – okayyyyyy

Henry – Peace is the best worms player to ever play worms. He is a god. And Zaheen. Zaheen he is the devil.

Rage – There is no god.

Hollow – Calm down Josh.

Rage – Right so where are we staying? Now that you four wrecked my beautiful beautiful Lotus I need a place to lie down and another place to email YouTube about what their return policy is on subscriber rewards.

Peace – We've been staying at Hamish's place since I won the tournament. We could go there. There's a spare bed or two. Hector just sleeps in a chair in the corner of my room anyways

Hollow – Oh come on! How is that not blatantly disturbing to you?

Peace – Oh I don't know, maybe because I'm good to my fans. Unlike some people I know.

Rage – You tell him Peace. God Hollow you are so bad to your fans.

Hollow – He was talking about you dingus.

Rage – Was not!

Hollow – Was too!

Fred – Maybe if we start walking they'll follow us.

Peace – Good idea Fred

Henry – It was my plan! I came up with the plan! Not him! Good idea Henry!

*Fred, Peace and Henry start walking toward the faltering light of Nottingham. Rage and Hollow follow behind them. Every now and then Hollow punches Rage in the shoulder. Rage tries to punch Hollow in the face, but cannot jump that high.*