A/N: Thanks for reading and I hope you will take the time to review! Some characters are OOC in this chapter because they're drunk. The guys do go to a strip club, so there is some mild adult content.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Chapter 20: Ladies & Gentlemen
Natasha POV
I was getting very nervous lately, and I don't mean 'there's-butterflies-in-my-stomach' nervous, I mean nervous as in 'my-insides-are-turning-inside-out'.
It was March 15th, in less than a week I would marry Bruce. The rational half of my brain was wondering why I was letting myself become so anxious, after all, I love Bruce with every fiber of my being. The irrational half of my brain was asking me why I wasn't running as fast as I could in the opposite direction. It was telling me that the Black Widow couldn't be tied down and that love was for children.
I was having an internal battle and I was currently losing. The hormones of being five months pregnant were making me positively insane. I was eating everything in sight, my ankles were starting to ache, and I couldn't fit behind the wheel of my car comfortably anymore. I could care less if I had a few stretch marks here and there because, according to Dr. H, every pregnant woman got them at some point and they would go away in the months after I gave birth. Jane was the only one who could truly feel some sympathy for me and in the past few weeks I think I talked to her more than any other woman in the tower. But the one thing that really annoyed the shit out of me was the constant mood swings.
I would be happy one minute, bawling my eyes out the next, and then I'd get angry for no apparent reason. It was tearing me apart and I hated it.
Last week, I yelled at Bruce for spending the whole day in the lab with Tony. He just stood there with a solid expression and let me chew his head off, not saying a word as I yelled at him for being inconsiderate. After my rant, he broke his silence and told me in a very low, yet even voice, that he would be in the library if I wanted to talk. When I calmed down, I remembered how he had told me the night before that he would be in the lab for the better part of the day helping Tony with the complex calibration of the new Iron Man suit. I felt so bad that I went to the library and found Bruce absorbed in a book about some kind of complex science. I went over to him and apologized. He smiled and forgave me, but I felt like a horrible person for yelling at him.
I had cried my eyes out the last four times that Bruce and the boys had gone out on a call and every time I would watch the live feed from the tower, I would have to take off my headset and cry as I heard the Hulk asking where his Natasha was. The Hulk loved the baby and I more than life itself and it was hard to believe that this time last year, I was scared out of my wits whenever the Hulk would make an appearance in a battle. Whenever Bruce would Hulk out in the unit, I would sit in the soundproofed room that housed the unit and talk to the Hulk. The Hulk would tell me how I was pretty and how much Bruce loved me. He would press one finger to the glass of his unit and I would put my hand on the glass as he would say things like, "Pretty Natasha, beautiful with baby, Bruce love both, Hulk love and protect both always.".
I was snapped out of my thoughts by all the ladies coming up to me in the kitchen where I was in the middle of eating a fruit salad.
Darcy placed both hands on the counter and said,
"Natasha, we're taking you out tonight to have a little fun before you get hitched, so get ready to party."
Her statement caught me by surprise and I asked,
"Uh, is this really necessary?"
Pepper nodded and said,
"The guys are dragging Bruce to a gentlemen's club tonight for his 'Last hurrah', as Tony put it, so we're doing the same thing. We know you can't drink, so we're going to try and have a sober-ish outing."
Serena added,
"But I'm still going to do shots with Maria because that's our thing."
"Actually, I haven't had an alcoholic drink since Valentine's Day.", Maria interjected.
We all looked at her and Beth broke the silence with the question all of us were dying to ask.
"Oh my gosh! Are you pregnant?"
She shook her head and said,
"No…well, I wish I was. Phil and I have been trying to conceive and we haven't been having all the luck in the world with that, so I decided that drinking would just hurt our chances."
Serena patted her friend on the shoulder and smiled.
"You're going to make a great mum someday."
Pepper turned back to me and said,
"We're going to the same club that you all took me to for my bachelorette party. We're leaving at seven, so that gives you two hours to get ready."
"Do I have a choice?", I asked.
They all replied, "Nope.", in unison as they exited the kitchen.
I stared at the remainder of my fruit salad and sighed because I had just lost my appetite. I ate the rest of it halfheartedly and washed my dishes.
I went back to the floor that Bruce and I shared to get cleaned up for tonight. If I didn't have a choice then I suppose I should humor my friends and try to have a good time.
Bruce POV
I was driving home from the tailor with the tuxedos when my phone rang. I pressed the answer button on the steering wheel and activated the hands-free call feature in my car.
"Hello?"
"Hey it's Tony, where are you?"
"In my car, heading back from the tailor. I just picked up the tuxes and a few other things like the cufflinks and ties. What's up?"
"The guys and I are kidnapping you tonight. We're going to the club for your bachelor party."
I groaned internally.
Even when I was in college, places like nightclubs (especially gentlemen's nightclubs) didn't really come off as appealing to me.
"Bruce? You still there?"
"Yeah, I'm still here."
"We're leaving at seven thirty, half an hour after the girls leave for the club. I bought a keg, so get ready for the beer to start pouring!"
"Dear God, please tell me that you don't plan on us drinking that entire thing?"
"Hey, if memory serves me right, we ran out of beer at my party because a demigod and a frost giant wanted to see who could be the champion of the keg stand."
"Do you remember what happened after that?"
"Nope! I didn't need to because Steve told me I started to work the pole better than the strippers. That tells me that I had fun."
I pulled into the garage and sighed.
"I'll go but you have to promise me one thing."
"What's that?"
"You find someone to watch Snowy for us."
"Consider it done. Dr. Selvig has already agreed to watch Ed and Liz, I'm sure he wouldn't mind watching your pooch for the evening."
"I'll be up in a sec with your tux and I'll meet you in the lobby at seven twenty."
"Roger that, actually... bring my tux up to the penthouse and don't worry about the password, I'll have Jarvis let you in. I need to talk to you.", his voice turned serious at the end.
I ended the call and rode up to the four level penthouse where Tony and Pepper lived. Tony greeted me as I got off the elevator.
"Thanks for picking up my tux. I actually wanted to have a quick word with you if you don't mind.", he said, gesturing to the sofa, voice still even.
I shook my head as I sat down on the sofa.
"I'm all ears."
"Great…", Tony said, sitting in the chair across from me. "It's really important that this conversation stays between us."
I nodded.
Tony put his head in his hands and said,
"I don't know how to tell Pepper this but I got myself tested and…", he trailed off.
"And what?", I asked.
Tony looked up and I could tell that something was really wrong by the expression on his face.
"And what?", I repeated.
"I don't think I can have children.", Tony said in a low voice, looking at his feet.
"Well, did you try to get Pepper pregnant? Does she even want children?", I asked.
"She wants them, but not just yet. She wants to go off of her pill and to stop using protection in about September. Then we'll start trying to conceive."
"Then what makes you think that you can't have kids?"
"I read somewhere that heavy drinking and other factors like genetics can result in low sperm count, so I got myself tested and the results came back. Turns out that I do have a low sperm count and that my chances of actually getting Pepper pregnant aren't that great. I remember hearing my parents talking to each other when I was little about trying to have another child so I wouldn't be lonesome and my father, he reminded my mother about how it was lucky that they were even able to have me.", Tony shook his head, "At that time, I didn't understand what my father meant by that, but I know now and I just feel like I failed."
"I'm really sorry to hear that.", I said, feeling useless for not being able to say something to make him feel better.
"Bruce, what am I going to tell Pepper? She's going to find out sooner or later, and when she does…", It was then that he lost it and broke down in tears.
I could handle it when Natasha cried because I knew how to cheer her up, but when it came to Tony or anyone else, I was pretty lost.
"Uh…Tony? Are you going to be okay?", I asked warily.
He didn't look up at me as he said,
"I don't want to risk losing her… she means the world to me and I don't know where I would be without her. She wants a family and I want to give her one more than anything. The problem is, I've tried to stop drinking in the past, and I did for a little while but it was difficult.", the billionaire wiped his eyes and let out a short bark of laughter, "I guess tonight is my last hurrah too."
I patted my friend on the shoulder and said,
"I'll help you out, addiction is a tough thing to get over, trust me."
Tony looked up at me and quirked an eyebrow.
"You had issues with addiction?"
"Yes and no. In the months after my accident, I turned into a suicidal mess. Before I tried shooting myself, I tried to overdose on painkillers. I decided to help people, but only after I found out that the Hulk couldn't be killed, and it took some time to get myself off of the painkillers, but I did it and now I'm exactly where I want to be. I'll help keep you on the right path because overcoming anything from a fear to an addiction is always easier when you know there are people who believe in you."
"Thanks Bruce.", he smiled and looked at his watch, "Crap look at the time! I have to take a shower and get Pepper to change my arc reactor! I'll see you in a few hours!"
I stood and decided to get something to eat before getting dressed 'to party' as Tony so eloquently put it.
I wonder where Natasha is…
Natasha POV
I was taking a shower and studying the periodic table of elements when I heard Bruce open the door to our apartment.
"Nat? You home?", he called.
"I'm in the shower right now, but I'll be out in no time!", I called back.
"Okay, so Tony told me that you're also being kidnapped tonight… How do you feel about that?"
"I was never too comfortable with the idea of going to the club when I was single, and I really don't care for them now as I'm not only five months pregnant, but getting married in less than a week. I also tend to avoid clubs in general simply due to the fact that I've had to go undercover as a high-end stripper or prostitute on more than one occasion.", I walked out of the bathroom wearing my plush bathrobe and my bunny slippers, a towel wrapped in my hair.
"You do realize that the really high-end girls make a better living at turning tricks than I did when I was working as a high-profile assassin?", I began to blow dry my hair.
Bruce shook his head no and pulled a granola bar out of his jacket pocket, handing it to me.
"Here, I went to the kitchen to grab myself a snack and figured I should grab an extra since you're eating for two."
"Thanks."
Bruce shrugged.
"It's no problem. I'd do anything and everything for you.", he replied with his sweet smile, the one that would melt all my fears and make me feel like I was on top of the world.
"Where are the guys taking you?", I asked as I walked into my closet and started to pick out my outfit.
"Some strip club, I think it's the same place that we took Tony for his party."
"Ah. Let me guess, Tony ordered a keg?", I pulled on a pair of jeans and then I noticed the shirt that said 'It's my last night being single, I'm ready to mingle!' on it in huge letters, I sighed and pulled it on.
"Yeah. I'm not too thrilled about that."
"You know what, I think you deserve a night to just go all out. I know I can't drink, but I've decided that I'm going to party and have a good time anyway. You can do the same."
I walked out and pulled on my ballet flats. Bruce was wearing a shirt that said 'Buy me a shot, I'm tying the knot' on it.
"I don't know… I'm really not the partying type."
I sighed as I put on my makeup and a pair of earrings.
"Well neither am I, but just for tonight, I'm going to party like I'm Tony Stark."
I noticed the horrified look on Bruce's face and apologized.
"Sorry, that was the worst analogy in the world. I'm not going to party that hard, but I will have some fun."
"Okay then. I'll have a good time and for once, I'll be the party person.", Bruce said and smirked at me as he ran his fingers through his hair, "How do I look?"
I got up and walked over to him, taking in his outfit. The casual look suited him extremely well but the way he was leaning up against the wall and looking at me over the rims of his glasses just made a chill crawl up my spine.
"Well, I must say that if you had come into the club dressed like this when I was working undercover, I think I would have forgotten all about seducing my target. I would've gone after you instead.", I said with a sly grin on my face.
I leaned in to kiss him but was interrupted by someone knocking on the door.
"Natasha!", Pepper called from the hallway, "We have to go, our ride is here!"
I muttered a few choice words in Russian, laying my forehead on Bruce's chest in defeat.
"Your entourage is waiting.", Bruce murmured into my ear.
I captured his lips in a passionate kiss anyway before I pulled away from him, grabbed my purse and scratched behind Snowy's ears.
"Natasha, before you go…", I turned around to face Bruce and he did something unexpected.
He pushed me up against the wall, minding my baby bump, and he French kissed me. It caught me off guard and when we broke apart, he grinned at me.
"Have fun."
I smirked and said, "You too.", as I left.
Pepper was waiting in the hall with the rest of the ladies. All of them were wearing shirts that said 'Team Bride' on them. Pepper gave me a gaudy feather boa and a cheap tiara with a veil attached to it as I smirked. Leave it to this bunch to go overboard, but we did the same for Pepper and Jane before they got married.
"We're going to a regular club right, no male strippers?", I asked her as we rode to the club in the limo.
"Well there won't be any male strippers but let's hope that everyone there is ready to party!", Pepper laughed from the seat across from me.
"So are you nervous about the wedding?", Beth asked.
"Yeah, it's terrifying and awesome at the same time."
"I can't wait until July when Steve and I get married. Oh yeah and guess where we want to have the wedding?"
We all looked at each other and shrugged.
"We're having it in my hometown!"
"Where's that?", Darcy asked as we got out of the limo.
"Oxford, Nebraska. It's a small town, last time I was there, the population was about 700."
Serena laughed and said,
"And I thought my hometown was small!"
Maria raised an eyebrow as we went into the club.
"Serena, I know you're British, but what part of the United Kingdom are you from?"
"Eton, It's a small town in Windsor, but it's got a higher population due only to the fact that Eton college dominates the area."
We all nodded as sat down and Pepper was the first to order a drink, the others soon following, except for Maria and I. Pepper got a list out of her purse and stood on a chair.
"Okay people! This is Nat's last night to party so we're going to have fun!"
She held out a list to me and it was a scavenger hunt. A pretty embarrassing scavenger hunt.
Darcy leaned over and said,
"Get a load of number six, that was all my idea!"
My eyes shot open as I read it.
"No. Fuck no, I am not going to ask a guy to flash me!"
Darcy was already hitting the hard liquor and I could tell by the way hiccupped when she laughed.
I rolled my eyes as I decided to go down the list.
1) Kiss the first guy that talks to you.
2) Prank call your ex-boyfriend.
3) Flirt with 2 hot guys at once.
4) Collect a pair of men's boxers.
5) Get a guy to talk really dirty to you.
6) Ask a guy to flash you.
7) Slow dance with a dork.
8) Collect ten business cards.
9) Have a guy tell you about his sex life.
10) Tell a guy about how good you are in bed.
11) Have a guy tell you how good he is in bed.
12) Get kissed by five guys.
13) Have a guy take off his shirt for you.
14) Slow dance with a woman.
15) Get a hot blonde guy's phone number.
16) Get a condom from a guy.
17) Fast dance with a group of hot guys.
18) Kiss a bald guy.
19) Blow kisses to a stranger.
20) Serenade someone.
Wow this was going to be a night to remember…
"Hey, are you the bachelorette?", asked a random guy.
I stood up and said, "Yes I am.", before kissing him on the lips.
Well there goes number one!
Bruce POV
We got to the club and right off the bat, Steve walked over to the bar with the rest of the guys in tow and said,
"I'll buy you a drink, can you handle the other guy when you're drunk?"
"Yeah, it kind of mellows him out. Just make sure that I don't get into any fights okay."
Steve got me a scotch and asked,
"How's it feel to be five days away from being married?"
I knocked back my drink and said,
"It's a strange feeling, like you know it's going to happen yet you just can't believe it."
"Oh. Beth and I are getting married in July and I can't stop thinking about how much I've been through so far and what types of struggles we're going to face as husband and wife. It sounds kind of clichéd, but I don't want to spend my life with anyone but her."
Tony pulled Steve and I away from the bar and said,
"You two are missing out on all the fun in the back room…here.", he handed us a wad of one dollar bills and walked us back to the strip club portion of the establishment.
Steve blushed and muttered,
"Promise me that we are not doing this at my bachelor party."
Tony laughed and said,
"We took Thor to a strip club, we took Phil to a strip club, you guys took me to a strip club, and now it's Bruce's turn. It's a custom to take a bachelor to a strip club, and you won't be an exception.", He pointed at Steve who was averting his eyes from the spectacle.
"Hey miss!", Tony yelled at a random dancer who looked up as Tony jabbed his thumb at me, "It's his last night to party before he ties the knot!"
"No, Tony…", I said. "No lap dances."
Too late. The dancer got off the stage, took the money that Tony gave her, and began to give me a lap dance.
"Holy Shit….", I muttered as Tony pulled out his phone and snapped a photo. It felt wrong to get a lap dance from anyone but Natasha, but I had to admit, this dancer knew what she was doing.
Once the dance was over, I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding and walked over to the private room that Tony rented.
When I walked in, all the guys applauded me and I just ignored them, making a beeline for the keg where I got myself another drink.
When I was sufficiently buzzed, we decided to play a game called 'Never Have I Ever'. We had to explain the game to Thor, Loki, and Steve, but they picked up on it fast.
"Okay, okay…", Loki slurred, "Never have I ever…lifted Mjölnir."
Thor took a drink and then Steve said,
"Never have I ever graduated from college."
Tony, Phil, and I took a drink as Thor said,
"Never have I ever driven a car or motorcycle."
All of us but Loki grumbled and took a drink.
We soon grew tired of the game, mainly because none of us could see straight anymore and Tony decided that I should be dared to do a bunch of stuff.
I have no clue exactly what happened next, nor do I recall how I got there, but all I remember is standing in the meat section of an all-night grocery store and singing the Oscar Mayer wiener jingle, being tossed over Thor's shoulder, and staggering onto the sofa in the living area of the tower with a few other guys where I fell asleep.
Natasha POV
I checked the last item off the list as Pepper snapped yet another picture of me holding up a pair of boxer shorts. I grinned and thought to myself about how much fun I had had in one night acting like a complete idiot then I had in my whole life being nothing less than cool and deadly perfection.
We rode back to the tower where I helped Maria carry in our wasted friends.
When we got to the living room, I saw Bruce asleep on the couch. His head hung off the edge of the seat, his legs were draped over Loki's lap. I shook my head and helped him up off the sofa, dragging him to the elevator with Steve's help. I waited in the elevator until Steve carried Beth in bridal style. As we rode to our respective floors, I asked Steve,
"Did he have a good time?"
"Oh yeah. You should've seen him when we sung karaoke, even when he's completely drunk, he can carry a tune. I didn't know whether I should be impressed or shocked… How about Beth?"
"She had a great time, she helped me complete my Bachelorette Checklist."
The elevator doors opened to Steve and Beth's floor and I waved goodnight to the couple.
I rode to the floor that Bruce and I shared and dragged him down the hall and into our apartment.
I struggled with Bruce until I finally got him under the covers after putting him in his flannel pants and a clean t-shirt.
I pulled on my sleepwear and went to Thor and Jane's floor to get Snowy from Dr. Selvig who greeted me warmly and told me how I was glowing before going back to care for the twins and their currently inebriated parents.
I went back upstairs and crawled into bed, wrapping my arms around Bruce, knowing he would have a massive hangover in the morning, but not minding because I was finally with him.
A/N: I may write two chapters today, but I'll need some support from my readers! The next chapter is the wedding of Bruce and Natasha!
