Chapter 15

Apartment 2J seemed much more gloomy and sad without the presence of a certain blonde boy. Kendall Knight.

The three boys couldn't help but notice that there was now no one sitting in front of the TV, shouting and cursing occasionally at a foolish hockey mistake of one of the players of the Minnesota Wild. They couldn't help but notice that Logan no longer had a roommate. They couldn't help but notice there was no one storming through the door complaining about Jo.

They hadn't noticed how horribly empty the world was without Kendall until Kendall was actually… gone, in a way. Kendall was their leader, and the boys had never even thought about what would happen if Kendall was ever gone… they'd never thought that day would come so quickly.

Logan shook his head. Kendall wasn't gone… he was just… different. But Logan could tell which one was worse in their situation.

Logan hadn't remembered seeing anything as scary as when Kendall had flailed his arms around, calling desperately for him mommy to save him from the boogie monsters. That wasn't something a 17 year old said. That wasn't something the fearless and tough Kendall Knight said. That was something a 6 year old would say. And no matter what age, it wasn't something Kendall said.

Logan didn't mind sleeping by himself. He knew that Carlos needed James's protection at night, and James was willing to provide it. Logan had always been independent, but he couldn't help but feel left out.

Katie had Mrs. Knight, and the other way around, because they were, well, family. And Logan bet it hurt more than anything to see your son or your big brother in the hospital with mental issues.

Carlos had James, and even though James probably wouldn't admit it, Carlos helped James endure the challenges, too. James would give up his life protecting Carlos. He was so protective and sweet to his younger friend that almost nothing could ever break them apart.

But who did Logan have? Kendall, that's who. Well, that's who Logan used to have. Now Kendall was in the hospital, and he'd never be the same again. Logan was surprised that he wasn't crying about that at the moment. He was in shock. That was definitely what it was. He was in shock and denial. And he was okay with that.

What he wasn't okay with was that his leader, his best friend, his buddy, was gone. Maybe not literally, but mentally, he was gone. There'd never again be someone like Kendall who'd help him with Camille, with life, with overcoming his fears and anxieties, with pretty much anything. And Logan would never be able to help Kendall with Jo, with homework, with anything. And that was what hurt the most.

He'd never be getting Kendall back. Never.

And that was when it all registered in Logan's mind.

Kendall was gone. G-o-n-e, gone. Gone. And he was never coming back. There would be no more encouraging speeches, no more shouting fights with Gustavo, no more forgetting girlfriends' birthdays, no more hockey games, no more anything. Their close to a decade long friendship had ended. And there was no way of getting it back.

Logan finally collapsed onto the floor of his bedroom, his hand holding onto Kendal's bedpost for support. Kendall. It even still had his scent on it. Kendall, his mature and crazy friend. Gone.

When the first tear started to fall, there was no way Logan could stop the rest. All he could think of was Kendall. Kendall's face when he thought the boogie monster was coming for him, his cried for his mom, everything. It just kept on coming back and haunting him, mocking him. Kendall's gone, Logan. Nothing's ever going to replace him.

Logan didn't even notice the door opening and someone stepping in quietly. He didn't notice someone's hand on his shoulder until they started speaking. For a hopeful moment, Logan had thought it was Kendall. The impossibility of that only made him cry harder.

"Logie, don't cry." Carlos's sweet voice somehow floated into his chaotic mess of a mind. Logan tried to shake the younger boy's hand off, but Carlos was stronger than he looked.

"Logan, what's wrong?" Logan calmed down a little, his heart beating fast and hard. Kendall was gone. But he didn't seem to have any tears left.

"Kendall's g-gone now, isn't he? We'll never have him back again." Logan whispered hoarsely, taking a shaky breath.

Carlos shook his head. "Kendall's not gone, he's just sick, he-" Carlos was interrupted when Logan shot up his head and glared at him.

"What are you, stupid?" Logan shouted, anger replacing his denial and grief. Carlos flinched, but didn't say anything.

"Kendall's never gonna get better. He's just gonna be like this for the rest of our lives!" Logan shouted, tears streaming down his face. "He's never coming back!"

Carlos took his hand off of Logan's shoulders, tears in his eyes. "Logan, p-please don't say that. You don't know if-" Once again, Logan interrupted him.

"Yes I do! I'm the one how wants to be a doctor! I know he's never gonna get better! Never! So stop being so stupid and realize the reality of it!" Logan raised his hands and shoved Carlos backwards with all his might. His anger was taking over. Kendall was gone; why couldn't Carlos just accept that?

Carlos flew back, his back hitting the door loudly. He crumpled to the floor, obviously winded from the shove. The red suddenly faded from Logan's head, his anger vanished like a disappearing mist.

He had just shoved Carlos. He'd just shoved his best friend into the door. Logan's anger melted into sadness. Kendall was really gone… and he'd probably lost Carlos's friendship by now, too. After all, he had called Carlos stupid two times, and hurt him.

Logan sniffled. "Carlos, I-I'm sorry. I didn't' mean it, really." Logan kneeled down beside Carlos, who was blinking back the tears forming in his eyes.

"Carlos, I'm so sorry. Are you hurt?" When Carlos didn't answer, Logan turned him around and lifted his shirt, revealing his open back.

Part of his back was covered with painful looking bruises from where it hit the door, and skin was peeling off from where he hit the sharp door handle. Logan gasped when he saw the how red and purple it looked. And then he almost punched himself when he saw the blood.

There wasn't much, but the fact that there was blood made Logan want to kick himself where it hurt. He'd hurt Carlos and made him bleed. He was a monster, wasn't he? Without Kendall there, all he was was a monster. He needed Kendall back.

"Oh, man, Carlos… I'm so sorry! I'm sorry, buddy, I just got mad and-"

Carlos smiled at him, wincing at the pain in his back. "I-I'ts fine, Logie. I know you're upset about Kendall. We all are. But I know that you and Kendall were, like, the bestest best friends. It must hurt even more than it does with me and James."

Logan felt even more guilty. Carlos would never hurt a soul, and even after Logan had practically broke his back, he still forgave him and tried to comfort him.

"Yeah, but that gave me no reason to push you. I'm so sorry, Carlos. Here, I'll go get my first aid kit and fix ya up, alright?" Carlos nodded. Logan pulled him up carefully, and brought him into the kitchen.

As if he wasn't feeling bad enough, James was sitting by the kitchen counter, watching the two shorter boys. "Dude, what happened in there? It sounded like something being thrown around in there." Logan looked down, opening the cabinet door and taking out the kit.

"Nothing. It was just a little…" Carlos trailed off, not knowing how to finish.

Logan shook his head. He couldn't have Carlos cover up for him. "No. It's just… I had a little freak out. And I kinda took it out on him…" Logan added quietly, his face red with shame.

Honestly, Logan expected James to punch him. James was so protective of Carlos, and Logan would've thought that his best friend hurting his little brother would be enough for James to get all angry. But James just nodded, his face sad.

"You're… you're not mad at me?" Logan squeaked, surprised.

James smiled. "Of course not. You didn't mean to, and we all get mad. And Kendall and you were always close. It's harder for you." James grabbed the box from Logan's hand, fixing up Carlos's back without making a comment.

"Hey, you okay?" Logan looked up when James spoke again. Was he okay? Carlos just got hurt and James was asking if he was okay?

"I'm… I'm fine. I'm sorry." Logan whispered, the last part directed at Carlos.

James wrapped his arm around Logan's shoulders. "Hey, don't apologize. Nobody's perfect. Carlos is fine, it's nothing life threatening. And if you ever need a shoulder to lean on, well, I'm always here, alright?" Logan smiled back.

"Yeah, Logie. If you're sad, you can always count on us." Carlos added, a bright smile on his face. Logan's smile grew even wider. He had the best friends ever.

"Alright. Thanks, James. And you too, Carlos."

But no one could ever replace Kendall Knight.

A/N- So… QUICK UPDATE? How ya likin it? Anyways, the first quarter is ending tomorrow, so don't have much to do today! Hehe, I almost wrote "toady" instead of "today"! So yeah… what's knew? Oh, I'm going to Michigan for the weekend. So yeah. What's up with your lives? ;)

Anyways, please review and maybe I can update this fast again! Poor little Logie, freaking out on poor little Carlos.

Peace, Love, and Giraffes,

Anonymous Skrtle