Chapter 16
Carlos sighed as he read article after article about Kendall's… disease on his laptop. Big Time Rush was definitely gone by now, and Carlos doubted Gustavo or Kelly would ever even try to get it back.
After all, there was no Big Time Rush without Kendall Knight, was there? He was the lead singer, the lead everything. Without their leader, nothing could continue.
But what bothered Carlos the most was the comments after all the articles. News had gotten out that someone, who was anonymous for the moment, had tripped Kendall with a hockey stick, causing the life-changing concussion.
And almost every single comment at the bottom were about how much people wanted to get revenge on the person who'd tripped Kendall with that hockey stick. That was funny because a bunch of fans of Big Time Rush wanted to kill Carlos, a member of the band.
But Carlos couldn't blame them. Stupid actions had their consequences. He still blamed himself 100% for Kendall's concussion… he'd ruined Kendall's life. And Kendall would never, ever, get better. He couldn't even say sorry because Kendall's mind was too messed up for him to even understand or take it sincerely.
Carlos wiped away the tears forming in his brown eyes. He didn't deserve to cry. James did, Logan did, Kendall did, Mrs. Knight did, Katie, did, everyone else did, but not him. He made the mistake; he was the one being stupid. He didn't deserve to cry over something he'd done.
But Carlos couldn't keep himself from crying. Every bad thing that happened, he just had to cry, He just had to sit in James's lap and cry his eyes out. He was so pathetic. Pathetic and stupid, that's what he was. That was all that he was.
He couldn't help but feel like he deserved that push yesterday. He deserved Logan's push. He deserved to suffer for what he did. His back hurt like crazy, but he deserved it. He deserved it more than anyone.
The Latino boy put his head in his hands, taking deep breaths to keep himself from crying. Kendall was never going to be the same again. He wouldn't be that hockey loving, clever and sly boy that Carlos had known practically his whole life. He still remembered the day he'd met Kendall.
His mom made him try out for the pee wee hockey team. But when he got there, he was scared by all the kids who were bigger than him, so he hid in the bathroom and cried there until someone found him.
"What's wrong?" The boy had asked. Carlos had thought he was going to kick him or something.
"N-nofing." He whispered, wishing this boy would just leave him alone.
The boy didn't. "I know something's wrong, so you gotta tell me. Or else I'm gonna tell the teacher." Carlos had widened his eyes at this, but the boy just laughed.
"I'm just kidding. But really, what's wrong?" He'd seemed genuinely concerned, and so Carlos thought he could trust this boy.
Carlos remembered wiping the tears on his shirt. "I'm scared of da big kids. I doon wanna twyout." He'd still had trouble pronouncing his words back then.
Kendall had smiled his big smile and stuck out his hand. "It's alright. You can come with me and I'll keep ya safe. Cuz friends do that right?"
"You wanna be my fwiend?" Carlos had asked happily. Kendall nodded, his adorable blonde bangs bobbing up and down on his head.
"Of course! I'm Kendall Knight. Like da knight in shining armor."
Carlos grinned back. "I'm Carwos. My daddy's a powice offica."
"Woah! That's really cool! I… I don't have a daddy." Kendall had looked down, a sad look in his eyes. "He died when I was real little."
Carlos didn't know what to say. He'd never met someone without a daddy before. How was that even possible? "Oh… I-I'm sowwy." He'd whispered, ashamed of himself for making this happy boy sad.
Kendall just shrugged. "Whatever, cuz I have a cool mommy and a baby sister. She's real little, like the size of you skate." Carlos had giggled at that. That was one small baby.
"Dat's cool. I doon haf any babies in my house."
Kendall laughed. "Ready to go now? Don't worry, my friend James and Logan are really nice. Everyone's nice, really. They're big and nice." Carlos had remembered that he liked Kendall's smile.
"Okay. I-I guess I'm weady."
Kendall had dragged Carlos out of the bathroom, and the tryouts had gone great.
And they'd been friends ever since.
It hurt to think that all that was over now. Kendall would never be there to comfort him and the guys anymore. He'd never be able to give one of his encouraging speeches anymore. Carlos would never be able to fight for the platinum controller with Kendall anymore. And the worst part was, the controller was actually Kendall's. But Kendall would probably never even play video games again. And it was all because of him. All his fault. All stupid Carlos's fault.
Carlos was so busy making himself feel guilty that he didn't notice James coming into the room to get his jacket. "Hey, bud, something wrong?" Carlos blinked away his tears and looked up at James, forcing a cheerful smile.
"Nope, everything's good. Just thinking." Carlos replied. He couldn't let James know something was wrong. It would just remind James of how Carlos had dropped the hockey stick, how Carlos was to blame for all of this.
He just didn't want James mad at him. He already felt bad enough.
You deserve to feel bad. You ruined Kendall's life! A voice shouted in Carlos's head. He winced at the painfully true words. The voice was right. He deserved the pain and guilt.
James looked at Carlos with concern. " Don't lie to me, Carlos. Is something really wrong?"
Carlos sucked at lying, put somehow, he managed to pull it off this time. "No, I'm fine, just my back hurts a little. Logan's actually really strong, did you know that?" He asked, trying to change the subject. Luckily, James didn't notice his feeble attempt to talk about something else.
"Well, if something's wrong, buddy… you know I'm always here for you and Logan, right?" Carlos grinned at his older friend and nodded.
"Thanks, James." James smiled back and left the room.
Carlos let out a shaky breath. He really wanted to tell James what was wrong. That was always his first instinct: to seek James's comfort when he was feeling bad in any way.
But he was scared that James might just get mad at him for hurting Kendall. What if James suddenly realized that this was all Carlos's fault after Carlos told him what was bothering him? What if James told Logan, Logan agreed, and then they both hated him for the rest of his life?
Kendall, James, and Logan were pretty much his only friends. Carlos was a people person, bur usually people thought he was weird or annoying or simply just stupid. And he was really having a hard time proving them wrong. If James and Logan left him, Carlos didn't know what he would do.
He couldn't lose James or Logan. No.
He kept on scrolling down, forcing himself to read all the comments just to make himself feel worse and worse. One statement caught his eyes.
Maybe Kendall's parents should sue whoever hurt Kendall. They deserve it.
If he told Mrs. Knight, Mrs. Knight would sue his family, wouldn't she? She'd be so angry she'd sue a lot of money, and Carlos's family wouldn't be able to pay it off and then they'd go bankrupt and it would all be Carlos's fault and-
Carlos's thoughts were interrupted when he heard a loud crash. He quickly shut the top of his laptop, opening the door hesitantly. He was afraid to look out and see what had happened.
When he finally rounded up enough courage to glance out cautiously, what he saw made him freeze. His heart felt like it had stopped beating.
He couldn't believe what he was seeing.
A/N- Oh, so what do you think poor little Carlos saw? Something great or something bad? You're call. Tell me what ya think in a REVIEW! I love those things, if you haven't noticed yet. ;)
Anyways, LOVED Big Time Rescue. Loved the music video with all the dogs (though I really don't like dogs, but I DO like the BTR dogs), and poor little Carlos getting pushed around by the Jennifer. And Kendall with his pink sweater! :) And it was SO sweet how Gustavo made his password "my dogs" because it was something he loved. AWWWWW! And I loved how Katie and Gustavo were telling each other how much they loved each other! AWWWWW again!
Alright, enough of my rant. Hope you liked this chapter, and I'll TRY to update soon. You know what that mean. ;) Oh, and did you hear the next episode if BIG TIME BLOOPERS! I'm so excited!
Anyways, peace, love, and giraffes,
Anonymous Skrtle
