Curtis left with a quick nod to Felicity. He must have read the energy in the room. Lucky, Felicity thought to herself. She had been trying to read Oliver since he put his armor back up and was coming up short.
She watched him while he moved around the room as if every second he had to be there were draining him. He moved quickly and precisely. After what felt like a few seconds but must have been longer considering the sigh that came from Oliver, he spoke.
"You can go now."
"I know. I just…"
"You just what?!" He exclaimed. He was at his wits end but with what she wasn't sure.
"I just wanted to talk to you." She was aware of how meek she sounded and she hated herself for it.
"Why? I'm not your problem anymore, Felicity. You left me, twice now, remember."
"That doesn't mean I don't care about you." She said forcing down the happiness she was feeling from the firm tone in her voice.
"Okay, so when you want to talk I'm supposed to just drop everything and spill my heart and soul to you?"
"I'm not asking for that?" How had they gotten here? This wasn't them.
"You know what, I've got shit to do. I'm not gonna stand here and debate with you." Oliver stated, he moved around her and headed for the door.
"I should have known." Felicity mumbled under her breath. She hadn't meant for him to hear it but he did.
"Yeah, you should have. When you spend, months shutting me out and running as far from me as you possibly can. Maybe I'm just following your lead."
And just like that he was gone.
Oliver walked. He didn't know or care where he was going. Adrian's words had set off an explosion inside of him; one that seemed to be never ending. The words were playing on a constant loop in his head. Do you really think John Diggle and Felicity Smoak's lives are better having known you? No. He'd never once thought that. He never would. He knew he only knew how to hurt. Yet, they stood by him. No matter how many times he fucked up; made the wrong choice that brought nothing but pain. Shit, even now they were still fighting.
Oliver fought the urge to vomit as he thought of Felicity standing there trying to reach him entered his mind. He didn't deserve her. He always suspected it but now he knew it. He thought about the first time he saw her; babbling to a picture of him on his mother's desk. When he made the decision to come home he also promised himself that he'd stay away from her. That was when he thought he could as time went on he found he couldn't. She made him want to be a better person. He'd thought he could be a better person; he was wrong. That was a mistake that she paid for.
Since the day he walked into her office that day with genuine smiles and terrible lies, she'd felt nothing but pain from him. Thinking about how she was before she met him, pure and happy, made him hate himself even more. He tried to think of the last time he saw a real smile on her face; he couldn't remember. He remembered promising her one night in Bali that he would make her smile every day for the rest of his life. Another lie.
The vibration from his ringing phone pulled him from his thoughts. He dug it out of his pocket and checked the screen, Felicity's name appeared on the screen.
"Yeah." He answered. He didn't even bother to hide the depths of the emotions raging inside of him, it was Felicity and he was done lying to her. She'd endured enough because of him.
"Where are you?" She asked, concern dripping from every word.
"I don't know, Felicity. Do you need something?"
"Oliver. I'm sorry about- "She started but he stopped her before she could finish.
"Felicity, you have nothing to apologize for. I'm sorry for yelling and for what I said. I just- I'm tired of hurting you." Oliver felt like something was lifting inside him.
"Then come back. Talk to me." She pleaded.
"You don't get it. I'm what's hurting you; me. I'm broken. If I'm not hurting myself then I'm hurting everyone I love." He confessed. When he heard nothing on the other line he continued, "I can't do it anymore."
"Oliver, please. You have to know that isn't true."
"I don't, Felicity." He sat down on the sidewalk. It was as though he felt the exhaustion from the past week crash into him all at once.
"I pinged your phone. Just stay there, please. We're on our way."
With that admission Oliver threw his phone into the street. It took nothing more than thirty seconds for an 18-wheeler to reduce it to a pile of microchips and plastic.
He stood up from his place on the sidewalk and started walking again. His legs were shaking but they'd make it. His destination wasn't far away.
He pulled his keys from his pocket and unlocked the padlock letting it drop to the ground.
Verdant. A place he once felt was home. Now, it's empty in every way that matters. Like him.
He pulled the back entrance open and walked inside. Everything was exactly as the SCPD had left it, a fucking mess. He walked over to the bed that Felicity had insisted on buying him when she saw what he had been sleeping on. That was the moment he realized that she loved him. He knew she thought he was attractive and that she had a crush on him but that moment he knew she was in love with him. This is what he did with that love. Leave it sitting in the basement of a building like it meant nothing.
He walked over to it and laid down. It was cold and wet but still soft. When sleep found him, it came quick and pulled him under instantly.
