A Cage is a Cage
Carol woke to an already dressed Daryl sitting on the rocker in their bedroom. It wasn't light enough in the room to see his face but she could sense that he was in a serious mood. Last night's frolics were over and her first thought was that he was going off somewhere this morning to do something dangerous and had not told her last night so that she wouldn't worry.
She decided to keep it light, "So why are you up so early?"
Daryl muttered, "Nightmare woke me up, couldn't go back to sleep."
Carol still had an occasional nightmare and knew the power they had to rob you of sleep and instill fear in its place. Daryl had them too, and he had a harder time shaking them off. "I'll get up and make your breakfast. What would you like this morning?"
Daryl sat for a bit and then said all in a rush, "I want you to stay home. Stop all this running around. Look what happened last time, you got captured and you could have killed on that road, and I might never have found you." His voice got shaky at the end.
Carol was confused, "Daryl, I got captured here on the mountain. There is no place of absolute safety, but this place is the safest one I know."
Daryl plowed ahead, "You need to stay close to the house and not be out unless you are with me or Caleb."
Carol was getting perturbed, "Are you serious? You want to chain me to the house?"
Daryl stood up and moved to the window, "I didn't say I wanted to lock you up, I want to keep you safe, it's not just you now, there's the baby to think about." He was becoming angrier and more upset as he went along.
Carol let him play the baby card because there was their maybe-baby to think about. Daryl had made a comment days ago about chaining her to the house, so this was probably some reaction to her being captured and the jaunt to rescue Jamela and Alyssa. The nightmare had set him off and he was trying to find a way to keep the boogie man away from them. Carol decided that this was not the time to fight this one out; she wasn't in the best position to convince Daryl that she could take care of herself. She was naked under the bedclothes and no one looks all that invulnerable naked. Daryl was the epitome of warrior to her with his leather jacket and crossbow but naked not so much. Naked worked for lots of situations with Daryl but it wasn't going to convince him that she could fight off his demons this morning.
Finally, Carol said, "Today I will be home all day, let's talk about later, maybe this evening. I am making no promises about forever but I have plenty to keep me busy for a few days."
That seemed to satisfy Daryl, and he came over, sat down beside and kissed her good morning. The kiss deepened and Carol thought that she might let naked work for here and now. She pulled away though; she was slightly pissed that he wanted sex now that he had gotten his way. Daryl took his leave and she got dressed.
It was a morning devoted to house cleaning and domestic organization. Andrea cleaned the kitchen and made pizza for lunch. Michonne cleaned the bathrooms and Carol cleaned windows and did laundry. They had fun though, laughing and sharing gossip from the hill. Joaquin and Emily were now co-habituating and there was talk of a Christmas wedding. Jamela had gone to work with his this morning on the dam.
Alyssa and Beth were working in the greenhouse and the high tunnel this morning. The men were working on Rick and Andrea's house this morning; they had gotten behind with everything that was going on. Everyone trooped in for lunch and had pizza. After lunch, everyone went to work on the house. Tyreese was going to finish putting the second story logs in this afternoon using a crane. The roof had been partially built on the ground and he was going to put that in place today as well. Then the roof would be finished, and then the interior. They wanted it roofed before the weather turned colder.
Tyreese was so big and strong that most people would never have guessed how good he was with a crane. He seemed to have some extra sense that showed him how to maneuver heavy logs up and set them down as exactly where they needed to be. It was almost magical to watch the house get its final logs. Carol noticed that there were some people there that she didn't know; building a new house now wasn't worth it to most people but she couldn't imagine Andrea and Rick living anywhere else.
Judith was getting fussy and Carol volunteered to take her back to the house for her nap. She rocked her to sleep on the sunny front porch listening to the sound of the crane and the birds that hadn't gone away for the winter.
Carol wasn't surprised that Ariel had followed her back to the house. The girl wanted to talk about something, and Carol put a sleeping Judith in the playpen in the living room and left the door ajar. She let Canary stay with her on the porch and she and Ariel settled down on the swing together. Carol looked at the girl and thought how much she had come to love her; Ariel was quiet and shy but she was a natural with weapons. Carol saw a lot of herself in the girl and thought that probably went both ways.
Ariel finally broke their comfortable silence, "Is it alright if I call you Aunt Carol? Cousin Carol sounds all wrong". Carol knew the importance of calling people by their right name, Ariel wanted to have a closer connection than cousin.
"I would love to have you for a niece", Carol answered. "I love your dad like a brother, you know that".
"Caleb has been working with me with weapons since I got back, but I would like you and the other women to let me work with you too. I never want to be the way I was the day we were captured, a weakling. If I had gotten out of the car and fought with you and dad that day they might not have captured us. I should have been ready but I have two years in my cage letting everybody else do the fighting while I played the piano or read a book. That part of my life is over now, I knew it when I picked up my sword; I am never going to be that girl in the cage again. It was sheer luck that Arya and I were able to kill those two men; they were in a hurry and got careless".
Carol was impressed with the girl. She had thought this through and was willing to take up serious training. She warned Ariel, "You do realize that Michonne is a harsh taskmaster. She will work you into the dirt day after day and you will hurt in places you didn't know you had. It's worth it all though just to know that you can protect yourself and others. Being a warrior is more about protecting others than anything else. But Michonne is the instructor; you must go to her and ask her if she will teach you."
Ariel admitted, "I am a little afraid of her, no that isn't true, she scares the hell out of me!"
Carol laughed," I know and love her, but she scares the hell out of me all the time. She taught your Uncle Daryl how to dance at the prison and he survived. I think you can make it, but you have to ask for yourself".
Ariel laughed too, "Michonne taught Uncle Daryl how to dance? And he lived to tell it?"
They sat together on the swing and talked of other things, and eventually Ariel went to the building site to talk to Michonne. Carol watched her go with tears in her eyes; Ariel was not taking the place of Sophia but the heart has lots of empty spaces that you only recognize that were empty when someone moves in. Ariel was a daughter of her spirit and she had known that subconsciously when she slapped her at Eagle's Nest.
Ariel waited until the roof was dropped in place before she began, "I would like to talk to you about something important," Ariel began. Michonne had watched the girl fidget beside her for a while and knew she wanted something. "What is it?" Michonne asked.
"I want you to teach me how to fight," the girl said softly.
"I don't waste my time with little girls who want to play dress up with a sword," Michonne said flatly. Michonne wanted to see what this girl was expect to happen making her a little angry would probably drive her off.
Ariel's blue eyes flashed fire for a second and her face grew more determined, "I am not a little girl anymore, That Ariel left the building when I was dragged off this mountain to become a slave. My sword is not a prop in a play; I have used it to kill. I know that kill was a fluke; I need to be faster, stronger, and surer with my weapon. The first time I picked up my sword it whispered to me "You and I belong together; there is a war coming and you are going to be a warrior in it".
Michonne said, "Then a warrior you will be, I never argue with a sword, No time like the present, let's go get your talking sword and have had it. Your Aunt Carol needs to get a workout as well."
Ariel turned, "How did you know that I call her Aunt Carol now?"
Michonne, "You aren't the only one with a talking sword".
"Can I call you Aunt Michonne? Ariel ventured.
"As long as you don't put any nasty words in front of my name," Michonne was filling a few empty spaces that she didn't know she had.
They walked together and got more acquainted on the way. Michonne was impressed with her sword. It was longer and heavier than she would have thought the girl would have started with. Ariel showed her the weight room and exercise equipment in her house. Michonne was glad that she had exercised something more than her fingers playing the piano.
Carol was ready to workout with they got back. She had put Judith in the playpen on the porch so that she could watch. Michonne drove them relentlessly and Andrea came back from the house and joined them. Alyssa, Beth, and Maggie showed up and Michonne put everyone through their paces.
Ariel went home with Jonathan; she could feel muscles which had formerly just did their job and never bother to communicate screaming at her. Michonne advised a warm shower and Ariel nodded. Ariel hugged Michonne and Carol goodbye.
Daryl had worked all morning at the building site, but had left with Caleb to hunt this afternoon. They had gotten a wild boar; thankfully they had taken the four wheeler on an old logging road so that they didn't have to carry it back. They had taken it to Sam because he had worked as a butcher in the past and had the equipment they needed. Caleb was still there but Daryl had walked on home.
It had been a long day for Daryl; he had been awake since the nightmare woke him up last night. He hated fighting with Carol, but he was terrified that he would lose her again. He hadn't known how much of his life was wound around Carol until she was gone. The nightmare had been about him searching for her and not being able to find her anywhere. He woke up to find her safe beside of him, but the terror took longer to go away. She was pissed at him for sure, but he couldn't lose her again.
He stopped at the fence watching the women work out. He knew that all the men watched them from time to time and that it turned them on to see them sweat and move through the drills in fighting. It did him and he watched Carol and the others for a while. They were sweating even though it was a cool afternoon and their cheeks were flushed with color. He wondered if they got turned on too.
Daryl watched Carol; she was good at this. Her arms were muscled and strong, her movements purposeful but graceful. He had been attracted to her at the quarry; he loved her now. She was his wife, his responsibility, and hidden in that toned body was his child. Carol swung her sword and he watched her face alight with color from exercise and joy in being alive. He loved her but he couldn't deny that this was part of Carol. She would cease to be the woman he loved if he tried to keep her in a cage.
Daryl watched as Ariel hugged Carol and Michonne goodbye and take off with her brother. Little Ariel had killed two men at the Nazi compound and Carol had told him that she had slapped her when she resisted learning how to use a sword when they first started working out at the compound. That same girl had learned enough to kill in a few days. Carol being a warrior had influenced Ariel and the others. Maybe someday they would stay alive because of that. Maybe someday Carol would have to protect their baby. He had no right to ask her to give up part of herself to make him feel better.
The evening was filled with canning most of the meat from the boar so that they would have it this winter. Carol and Daryl were both too busy to take and an evening walk until late. The moon had come up and he asked her if she wanted to walk over and see the house. Carol knew that he wanted to talk but was surprised that he handed Zak to her on the way out. Canary insisted that he come along and she wasn't too surprised that they went out of the fence and walked toward the family cemetery.
It was the path that they had taken the first evening that they were here. He had gone along to protect her though he was still weak from a head injury. Daryl stopped her on the way. "Let's just take our time, I want to just hold your hand and know that we are together here and now."
She took his hand and squeezed gently, "That sounds good to me."
Daryl said, "You know that stupid nursery rhyme that you do with Judith about Peter putting his wife in a pumpkin shell?"
"He put his wife in a pumpkin shell, and there he kept her very well, "Carol quoted. Daryl was always listening even when he seemed to be busy at something else. She didn't say anything else; it was time for Daryl to say what he needed to say.
Daryl gazed out at the distant mountains lit up tonight by a full moon. He sighed, "Peter was an idiot and so am I. A cage is a cage and it doesn't matter what it's made of. You a wild bird and you can't cage a wild thing or it dies. Promise me that you will be careful and I will shut the hell up about this."
Carol said, "I love you and I am glad that I won't have to fight you about this."
Canary seemed to having a good time so they went on and visited the cemetery and then stopped there to look at the nighttime world. Daryl decided to ask Carol a personal question, "Do you women get turned on when you work out? Men get turned on watching you, but what about you women?"
Carol thought about it, "Yes, not because we are watching other women. It's because it makes us feel powerful and alive. It makes you think that you can have what you want and that includes sex".
Daryl confessed, "I watched you today and I wanted to have sex with that Carol, the one is powerful and alive. The one who keeps me awake at night because she wants sex or because I am afraid that I might lose her."
Carol kissed him and slid her tongue into his mouth. She had denied him this morning but she wanted him here and now. She unzipped his pants and stroked him. Daryl was coming around to her point of view. His hands had found their way to her breasts and soon to travel south.
"We can't do this here, it's too dangerous," Daryl pushed her away.
"Canary is not smelling anything, don't worry I'll protect you, we'll keep Zak handy and you have your weapons," Carol kissed him again and Daryl sat down on the concrete bench by the fence which was locked. He pulled his pants down and Carol straddled him. Canary hung out by the gate and watched the moon for a while.
