Oliver couldn't shut his mind off. He'd tried everything that once worked. Nothing. That's what he wanted but his mind had other ideas. Tonight, all he could think about was everything everyone had said over the years that tore him, in one way or another.

I'd hoped you'd rot in hell a whole lot longer than five years….

You're not my father and you're barley my brother….

I wish you'd died on that island…

I really did lose your mind on that island…

I don't want to be a woman you love…

It's hard to imagine a time that I was ever in love with you…

You'll always be the man who came back to save the city, alone…

Do you really think John Diggle's and Felicity Smoak's lives are better having known you?...

No.

He couldn't make it stop but he wasn't sure he wanted it to stop. He'd been at this point a few times, mostly during the five years he was gone. He recalled the first time he held a gun in his hand and thought about using it to end his pain. It was in that cave back on Lian Yu. He'd held the same gun his father took his life with in his hand and intended to do the same. That time, it had all been in his mind, the gun and the words his father told him. The next time, he was in a cell on Lian Yu, the day before he came home to starling. The gun was real, the pain was real, the desire to stop it all was definitely real. Laurel, she wasn't. She was a manifestation of his soul trying to save him. That time it worked. He'd been fool enough to believe the words; that his family needed him to keep them save, his city needed to be saved. Stupid boy.

Now, he finds himself here once again. Sitting alone in his office, the only place he could think to go, a gun laying on his desk. Inside the revolver was only one bullet; it's all he'd need. He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there. He wondered if he'd actually follow through this time; he felt he would.

"Oliver?" a gentle voice called to him.

He looked up and saw Felicity standing in front of his desk. Was she real or another manifestation of his soul?

He said nothing.

"I looked for you everywhere. I spent hours looking for you in Russia, Hong Kong, and that god forsaken island. And where do I find you? Here." She ranted. He could tell that she wanted to be yelling this at him, but she would not let herself.

She is real.

He sat there still staring at his gun. He would have spoken to her if he had known what to say to ease her. He did not. he did not even know how to ease himself.

"Oliver." Felicity sighed.

He looked up at her but did not meet her eyes. She had spent enough time staring into that abyss. He watched her frame freeze suddenly. She must have finally noticed the gun laying on his desk.

"Oliver. What are you – "she stopped talking. Her realization was palpable in the air.

She moved, as though her realization propelled her forward.

"No." She declared.

"Felicity, this doesn't concern you. Did you not read the note I left you? Just go." He did his best to sound okay. He did not want her to talk him out of this.

"I'm sorry, did you just say this doesn't concern me? The love of my life gets tortured by a psychopath for a week, is barely home three days before he takes off and now I find him sitting alone in his office staring at a revolver and I'm not supposed to be concerned?" She spat, rage radiating from her.

"No. You lost that right when you walked out on me!" He spat back. He did not mean it. He was just trying to piss her off, so she would leave.

"Save it. I'm not leaving." She said as she moved closer to him yet again, except this time she did not stop moving forward. He stood from his spot, grabbing his gun in his hand as he went.

She stopped then, fear flashing through her eyes.

"Fine. Stay then. You won't like what you see though." It came out a threat. He did not mean it to. The hurt that flashed across her face just made him want to end her pain even more.

"I'm sorry. I would never – not with you here. I just wish you'd understand." He admitted. They were not on the same page anymore. He never thought they would ever get here but here they were.

"Then help me. Help me understand. I want- I need to understand." She said walking towards the couch and taking a seat. She motioned for him to sit next to her, but he was more comfortable with a distance between them.

"I told you. When you understand then you leave." He explained.

"I thought that was what you wanted." She reasoned.

Shit, that was true. How did she always make things so simple?

"He helped me see." Oliver started.

"See what?"

"That I'm what's wrong. I've been blaming everything else, anything else but it's me."

"How is it you?"

"I killed people. But it is more than just that. I kill, and tourer people and I do it because I want to. I have always told myself it was because I had to, but it is not. I want to."

"Of course, you do. Why wouldn't you? The people you have always fought and killed were the worst of the worst, Oliver. Psychopaths who want to do nothing but hurt people. That is not you. You are kind and brave and strong. No one you've ever killed were any of those things."

"Billy Malone. He was those things, Felicity." He said, looking to the ground much like he had the night he confessed to her that he had killed him.

"You're right. But, Oliver, Billy's death is not on you. It's on me and Adrian Chase." Felicity confessed as she started walking closer to him. Not liking the space between them.

"Felicity, Billy's death is not on you." Oliver said, his conviction soaking every word.

"I agree, Miss. Smoak. That is all his fault. Three arrows to the chest, overkill much; you animal." Adrian said walking into the room.

Oliver instinctively moved to stand between him and Felicity.

"You son of a bitch!" Felicity yelled as she went to move past Oliver.

"Stop." Oliver commanded as he reached his arm out to stop Felicity from moving forward.

"Words hurt, Miss. Smoak. My mother is actually a pretty nice lady or was a pretty nice lady." Chase said, with a smile.

"What do you want, Adrian?" Oliver asked. His emotions were undetectable.

"Well, I heard you weren't feeling well. Is it that stomach flu that's been going around?" Adrian asked with a sly smile.

"No, this is a much nastier virus. But don't worry we're working on a way to kill it." Felicity said from beside Oliver, who was still holding her in place.

Adrian turned towards her and Oliver gripped the gun in his hand tighter and silently wished it had more than one bullet.

"He hasn't told you yet."

"Yes, he just did actually."

"Not all of it. You would be gone if he had. Right, Ollie?"

"Yeah. I was about to tell her when you came in."

"Well, hurry it up. Before that mouth of hers gets her killed."

Adrian started walking towards the exit and Oliver relaxed his hold on Felicity.

"Oh. I got the paperwork approved. The thing that says if the mayor dies the DA takes over until an election is held. So, when you use that gun. Do not do it in here. I don't want to have to clean you off, well everything."

Felicity snapped. Oliver regretted loosening his hold on her because he could not stop her from marching up to Chase and punching him.