Chapter 24

Logan was dreaming. He looked around his surroundings, and found himself in a park.

Wait.

The park looked really familiar. A little too familiar.

Then Logan realized. This was the park his family took him to every day when he was little, and sometimes, Kendall, James, and Carlos would be there, too. They'd had so much fun here, and Logan smiled at the distant thought. Having fun. He hadn't done that in a while.

"Logie! Come on!" Logan turned around, and looked up to see a blonde boy calling out to him. Logan looked up and down; he was as tall as a 6 year old.

Wait.

He was a 6 year old right now, and the boy was Kendall. Kendall Knight. Logan eagerly grinned at Kendall, though the real Logan who knew he was dreaming had no control over his actions. It was a flashback. Definitely.

"Coming, Kendall!" Logan called, his feet bringing himself over to where Kendall and James were standing. Looking around, he saw Carlos on his daddy's back, giggling and waving at them. But in Logan's mind, he knew he was too old for piggy-back rides. They were for babies, the 5 year olds, not the 6 year olds. And Logan was 6.

"Carlos! Come play with us!" James called to the youngest boy. His daddy placed him back onto the ground, and he came running towards them, almost tripping.

"Wet's pway tag!" He burst out. Logan smiled in his head; he'd forgotten how cute Carlos's mispronunciations were.

Logan felt a slap on his back. "You're it!" Kendall shouted, giggling as the three of them ran away quickly.

Logan felt his feet start chasing after them, smashing onto the woodchips on the ground. "I'm going to get ya!" He called out, smiling.

Suddenly, he felt himself falling, and for a second, he thought the dream was over. But he was just falling; he'd tripped over his laces. He landed painfully onto the ground, and even though the real Logan couldn't feel any pain in his dreams, the dream Logan started crying.

And just as suddenly as he'd fallen, he felt his three best friends by his side, asking him if he was okay. It was mostly Kendall, though, who'd kneeled down beside him and told him it would be alright.

"Logie, don't cry. Come on, be a big boy. My mommy's coming soon." Kendall said comfortingly. Logan kept on crying.

"You wanna hold my hand? It always makes me feel better when I'm hurt." Kendall added. "Come on, it's alright. I love you, Logie!" Logan was confused. Hold his hand? But wasn't that only was his mommy and daddy did?

But he nodded nonetheless, and Kendall clamped his sweaty palm into Logan's. And for some strange reason, it comforted him. His sobs became sniffles, and soon, it stopped completely.

Logan looked up; saw James with wide eyes, Carlos with his thumb in his mouth, and Mrs. Knight coming towards them, a first aid kit in her hands.

Then everything blurred, and Logan blinked open his eyes. He was back in 2J, in his room, the one he shared with Kendall.

He could still hear an echo of Kendall's voice telling him that it would be alright. That he loved him.

He missed that Kendall. He wanted that Kendall back. The one who wasn't afraid of taking risks, the one who would beat up anyone who touched his friends, the one who comforted his friends when they were hurt or scared.

But that Kendall was gone. And now, Logan had to make the best of it.

The smart boy sighed, getting up and walking out of the room. He had to check on Carlos, see if he was okay. Before, if Carlos was every sick, Kendall would be the first to make sure if he was okay. But now Kendall was oblivious to it all, giggling as he watched cartoons on TV.

Carlos's forehead was still hot, but at least it had cooled down a little. Logan couldn't help but think the only way Carlos could completely heal was if Kendall was okay. That was the only way all of them could heal.

"Carlos, buddy, wake up." Logan gently nudged Carlos's shoulder. The youngest boy whimpered and pulled his blanket closer to his body. Logan sighed, nudging his shoulder with more force. Carlos cracked his eyes open, smiling weakly at Logan.

"Hey, Logie. Is something the matter?" He asked hoarsely.

Logan sighed. "No, I… just had to wake you up to see if you were alright."

"I'm fine. James said he had to go to the mall today to buy some clothes and stuff. You know, f-for Kendall." He looked away, and Logan's heart thumped painfully. Kendall had been asking for toys since the day he came back. The only toys they owned were a few of Carlos's stuffed animals, but none of them wanted to take away something so precious to Carlos and give it to Kendall to do whatever he wanted with it.

"Yeah, I know. You think you'll be fine here on your own?"

Carlos shook his head. "I-I can come with you guys. My fever's pretty much gone, and… and I don't really wanna stay home by myself." He whispered, staring at Logan with his big brown eyes that could melt an ice cube.

Logan slowly nodded. "Yeah… yeah, sure. But make sure you wear a lot and if you ever feel weird or sick or whatever, tell us immediately, and if you're ever tired, then tell us too and we'll go home and make sure-"

Carlos smiled a little. "Logan, I'm fine, you don't have to treat me like a baby." Silence followed, and Logan knew both he and Carlos were thinking the same thing.

You don't have to treat me like I'm Kendall.

line line line

"Kendall, are you ready to go get some toys?" James asked excitedly. Logan was glad to see that at least James still had some enthusiasm for shopping. It had always been one of his favorite things to do.

Kendall giggled, bouncing up and down. "Yep! I'm gonna buy some wollypops!" He squealed. Logan smirked.

"It's pronounced lollipops, buddy."

Kendall shrugged. "Whatever. And I'm gonna buy a SpongeBob toy…" Logan zoned out as Kendall continued listing the toys he wanted to buy for himself.

Everything was just so… messed up. It was funny hearing Kendall say things wrong… but then it hit him.

Only little 5 year olds like the Carlos in his dream talked like that. And Kendall was 18. A legal adult. It wasn't funny. It was just sad in a painful, horrible way.

"Logan! Logan!" Logan looked up to see James snapping his fingers in front of his face.

"Oh, sorry. What?"

"Let's go." Logan looked around and saw that somehow, Carlos was there already and all three of his friends were bundled up in coats and scarves. Logan nodded, still in a daze, and pulled his coat on. He followed James outside, making sure Kendall and Carlos's coats were zipped up tight enough.

Kendall ran up to catch up to James, giggling the whole way. Logan was glad no one was there to question it. He still wasn't sure if the people at the Palm Woods really understood what was happening. But it wasn't their fault; it wasn't like Logan had given them an explanation.

"You good, Carlos?" Logan turned to his shorter friend, trying to shake off the thought of explaining to people what had happened. Explaining to Gustavo and Kelly that Big Time Rush couldn't work anymore… explaining to Jo, Kendall's girlfriend that she should just break up with him now before he started accusing her of having cooties.

Carlos sniffled, wiping his nose across the sleeve of his coat. "Yeah, fine." He mumbled softly. Logan nodded, wrapping his arm around Carlos's shoulders. The two caught up to James and Kendall, and they headed off to the mall.

line line line

Logan didn't know what was going on.

One second he was walking into the mall entrance, the next he just… he just heard it.

Kendall's voice blasting through the speakers. Logan recognized the song… it was Cover Girl. Kendall had written it, and Logan couldn't help but freeze at hearing his best friend's beautiful voice singing. James Carlos and stopped, too, but Kendall didn't seem to notice.

"Hey, Logan? Are you alright?" Logan heard James's voice, but it seemed worlds away from where he was standing.

I think you're a superstar, yeah you are, why don't you know?

Kendall had written that song for his girlfriend, and for so many other people in the world who needed some encouragement, some happiness. And Logan couldn't help but think, once again, that Kendall didn't deserve this. He was kind, sweet, loving… why did this have to happen to him? Out of every single person in the world, why him?

Logan's body seemed to freeze, and suddenly, it felt like it was snowing there in the mall. Cold wind seemed to be blowing across his face, and his body trembled like a leaf in the wind.

Kendall Knight. His big brother, his protector, his leader, his best friend, his band mate, his… his everything. It felt like part of him was gone without Kendall, without the real Kendall.

You wanna hold my hand? Logan couldn't shake the dream out of his head.

You're the only one that rocks my world….

It always makes me feel better when I'm hurt.

"Logan? Logan, seriously, you're scaring us."

Don't cry, Logie. Logan couldn't see anything, could just hear his heavy breathing through the tears and the sounds. Kendall singing. Kendall talking to him as he lay on the ground, bleeding from a fall.

"Logan!" Logan heard someone calling him, calling him from miles and miles away. James, maybe? Carlos? Kendall? Probably not.

"… take him and go… be fine?" Parts of sentences wove their way through Logan's jumbled mind. He felt something dragging him down, down, down… He squeezed his eyes shut, wanting to block it all out. He just wanted everything to go away.

He wanted Kendall back. So bad. Everything was falling apart…

I love you, Logie.

A/N- You all know my classic apology. So I don't have to waste words and type it all down here, right? Right. But still… sorry. ;)

Anyways, poor Logie, you'll see what happened to him next chapter! A lot's gonna happen next chapter, it's gonna be like a turning point for one of them… well, every chapter's a turning point, right? ;)

Well, Big Time Rush aren't (or is it 'isn't') on TV recently… so yeah, I'm depressed.

But still, I'm still happy enough to say…

Peace, Love, and Giraffes!

Anonymous Skrtle