VI. Fighting Is Good For the Soul
'This thing is slowly tearing me apart. Grey would be the color if I had a heart.'
— 'Something I Can Never Have' by Nine Inch Nails
The cream in Jill's coffee swirled into the dark beverage like a dance arrangement. She slowly stirred her spoon in the coffee, leaning on the counter and holding her cell phone to her ear.
"I had a good time on Friday," Carlos said softly on the other line.
She didn't stop the gentle smile rising on her lips. "I did, too."
"Maybe we could do it again?" he inquired subtly.
"I don't know, Carl. I had a good time, I really did, but I don't think it was right."
"How was it not right?" he questioned her with a slight sound of hurt in his voice. "Is it because of Chris? He's a good guy. He'll understand that we met just to catch up. It was just a simple lunch with a friend, wasn't it?"
"I guess, but Carlos—"
"You did look really beautiful, though," he interrupted.
Her cheeks heated up suddenly at the compliment. "Thanks. You looked good, too."
What am I doing? she questioned herself. She was flirting with her ex which she told herself not to do. But he started it. Oh what was she saying, he always started it and she always responded. That fire was still there between them, and it always would be.
"So what do you say? Dinner next Friday?" he pushed again.
"Carl, no dinner's. Just breakfast or lunch."
"So that's a yes?"
She was about to respond when she saw the door from the garage leading into the kitchen open with Chris walking through. She brought her hand over the receiver of her phone, turned away and spoke quietly, "I'll talk to you later. Bye."
Before Carlos could respond, she hung up. She set her phone down on the countertop and turned back to Chris with a tight smile on her face. Her smile faded as he took his shirt off and tossed it on his duffle bag and shoes by the door. For one, she hated when he dumped all his stuff on the kitchen floor and second, she always felt uncomfortable when he undressed in front of her.
"Who was that?" he casually asked, walking over to the coffee machine.
"Who was who?" she returned the question quickly.
Chris knew she was talking to someone she felt she shouldn't be. He didn't bothering asking her anymore about the secret friend she was speaking with just before. He poured a cup full of coffee and drank it black.
Feeling the tension in the air from just talking with Carlos and with Chris half naked in front of her, she combed her hair nervously. "How was the gym?"
Not looking at her, Chris gazed out the window at the dead garden in their backyard. "Fine," he replied flatly.
"I don't know how you can work out so much without getting tired," she went on with a shaky voice, feeling the need to make conversation.
Chris on the other hand, wasn't in the mood for small talk. He knew she was talking to someone and he had an idea who. Setting his coffee on the counter, he turned to her with a stone expression on his face. "Jill, if you want to tell me something, just say it."
Feeling put on the spot, Jill's brows furrowed as she looked him up and down. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't play stupid, Jill," he said. "You're hiding something."
"I'm not hiding anything," she claimed, her voice slightly raised.
"If you weren't hiding anything, you wouldn't be getting so excited about it."
"I'm not getting excited," she nearly shouted. "I'm not hiding anything. What about you? Are you hiding something?"
He knew she was going to turn it around on him; she had so many times in the past. He rubbed his tired eyes and spoke in a calm voice, "No, I'm not. But I just want you to talk to me."
"I am talking to you! And I'm not hiding anything!"
"Calm down, Jill," he pleaded with a wearied look in his brown eyes.
"I am calm! I don't know what makes you think I'm hiding something, but I'm not. For all I know, you're off with some young girl and spending your time with her."
He was shocked, to say the least. "What makes you think that? I've always been faithful."
That struck a chord in her. She could tell he was referring to the first time she had an affair with Carlos. And that only time! She wasn't having an affair now. No, most certainly not.
Her body was shaking with low self-esteem and fear, and her attitude showed it completely. "Well, I feel like I'm the only trying to make this work," she said the first thing that came to mind, even though it was completely false.
His fuse was dwindling and his clock was ticking. "That's not true and you know it. I've always been trying to make it work, Jill. Since day one, all the way back in '97." His voice was raising and he slowly stepped towards her, towering over her. "I haven't even looked at another woman because I know it would hurt you. I've always been working on this goddamned relationship and I've always been faithful to you. Can you say the same to me, Jill? Can you?"
Slowly taking steps back, she felt trapped. She knew Chris would never lay a hand on her, but he was so much bigger than her; it intimidated her immensely. She moved her gaze to the floor and she twisted the hem of her shirt. "I-I never… I d-don't…" Her mind was racing as he got closer. Suddenly, she just burst. "Stop it! Just stop it!"
He stopped instantly, watching as she brought her hands to her ears and repeatedly shouted 'stop it'. He touched her arm gently but she just smacked it away. "Jill, calm down. Jill!" he shouted as she got louder.
She shut up quickly and looked up at him. "I can make my own decisions and I can be independent."
Chris couldn't stop the snort. "Did you get that from the latest Cosmo?"
She shook her head and repeated herself.
"Or did Claire tell you that?" he inquired with a low voice.
"I can be independent!" she shouted at him and starting stomping to the bedroom.
"I never said you couldn't be—"
"I can be independent!" she shouted again, interrupting him and slamming the door after her words were spoken.
This always happened. Whether it was asking her a question or simply stating something, she'd blow up and storm off. Fortunately this time, though, no coffee mugs were thrown. But this was the first time she said she could be independent. She'd usually argue that she was tired of cleaning up his messes around the house or how she was tired of him butting into her life all the time. But never this independent thing.
Chris always made sure she knew she could be independent. He never pushed her to do something she didn't want to do and if she wanted to go out on her own, that was completely fine. But once he'd ask what she did or how her day was, she'd get touchy and the fighting would start.
Stripping off pieces of his clothing one by one, Chris made his way to the guest bathroom. There was no way he'd be allowed into the bathroom connected to the master bedroom with Jill fuming in there. As he got into the stream of hot water, he knew that Claire had something to do with this whole independence thing. She probably told Jill that she needed to go out and live her own life, and ultimately, leave Chris. She had been trying to break them up, claiming that it was the best for the both of them.
"What she needs is professional help and friends, not a lover," she'd say, pointing her finger at him. "And you need someone who can give you love and not run away every time you touch them."
But she never understood their relationship, he'd tell his sister. If only she knew that he and Jill weren't technically lovers anymore. If he got too close to her, she'd step away. If he touched her, she'd swat his hand away and run. In the last two and a half years, they hadn't had sex. None, nada, zilch. And it was driving him crazy. He understood that she went through something traumatic and life changing, but she wouldn't even touch him.
There were only three times he had kissed her in the last two and a half years. The first was when they were boarding the plane going back to America after their time spent in Africa. He had stolen a quick peck from her and her only reaction was wide eyes and a stiff body. The second time was a few months ago when he had come home drunk. She was trying to get him to calm down and go to bed to sleep off the alcohol, but as he was about to lay down, he grabbed her chin and kissed her. It didn't last long until she started hitting him away and ran to the bathroom, locking the door and staying in there all night.
The third time he kissed her was two nights ago. After their double date with Leon and Claire, they had come home and very gently, he kissed her. It left her dumbfounded and frozen, whereas it left him empty. The drive he had that night to kiss her was because Claire had spoken how Sheva was coming to America. He felt he needed to prove to himself that he was faithful to Jill and had no feelings for the girl he had had a fling with long ago. What he got out of the kiss was something he felt terrible for. There wasn't the desire he had expected for kissing her or the want to kiss her more. It was just empty and unfulfilling.
But no matter what, he had always been protective over her. Not territorial, but the need to protect her from harm or being alone. But what was most shocking to him was this need to protect her was the same kind that he felt over Claire.
Pushing his problems in his love life to the side, he thought about Claire and telling Jill to be independent. Independency was great, but it was time his sister butted out of his personal issues and just backed off. He decided that after the shower, he was going to go have a talk with his sister, even if it resulted in a fight.
Two more miles and Sheva would be back at Claire and Leon's home. She had gone on a jog about twenty minutes ago around the neighborhood, getting a feel of the area and working in some exercise, too. She was passing by a house when she noticed a woman push a sign that said in bright blue font, 'Open House', into the grass lawn. The woman handling the sign noticed Sheva's interest and offered a warm smile.
"A lovely day, isn't it?" the woman thought aloud.
Sheva slowed down and walked to the lady. "It is very lovely."
The woman smiled her bleached white teeth, patting her curly strawberry blonde hair that no doubt was as solid as a rock from the looks of all the hairspray in it. She looked to be in her mid-fifties and most obviously, a real-estate agent. "Is that an accent I hear?" she inquired.
"Uh, yeah. I just moved here from Africa."
"Well, my, if all the ladies there are as beautiful as you, then I want to know the secret!"
Laughing lightly, Sheva could feel her cheeks blush slightly. "Thank you."
"My pleasure, darling. So, you say you just moved here, are you looking for a new home?"
Looking at the house they stood in front of, Sheva had to admit that it was a charming place. The grassy lawn was dormant at the moment, but the palm tree in the middle was tall and oddly attractive. The home was white with red Tuscan tiles on the roof. There were large windows in the front and the front door was tall and grand.
"I'm just staying with friends until I find a place, so yeah," she replied to the agent.
The woman clapped her hands together and smiled brightly. "Well that's just great! This home is on the market right now and I know a lady like you—young and beautiful—would love it. A perfect place to start a family or just spend time with your boyfriends here," she clued, winking at Sheva.
"Oh, I don't have a—"
She was interrupted when the real-estate agent talked over her. "The open house will start in just an hour if you want to come by and see the place then. Here's my card," she told her while handing a white card to her. "My name is Cassandra and I'll be here all day, so feel free to come by anytime."
Sheva held back the need to laugh from looking at Cassandra's picture on the business card. Her eyes were unnaturally wide and her smile was so big, you could fit a watermelon in her mouth. Overall, the picture looked like someone had goosed her and the photo was taken in mid reaction.
"I didn't catch your name," Cassandra claimed.
Slipping the card into the arm sleeve she kept her iPhone in, she introduced herself, "Its Sheva."
"Oh, such a lovely name for such a lovely woman!" Cassandra exclaimed.
Sheva said she'd see the woman later to look at the house and bid her goodbye. She made it back to Claire's place and told her friend about the home. Claire was more than excited that it was only two miles from her place, so she could go see her at any point. Claire gave her encouragement to consider the place, telling her she'd go with her later to check it out. After talking for a while, Sheva ran upstairs to the room she was staying in. Throwing her phone and headphones on the bed, she looked at the card, finally letting out the laugh she'd held in earlier.
Heading to the conjoined bathroom, she had a good feeling about this house she was going to look at. It was close to her best friend, appeared to be really nice, and like Cassandra said, a woman like herself would love it.
As Claire sipped on her cinnamon flavored tea, she heard the front door open and close from the kitchen. Leon was at an event for the governor this morning, Sheva was upstairs taking a shower, and Fat Marvin couldn't open doors. The only other person who would let themselves in would be Chris, and sure enough, he's the one who walked into the kitchen.
She wanted to roll her eyes when she saw the brooding expression he held, but contained the urge to do so. "Giving your sister a visit, how sweet of my brother," she said with her usual sarcasm.
"We need to talk," he stated lowly, taking a seat next to her at the kitchen table.
She didn't stop herself this time when she rolled her eyes. "What did I do now?"
Rubbing his semi stubbly chin, he leaned over the table, resting on his arms. "You need to stop getting between Jill and me."
"I did stop," she responded quickly. "I haven't gotten involved with you two in a while."
"Don't lie to me, Claire."
That hurt, Claire thought. "I'm not lying, Chris. I never lie to you. And if I got between you and Jill, you'd know."
"Then why did she start yelling at me today that she could independent?"
"I don't know," she said with a shrug. "But maybe she should be. And you, too. She sticks with you because she doesn't know anything else right now. It'd be a good idea to cut the umbilical cord, Chris."
He leaned back in his chair, rubbing his eyes. "It's not like I hold her back."
"I never said you did. She's using you, Chris. Can't you see that? She can still play the martyr and cry all the time because you allow her to. You're her security blanket for selfish reasons. I love Jill, I really do, but you're my brother and when I see someone hurting you, I won't stand back."
"Calling her a martyr and selfish doesn't sound like you love her," he plainly claimed.
She scoffed in return. "Calling someone an asshole and an idiot isn't very loving either, but that's what I call you all the time. I'm just being honest over here and you agree with me, you just don't want to admit it."
"I don't agree with that—"
"Like hell you don't," she exclaimed, sitting straighter in her chair. "You just don't want to admit that this relationship between you two has crumbled and it's not going to be fixed. Maybe you guys can be friends, but it's never going to be picnics and sweet, gag worthy, kisses. Just accept that whatever you two had is gone. Gone and not coming back. And honestly, I don't think you want it to work out."
Chris held back the anger rising in him; he wouldn't explode at his sister. She may be a pain sometimes, but he could never show anger towards her. "Of course I want it to work out, Claire. That's what I've been trying to do for the past two years. She needs someone to comfort and protect her and I'm the only on willing to do that."
"Yeah, willing to take the mental abuse and rejection. It's a sinking ship, Chris. When are you going to let it tumble and move forward?"
"Never," he coldly stated.
Claire took a deep breath to calm her angry nerves and combed a hand through her red hair. "You don't love her, Chris. Not the way I love Leon, not the way Rebecca loves Billy. Just admit it already. She loves someone else—"
"Shut it, Claire," he growled.
"No, I'm not going to shut it!" she pretty much shouted. "Why can't you let her go and try to be happy for yourself for once? Why can't you just focus on what you need and what makes you happy? Jill doesn't want your help, because she has someone else. And you could have someone else if you just let yourself be happy."
She stormed up and went to the sink, shoving her empty mug on the stainless steel. Hot tears dared to spill over the brim. Every time she yelled at her brother, she always felt like crying after because he was so stubborn and never took her advice. A sob escaped her when she felt his hand on her back.
"Claire, calm down," he whispered, rubbing slow circles on her back. The air was pushed out of his lungs when she lunged at him, pulling him into a tight hug.
"I just want you to be happy," she muttered into his shoulder, hiccupping between words.
"I am happy, Claire," he tried to reassure her.
She sighed heavily and pulled back enough to look him in the eyes. "No, you're not. I can see that you're tired and I know why. I won't push it anymore today, but please, just think about what I said."
Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, he wiped a tear from cheek. "I always do. I love you, you know that?"
"Of course I do," she insisted with a snooty voice. "I love you, too. And you should shave."
After she released him, he ran the palm of his hand on his cheek. "What? I thought the ladies love facial hair."
"Yeah, sure, cavewoman."
He laughed at her sarcastic insult and started heading out of the kitchen towards the front door. As he was about to turn the knob of the door, he was going to call out to his sister that he was leaving when a really fat cat rubbed against his leg. Green eyes stared up at him and purring sounded from the feline. He tried stepping away but the cat just kept rubbing up against him.
"Hey Claire, when did you get a cat? And why did you get a really fat one?" he called out.
The cat threw him a nasty look at the remark, but went back to rubbing against him. The fat animal plopped down on his feet, holding him there. He was about to push the cat up so he could leave when he felt the atmosphere thicken with another presence. He would have thought it was Claire if it weren't for the tingling nerves he felt. He had only gotten this feeling twice in his life.
First, when Claire was born all that time ago and he got to see her for the first time and the second, when he first met Sheva Alomar.
"He's my cat," a voice murmured from behind him.
Gulping hard, he took a deep breath inwardly and prepared himself. Slowly turning around, his heart stopped when he saw her standing there at the landing of the stairs.
Sheva felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest as he gazed at her. She held her hands together in front of her abdomen, knotting her fingers together. Her body was almost shaking as she did her best to smile and speak what she could, "It's good to see you, Chris."
Author's note: 'It's really good to see you, too, Sheva.' Then crazy kisses happen. Oh, that's not what happened? My bad. This chapter should have been titled 'That Escalated Quickly' because of the fight at the beginning. And props to Fat Marvin for stopping Chris before he left and passed Sheva. You go, fat cat, you.
Lollipop Lolli: Haha, well I'm glad that it was not boring dialogue. I agree. I always have this love for stories that have sometime of sacrifice in it and Piers doing what he did just made me like him that much more. Are you talking about the TaleTell game with Lee and Clementine? If so, that game is uh-mazing! It was my favorite of 2012, even over RE6. They're making a second season with five new episode that should come out in the Fall this year. :) I hope work was good! Cheers. :)
HollerHawk65: Yay! I love Jill and Carlos together. They just seem to fit so well together. :)
wolfspiritqueen: I'm glad the anxiety is translating! I don't know how you could be in a situation like this and not feel anxious. :o
JustSomeGirl17: I think the romance boast has shipped for Jill and Chris and neither is on board. If the only reason you love someone is because you feel safe around them, then something is wrong with that relationship! You kinda wanna love someone for more than there security. Haha. Okay, I'll suck purposefully at writing. ;) At least it's not month waits for an update. D: You must rest after dealing with the young ones. That's why Elvis left the building. Young hooligans crawled all over him and he couldn't take it anymore. So he left the building. True story. (Or maybe not. ;P) Well I'm hungry for a cupcake, that's for sure. :D Arrivederci, my macadamia!
Mss. KB: I don't find them repetitious, but I don't want you to feel obligated to say them. :) The cat will come out of the bag (is that the metaphor?) about Sheva and Chris after a while. We just need to have some fun with the tension of it all right now. :) Next chapter, the flashback start. Hug and until next time!
borismortys: Yay, I'm so happy you like it! Brownie points for you, because Marvin is my fave, too.
toby7400: Oh good, I'm glad the dialogue wasn't a big snooze. :) Tis a battle she will have to deal with, but maybe someone will tell her it good to let it out. That Leon, man… His only weakness seems to be lades in red.
Sheva Redfield: Interesting indeed. Hope you have a good time in Texas with your dad! If you're still in Texas, then you're in my neighboring state. :) XOXO
Potiphar's Wife: Psh, the Chrill fans can go read Chrill fan fics. At least I'm not bashing on Jill. Oh, the ghost of Carlos… Well, he will be resurrected in this one. He'll be shown in person within time, promises! What OC? If Chris grew a beard with that mustache, then I'm cool with it. I have thing for facial hair… I'll take those points for Fat Marvin. He also appreciated them. An honest friendship is ideal for Jill and Sheva, but let's be honest, with this situation that's kinda hard! Kudos to you for catching up. :)
Aries: Alrighty, the rest of that comment came through! No worries, you'll get through Leon's campaign and the rest. Blame it on Leon's shiny fringe and it's distracting. ;D Woohoo for squeezing a review for three chapters to one!
Next time, the flashbacks start. They'll start off semi short and get longer until we get to what really happened between Chris and Sheva. Well, I mean they did sleep together, but what went wrong. Juicy stuff, people!
-Sarai
