Day 4, Commitment. Zeb's path to forgiveness, both for himself and Kallus.
Captain Orrelios of the Honor Guard understands the importance of a bo-rifle. It's an honor to hold such a weapon, something so powerful and ancient. It connects the Guard to their ancestors, though, their uses are more modern.
It's all Zeb has left now. His bo-rifle and the memories of what used to be Lasan. He holds it tightly as he sits in a foreign ship with strange beings.
"I'm Hera. This is Kanan and that's Chopper." A strange pile of tin waves at him. Zeb simply stares, his basic fairly rusty.
"Cap-" Zeb stops, shame washing over him so often, he can barley feel anything else.
He doesn't deserve to be called Captain. He left his men to die, the rest of the Guard is gone because of him. It was his responsibility to protect his home and now, he will live as the last Lasat in payment for his failure.
"Garazeb" He finally says, folding his hands in greeting. The human offers his own, a single hand held out vertically.
When Zeb doesn't take it, Kanan -the human- explains. "It's a handshake. Just grab my hand like this," their palms clasp together in a first shake, then let go. "See?"
Zeb doesn't like it. He doesn't like any of this. The strange droid, the mouthy language, the gestures. It's too different. It reminds him that he'll never see another of his kind again. That Lasan will only live on in him.
And he's not really living.
Zeb huffs out a breath, then turns back to his bo-rifle. He pulls it apart for cleaning, more as an excuse to be moving than anything. He needs something familiar and these Spectres are anything but.
It's only after the next two Spectres join that Zeb starts to feel less like an alien among his friends. His family. Sabine likes the same spicy foods and Ezra may be annoying, but the kid's durable. He holds up well enough to Zeb's wrestling and it's…good. Things are good.
He remembers Lasan with less guilt after a while. He starts speaking in his native tongue when he prays to the Ashla. Stories escape him in the most unexpected times, whether they're in the middle of a battle or settling down for dinner.
Then, as he learns of Lira San and sees so many other Lasats on that planet's surface, all of them thriving, he finally lets the nightmares go. He forgives himself and puts his home to rest. He's carried that burden far longer than he should've.
That's why when Zeb sees Kallus struggling the same way after Atollon, he decides to help. Does the ex-imp deserve to feel guilty for Lasan? Sure. Should he suffer alone even still? Zeb doesn't think so.
Through the first week, Kallus slowly cracks open his shell, revealing pure gold inside. Zeb knew there was something shinny past that harden exterior his, but he's surprised to see so much passion and kindness. The yearning to be a better man.
But of course, Kallus only lets it show for so long before he becomes suspicious. "Why are you helping me?" The human accuses. "Why you of all people?"
Zeb expected this, but it's still disappointing to see. "'Cause I want to see ya get better. You're our Fulcrum."
Kallus' expression only softens slightly. "I killed Lasan. You should hate me."
He should, shouldn't he? The smell of burned flesh and the sound of those ion disrupters are still carved into Zeb's mind.
And yet, he can't bring it in himself to be angry anymore. "Look, I know you're feelin' all kinds of guilty, but I already said Lasan's behind me. We both know what ya did and I'm not pretending ya didn't, but…you're trying. That matters."
"Hardly." Kallus scoffs. "Feeling bad doesn't bring them back."
He knows. Better than anyone, Zeb knows.
Placing a hand onto the human's shoulder, Zeb lets all of his walls down. "Kal, it's time to let go." His voice is raw and vulnerable, but he doesn't care. This is true experience, from years of depression and anger. He knows Kallus can't stay like this forever without killing himself in the process.
Kallus blinks up at him, then that shell finally breaks away piece by piece. "I…Zeb." His voice is quiet, gentle. "You really forgive me? Even after I've hurt you so badly?"
"I do." Zeb nods. "I forgive you. Now you gotta forgive yourself."
They're silent for a long time, just staring at each other. Then, Kallus reaches forward and wraps Zeb in a tight hug, exceptionally tight for a human. It squeezes a laugh out of him.
"You weren't this clingy on Bahryn." Zeb teases. Maybe they would've been a bit warmer if he had.
"Thank you." Kallus ignores the statement. "It won't be easy and I'll ask your continued help, even if I don't deserve it. But…thank you."
Zeb smiles. "I'm here to stay."
