XVIII. Partners Till the End


'Help. I have done it again. I have been here many times before.' — 'Breathe Me' by Sia


Lagos, Nigeria
March, 2009

The room may have been lighten up by the sunrise, but the room was blue in emotion. Sheva could hear the shower running as she lay in the comfort of her bed. But it wasn't comforting any longer. His scent was forever permanent in her sheets and the memories were inked into her brain eternally. She had feigned sleep when Chris awoke only minutes before and when he rose from bed to take a shower. He was leaving within the hour to get ready to get on the plane back to America, and he wanted Sheva to go with him. Now she lay in bed, waiting for him to come out so she could tell him her decision.

The regret was already settled into her bones as she thought of a way to tell him she wasn't going to America with him. This romance had started unexpectedly and it couldn't go on any longer before she got hurt to the point of no recovery. The idea that she'd have to lie and say that she didn't want to be with him already hurt her, but she had to protect herself. She had to. It was for the best; for him and for her.

Her heart sunk when she heard the shower turn off. Sitting up, she began to build the armor that she needed to face him and speak these words. After only a few seconds, he came out with a towel wrapped around his hips and his wet hair going in every direction on his head. She wanted to cry when he smiled brightly at her, happy to see she was awake, unknowing what was to come. He leaned over the bed to kiss her, but when she turned her head to the side he only kissed her cheek and knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong?" he questioned, sounding concerned.

She didn't look up at him when he stood. "Chris, we need to talk."

He felt his stomach drop as she spoke those words. He had heard them plenty in his life. When he was in school and the principle came to him saying the same words, moving onto tell him his parents had passed. When child protective services said it and told him they were taking Claire away from him. He didn't like it one bit coming from the woman that he was already investing so much of himself in. It was the one sentence that made you remember all the bad in your life.

"Talk about what?" He had an idea that it was about going to America with him. And he was proven right when she responded.

"I'm not going to America, Chris."

It's not the answer he wanted, that's for sure. And despite expecting this, the blow was an intensity that hurt him so much. He grabbed for his boxer brief's that had been thrown on the chair in the bedroom yesterday when they had embarked on this romance. He pulled them on, throwing the towel to replace where his underwear had been moments before. What he had hoped when he came out of the shower was to make love to her again and then she'd tell him she'd go home with him and all would be settled and happy.

He wasn't willing to give this up. So as he was pulling on his jeans, he reasoned with her. "All right. Then we can take turns visiting each other. I'm bound to come here again on another mission and you too to America. I've never done the long distance thing, but I'm willing to try with you."

Her existence seemed to crack as her heart did the same, bleeding with pain. She pulled the sheets even tighter around her naked body as she shook her head. "I can't… I can't do this."

"Can't do what?" he asked. He wished his heart wasn't beating so fast so maybe he could hear hers, to hear if she was freaking out just as much as he was.

"I can't…" she murmured, hanging onto the words, hoping they'd finish for her. "This was fun, but—"

"Don't do this, Sheva," he begged. "Don't."

"But," she continued. "That's it."

God, why does this hurt so much? Chris thought sadly. He didn't want to look at her, but then if he looked away, he was scared that she'd disappear and there was no way he could revive their hopes of being together. "Sheva…"

A tear escaped her eye and trailed down her sad face, sobbing just waiting to be released. "Chris, we both knew this wasn't going anywhere."

She was going to say more, but he grabbed her bare ankle and pulled her to the other side of the bed, pulling her closer to him. He forced her to look at him when he placed his hands on the sides of her face, looking her dead in the eye.

"Sheva, don't do this. Please, don't do this to me."

She tried looking away, but the lock she was in made it impossible. She hated what she was doing to him and when he talked, it only made it worse when she didn't think that was possible. "You know what was going to happen."

He ignored her and pressed his lips to hers. She could feel the desperation in him as she did her best not to respond to the kiss. He held her in a vice, trying to pull her closer, but she began to cry. When she felt her lips responding to his, she pushed away abruptly, forcing his hands away.

"I can't, Chris," she repeated her earlier words.

What went wrong? What did he do to make her choose this? "Why are you doing this, Shev?"

When he called her by her nickname, it seemed to hit her harder the reality of it all. She was pushing him away because she didn't want to let someone in and become important to her. But he already had become important, so she needed to end this before it got worse. Whoever called her selfless would be eating their words if they knew what she was doing to the man before her now.

"Because…b-because this was just a f-fling," she choked out the last word.

"No, it wasn't," his voice was suddenly stern. "You and I both know it was more than just a fling, Sheva. Tell me why you're doing this."

She was running out of excuses, her being scared of commitment was soon the only one standing for her to use. But she refused to do so. She couldn't admit it because he wouldn't understand. So, she went with what was stopping her in the first place. "You have Jill. I can't get between you and her. I can't be the other woman."

He was confused, but he also didn't buy it. "What are you talking about? Jill and I have nothing together. Not this," he grabbed her hands and held them in his.

She pulled her hands away, more tears coming. "It's not right. She's important."

"You're important," he stated quickly. "You're important to me."

"No, Chris, I'm not. Just go to her. She needs you."

He grabbed onto her arms but she kept trying to escape him and his hands. But he was relentless. He fought with her until he pulled her into an awkward hug where his arms were wrapped around her and the side of his face rested on her chest, while her arms were stuck in between their close bodies. He was almost relieved to hear the hard beat of her heart.

"Please, Sheva…please."

The sob was just on the brink, ready to burst and also a surrender. Her surrender to stop with this and just be with him like they both wanted. But her conscious spoke louder than anything else and told her to end this.

"Chris, please. Let go."

As her hand pushed on his chest, he pulled back slightly and looked her in the eyes. Her eyes were watery to the point that the orbs looked wavy and unsmooth. He could feel dormant tears of his own behind his eyes, but they wouldn't appear because he had trained them so well to stay at bay and never to show themselves. And as he looked into her crying hazel eyes, he knew that he had to tell her. He had to tell her what he thought was too soon, but he needed to make sure she heard it.

"Sheva," the sternness was back. "Sheva, I love—"

Sheva clamped her hand over his mouth, stopping him in the midst of his confession. She couldn't hear those words. Not now, not ever. She shook her head. "No more. We can't do this."

His arms went limp as he stood from his kneeling position in front of her. He looked down at her with a blank stare, just searching her miserable expression with his emotionless eyes. She was making it so hard to understand. She pushed him away but she cried. Did she feel bad for him? Did she pity him? He needed to know, to hear it come off her lips.

"You want me to go?" he questioned, urging her to finish this. She slowly nodded, not looking at him but at her lap with quiet sobs sounding from her small body. "Tell me you want me to go. That this meant nothing and that I'm not important to you. Say it."

She dared to look up at him, only to see anger on his face. How could she say something she didn't mean? But that's what she'd been doing since he came out of the shower. Parting her lips to speak, nothing came out but stutters and sobs.

"Say it!" he shouted.

She flinched at the dangerous tone in his voice. Cowering into herself, she hid her face in her hands and mumbled the words erratically.

"No," Chris growled. He grabbed her hands and ripped them away from her face to grasp her jaw and force her to look at him. "Look at me and say it."

"I-I can't…" she cried. "Please don't make me say it."

He angrily took a step back and ran a hand through his damp hair roughly. "I said say it." The fury was dripping from his voice, only competing with what his body could do.

"Please, Chris," she begged once more, but was frightened when he shouted again.

"Fucking say it, Sheva!"

Taking one long deep breath and putting on a strong face that she had done many times before, she looked him dead in the eye and did her best to stay calm. "I want you to go. This meant nothing and y-you're…n-not," she stuttered, completely throwing off the strong attitude she had put on only to replace it with the true crumbling girl, falling victim the severity of her emotions.

He scoffed, pulling his shirt on. "You can't even say it."

It seemed to anger her when he said that. She had been told many times in her life that she couldn't do anything. She may not be able to say the words, but she could push him away. She could hurt him in other ways.

"Will you just leave already? Don't you get it by now?"

His brown eyes squinted to slivers, wanting more from her. He bent down slightly, catching her gaze. "You didn't want me to go when you were pulling me to your bed, Sheva. When you were ripping off my clothes and screaming my name."

Her hand was so fast that he didn't even notice a move of her body. Her palm struck hard on his cheek, making the 'slap' sound boom in the room. His face turned with slap, the stinging of her strike already burning his skin. The words had spilled past his lips with intention and that intention was to hurt her like she had hurt him. But even though he succeeded in that, he felt the bitter regret of saying such words.

He stood straight and stroked the stinging cheek, not daring to look her in the eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

"Get out."

He looked to find her eyes were dark and distant, already at peace with his departure. It hurt like he wished it didn't, like he wished he never knew such pain existed. "Sheva, I'm sorry."

"Get out!" she yelled, pointing to the doorway, as if he didn't already know where the exit was. "You got what you want out of me, so leave."

He was going to say something and apologize again, but she shouted once again for him to leave. Turning his back, he knew there was nothing more he could do to reverse this break up. It was over and it hadn't even started. He strode down the hall, not looking back. He grabbed all he his things and left her home, leaving like she wanted.

This was it. This was the end. Partner's to the end, huh? Chris thought resentfully. I guess we met the end.


Los Angeles, USA
December, 2011

After seeing many parts of the world and spending time in various climates, winter in Los Angeles was a walk in the park. While some people wore jackets, Chris would wear short sleeved shirts and be completely fine. So seeing Sheva wrap her arms around her herself and look completely miserable humored him. Claire was her usual chatterbox and talking about picking out a tree while Chris tagged along next to Sheva as she silently cursed winter.

"I don't understand why you're so cold," he told her.

Holding the collar of her sweater high to her neck, Sheva peeked at him and huffed. "I hate the cold. I don't like it and it doesn't like me."

"You lived in the desert for most of your life. It gets freezing in the desert during winter."

"Yeah, at night. When I'm inside with a heater. And it's mostly hot there anyway so give me a break."

He chuckled as Claire stopped them both in front of the six foot trees. He could see that Sheva couldn't care less what a tree looked like to sit in her home, she just wanted to get this done. So as Claire told her this was the one that would look best in her home, Sheva shrugged and said that that one was fine.

"Fine? That's what you said about the last five, Sheva," Claire griped.

Really, it wasn't all that important. Sheva just wanted to sit in front of a heater and be done with tree shopping. This tree was going to be rotting in her living room so what did it matter what it looked like. When she spoke this aloud to Claire, the redhead looked like she'd faint. "What? It's only going to be in my living room for three weeks. Does it really matter?"

"Of course it matters!" she nearly shouted. "This will be the focus point in your home for nearly a month and all you can think is that it'll rot? Do you know what Christmas is all about?"

Laying a hand on her shoulder, Chris shook his head at his sister. "Calm down, Claire. It's her first year with you. She just needs to warm up."

"What is that supposed to mean? Her first year with me?" she mimicked his voice in a forced low voice.

Sheva snickered at the siblings as they argued, entertained as Claire continued to talk in that voice as Chris told her that's not what he sounded like. After a minute or two, Chris gave up when Claire began to make faces at him. It was oddly fulfilling to see siblings actually act like this. Sheva never knew what it was like to have a sister or brother, so seeing this made her wish she did. She wished she had a relationship with someone like what Claire and Chris had with each other. When Claire claimed victory, she pushed Sheva to make a choice on a tree. Pointing at a five footer, Sheva announced that that's the one she wanted. Claire, however, was disappointed.

"That one? Five feet? C'mon, Sheva, go taller than five feet."

"If I go for a six foot tree then I won't be able to reach the top," she argued.

Claire was about to say something, but then she remembered that Sheva had no tall companion—even though that's what she was working on fixing—so Sheva had no one to reach the top unless she got a foot stool. So Claire gave in and let Sheva get the short tree. "You're going to be like Charlie Brown and people will come and sing around your tree."

"Who's Charlie Brown?" Claire gasped loudly and gawked at Sheva. "I'm kidding! I know who Charlie Brown is."

"I'm not so sure," Claire mumbled as she walked off, heading for the cashier.

"You're sister is rather dramatic, don't you think?" Sheva inquired from Chris.

He just gave a tired nod. Claire was a dramatic one, but that's all he ever knew her to be. "When we were kids, she'd reenact the soap operas our mom used to watch at the dinner table. Never tell Claire 'encore', because then she'll go on and on forever."

Sheva laughed and imagined it in her head, rather amused at the idea. She wanted him to go on and tell her more about his childhood. He would never talk about it and she knew that it wasn't exactly easy for him, but she enjoyed the little he'd tell her. Sheva couldn't tell you how happy she was that she was building a friendship with him. The man who rarely smiled and stayed stoic most of his time was actually someone she could call her friend. It was accomplishing in the most satisfying of ways.

She tried offering her help when he was loading the trees to the top of his Jeep Wrangler, but he kindly declined. He knew that she was strong, but he could do it just fine all on his own. He got Claire's tree on top of the vehicle, but he was having trouble with Sheva's. Its branches continued to get stuck on the rooftop cargo rack, keeping it from sliding next to the other.

Sheva thought for a moment, wondering if she should say it. But wanting to see his reaction, she went ahead and said it. "Why don't you punch it up there? I mean, I know it's not a boulder, but it's the same maneuver, right?"

Chris gave her a nasty look, as if trying to tell her not to bring it up, whereas Claire furrowed her brows and looked at both of them, obviously confused. "Did you have to bring that up?" Chris questioned with an annoyance in his voice as he pushed the tree all the way up onto the rooftop.

"What are you talking about?" Claire queried.

"It's nothing," he quickly muttered.

Claire looked to Sheva, begging for an explanation. "Well, when we were on the mission and on top of the volcano—"

"Don't, Sheva. Claire won't let me live it down." This only made Claire fidget with burning curiosity, needing to know what it was they were talking about like her life depended on it.

"Oh c'mon, Chris, you punching that boulder saved my life," Sheva claimed, holding back a laugh when he cringed as Claire gasped.

"You punched a boulder? You punched—" Suddenly Claire's realization cut off as she began to have a fit of laughter. Clutching at her stomach, Sheva had to help her into the backseat of Chris's car. As he started the ignition, Claire rolled over on the seat and wiped at her eyes. "That mental image is possibly the most hilarious thing I have ever thought of. What is it with you and boulders?"

"Wait, this had occurred more than once?" Sheva asked, looking at him as he gripped the steering wheel.

"Well, no, not exactly," Claire sat up and leaned forward, still wiping the joyous tears from the corners of her eyes. "He was chased by a boulder when he was at the mansion in Arklay Mountains. Right, Chris?"

"It was trap," he mumbled, focusing on the road as he did his best to keep the embarrassment from showing.

Sheva tried to ask him about it, but he just blew her off, revealing that he was embarrassed about it all. Claire continued to tease him on the way to her home, making Sheva slightly guilty that she brought it up. When they arrived at Claire's place, they dragged her tree into her home and then Claire showed them to the door, excited that they were going to be alone for a while.

"I wish you got a video of your fight with the boulder," Claire stated as she gave her brother a hug goodbye.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He kissed her cheek and bid her goodbye, returning to his car.

Claire pulled Sheva into a hug and held her close for a moment. "Make it up to him because you brought up the boulder subject. And make it good."

"Claire!" Sheva cried. She really shouldn't be so surprised by her comments and demands by now.

"See you later," Claire waved, closing the door on her.

Sheva ran a hand through her hair and sighed, joining Chris in the car. Why did Claire have to make comments like that? They were humiliating when she said them just feet away from her brother, making everything awkward. If she could just make Claire understand that any possible romance with Chris was gone, then maybe she'd stop with the taunting. She knew that Claire was probably doing the same to him.

"Sorry about the boulder thing. I thought Claire knew. And I also didn't know that you had such a past with large rocks," Sheva said as he drove the small distance to her home.

He actually chuckled, showing that he wasn't too hurt by it. "It's just those two incidents. At least I'm not like Leon when it comes to driving."

"Should I ask?" she prospected. When he shook his head, she knew that Leon's past with driving must be pretty bad. "But really, you did save my life when you punched the boulder. If it was you and I was as strong, I would have punched it for you, too," she told him with a slight smile.

"Oh, thanks, that means a lot," he sarcastically joked, not meaning it as an insult but an actual response.

When he turned off his car, Sheva realized they had already made it back to her place. She hopped out as he did the same, going to take the tree down from the cargo. Leading him and the tree inside, Sheva pointed were she wanted the celebratory plant in her living room. Fat Marvin was already there, watching as this large object was handled by the large man. Claire was nice enough to get her a tree stand prior, so Chris set it up, pulling the strings off the tree to free the branches.

She helped him, already the aroma of the tree filling the room. As Chris fought with Marvin when he rubbed up against his leg, Sheva thought of asking Chris about Piers joining his team. She wasn't sure when she'd get a better time and him to herself. So as he tried pushing Marvin away, Sheva took an inward deep breath and spoke softly. "I have a question for you."

This could be very bad or very good. "Yeah?"

Picking at the needles of the tree, Sheva summoned courage for herself. "Well, I noticed that the sniper on your team is leaving the BSAA and I may have found a good replacement."

He had completely forgotten that Hannah Cooper was leaving and now he was in need of a sniper. However, he had an idea who Sheva had in mind to replace her. "Who are you thinking of?"

"Piers Nivans."

So it was a very bad question. It was becoming obvious that Sheva favored Nivans. The high marks on the report she made for him weren't the only giveaway. The fact that she had been going out with him showed that she had been giving him more attention than any recruit.

"You favor him, don't you?" He came out with it, not feeling bad for accusing her.

"What? I don't favor him. He's done very well in his training." Slightly offended, Sheva felt the need to defend her case and Piers'.

"If you say so," he whispered, demanding that she listen to his hushed voice.

Sheva wanted to slap him and make him realize that she was just trying to find him a new sniper and a good spot in the LA branch of the BSAA for Piers. She was trying to do a good thing. "I'm asking you before I even approach Lewis King. Nivans is good at what he does and I know he'd flourish on your team. And you'd be lucky to have him."

He gave a half chortle, half scoff. "Well gee, Sheva. Why don't you just marry him?"

Growling quietly, Sheva crossed her arms over her chest and threw daggers at him with her gaze. "You're an ass. I'm trying to go about the easy way with this."

Finally able to get Fat Marvin away, Chris headed for the door, already knowing that this could turn nasty with Sheva's hot temper. "All I'm saying is that you favor the guy. Don't get so touchy about it." Something inside him just wanted to make her angry because she was trying to put Nivans on his team. He didn't exactly want her plaything on his team where the sniper might talk shit about his relationship with her. It was just something he rather avoid.

"Well when you accuse me that I favor someone who deserves credit, I'm going to get pissed off, Chris."

He opened the door to feel the cool breeze against his face, slightly relieving the tension Sheva was sending off. "Fine. Forget I said it. You just want to help the guy out, right?"

"Or maybe I just want to help you out. With such an asshole for a captain, at least maybe his teammate could save the team," she so coldly threw back at him, grabbing the door, ready to shut it in his face. She wasn't too comfortable with this anger, but it certainly did get her riled up to a point she wasn't trying to hide it.

"Ha, I got her angry," he cockily announced.

As he turned around to her and saw that she was about to slam the door, he laid a hand on the entrance to keep it from closing. Despite accomplishing his wish to make her angry, he was now hit with the guilt. Yes, she did favor Nivans, but also yes, she was just trying to give him a good position. He hated it, but Chris had to admit that Nivans was a good sniper. Great even, if Chris could let go of his pride. Okay, the guy was pretty much outstanding with a sniper rifle, but that was something Chris would keep to himself. So, now as Sheva was on the verge of slamming the door in his face, he bit on his pride and let it slide for now. He did in fact need a new sniper, Nivans was looking for a spot on a team, and Sheva was the one to settle it all.

Forcing it out, he finally gave her the answer she wanted. "Yes, Sheva. I would like him on the team."

He wanted to take it back when her expression softened. Great, she got what she wanted and now he was going to have to deal with her boy crush. If only the "five second rule" applied to regrettable agreements.

"Good. The guy with a boulder issue can take an offer," she smugly declared.

Rolling his eyes, he pulled his hand away from the door and started to walk off to his car. The entire time he was cursing under his breath that this better be good decision. So God help him, this better be a good decision.

As he was almost to his car, Sheva called out to him. "And thank you, Chris. For considering."

He just waved, obviously dismissing her and the conversation. He'll get over it, she thought. She knew that it was for the better. She may have said that Chris needed Piers, which was true, but Piers truly was lucky to get on a team like Alpha. Her next step was to actually talk to Piers about it and go to Director King. Locking her front door, she was surly proud of herself. Though, she wished that fight didn't start with Chris, but she meant well. She shrugged as she went to decorate her tree, knowing that things were falling into place like they were meant to.


Author's note: But maybe what's meant to fall into place isn't always a good thing? If only this Sheva knew what prelude-Sheva's going to go through. And hey, remember when I said this would be a Resident Evil soap opera? Well the flashback for this chapter proves that. Like seriously, 'Days of Our Lives' needs to hire me already!

Sheva Redfield: I love Christmas shopping so much! I just love the holidays. I'm glad you liked it and I hope school was good, talk to you soon, XOXO.
HolleringHawk65: And thank goodness that those fake trees are cheap. I'm growing to like Ada and Leon together, and I do believe they're one of the more canon couples. It's just Steve Burnside killed over, so now Claire has no one. And I like her with Leon so you know, it works for now. But thank you for sufficing with Claire and Leon together, because I know you like Leon and Ada together! It's safe to say that Sheva will invite Piers, yes. Thank you!
Imaginator9: Hey, look at you, leaving a review! I know I'm awkward with relationships of all kinds so it'd only make sense that I should be able to write about it, right? Haha, I'll try. Though I can already tell this is going to be a pretty long story.
mrssherrymuller: I'm glad you liked that part, I wanted Sheva to have some talent outside of shooting guns. I think you got it right; Chris needs to smell the flowers and realize Jill ain't it any more. And it's not fair for Sheva to wait around till Chris comes to his senses. I must say, you're getting a lot of guess right. Haha, well maybe you see real trees so much that a fake tree is more appropriate for Christmas? Thank you and I can't wait for your update, too!
wolfspiritqueen: Christmas shopping and dinner with the sexy man, how much better can it get? Haha.
borismortys: If someone asked me to leave America (the country I live in) and got with them to a different continent, I'd be so scared and uneasy. So I'm glad you understand it! Thank you.
Aries: Hi! I'm taking my time too, no worries! I feel like I've improved considerably since 'Refusing To Remember' as well. Thanks for noticing! I hate planning events or parties because I'm such a perfections that I want everything to be just right. Aloha!
JustSomeGirl17: Fake trees are the best! I like when people theme them with reds and gold, or the really wild ones that just look like people threw ornaments all over the tree. Haha, does your sister like in her room? Girl, you got it about the soap opera thing. Totally over dramatic and juicy! Arrivederci, my darling lioness!

Oh my goodness, you guys. We're not even halfway through this fanfiction. Procrastination and overly active imagination do not play well together, I'm tellin' ya.

-Sarai