XIX. Strength Is a Virtue


'So long my luckless romance, my back is turned on you. Should've known you'd bring me heartbreak. Almost lovers always do.' — 'Almost Lover' by A Fine Frenzy


Lagos, Nigeria
March, 2009

There were many sides of Sheva that Josh had seen, but not this one. Not the crying and sobbing into the sheets Sheva. When he had come over half an hour ago to see if she was ready to salute Chris and Jill off to America, she sobbed in agony. He tried asking what was wrong, but she'd just say that it was "girl issues". Josh knew better than to buy that answer because she'd used it so many other times to skirt around questions in the past. When he told her that he'd just tell Esther Bethel that she was sick and couldn't make it, Sheva shook her head sternly and told him that she needed to do this and say goodbye. So Josh waited patiently as she got herself ready and then they were off to the base to say their farewells.

It was a cloudy day, making every color vibrantly contrast with the gray above. Josh could see from where he and Sheva stood outside the base that Chris and Jill were making their way down the line of people, saying their thanks and goodbyes. As they were approaching, Josh could see from the corner of his eye Sheva was shaking. He turned to see that her eyes were scared, as if they were calling out for help. Completely confused, Josh turned when the two American stood in front of him.

Jill was staring around at the many people with a slight frown, seemingly overwhelmed by the crowds of people here to see them off. As for Chris… Well, if looks could kill, Josh was happy that Chris wasn't looking at him. Chris was looking to Sheva who in turn was staring at her feet, slightly shaky.

"Um," Josh hummed awkwardly. "Well, thank you for your hard work, Agent Redfield."

Chris broke his tense gaze from Sheva to look at Josh. "Just Chris," he insisted. When he saw Sheva flinch at the "just Chris" part, he knew it got to her. Good, he thought. "And thanks for letting me be part of your team."

Josh nodded respectfully and looked to the quiet Jill. "It was an honor to work beside you, Miss Valentine," he told her in all kindness that made her soften a little.

"Thank you for saving me," she replied with a hushed voice. She looked to Sheva and gave her a humble smile. "Thank you for everything Sheva. You helped a lot."

"It was nothing," Sheva muttered. It came out shaky and insecure, not what she wanted to sound like right now.

Josh had gone off when Esther called for him and Jill went on to say goodbye to the other people, wanting to get through this as fast as possible. Sheva was alone now with Chris, feeling his eyes on her as she stared at her feet. She could see his hands balled into fists by his sides from her peripheral, and it made her fear of the expression his face held.

She was just standing there, avoiding eye contact and trying to get through this without saying anything. Chris wanted to shake her, to tell her to take back everything she had said, to tell him she was going home with him and that she didn't mean anything she said this morning. But the longer the silence went on, the more reality revealed the truth of what was happening.

"Nothing to say?" he broke the silence, growing irritated by her quiet interaction.

Sheva looked up, but not into his eyes. She looked to his neck and found herself scared to see his brown eyes and what they were saying. Her lips parted to speak, but nothing came. No words, no confessions. She could see him tense, so she said what came to mind.

"Thank you for saving the people here," she murmured, holding her hand out instinctively.

He wanted to scoff, but when he raised his hand in routine to grab hers, he hated himself. That same electricity sent waves through his body as their skin touched. Their hands didn't shake, didn't move, but just held one another. Linked together without motion.

"That's it? Nothing else?" he begged. He wanted more. He wanted mercy from the pain that was shooting through his body.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to die right there so this could be done with. "Have a nice flight," was all she could say.

He wanted to scream right then. To force her to see what she was doing to him. But it was over. This—whatever it was—was over. He began to turn and walk away when she suddenly gripped his hand harder, silently asking for him to wait. Again, he hated himself for getting his hopes up.

Daring to look at him, Sheva searched his eyes for forgiveness. She wasn't completely sure what she was going to say, but she needed to say something. "Chris, I…I'm sorry."

He couldn't do it anymore. It only happened this morning, but this was all so exhausting already. He shook his head. It could mean so much, but what it truly meant was that he was done. He let go of her hand, feeling like someone had just pulled the forbidden fruit away from him and banned him from the Garden of Eden. When he saw a tear fall from her eye, he turned away. He couldn't see that. No more could he take it.

As she watched his retreating back, she felt the heat leave her body. It was as if she was stuck in Antarctica with no source of warmth and the only hope to stay alive was walking away from her, leaving her to die. She wanted to run after him and hold him tightly. To freeze time there and just hold him, not worry about the past or future. Just to be with him. But the further he got away, the further her chances went to be happy.

The crowd became suffocating, so she took off running for the building, finding the public restrooms. Making sure no one was in there with her, she locked the door before she let out the most heartbreaking cry. She prayed for her heart to heal, for her soul to be strong. She prayed that she would never see Chris Redfield again.


As Chris rested his chin in his hand, he didn't bother listening to the stupid chit chatter of the people around him, talking about the places they saw in Africa or how they were happy to go home to America. While he was left to suffer with his mind, all the people could think about was how to spend their time.

Jill sat beside him on the plane, flipping through a variety of pamphlets to busy herself and ignore the large amount of people around her. Chris gazed out the window, watching as the clouds stayed where they were as he flew by, entrapped in the large hunk of flying metal.

She had lied to him and he knew it. He knew that Sheva felt as much as he did when they were together. That's what made it so revolutionary for him; they both felt something for each other and it was deep. She had lied about wanting him to go. Well, maybe after he said those degrading words, she meant it. But before that she was forcing them out and trying to convince herself that she was speaking the truth. But Chris knew better.

"What's going to happen to me after we land?" Jill uttered her first words since they got on the plane.

Looking to her, Chris could see the fear in her icy eyes. In all honesty, he wasn't completely sure what would happen. She'd go through further detox until the P30 was completely out of her system and then maybe, if the directors of the BSAA allowed it, they'd let her start work at the desk after months of therapy. He spoke this aloud to her and all she could do was listen. Listen to the fate of her current predicament.

"Where am I going to stay once detox is over?"

This was something he certainly didn't know, but he guessed that it'd be entirely up to her. It was very unlikely that they'd send her to a mental facility or rehabilitation center due to the privacy factor of her case. She could go home to her mother, but she never really got along with her since she was a girl. All of her friends would be shell-shocked to know she was alive and probably would be so flabbergasted that they wouldn't offer her a place to stay. She could stay on her own, but at such a vulnerable state it was probably better that she stay with someone that could watch over her.

He looked to his hand when he felt something or someone grasp him. He gave no reaction as he studied the way Jill had grabbed his hand. How her porcelain skin appeared pearlescent against his tanned and callused hands. There was no warmth with her touch. Only the slightest bit of heat transferred from her skin to his, but there wasn't the warmth that he now craved from someone else. Looking to her eyes, he found that her eyes were heavy with anxiety and her lips in a tight frown. Her expression gave no explanation why she grabbed hold of his hand, and he wasn't quite sure how he felt about it.

Jill had always been someone he cared for. Not just because they had a romantic past together, but also because he knew how sensitive she could be and she always took everything like it was a million pounds. The idea that she had nowhere to go left Chris uneasy, and then it reminded him that he didn't really have anywhere to go either.

When he got off this plane, he'd go home alone, to the empty house that he used to share with Jill and return to his routine lifestyle. When he'd get home, he'd have to face that he returned alone and not with the woman he had asked to come with him. He'd probably call Claire the next day and talk to her, letting her give him her comforting hugs that always helped him through tough situations. The fact that even Claire would leave to live her own life and he'd be left to himself made him inwardly panic. He couldn't face the silence, for it was much scarier than the darkness. The darkness hid fears with blackness, whereas silence spoke the truth openly of your woes, regrets, and failures. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted off the claustrophobic plane.

Jill waved her free hand in front of him, signaling that she was still waiting for an answer. Her mind was racing with fear. She didn't want to be alone. She didn't want to be left alone to marinate over what had happened in Kijuju and what she had done. As she gave Chris's hand a light squeeze, she knew what she was leading up to was wrong. She knew that what she was going to ask would make her a terrible person. Then again, doing what she had done in Kijuju already made her a terrible person.

Licking her dry and trembling lips, she held Chris's gaze even though she wanted to look away. "Chris. I-I'm scared. You're the only person I feel safe with."

It was like acid on her tongue. Whenever she was doing something selfish to this extent, her tongue would feel as if it was burning. She didn't want to be alone, so this is where Chris would come into play. She knew what a selfless and bleeding-heart he was. She was taking advantage of him, but he was the only person she could rely on. Letting go of any ounce of shame she had left, she held his hand in hers as she raised their linked hands to her chest, right above where her healing wound was.

"Chris, can I…can I stay with you?" she requested with a whispered voice.

The idea of sharing a romantic relationship with anyone, including Chris, was not in the least bit appealing. But she so badly feared of being alone that she would offer her love, even if it was fake, in hopes that he'd let her stay with him. She had no one else at this point.

He wanted to pull his hand away. Something was wrong and he knew it had something to do with Jill's request. For her to stay with him was welcomed, but to have something more than friendship made him want to refuse the plea. But he was nervous if he so blatantly stated he didn't want anything romantic she'd go find someone else to stay with. It all came down to the fact that he didn't want to be alone and here was someone who wanted to stay with him. So maybe, if it meant he wouldn't face the silence, he would tolerate whatever Jill wanted.

Deciding that he wanted her to stay with him, he gave a tired nod. "You can stay with me, Jill."

She sighed, giving a relieved smile and gave another squeeze to his hands. But before she could thank him, he was leaning in towards her and after the shortest second, he had stopped leaning in as he kissed her lips. She froze; eyes wide with shock and panic. But she let him give her a simple peck and watched as he pulled back.

Maybe that was a stupid idea, he thought. His intention was to revive any old feelings he had for her. But there was nothing. Nothing to excite him, nothing to make him anticipate anything. Possibly, he told himself, it was because she was still ill and he was still hung over on a particular agent. Whatever the reason, it shook him to his core. He pulled his hand away, falling silent, and turned in his chair to look out the window again.

It was complicated, but a part of him was glad he wasn't going home to an empty house. He could get through all this, even if it was going to be hard and if it took years. While Jill sat beside him, wishing for a smooth recovery and strength to face every day, Chris hoped his heart would heal soon so he didn't feel like shit for too much longer. He hoped that life would treat him well for now on. And finally, he hoped that he would never see Sheva Alomar again.


Los Angeles, USA
December, 2011

He wasn't sure if he should be excited, thankful, or put off. When Piers had come out of the gym to see Sheva waiting for him with her usual files held to her chest, he was excited to see her. Then she told him that she found a team that he might be accepted to be on, so then he was thankful. And finally, she told him it was Alpha team she was working to get him on. Of course he knew what a great team Alpha was. Anyone who was either accepted or requested to be part of the team was a lucky fellow, but it was the captain of Alpha that Piers found slightly off putting.

Piers was aware that Captain Redfield was a good captain, but throughout training Piers couldn't help but notice that Redfield would give him a harder time. Piers knew that he'd watch him closely, pointing out the tiniest thing that Piers did wrong. It was quite aggravating and yet he knew that the captain had some sort of drive to act this way. And Piers had an inkling that it had something to do with the woman standing in front of him now.

It wasn't until after Piers had spoken to Sheva for the first time when Redfield began to treat him differently. This began to make Piers question Sheva and the captain's past with one another. What was the dirty dirt that made Redfield act so severe? It was something that couldn't be questioned outright. Rather you had to learn on your own. However, Piers wasn't sure he wanted to know. He didn't want to involve himself with someone else's drama.

"Well?" Sheva queried, patiently waiting for his answer whether or not he was okay with her putting in his application for Alpha.

Looking her in the eyes, Piers broke it down. Alpha was a team that took in the best and he had confidence that he had what it took to be a part of that team. Even if he was to join a lesser quality team, Piers wanted to stay with this branch if he could. On the other hand, being under Captain Redfield's wing might be asking for abuse. Then again, Piers was a man that could hold his own. He had made up his mind.

"If Lewis King approves and Captain Redfield does as well, then yes, I want to apply for Alpha," he told her.

"Great!" she cheered with a loud whisper. "Chris already approved and now I just have to put in the files for Lewis. But Lewis already trusts me so I think it's safe to say that you're in with Alpha."

Hmm, she was on first name basis with Redfield, that wasn't surprising. "You already asked Redfield?"

Arching a brow, Sheva considered his skeptic expression. "Well, yes. I wanted to make sure he was all right with it so I didn't get anyone's hopes up. Are you mad that I asked him first?"

Maybe slightly, but he didn't tell her this. "No, not really. I'm just surprised you went for it."

"I'm a woman of perseverance, Piers. You should know this," she stated with a smug smile.

"I'm beginning to," he replied with a small smirk. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I've been trying to make sure you get on a good team." When she said this, it made her think of what Chris had said about her favoring Piers. Was she really? It wasn't like she meant to if she was. She just wanted Piers to have the opportunity to live up to his potential and skill.

"Have you ever thought about starting your own team?"

Shocked by his question, Sheva had to think about this response. "I had for a small time a little less than a year ago. I was offered a promotion to become a captain, but after a lot of thought, I just didn't want it. I don't know if I could take the pressure of handling an entire team. I much rather be second in command. So I turned down the offer."

"Well it takes someone confident to turn that down," Piers claimed.

Sheva laughed a carefree laugh. "Thanks. Maybe one day you'll get to become captain."

Feeling that this conversation was coming to an end, Piers began to take backward steps towards the locker room while still talking to her. "Who knows? Maybe one day I will. I'll talk to you later, Sheva."

"Bye Piers," Sheva smiled warmly, slowly turning around in the direction towards the elevators.

A good feeling rose inside her as she thought about Piers and what was becoming of their relationship. She knew that she could be anticipating nothing, but that didn't stop her from thinking about him. The idea that something more could transpire and the fact that it didn't scare her made her want it that much more. She knew that whatever was going on between them, it was big but also good.

As Sheva stepped out of the elevator, she held her files to her chest, trying to get through the crowd in the hallway to her office. When she was trying to squeeze through a group of people, she could see Chris coming out of his own office a few paces away. It's when she smiled at him that she heard what the commotion was about.

"Yeah, I heard it was crazy," some agent said. "Delta team was right in the middle when the bomb went off. They said they were rushed off to the hospital and haven't heard anything since."

Sheva could feel her heart stutter in pumps as she heard what they were saying. Praying with all her might, she asked the agent kindly, "Excuse me, what branch did this Delta team belong to?"

The agent that had been speaking looked down at her with dull blue eyes and studied her for a quick moment before answering. "West Africa's Delta team. I think the captain's name is like Josh Storm or something."

As the man was saying the last word, Sheva was off running for her office. Her breathing had seized as she did her best to weave through the crowd that she now knew were talking about the accident with Delta. People didn't understand her reaction as she shoved and pushed. They yelled and complained at her, telling her to calm down or asking what her problem was.

Just moments before, Chris had gotten news about Delta. All he learned was that the team was clearing out an area when the person that caused the tiny outbreak had planted a bomb where they were neutralizing at that time. Josh Stone and his team were rushed to the hospital after serious injuries but nothing had been reported since. It had been at least nine hours and nothing could be said whether or not they'd be okay or if they were even alive. After reading this, Chris knew that one of the people that meant most to Josh would be freaking out at this second. So when he came out of his office, he had gotten the honor to see right as the news was broken to Sheva in the halls.

Now as she was struggling with the crowd to get to her office, Chris pushed people out of her path and cleared a small way for her. He made it to her door first, opening it and grabbing Sheva's wrist when she was close enough and pulled her in. Just from the look on her face, he could see she was about to break down but she was trying to hold on as she grabbed for the office phone. Chris closed the door behind him, cutting off the loud chatter coming from the hallway outside only to amplify Sheva's quick and strained breaths.

He went to her side as she pressed the buttons on her dial pad with urgency. She was going so fast that she kept messing up the number, making her worry and frustration grow. When she dialed the number fully and held the phone to her ear, all she got was a busy tone. Beep, beep, beep.

"Chris," she called out to him with desperation, not understanding why it was busy. The tears were just on the surface as she looked to the man beside her, hoping he'd have an explanation.

"Here, Sheva, give it to me," he ordered. He took the phone and redialed the correct number, relieved to hear that it was ringing.

Sheva's chest rose and fell unevenly quick. The longer the phone rang the more she looked like she was going to cry and the more her breath became erratic. Out of concern, Chris grasped her shoulder to calm her down. In turn, she clutched onto his hand and held it under chin, praying that the West African branch's director would pick up.

"Director Esther Bethel of the BSAA's West African branch, what do you need?"

Chris sighed inwardly and Sheva did outwardly, the sigh sounding more like a quiet cry. "This is Captain Chris Redfield from the Los Angeles branch. I need a report on Captain Josh Stone's case."

"Redfield? What is your need to know Stone's case?" Esther inquired with great surprise that she was speaking with the American captain.

Chris wanted to growl at the woman and tell her to be quick, but he kept it simple and fast. "It's urgent. Agent Alomar needs to know."

"Sheva? Then why didn't she call?"

He was about to lose it as the woman on the line stalled the information as Sheva became more anxious and started to visibly shake. "Look, Bethel, I need to know his case. Can you give it to me?"

"Yes, yes," the director said. "I'm connecting you to the Lagoon Hospital's customer service. Ask for Josh Stone's room and they should transfer you."

The line went flat as his call transferred to the hospital. If they were connecting him to Josh's room then that meant he was alive. "He's alive, Sheva," he told her. Finally a tear left her scared eyes as she stepped closer, knowing that he was getting closer to knowing Josh's condition.

"Captain Stone," a familiar voice spoke. So familiar that Sheva could hear and suddenly pulled the phone back and held it to her ear closely.

"Josh?" her voice cracked as she said his name. She was still looking at Chris, feeling secure in his gaze.

"Sheva? What are you calling me for?" Josh's voice replied back, sending relief through her body.

A sob broke through her when she heard that his voice sounded like his usual strong voice. Her knees went a little weak, making her lean forward ungracefully. Chris held her arms to keep her from falling as she cried. She fell into his chest and brought a hand to cover her eyes, listening to Chris's heartbeat and Josh's voice asking her what was wrong.

"I'm calling because I thought you were dead, you jerk! You have to be more careful," she choked out.

"Sheva, calm down. I am fine. I didn't lose any of my men, we're just badly injured. I got luckiest with the least severe burns and cuts. I'm just resting now. Now will you please calm down?"

"I can't calm down," she cried. "I'm freaking out, Josh!" Another sob tore from her when Chris stroked her back, murmuring for her to take deep breaths.

"Look, Sheva. Baby sister. I am healthy. I should be out of here tomorrow and back home with Katie. Katie's not freaking out because she knows that I am okay. So please just calm down."

Knowing that he'd keep telling her that, Sheva faked even breaths. Her panic attack was still on full throttle, but she managed to take control enough to fake a calmer demeanor.

"Good girl," Josh whispered, falling for it. "Oh, guess who my nurse is. Grace. So if something happens, we know what, or rather who it was that did it."

"Don't joke about that!" her false calmness was faltering as he joked about getting worse.

"All right, all right. Shev, I have to go. I'm not supposed to be on the phone in the first place and with Grace as my nurse, she could really do something if I'm disobeying orders. I'll call you when I get home tomorrow and Katie will call you later. Good?"

She tried to keep him on longer but he told her that he couldn't. She could hear in his voice that he really didn't want to hang up, but he had to. They said their goodbyes, leaving Sheva still anxious and jittery. As she put the phone back in its cradle, the panic let loose from the cocoon she had temporarily put it in and it broke free. A sad sob escaped her body as she hid her face in her hands and leaned into Chris. Not showing any negative reaction, he simply held her and stroked her back and shoulders.

"It's okay, Sheva," he whispered to her.

"I thought…I-I thought…"

"I know," he mumbled, already knowing what she was going to say.

As her thin arms wrapped around his torso, she seemed to calm down a tad and held onto him tightly. Her eyes were slightly open as she looked at nothing and just focused on her breathing, trying to process that Josh was fine, and the even sound of Chris's heartbeat.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, not wanting to make her feel that he wanted her to pull away.

Trying to shake her head with her cheek and ear pressed against his clothed chest, she whimpered a sigh. "No."

Petting her hair, he tried getting a look at her face. "Do you want me to stay?"

She nodded, which was much easier pressed against him. He didn't say anything but held her closer and continued to pet her hair, letting her know that he was there for her. The fact that she wanted him to stay made him sadly satisfied. It's like something brightened for a quick moment, making his shoulder's light for a reason he hoped wouldn't last. Her crying lessened and soon her breathing was back to normal. She didn't let go, though, just continued to hold on and rest into him.

What they both didn't know was that they stayed like this for nearly thirty minutes. Neither said a word and neither moved, just holding each other in the silence. Not paying any attention to the quietness and what it was making clear; Chris was satisfied that for the first time she had wanted him to stay and that Sheva realized he had just gotten her through that panic attack and that he was probably the only one that could've done so.


Author's note: Lots of apologies for the delayed update. I was really going back and forth with the flashback. I rewrote it a few times and I'm still not happy with it. Part of me wanted to make it a grand last flashback and the other part was trying to justify Jill's and Chris's choice to "get back together". I hope I made it understandable why they chose what they did. Oh, and I also hope Jill didn't come off too insensitive. I don't want it to come off that way, but also she's going through a lot so she won't be an affection and loving person right now, right?

HolleringHawk65: Haha, oh my, he should have tied Sheva up and threw her in the carryon on the plane! Piers verbally tortures Chris? That's probably exactly what Chris is expecting. Thank you!
Sheva Redfield: Mm, I don't know. Maybe Christmas? There's so many to choose from! Do you have a favorite holiday? Ooh, I hated the school bus. It was always so crowded and awkward for me. Haha, they don't hate each. Boy is that an accomplishment! I hope school is going well. XOXO :)
wolfspiritqueen: Sheva and Chris need to smell the roses, yes? Well, they need to get on the Creva bandwagon soon!
toby7400: If Sheva was real and going through this, I'd steer her towards you for advice. I was checking and I guess Sheva's name is a shortened version of a Hebrew name, so it led me to make her father an Israeli. Anyhoo, I can just feel sh*t's ready to go down between Sheva, Chris, and even Jill with Carlos. Thanks for reviewing. :)
Mss. KB: I hope this update was what you were hoping for, Karina! Thank you, my dear. I missed out favorite pairing, too. I can never get enough of them. :)
JustSomeGirl17: Well then, I think ABC just needs to hire me so I can get money and get money for writing. ;D Haha, Chris with boulders and Leon with driving. So many possible puns and jokes! I assume when you chop a tree it dies right then… Jeez, that's depressing! I don't want a dying plant in my living room for Christmas! Aw girl, you're awesome too! :D Cool cheese and cool beans, I like these nicknames. :) Arrivederci, my darling sunflower!
ShevaGiulia: Chris and Sheva are just passionate people, right? So it'd only make sense that they'd fight passionately. Their passion is like wildfire. But indeed, it will come back and like you said, no one will be able to stop it! I still have the writer's block, but I'm trying to push through. Thanks. :) Talk to you soon, Giulia!
TheHappening: Thank you! Sorry it so long to update. D:

In the next chapter, Sheva and Piers get a little, um, cuddly? Things heat up is what I'm trying to say. And we catch up on what's going on with Jill and her side lover, Carlos. Oh, there are no more flashbacks. That makes me kinda sad. Till next time, my friends.

-Sarai