I do not own the Fate series or any of the series' used here.

Happy holidays… happy holidays…

"Will you turn that crap off already!?" Cole yelled out as he pointed at the speaker blaring the Christmas music. "That is the fifth fucking time today I heard that damn song!"

"Chill out Cole." Naruto intoned while setting up the Christmas lights on the bar counter. "It's the holidays. They only come once a year, so enjoy it."

"Doesn't mean I have to like listening to the Christmas songs…" Cole mumbled while going back to sipping his eggnog.

"It is supposed to be a Christmas-themed chapter, so it's logical that our introduction is Christmas-themed as well." Lelouch said with a confident smirk while his right hand held onto a power cord. He then walked to Cole and handed him the cord saying, "Hold onto this."

"Why should I…" Cole began before all the Christmas lights and the lights on the Christmas tree turned on, lighting up the mostly dark bar.

"Thanks man! Now I won't have to pay extra for electricity!" Naruto cried out while shooting Lelouch a thankful grin.

"Of course, after all I knew everything would go according to plan." Lelouch replied with a confident grin.

Cole grit his teeth and shot Lelouch an angry glare before looking at the screen and grumbling, "It's starting…"

Carnival Frenzy

Shirou looked at the directory of the mall with a look of confusion while scratching his head and thinking, "Where should I go to first?"

It was going to be Christmas day soon, very soon. And like most teenagers his age, Shirou had left the 'buying gifts' part of the holiday for last minute. While he wasn't Christian like Rin, Luvia, and Waver, he still liked to follow the overall message that the holiday brought.

"I will leave you to your business, Shirou." Maiya spoke from next to him before walking off. "Until then, I have some business to attend to."

"Alright, see you later Maiya-san!" Shirou called out while waving at her retreating form. Once she was out of sight, he looked back at the directory and muttered out loud, "Hm, I guess I should go to Macy's first and get Sakura her present, and while I'm there I can get Saber's as well." He was just glad that he had prepared something to keep Saber busy for several hours…

Elsewhere (Emiya Residence):

Saber held the extremely huge rib in her hands while she ripped the meat off its bones like a… well… a lion before throwing it over her shoulder and grabbing another one. She briefly stopped and looked at the feast in front of her.

Twenty ribs, fifteen bowls of rice, seven cups of curry, two pizza pies, a bucket full of sushi, and numerous other pieces of food laid in front of her, all hand-crafted by the god-like kitchen skills of Shirou Emiya.

Saber felt a tear run from her eye down her cheek as she muttered, "This truly is the greatest day of my life…"

Getting Excalibur and Avalon didn't not even come close to this!

Back At The Mall:

"Where have you been all my life?" Maiya asked in wonder as she kneeled in front of a certain store named 'Cake World'. It was a store that housed cakes along with numerous other pastry products.

To Maiya however, it was heaven on earth.

"She's doing it again…" The cashier girl whispered to her partner, who just stared at Maiya, who was now in a prayer position. After a minute of praying to the cake shop, Maiya walked in and got into line. After a minute of waiting, Maiya was now in front of the cashier. "What can I get for you today ma'am?"

"Your strawberry cake please." Maiya whispered out, while continuing to stare at the various pastries that were behind the glass. The poor cashier girl nervously nodded before quickly getting the slice of cake and began to hand it back to Maiya.

"You're in luck. This is the last piece." The teenager said truthfully before looking back at the register. "Now that will be…"

"STOP!" A loud voice protested, making Maiya turn, only to see Caster with an angry expression on her face, Souichirou standing stoically behind her. "If that is indeed the last piece of strawberry cake, then it should go to me!"

"I was here first." Maiya pointed out before throwing a wad of bills at the cashier. "And I just bought it. Thus, legally it is mine."

"You will give me that cake." Caster growled out, flames seemingly appearing behind her, and an oppressive air beginning to fill the entire store.

"Go to Hell bitch." Maiya said bluntly before pulling out a handgun as Caster made a sword appear in her hands. The two then launched themselves at each other, starting the mother of all battles inside the store while everyone else ran out or went for cover.

Souichirou looked back at the cashier girl, who looked just about ready to relieve herself in fear, and asked in a monotone voice, "Can I please have a bottle of water?" apparently completely ignoring the chaos being caused by his Servant and Maiya behind him.

Elsewhere In The Mall:

"You know, you could just buy the thing Rin." Archer mentioned to his Master, who was currently putting her hands all over the glass of the jewelry store window while drooling at the miniature Santa Claus that was made out of rubies, diamonds, emeralds, and other precious stones.

Usually, this wouldn't bother Archer. But Rin had been staring at the thing for three hours! And the supermarket was having a holiday sale on eggnog-tasting milk! When would he get another chance to try that out? (He completely ignored the fact that it would be back next Christmas.)

"A-Are you crazy Archer?" Rin asked in a flustered tone as she looked back at her Servant, wiping away the fog on the window that she had created with her panting with her sleeve. "T-That thing is worth forty-five million yen! I cannot waste money on such a frivolous…"

"Or are you simply too poor to acquire it, Tohsaka?"

"Edelfelt…" Rin growled as she turned to see her arch-enemy smirking haughtily at her while Lancer stood next to her, wearing a very skimpy maid outfit but not looking the slightest bit disturbed by it. "What do you want?"

"Hm, the craftsmanship of this is appalling. But I suppose it is understandable that you would want something like this." Luvia then smirked before snapping her fingers and shouting, "Manager!"

"Yes Luvia-sama?" The manager of the store asked as he instantly appeared by Luvia. A stainless-steel briefcase was thrust into his hands not even a second later.

"I am purchasing your establishment. I hope this small amount will cover it." Luvia intoned while the manager opened the case before closing it again, handing Luvia the deed, and skipping out of the mall singing, "Walking in a Winter Wonderland" in surprisingly fluent English. Luvia smirked and waved the deed in front of Rin. With a voice that could have belonged to a girl that had discovered her desired pony under the Christmas tree she said, "Now Tohsaka, all you have to do in order to get that horrendous thing is to beg like a dog at my feet! And be sure to wear a collar while doing it! Ohohohoho!"

"WHY WOULD I EVEN DO THAT!?" Rin shouted in an extremely angered tone while waving her arms at Luvia. "To even consider me performing something like that is asking for a death sentence you rich bi-" Shirou then happened to walk by the four, holding two massive Macy bags in both his arms, making Rin shift her entire composure in a heartbeat to 'sweet and innocent' while smiling at Luvia. "I'm so glad we could meet here Luvia-san! Like the two good friends we are!"

"Rin…" Archer muttered in embarrassment while scratching the back of his head.

"Master, it is now time for 'Take Shirou to romantic lunch in order to seduce him a-'." Lancer began, only for Luvia to slap her hand over her Servant's mouth with a flustered look on her face.

"M-move that to two o'clock, Lancer!" Luvia whispered out in a flustered tone. "F-first we must purchase Shirou his own jet-liner for Christmas! That task is still not finished."

"Understood." Lancer said while taking out a small PDA. "Proceeding to move lunch to two p.m. time-slot."

"Just you wait Edelfelt…" Rin growled out as soon as she realized they were alone once more.

"Come on Rin, let's not do anything he-" Archer began before he looked to the side and saw the cats in the window of a pet-store playing with something that made his pupils dilate.

"YARN!" Archer yelled with joy as he crashed through the store window towards the ball of yarn, making Rin groan before running towards her wayward Servant.

"The task 'humiliate Tohsaka' is now cleared from your schedule Master." Lancer mentioned before checking something off her PDA, making Luvia smirk in triumph before she proceeded to run after Shirou.

She needed to know if he would prefer a private jet or a yacht!

Elsewhere In The Mall:

"Sempai…" Sakura muttered as she peered through her binoculars, totally not stalking her love interest while he was purchasing Christmas gifts!

She also totally did not take covert pictures of him while he tried out some new pairs of jeans and shirts! She would also definitely not print them out in poster-size and pin them to her bedroom wall and look at during her 'private' moments…

There are a lot of things Sakura would 'not' do. Like set up that hidden camera in Shirou's shower and kick her father's grave marker on the anniversary of his death alongside Zouken's.

"Who the Hell does that Edelfelt slut think she is, talking to Sempai and holding his firm, strong arms…?" Sakura thought to herself while gripping her binoculars even harder, ignoring the 'crack' sound that came from them. "When that is me, I'll…"

"Admit it you bastard!" Assassin yelled as he grabbed the mall Santa by the neck and glared at him. "Every year, you always think you're a bigger star than me! Always sneaking past me when I fall asleep, and avoiding my awesome traps for you! I worked hard to make those Black*Star Finisher Cookies™ damn it!"

"Please Black*Star! Let the man go!" Tsubaki pleaded to her partner with anime tears running down her cheeks. What did she do to deserve this embarrassment? "He's not Santa Claus!"

"A fat bastard with a white beard, black boots, and wears red with white trimmings. It's totally him Tsubaki!" Assassin denied while readying his fist for another strike. "And I'm going to teach him what happens when he puts the biggest star there is on the naughty list for ten years in a row!"

"Let go of Santa you meany!" A little girl shouted before punching Assassin in man's universal weak point, making Assassin's voice reach soprano before falling down, making the other children gang up on him while Tsubaki tried (but failed) to calm them all down. All the while Sakura completely ignored them while continuing to (not!) stalk Shirou.

Elsewhere:

"I can't believe that man!" Bazette grumbled as she stormed out the bookstore with an amused Avenger behind her. "'We don't have the Legend of Cu Chulainn Fourth Edition' my ass! I bet he just wanted to hide it from me!"

"Of course. Because everyone wants to keep every edition of that legend from you." Avenger sarcastically remarked, only to receive an enthusiastic nod from Bazette.

"Yes, it is a conspiracy! They wish to keep us apart from each other!" Bazette shouted in an enlightened voice before throwing her suitcase onto the ground and opening it, revealing a miniature shrine dedicated to the legendary Hound of Ulster. There were things varying from pictures of the legendary hero to pieces of teeth and locks of preserved blue hair said to be from his very head. Which 'head' they were talking about was questionable, but apparently it did not stop Bazette from collecting it. There were also several scented candles that mysteriously lit as soon as Bazette opened the portable shrine. "Don't worry my love…" Bazette muttered as she hugged a portrait of Cu Chulainn. "They cannot keep us apart forever…"

"Am I the only sane one in this entire war?" Avenger asked himself before spotting one Shinji Ikari walking with Taiga next to him. "This is my shot!" He then materialized his bow, summoned a random sword before transforming it into an arrow, and launched it at the 'retired' Servant.

"We never did it in a public bathroom before…" Taiga mulled over while Shinji looked at her nervously. She then smirked at Shinji before pulling him into the girls bathroom shouting, "Well, there's always a first time for everything!"

Unknown to Taiga however, she just saved her boyfriend from receiving the bad end of an arrow-sword.

"GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!" Avenger shouted in anger and frustration while throwing away his bow.

"Oh my God! This strange blond foreigner just got his head cut off!" A shopper shouted as he and a crowd stood over the now headless corpse of one Kayneth Archibald, his head on top of Avenger's sword and a look of extreme shock and horror on its face as blood leaked from the bottom of the head to the floor.

"NOBODY FUCKING CARES!" Avenger shouted back as he sat on one of the mall's benches and sulked.

Seriously, was Gaia doing this… this torture for its own amusement or what?

Both Gaia and Seihai-kun laughed at the sheer irony of that very statement.

Elsewhere:

"Halo 4…" Waver muttered in sheer awe as he looked at the video game on the rack. "I thought these were sold out already…"

"You're in luck buddy, that's our last copy!" The cashier shouted as Waver continued to look at the game, a single tear coming into his eye.

"Get it man." Rider said as he stood beside his Master and continued to look at the game. "That thing is worthy of being Team Dai-Gurren's entertainment. Bro probably would have called it the manliest thing ever…"

Their tag-along however, was not interested in the game.

Cristina looked at her laptop and drooled as she wrote down how Rider would then embrace Waver before motioning her to come. They would then go to the back room before they…

"Are you okay ma'am?" The cashier asked, making her shut her laptop and hiding it behind her back.

"Y-Yes! W-What made you think otherwise!?" Cristina shrieked while laughing hysterically. "N-No problem here. Hahahaha…!"

"Okay…" The cashier muttered before looking back at his magazine.

"Mou, you can't take that!" A childlike voice pouted, making Waver turn to see Illyasviel glaring at him with Berserker behind her. "I want to kill the Covenant first! You can't get the game! Berserker!"

"It's no use…" Berserker muttered, making them all turn to him. "There is no use in getting that game. We will all die in the end. What use will video games be then? We will…" Illyasviel then stomped behind him, jumped up, and hit Berserker upside the head, making his mouthpiece slip on and his eyes glow blue before he posed. He crouched down with his arms crossed as he gazed upon Waver and Rider silently. However, if his thoughts could be projected, they would turn out like this:

"I am Casshern, defender of the weak and protector of Madam Illyasviel! She wishes to enjoy herself with that game, so unhand it foul villains! Or prepare to taste the awesome might of JUSTICE!"

A mini-explosion then seemed to appear out of nowhere behind Berserker, while Illyasviel posed as well next to him shouting, "You will never be able to defeat the combined might of Snow Spirit and Berserker, so give up now or face our wrath!"

"Give up? Give up?" Rider asked before he put on his goggles and summoned Lagann. "JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!?"

"Eat JUSTICE villain!" Were Berserker's inaudible thoughts before he launched himself at Rider.

Outside The Mall:

"Well, at least I got everything…" Shirou muttered to himself as he looked at the numerous bags in his hands while standing in the middle of the parking lot. "Now where is Maiya-san? She should have come here by now…"

Suddenly, the mall began to shake before it collapsed behind Shirou, making him turn around only to see Sakura, Assassin, Tsubaki, Luvia, Rin, Archer, Bazette, and Avenger all lying unconsciously in the rubble while Caster and Maiya were in the middle of a catfight, trying to grab a piece of strawberry cake that had miraculously survived the collapse. Lancer and Souichirou stood side-by-side, watching stoically as Berserker, Illyasviel, Rider, and Waver performed a battle that was just too EPIC for words. All the while Cristina was giggling as she made even more screwed up fanfiction lemons on her personal computer.

"…Did I miss something?" Shirou asked as he looked at the whole scene in shock.

If only he knew…

And Now, A Special Sermon From Kotomine Kirei:

Kirei walked up to the podium and looked at all the church-goers before taking a deep breath and saying, "Hello Christians, I thank you for coming here on Christmas Day, ignoring the glaring fact that Christmas Day is actually several days away from the time this chapter is published."

"HALLELUJAH!" Wade cried out from the choir, all of the women there now giving him an evil eye.

Kirei nodded in agreement before continuing with his sermon. "Now, they say that we should care about all the other people of the world on Christmas Day, but we all know what it is really about. Getting the shit you wanted, practically for free."

"PRAISE JESUS!" Wade shouted again with a goofy smile on his face, the women around him now seriously looking annoyed.

"But all good things must come with a great sacrifice, like spending time with family members that might totally annoy the living piss out of you. However, in the end you shall be rewarded for your troubles. On that day, you shall get most of the things you wished for." Kirei continued as if nothing was going wrong, flipping through a porno magazine while in front of his entire church that just stared back at him in shock.

"RANDOM CHURCH RELATED SHOUT!" Wade continued, now with the women cracking their knuckles while glaring at him.

"So remember, bother your parents or relatives into getting what you want and spend most of the day watching Christmas specials, hoping to avoid those annoying relatives of yours. Unfortunately that is all the time TIM allotted to me for this sermon, so that is it. May Bea Arthur be with you."

"AMEN!" Wade shouted once more, before all the women of the choir ganged up on him.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" They all shouted at once before proceeding to beat the living hell out of Wade, who shouted out 'not my dashing, good looking face!'.

"See Nii-san? Shiki?" One Kokutou Azaka asked her brother, Kokutou Mikiya, and his girlfriend (Damn that woman!) Ryougi Shiki with a slight smile on her face. "This church is never boring!"

And Now, Back To X-Cution Ramen Bar:

"Well, that was fun." Naruto mentioned with a smile as he looked around the entire bar to see the occupants performing their activities.

Cole glared at Assassin, who was attempting to put the star on the top of the Christmas tree while proclaiming his 'brightness'. Tsubaki was setting the gifts under the tree, quietly groaning over Assassin's loud voice. Cole then smirked before sending a wave of electricity through the power cord, shocking Assassin until he was completely fried.

"Indeed it was. This place never gets old." The new guest said with an amused smirk. He was an old man with red eyes and grey hair and beard. He wore a strange black suit with intricate gold buckles on the top part, and even wore a black jacket over that. On his hands were white gloves and he carried a black cane in his right hand.

His name was Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg, master of the second True Magic, and the multiverse's first troll.

Zelretch continued to look around the bar to see Lelouch being in the middle of a tug-of-war between Shirley and Kallen who were in skimpy 'Santa' outfits next to a door that had a mistletoe above it, where Taiga was currently kissing Shinji at with Sola-Ui watching with an utterly furious expression on her face. At another table, Luvia was sitting with Shirou while Lancer was serving them tea with scones and Saber, who was next to them, was busy chowing down on the Christmas ham. Sakura was a table away, looking at Shirou and Luvia while gripping onto the table edge so hard that it began to crack. Kariya was right next to her, passed out and bleeding from the mouth on the table while Grimmjow kept slapping him hard on the back in his own attempt to wake him up.

Rin was at another table, talking animatedly to her father Tokiomi and her mother Aoi while Archer and Vash fought over the last doughnut that was on their table. Next to them was Uryuu, dressed as Santa Claus with Illya on his lap while both Berserker and Kiritsugu loomed over him with a clenched fist and a loaded Glock respectively. Irisviel smiled as she took a picture, ignoring Sasuke who was dressed as an elf swinging his sword at the apparition of Ghost Naruto. At a table next to them, Maiya was sharing an entire strawberry cake with Caster while Souichirou looked at them with his usual… vibrant… expression.

On a couch and in front of a seventy-inch, plasma screen TV were Rider, Waver, Kamina, and Wade playing Super Smash Brothers Brawl with extreme fervor. Kirei was sitting on the couch next to them, sipping a beer while his father opened another can with a small smile on his face. Cristina was watching Rider, Waver, and Kamina with a small amount of drool coming out of her mouth as she continued to type on her computer. In a dark corner of the bar, Bazette continued to make out with a 'life-sized' replica of the Hound of Ulster while Avenger put his hands onto his face in embarrassment.

"Too bad it has to end." Naruto said with a sigh as he continued to wipe a glass.

"Are you kidding boy? It has just begun." Zelretch said with a smirk before looking at the 'audience'. "Happy Holidays, everyone."

Merry Christmas from the Beta-Reader

"Hmm? What's this? We're still being written?"

One Kirei Kotomine looked at the readers in surprise, having already begun his personal version of the holidays by wearing nothing but boxers and a large t-shirt with a picture of Bea Arthur printed on it.

From behind a couch that was covered with empty potato chip bags and flattened beer cans, Wade perked up. "Seems like the beta-reader decided to interpret his orders to "add on whatever he thinks would make it funnier" by writing something on his own again."

"Say, Assassin?" Kirei said as he easily predicted where this was going. "Do you feel a song coming?"

Wade jumped next to Kirei from behind the couch, on his head a top-hat and in his hand was a cane he had gotten from who-knew-where. He was also wearing an expensive looking tuxedo – or at least the upper part of one, as he too was only wearing a pair of boxers on his legs.

"I thought you'd never say it, buddy!"

"Well, you know how it is. Rewriting stuff is probably the only thing Sir Godot's ever been good at."

"Ouch, that's harsh dude. But then again, he IS a college student…"

With that the lights in the room dimmed and suddenly a spotlight fell on the two.

"It's showtime!"

[Read this song to the music of "Oogie Boogie's Song" from Tim Burton's "The Nightmare Before Christmas". Enjoy!]

The Trolling Song

[Kirei]

Well, well, well!

What have we here?

A Christmas Song, huh?

Can't say I dislike that!

So Wade, why don't we do our stuff,

You know, trolling everyone!

Ha, ha, ha!

[Wade]

It's awesome! It's awesome!

I can't believe my eyes!

You're shittin' me! You gotta be!

This is one hell of a holiday time!

It's funny! It's epic!

I don't know where to start!

I might just prank call Saber now

If I don't troll someone other first!

[Kirei]

Mister Evil Priest here says

That trouble's close at hand!

So you'd better pay attention now

'Cause I'm the Big Bad for this!

And if you aren't quakin'

Then tell me and it won't be very long!

'Cause this is just the start for us

And our epic trollin' song!

Whoa oh!

[Three of the children Kirei keeps in the basement]

Whoa oh!

[Kirei]

Whoa oh!

[Zelretch]

Whoa!

[Wade]

Whoa oh!

[Hazama]

Whoa oh!

[All together]

I'm (he's) Eviler Than Thou!

[Wade]

Well, if I'm feelin' antsy, and

There's lots of stuff to do

So I might just make a special batch

Of Merlin's you know-what-brew!

And once it's done I'll send it Saber

And make her drink it, her not being wise.

Shirou boy will be surprised,

About this little bedroom spice!

[Basement Children]

Whoa oh!

[Kirei]

Whoa oh!

[Zelretch]

Whoa oh!

[Wade]

Ohh oh oh!

[Hazama]

Whoa oh!

[Kirei]

Yeah!

[All together]

I'm (he's) Breaking the Fourth Wall!

[Saber, at the Emiya Residence]

I feel a disturbance in the force,

It tells of dire consequence!

There is this urge to cut the old Assassin up,

But that's utter nonsense!

[Kirei]

Ha! It's crazy! It's awesome!

I can't believe my ears!

If only Kiritsugu were here,

He'd be drowning in his tears!

It's funny! I'm laughin'!

We're really popular and that's a fact!

And now, to start the trolling,

It's time for the main act!

[Wade]

What are we going to do?

[Kirei]

We're gonna do what we're best at!

Ha! Yeah!

Whoooah!

The sound of breaking hearts

To me is music in the air!

'Cause I'm fucking evil

And don't need to play fair!

It's a lot of fun, I must confess

To make people dance like toys!

And they're all none the wiser 'cause of TIM,

It brings my black heart joy!

[Wade]

Release the hounds and set the sails!

Let's give them something to remember!

[Kirei]

I can't wait to feed them to the Grail,

Not to mention Rin!

She still isn't comprehending

The position that she's in!

It's perfect! It's grandiose!

They haven't got a prayer!

'Cause I'm the local priest here,

Thus praying ain't gonna get them nowhere!

To Be Continued…

Note: Yo! It's TIM here giving you guys the holiday special of Carnival Frenzy with the very great musical and beta talents of Sir Godot! However, I would like to give a moment of silence to all the victims of the Newtown School Shootings and their families. They need all the support they can get after this terrible tragedy.

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It is the first chap with the exaggerated Fate:Stay Away characters, so tell me how I did and where I can improve. I want to make these guys as funny as possible.

Also remember to check out my challenges and the challenge takers, all of which are on my profile along with links to the theme songs of the Servants. Go and check them out.

Also, remember to check out Fate:Zero Sense's TV Tropes page and add on whatever you deem appropriate to be on it.

And review! Reviews fuel my muse, so the more reviews the better.

Happy holidays everyone around the world!