"Ending and Beginning"
"You've shaved," Phil said. He could've kicked himself for the asinine comment. Lucky for him, Johnny chuckled. It was the most sincere laughter he'd heard from Johnny in… God, it felt like years. Maybe it had been. Were things really that bad? How had he let them get that way?
"I'm also wearing your clothes," he said. And yes, Phil saw that he really was in one of Phil's shirts, a pair of trousers, belt, socks, and shoes. They weren't the same shoe size, but close enough, and it was safer than walking around barefoot. The shirt had short sleeves, and Johnny wasn't wearing a jacket, which meant that his arms were bare from mid-upper arm down. The muscles were more pronounced than before, and the trousers were closer in. Even the shirt hung looser, and Phil could remember a time when Johnny would wander around wearing only one of Phil's shirts.
"You've lost weight," he said.
"Guilt literally ate away at me," Johnny said, deadpan. Phil couldn't bring himself to laugh.
"You shouldn't have felt that way," he said. "It's my fault, and I'm sorry. I thought that by marrying you, we'd be able to spend more time together. It was supposed to be a guarantee. Instead, it made things worse, didn't it?"
"The only thing that gave me solace this last year was that we were married," Johnny said. "I got to marry the love of my life, even if it was only for a handful of years. I was only going to stay away until you'd proven you could put me ahead of SHIELD, even just once. Then you couldn't have kept me away."
Phil pushed the model Lola on his desk, back and forth, while he stared at Johnny.
"Why would you give me that chance?" he asked.
"Because I love you."
Lola accidentally flipped when Phil's hand came down heavily. He clenched his hands into fists and closed his eyes.
"I've wanted to hear that… so long," he said, and he opened his eyes again to watch Johnny, who approached the desk slowly. "I know I could have called you anyway, but I didn't want you to come to me out of any sense of obligation. I really thought you didn't love me anymore, and recovery was going to take a long time. You'd have a fresh slate, and I wouldn't be a burden on anyone except paid medical professionals."
"You went through recovery and PT alone?"
"No. I had the medical staff, as I said."
Johnny rounded the desk, and rested his hip against it as he looked down at Phil. They were only inches away from each other. It wouldn't take much for Phil to slide his hand along and touch Johnny's thigh. He restrained himself.
"You wouldn't have been a burden," Johnny said. "Don't you think I would've preferred to know my husband was alive?"
"Apparently I'm not very good at thinking when it comes to you." Phil rested his head on his hands, and groaned. "I messed things up, and I keep making it worse."
"Hey, hey." Johnny began to stroke his hair, and Phil shuddered at the gentle touch. "It could've been worse. You could've been dead. Maybe not from that; maybe if I hadn't been there, and that guy torched you. You would've really died, and I wouldn't have known that you were alive for a whole year. That we could've had that year together."
"I love you," Phil said, nearly gasping the words. His heart was aching from the kindness Johnny was showing him. "But… our wedding vows… I swore in our vows that we'd always be together, and that I'd never let you down. And I broke those two promises. How could you ever forgive me for that?"
"I flirted with other people," Johnny said. "It's a bad habit, but I didn't exactly try to kick it. I thought it would get your attention. Instead, it just made you feel insecure, and that's the opposite of what I wanted."
"We should've learnt how to talk to each other."
Johnny laughed quietly. "Yeah, I guess we should, huh? Well, if it's upset you that much, we should just rewrite our vows." When he understood what Johnny was saying – or thought he understood – Phil raised his head. "You said that you died. I guess that means we're no longer married, so we'll have to make up for that."
Phil gazed at him. "If I could, I would redo it."
"Redo what?"
"This whole marriage. From the honeymoon on. I'd quit my job at SHIELD and become a nine-to-fiver, so that we could have regular hours together, and go on holidays, and maybe even get a pet. Or adopt a kid, if you wanted to. I… I know you mentioned it once, and I've seen you with Franklin. I think you'd be kind of an awesome dad." Phil stretched his hand up to caress Johnny's cheek the way he had earlier that day, when Johnny was still under an enchantment.
"Would you do that now?" Johnny whispered. "Would you give up being an agent, just for me?"
"For us," Phil said, and he stood up to stand flush against Johnny. "Anything. I'd do—"
"You'd give up the world for me, and it scares you," Johnny said. Phil stuttered to a stop. "Fitz and Simmons showed me the footage. Skye told them how to do it, while Ward was with May. Then I shaved and got changed, and came up to see whether you wanted to marry me again. You see, you're not the only one who died. Something inside of me, just here," he held Phil's other hand against his chest, "died when I heard what'd happened to you. I've never moved out of our home in Portland, just in case you came back, alive, as a ghost; it didn't matter. I said to myself that if I got you back, I'd be so grateful that I'd forgive everything."
"Will you forgive any of it?"
Johnny studied him, and nodded. Phil's legs gave out, and he sank back into his chair.
"That looks comfortable," Johnny said, gesturing to the chair. Phil laughed weakly, and he patted the arms.
"These even come up," he said. He looked up when, just a few seconds later, he heard the sound of a belt being unbuckled. Johnny's eyes had gone dark.
"Since we're going to get married again, I guess we should celebrate our engagement," he said, and he removed the belt. Then he unbuttoned and unzipped the trousers, and kicked off his shoes. "You know, you could at least get your trousers down to your knees."
Johnny, it turned out, wasn't wearing underwear. He stripped off the trousers, waited until Phil's trousers and underpants were down to his knees, and then knocked the arms of the chair up to the sides. Then he straddled Phil's lap, and began to grind against him. Phil grabbed his waist.
"I haven't got anything," he said.
"Gun oil. I got some from the weapons cupboard."
"How did you…? You know what? Never mind."
Johnny grinned as he bent to the side and grabbed his borrowed trousers. He fished out a small bottle of oil, and slicked Phil up. Then he coated his own fingers, reached behind, and began to stretch himself out. Meanwhile, Phil unbuttoned Johnny's shirt and began to suck bruises onto the skin of his collarbone. Johnny gasped, and Phil could feel the muscles of his arm as he continued to work himself open.
"Gonna have to be gentle with me," Johnny said, and he finally withdrew his hand and wiped it on a tissue from Phil's desk. "It's been over a year, you know."
Phil's eyes shone, and he kissed Johnny deeply, even as the younger man stood just enough to get himself into position. Then he moaned into Phil's mouth and he sank down. Johnny was so tight, even after he'd been stretching himself, and Phil had to stop him a few times, partly for Johnny's sake and partly for his. It'd been just as long for him, and there was no rush. His phone was on silent, the internal phone was off the hook, and everyone was busy. (They'd better be busy.) Johnny was so hot, hotter than usual, but Phil welcomed it. He needed the heat to stay grounded. He needed Johnny crushed against him, trading lazy kisses and grinding at a leisurely pace. He swallowed Johnny's whimpers, and gripped his sides tightly enough to cause bruises. The thought of leaving more marks nearly undid him, and he tore his mouth away from Johnny. He littered his fiancé's neck with love-bites, groaning into the skin as Johnny's inner muscles tightened around him. He tilted his hips until he hit the right place.
"Fuck, Phil!" Johnny clenched down hard, throwing his head back as he came. He shouted wordlessly, and swore again as Phil thrust one last time, and flooded Johnny's insides. Johnny collapsed against him, boneless and shaking. Phil eventually settled, and stroked Johnny's back as he held him close.
"Did I hurt you?" he asked gently.
"No."
"Let me know if I'm ever hurting you again."
"It'll only hurt if you leave me."
Phil continued his tender strokes, bringing Johnny down from the high, and turned the chair just enough to grab his phone. There were no messages, but he called Fury anyway.
"Good afternoon, sir," he said. He felt Johnny tense, but he didn't stop his ministrations. "So Agent May contacted you? Agent Ward? Good. How many vacation days do I have saved up?" While he waited for an answer he felt Johnny turn his head to look at him. "That many? Excellent. I'm going to use them to fix my marriage. Well, to be more accurate, get married again and go on a second honeymoon. I won't be contactable in that time, except through Susan Richards. Oh. Very well. Good day, director."
"Problem?" Johnny asked in a small voice. Phil sighed.
"He said my ass is fired if I don't send a wedding snapshot. And not to come back until I've learnt better time management skills."
Johnny chuckled, and the sound vibrated through them where they still connected. Phil hissed at the over-stimulation, but he stopped Johnny from trying to extricate himself.
"We should get cleaned up," Johnny said.
"We will. But first, I think we should work out where we're going for our honeymoon. Which would you prefer: beach or snow?"
Johnny bent over to kiss him, just as someone burst in the door.
"Oh!" It was Simmons, and she immediately covered her eyes. "Right. We were worried about… you know, the shouting… and… Well."
"Simmons, get the hell out of my office."
"Yes, sir!" she squeaked, and she disappeared out the door. Johnny was shaking with laughter, and Phil spanked him half-heartedly.
"If that's you trying to be a male dominatrix, don't give up your day job," Johnny said.
"But I will be giving up my day job," Phil said, and he tilted Johnny's chin up for another kiss. "Remember?"
"Hmm." Johnny's gaze roamed all over his face. "How does that make you feel? Does it hurt?"
"Not much," Phil said. He kissed Johnny's nose, making the man nearly go cross-eyed as he continued to watch. "I feel… light. Thinking about being with you. I don't mind. I won't miss it as much as I'd miss you."
"But you'd miss it anyway?"
"…Johnny, I've worked for SHIELD for a long time. It was all I had before you. The difference is that you're a lot more important to me now, just as you should've been all along. So yeah, I'll miss it. But you're my reward." He began to kiss Johnny all over again, not letting up until they ran out of breath.
"Don't give it up," Johnny said. "You do good work, Phil. Just… do a bit less of it. Or I could join." He chewed his lower lip, and Phil listened carefully. "If you think SHIELD would take me."
"In a heartbeat," Phil said. "Or have you forgotten that's why we met in the first place?"
"And could I work here?"
Phil smiled. "We could use a second pilot, I'm sure. Someone who's good at extreme sports would be a bonus. Know anyone?"
"I'm sure I could think of someone for the job. Would sleeping with your boss be allowed?"
"Oh, I'd insist on it."
"Well, then. I guess I'd better accept."
"At least you're a stray I can trust." Phil frowned. Johnny nuzzled the lines until they eased up.
"You can tell me all about it later," he said. "Right now, I really think we need to wash up."
"This is going to be fun," Phil muttered as Johnny pulled away, his release smeared all over Phil's shirt.
"Oh, I think they're just gonna respect you even more now," Johnny said, and he smirked as he eased to a standing position. He only winced once, and then rested against the edge of the desk. Phil watched his own release trickling down Johnny's thighs, and felt incredibly smug. "C'mon. Join me in the shower."
Wasn't sure how to finish this off. I hate when that happens. We'll just assume that Johnny fretted over Phil's nose later on, and leave them to it.
So, I hope you enjoyed this part-angst, part-fluff, part-smut, light-on-plot fic. It combined a couple of ideas I'd had. Originally, Johnny had been planning to propose to Phil, and he left because Phil missed their dinner due to work. Then I decided that making them already married added a whole new level of whatsit. I also loved the idea of Johnny Storm suddenly appearing and taking on the fire from Chan and saving Phil. So that worked its way in.
You're welcome.
Please review!
