XXIII. A New Year


"What did it feel like, I wondered, to love someone so much? So much that you couldn't even control yourself when they came close, as if you might just break free of whatever was holding you and throw yourself at them with enough force to easily overwhelm you both." —Sarah Dessen, 'This Lullaby'


Gripping the steering wheel hard, Piers listened as Sheva gave him directions to Rebecca's place while she sat in the passenger's seat. It was New Year's Eve and all he wanted to do was scream until his lungs gave out. He had gone to visit his mother earlier that day and while he was at the nursing home, Janet seemed to have a small moment of recollection of who he was. Then the Alzheimer's kicked in, making her forget all over again, and then she started crying and shouting, bellowing for Piers to go away because he scared her. He hadn't done anything but listen as she sobbed in to the nurse's, Viola's, arms.

He left like his mother demanded and then like an emotionless statue, he went home and got himself ready for Rebecca Coen-Chambers New Year's party and to pick up Sheva. He truly had no desire to go to the party after what happened at the nursing home, but he made a promise to Sheva he'd go because he missed Christmas with her. Now the only emotion that was coming through was frustration and anger. Frustration that his mother was so close to remembering him and anger because he was tired of her forgetting him.

Soon after he left the nursing home, his phone would ring often with incoming calls from Viola as she wanted to speak with him. Usually Viola would try to comfort him and tell him this was a normal side effect or that his mother had an off day. He knew now that Viola was trying to contact him, but he didn't want any more reminders of his mother's episode today so he ignored the calls and focused on driving.

He thought maybe being in the presence of Sheva would help his mood, but she seemed to be just as of a wreck as he was. She looked like she was going to pass out at any given moment and then the next second it appeared as if she'd cry. This tension and sadness seemed to radiate off her and transfer to him, adding onto the already bothersome emotions he felt at that moment. To say that he was in a bad mood was a major understatement.

Sheva would raise her hand to point where to turn and murmur where he'd need to go as he drove the vehicle. She was so quiet that sometimes he couldn't hear her and take the wrong turn. He'd become even more frustrated and she'd sink lower in her chair in shame. And as she'd cower in her seat, he felt like she was holding back something. As if she wanted to say something to him.

"Turn here," she told him. When he did, she looked around, scratching her forehead. "I think that was the wrong turn."

Gritting his teeth, Piers stared on at the road. "Are we ever going to get there? What kind of directions did Rebecca give you anyway?"

"Her directions are fine, I'm just having a hard time reading them."

"Then I'll read them," he bitterly said and held his hand out, not looking to her.

"You're driving, though," she stated with a wavering voice.

"Give them to me, Sheva," he ordered, a bite of anger hanging onto his words.

What he said seemed to frighten Sheva, but it was the way he said it more that made her give him the small piece of paper that Rebecca had written directions on. He pulled the paper from her hand and read them, tossing it on the dash as he made a quick U-turn and began driving the right way.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I'm a little absent minded right now."

"You don't need to apologize," he claimed, but his tone said otherwise.

Studying him, she wondered what it was that got him so angry. A part of her feared that he knew what had happened on Christmas night with Chris, but then she knew that there was no way he'd know unless Chris told him. And to that she highly doubted. She hadn't talked to Chris since Christmas and knowing that she was going to see him at Becca's made her shiver uncomfortably. She needed to make things right, to apologize and try to get things back the way they were. She had to.

When Piers had come by to pick her up, she had immediately felt the tension coming from his being. He had a sour look on his face and his mind was so obviously elsewhere. But whatever it was on his mind was out of Sheva's knowledge. Everything seemed to be so wrong in her world right now and everything weighed on her shoulders like the world itself nestled on her frame.

"Are you all right?" she asked, knotting her fingers together in her lap.

"Fine," was his quick, one worded response.

"Are you angry with me?" she questioned. Something told her it wasn't her that was the cause of his frustration, but she was going to be when she'd tell him what happened between her and Chris. Whenever that'd be.

He sighed, running the palm of his hand on his cheek but he still did not look at her. "No, Sheva. I'm not angry with you. I just have a lot on my mind right now."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," he said instantly. "I don't want to talk about it."

He could see her flinch in his peripheral. Truly, he felt bad that he was acting so poorly towards her. But he just did not want to talk at all. He wanted to be left alone to figure out what he was going to do about his mother. Feeling bad still, he reached a hand over and rested it on her thigh, moving his gaze from the road quickly to look at her.

"Look, I'm sorry, Sheva. I just don't want to talk right now. Okay?" he calmly declared, trying to soften his expression to let her know he was truly sorry. His gaze went back to the road when she nodded. They were almost at Rebecca's and all he had to do was keep calm for a few hours, then he'd go home and sleep all this off. Hopefully.


No matter what he did or where he went, Claire was all over him. Chris would try to escape her invading questions but she was adamant. Her questions flew out of her mouth like wildfire and they were all the same topic or concerning one subject. Chris was already aware his sister would pry about Christmas evening and why he had left so early and abruptly that night. He hadn't talked to anyone about the kisses he shared with Sheva a few days ago. And he didn't plan on telling anyone for he wanted to keep it all a secret so not only would it force Sheva to dwell over what happened but it'd be easier for him to get back at her.

He had come alone to Rebecca's party. Jill wasn't in the mood for a late night with tipsy friends. He was fine with that. He wanted to be alone right now. And as he weaved through the plentiful people in Becca's home, he knew it was probably better Jill stayed behind so she wouldn't have anxiety from all the people around. And he rather not have to deal with her antsy attitude right now.

So now he avoided Claire and her inquisitive nature, keeping to himself except for when people forced conversation on him. He'd look to the front door often, waiting for that one person he was here for to come through. He wasn't planning on talking to Sheva for most of the party or if at all. He just needed to get her alone and do his work. Not completely sure what he had in mind, he had an idea where he'd take it. He was going to put her in the position she had put him in. Make a move on her, leave her quickly, and let her marinade over what happened. And maybe if his timing was good, he could make it where Piers would see and then Sheva and Piers' relationship would be ruined. He knew what a pathetic plan it sounded, but it's all he could focus on at that point.

After a small while, she had finally arrived with none other than Piers by her side. But it was their expression and demeanor that caught him off guard. Chris knew easily when someone was pissed off and Piers definitely was. Sheva looked tense and nervous. He could only imagine what it was causing her to look this way. Their gazes caught each other almost immediately and they both held the gape. He could see sadness in her eyes and for a split second, he thought about bailing on his revenge. But as Piers touched her arm to gain her attention, the anger boiled again and he knew for sure he'd go through with the plan.

Being the first to look away, he turned on his heal and left her eyesight. If at all she wanted to talk, he'd let her come to him. He wasn't about to go crawling to her to ask for her attention. He didn't want to hear anymore apologies and pitiful requests to be forgiven. He was tired of all of that. All he saw was red then and there.


Claire was a lot tamer then Sheva had expected. Maybe it was because the redhead saw the stress and somber in her eyes so she kept the questions at bay, letting Sheva have some air. She had stuck by Claire most of the night, watching everyone with blank stares. Piers had gone off a few times to either answer a phone call who she had no idea was calling or talk to the people around. He was acting so distant and cold, making Sheva question whatever it was that was going on in his mind.

She would see Chris a few times. Her eyes seemed to always be searching for him and when he'd come in sight, her stare would never leave him. It was rare if he looked back though. It hurt her that he was keeping his distance but then she thought maybe it was for the better. The last she saw he was talking to Leon about something that she wasn't able to eavesdrop on over the noisy people. Then he had walked off once again, not once glancing at her.

As Rebecca held on the conversation that was really one-sided and the night got closer and closer to midnight, Sheva's head pounded with the noise, claustrophobic atmosphere in the home, and her already heavy thoughts and guilt's weighing down on her. She felt as if she'd topple over and pass out from the painful throbbing in her head. Finally having enough, she excused herself and went to the empty patio out back where it was dark and quiet, nothing too harsh on her mind any longer. She slowly walked to the farthest wooden fence that overlooked the far off city lights. From where she stood, central LA looked like jewels in the dark night with all the streetlights shining. Her skin tingled with goose bumps from the chilly air. However, she had no desire to go back inside to retrieve her sweater, so she tolerated the cold and delved into her thoughts.

Chris had seen Sheva step out to the back yard, sneaking away from everyone. Well, now is a better time than any, he thought. Taking a small sip of whiskey that he'd been nursing all night, he set his drink aside and slid out the sliding door into the back yard where Sheva was alone. As he approached her back, he turned his head to look into the house, frowning when he saw Piers leave through the front door across the living room with his cell phone held to his ear. Why was the guy on his phone for most of the night? If Piers didn't see what was going to happen, then fine. He'd find out sooner or later and right now Chris's target was Sheva.

She seemed to catch on someone was behind her when he was only a few steps away. He could see she squinted against the lights coming from the house when she turned around to see who was there. When she took note of the large silhouette, she called out to him.

"Chris?" she said his name in a tiny whisper.

He came closer until he was standing beside her next to the wooden fence. "It's me," he told her even though she knew by now it was him.

Both were quiet in contemplative thought. Sheva mulled over what to say, how to begin her apologies and requests to start over. Chris pondered over how to initiate this all. He watched as she stepped closer, her hands held together in a tight grip against her chest. Then she spoke the words he knew she would utter.

"Chris, I'm so sorry for everything I've done," she mumbled, as if on the brink of tears. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

He didn't say anything. He knew she was going to say that and her words didn't affect him in the slightest. As she was about to speak again, he raised a hand to her shoulder, his fingertips pressing into her bare skin. She froze instantly with his touch as she eyed him carefully.

"I know you didn't mean for any of this to happen, Shev," he finally replied, using her nickname to seem more sympathetic. His hand trailed up her shoulder and to her neck, his fingers curling to the back of her hair as he pulled her closer. "But it happened," he murmured, growing closer.

"Chris," she more called than questioned him. What should have made her tenser, his other hand found her waist and slid behind to the small of her back and pulled her against him. Her heart raced as a fire rose in her core, sending pure unadulterated desire through her body.

He was so close. Chris knew how close he was to getting back at her and he made sure to tease every part of her will as he slowly leaned closer. But as she seemed to always do, she surprised him when her hands rose to his hair and she pulled him all the way to her. Their lips met in what started as a harsh kiss, making Chris short circuit and try to understand what just happened. Her lips moved against his like they did nights before and like then, he responded almost immediately. Pulling her against him tightly, his feet unconsciously began pulling her further into the darkness of the backyard, all the while as they kissed each other passionately.

The plan was backfiring. He had no clue she'd react the way she did or that she would be so fervent about it. And as she clawed at his collar to kiss his neck, he knew he couldn't do this. Her moans and whimpers played in his ears, amplifying the guilt he had for even thinking about doing such a thing to her. He couldn't do this. Now that he saw how much she was craving for him and how desperate she was, he knew that this was something he could never do to her. He couldn't sabotage her in anyway, he couldn't even attempt to ruin her relationship, and he couldn't hurt her. He did it once years ago in Lagos, in her home, when he wanted to hurt her and look how that day ended. He couldn't do it again despite she had hurt him all over again. It was something he wasn't capable of doing.

When he heard the people inside the home cheer in celebration and heard them all call out "Happy New Year!" it brought him back to reality and to what was happening in front of him. Sheva was nibbling on his lower lip with a hunger as her thigh rubbed against his. All had gone too far as it was, so he grabbed her arms from around his neck and pulled them away.

"Sheva, stop," he stated as she tried wrapping her arms back around his neck again. "Sheva, we can't do this. Stop."

"Chris, please," she whimpered against his lips.

Knowing that he had already done it—he had already wreaked havoc—Chris got a good hold of her shoulders and pulled her away, holding her there so she wouldn't do what she did just seconds ago and tangle herself with him again. "Sheva, we can't do this," he repeated. She stared at his lips. He could see that her eyes were entirely dilated not just from the darkness but from excitement as well. She tried pushing passed his hands and kissing him again, but he caught her like a wild animal and held her shoulders with a firm grip. "Sheva, stop. This is my fault. This is a mistake."

That last word seemed to bring her back to reality. "A what?" she muttered, finally looking into his eyes.

"It was a mistake. I should never have tried to kiss you. It was my fault," he stated again. "Go back to Piers, all right? It was my fault."

"But Chris—"

"No buts," he interrupted. "Don't embarrass yourself. Now go on, go back to him. Forget about what happened."

When he gave her a firm shake to make her listen, the tears began rushing to her eyes. She stepped away, trying to understand his expression. The tables seemed to have turned for he was the one apologizing and calling this a mistake, pushing her away. Now she knew how he felt.

Watching as she turned from him and walked quickly, nearly running back to the house, Chris felt exhausted. Not only did that all go terribly, but he had done to her what he had intentionally meant to do, even though he wanted to stop it right away. If he could, he'd take it back. He'd take back pulling her into a kiss, he'd take back offering his help with her home, he'd take back his pursuit on her in Lagos, he'd take back going to Africa in the first place. He'd take back ever meeting her so that he wouldn't have to live with the knowledge she had hurt him and now he had done the same to her.


She wanted to reward herself. After what she could only call a horrendous scene with Chris, Sheva managed to keep all the tears in as she and Piers were once again in the car driving back to her place. About every five minutes, Piers would ask what was wrong, so obviously seeing her watery eyes and shaky posture. But like repeating lines in a script, she would say she was fine and go back to keeping quiet.

As she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, she knew it was Claire calling to find out what happened and where she was. After the fiasco with Chris in the backyard of Becca's home, Sheva had left the party completely, not even bothering to say goodbye to anyone. As she was leaving the home, she bumped into Piers who looked as tense as she did. But he seemed to shift moods as he tried talking to her, asking what was wrong and trying to get her to calm down. All she asked was if he could take her home, to which he complied and in all actuality, he wanted to leave as well.

After talking with Viola from the nursing home a few times, he felt better. Viola explained that his mother, Janet, had fallen asleep peacefully and seemed to be in better moods when she set her for bed. No matter what, the dark cloud would always hang over Piers' head concerning his mother. But to know she had calmed down and gone to bed in good spirits put enough optimism in his path to lighten his mood slightly. The anger and frustration was still there but it was no longer as severe. Now his concern was on Sheva.

She had nearly run into him when she was leaving Rebecca's home. He'd managed to get her to calm and breathe evenly, but her eyes watered without crying and her hands shook as she held them together in her lap. She wouldn't answer his questions which only added to his worry. Afraid his earlier mood had started this emotion in her, he knew he needed to apologize. He decided he would now as he pulled into her home's driveway and got out to open her car door.

"Sheva," he called her as she made way for her front door. Her shaking had lessened but she still looked as if she'd cry at any second. Grabbing the doorknob, she turned to him but didn't look in his eyes. "What's wrong? Was it the way I was acting earlier?"

She shook her head slowly, blinking to hold back tears.

"Will you sit with me for a second?" He motioned to her doorstep as he squatted and sat on the cement. It took her moment, but she moved slowly and sat down next to him as she starred at her feet.

"I want to talk to you, Sheva," he told her with a serious voice. "I shouldn't have treated you that way earlier. I was acting like a child and I took it out on you. I'm sorry. I promise I won't ever act that way towards you again. Can you forgive me?"

Sheva looked up to him as she held her breath. Nodding, she didn't bother speaking as she offered her forgiveness that she felt should be the other way around. If he knew what had happened with Chris tonight, then he'd be the one leaving and she'd be on her knees asking for forgiveness.

Piers took a deep breath, plucking a spike of dead grass from her lawn and twisting it in his fingers. "Sheva, I need to tell you something. I've never told anyone because I'm not close with anyone." He looked to her, needing to feel safe with telling her about his mom. "My mom…my mom is sick. She has Alzheimer's and it's really starting to take full effect. This afternoon I had gone to see her and things went bad and that's what put me in the mood I was in. I want you to know I wasn't mad with you in any way. It was just a bad day."

Feeling distraught for him, Sheva laid her hand on his and swallowed to put moisture back in her throat. "I'm sorry, Piers," she uttered the words, cringing at the pain in her body.

"It's not your fault," he murmured, accepting her comfort and holding her hand in his. "I just wanted you to know. My mother is the only family I have left. I've never told anyone because it's too personal."

"I understand." And she truly did. To tell someone something so personal and meaningful was an obstacle and she admired him for opening up.

It grew quiet as Piers thought about his mother and as Sheva thought about his mother too, but also about tonight at Becca's party. Even if she was going to tell Piers about what happened tonight, she thought she better not bring anything up until the right time. After hearing about his mother, she knew Piers had enough on his mind and he didn't need anything more added on top. As she pulled her hand away, she stood and turned towards her door to unlock it. She felt Piers' hand on her shoulder as she turned the knob.

"Sheva?" he called for her again. She turned and looked up at him with her still watery eyes. "I want you to meet her. My mom, I mean. I think she'd like to meet you."

Thinking for a small moment, Sheva knew she wanted to be there for him. Especially now that she had cheated on him more than once, she wanted to make it up to him without him knowing her motive and guilt behind it. "I'd like that very much," she stated.

He sighed audibly and let the tiniest smile grow on his lips. As he grabbed for her hand, he let out a breath that he'd been holding in. He thanked her and gave her hand a squeeze. Getting passed all that, he wanted to make sure she was all right, even if she just said she was fine again. "Are you sure you're all right?" She nodded. "Okay. Call me if you need to or even if you just want to talk. I hope you're okay, Sheva."

She nodded again for him, gasping silently when he raised a hand to tuck hair behind her ear. He leaned in and kissed her forehead, resting his lips on her skin for a small while. Once pulling away, he did so with his hand as well and bid her a goodnight. And then he was leaving and driving off.

Opening the door and closing it behind her, she instantly fell to the floor and let out the tears she'd been holding in. Everything was going wrong. She kissed Chris, she cheated on Piers, and she kept it all a secret. And now a new year was here and it was off to a terrible start. She cried harder as she thought more about Chris. A loud sob escaped her when Fat Marvin rubbed up against her side and nuzzled into her arms, resting his head on her lap. She bundled the cat up in her arms and cried like she hadn't cried in a long time.


Author's note: I'll say it now and never again (that's probably a lie, I'll say it again sometime): everyone needs a fat cat in their lives to lessen the sadness. They just help more than the bottom of a chip bag ever could.

Sheva Redfield: A tipsy Sheva is a fun Sheva! Haha, I like learning about secrets because I'm human and all, but Claire takes it to a whole other level. Someone needs to knock Chris over the head so he can see how he's acting, pronto! I hope things are going well now for you or at least better.
Guest: I'm going to assume this is 'toby7400'? Apologies if I'm wrong on that. I agree on the self-deluding/over complicating things about Sheva. Though, that's says a lot about me because I'm writing this. But still, Sheva just overthinks a lot and things are suffering because of it. Chris and Piers have oppositions about each other. I mean, it's like high school to compete over a girl. I suppose Sheva is worth it, though. I'm trying to figure how to make the relationship between Piers and Chris healthy when the mission in Edonia happens… But anyhoo, thanks for the review!
HolleringHawk65: Oh yeah… Well I like Alovans! Haha, Chris calling dibs on Sheva, dragging her onto the plain back to America. That is how the story should have been written. Thanks! :)
wolfspiritqueen: So much pressure on New Year's Eve with starting a new year and all… I don't know if Sheva and Chris started the year off too well, though.
mrssherrymuller: Alright, I saved your correct username on Word Document so username error thing won't happen again. Haha, thanks. Chris wants payback, I can't blame him. If someone kept playing with my head, I'd want them to taste their own medicine, too! Silly Sheva, getting herself in sticky situations. Oh dear.
Mss. KB: Haha, Chris is just plain grumpy, right? Thank you, dear! A million hugs. :)
Tiffers28: Oh my, thank you! I'd like to think Chris is a lover not a fighter at heart, he's just really thick headed. Haha, "American men and wine are Sheva's weakness"; that's spot on! Well, I really appreciate you checking out this story despite usually sticking to LeonXHelena (which is another lovely couple) and reading Afternoon Coffee. It means a lot! And thanks a ton again! :)

In the next chapter, it's all about Piers' childhood and his life with a mom who has Alzheimer's. I like the next chapter for no particular reason, but I think you will, too. After the next chapter, where gonna do some time lapse and go forward in the future to see the evolvement of Chris's and Sheva's relationship and what it's become/becoming.

-Sarai