A/N: This time, I'm trying for a slow burn. You have been warned.
Also, I want to address the issue of my new profile name. It turned out that FF . net did not allow for my old name to be searched for as a writer, and I don't have the slightest clue as to why. Thus, name change and voila - I can be found. So, the new name will stay. Besides, I kind of like it... obviously.
Chapter 6
She was right in front of him, her delicious scent washing over him, taking away his ability to think. Her tongue came out to lick her lips and he was transfixed by the sight.
It scared him how much he lost control when she was near. He could not cross that line, should not cross it, but when she was this close, reason seemed to leave him as if it were water running through his fingers. She met his eyes and he held his breath, afraid of what she might do and afraid of how he might respond do it.
"I don't want to do anything you don't want me to do," she whispered, sensing his inner conflict.
He almost scoffed, but turned it into a wistful smirk. "The problem is not that I don't want to, Hermione, just the opposite." His black eyes bore into hers. "I want it more than I should, more than I am allowed to. If I cross this line, I will lose the last shred of decency that I have. I am very much trying to hold on to it." He closed his eyes to steady himself.
A delicious shiver had run down her spine at his confession, but she had also seen the apprehension and the pained look in his eyes when he spoke about decency. She did not want to force him to do something he would come to regret. She never wanted him to regret anything he did with her.
"I am not going to cross the line unless you ask me to," she promised, her eyes sincere as they locked onto his. "But I will continue to walk up to and along that line as often as I can, if you will let me."
She looked up at him with a silent question in her wide eyes, and he gave a small nod, consenting to whatever she had on her mind at the moment. A brilliant smile lit up her face at that, and something inside his chest flipped at the sight. He took a deep breath to steady himself.
"I am going to hug you now," she said, her eyes sparkling. "A real embrace, one that you have to lean into. And you will have to hug back, and try to enjoy being held. Do you think you can manage?"
The thought of her arms wrapped around him, her soft body pressed to his was more than he could bear right now, but he decided that it would be even worse not having her pressed against him. Now that she had talked about it and had put that image into his mind, he could think of nothing else but be held by her.
"I think I can manage," he grumbled, unsure how to proceed.
He needn't have worried. As if it were the most natural thing in the world, she stepped up to him, sliding her arms around his waist and pulling him close.
For a moment, he froze, unable to breathe, overwhelmed by the sensations that his body was telegraphing to his brain. Her soft, warm skin pressed to his, her head tucked under his chin, nuzzling his chest, her fingertips drawing slow circles over the skin of his back while her arms held him tight against her.
The massage had been wonderful and intense, but there had been a distance between their bodies and a purpose to her movements. But this, this was pure caring, affection and warmth. For the first time in his life, someone held him as if they cared. This was for him, just for him alone.
His arms came around her, tightening around her waist, holding on for dear life as emotions crashed over him, drowning him with their intensity. What was she doing to him? How could those slender, delicate arms make him feel so safe, anchor him to the world?
He let himself enjoy the moment, feel her fingertips traveling over the lengths of his back in soothing circles. He rested his chin on her head and let one of his hands travel upwards to burrow in her corkscrew curls. She gave a content sigh and snuggled closer, fitting perfectly into his arms, molding herself to his body.
Overwhelmed by her scent and closeness, his lips pressed a soft kiss on the top of her head before he was able to reign himself in, tucking her under his chin again and pulling her closer, allowing his hands in turn to travel over her body.
"Severus," she whispered, and a hot shiver raced down his spine at the sound of his name from her lips, spoken almost reverently. She turned her face to look up at him and again he was lost in her luminous eyes, drowning in her loving gaze. He was about to throw all of his good intentions out of the window and claim her soft lips in a searing kiss when the dinner bell rang, breaking the spell between the two of them.
She took a step back and he felt the loss of her warmth as if he were missing a limb.
Just in time, he thought. He had been that close to ravishing her right there in his arms. He had to get in better control of himself.
"See you at dinner?" She smiled up at him.
He should tell her to forget about their deal, about what they had done, to move on, but all he could do was give her a short nod and motion for her to proceed.
"I'll be there in a couple of minutes," he said, watching her leave. When the door closed behind her, he collapsed onto his chair. That had been close, so close. A part of his mind berated him for going that far with Granger, while another was complaining that he had not gone far enough.
He rubbed his temples to ward off a headache that crawled up his spine. This woman confused him like no other. The way she made him feel… like he was a starving man presented with the most delectable food but he was only allowed to look and smell, not eat and taste… How was he supposed to endure more sessions with Granger?
Yet he had to, there was no alternative. She would be around, either way, and not touching her at all was no alternative anymore. He needed her hands on his body, and wanted run his fingers over her soft curves in return.
Maybe there was a potion that might help him suppress some of the stronger urges of his body. He would research tonight after dinner, he decided. With that thought on his mind, he made his way to the Great Hall.
She was already seated with her friends, chatting amicably. She was like a beacon of good mood, so unlike the subdued, exhausted Granger of the last two weeks. To know that it was their interaction that had changed her so twisted something inside his chest.
He looked away quickly, trying to compose himself. There was still a talk with Dumbledore ahead and he had to brace himself. The shrewd headmaster was a force to be reckoned with, keeping a close eye on everything Severus did. He could only hope that Dumbledore would approve of his tutoring Miss Granger. He did not want to think of how it would feel if he could no longer be close to her. Just entertaining the idea made him sick.
He tried to focus his thoughts on his talk with Dumbledore, trying to iron out his arguments while he rearranged the food on his plate.
When Dumbledore slipped from his seat, Severus rose to fall in step behind him. "Headmaster?" Dumbledore looked up at him, a frown playing over his face. There was something in the depths of his brilliant blue eyes that put Severus on edge. The headmaster had an uncanny ability to know exactly what happened in the halls of Hogwarts at all times.
"Severus, what is it?" Dumbledore narrowed his eyes at him, his trademark twinkle strangely absent.
A/N: Oh, oh. Dumbledore in the way?
