"You're late."

Leonard rolled his eyes. Yes, technically he was late, but it was only five minutes. They usually had fifteen minutes to spare, so these five minutes weren't going to get them in trouble. "Good morning to you, too, Sheldon." When his lanky roommate didn't immediately get in the car, Leonard frowned at him. "Aren't you going to get in?"

"Not until you apologize for being tardy."

"It's five minutes, Sheldon. We still have time to spare, so just get in."

"That is not the point, and you arrived six minutes past our usual departure time."

Leonard raised his eyebrow his happy mood vanishing quickly. "You do realize the longer you wait getting in, the later it will be."

"Yes, so it would be prudent for you to apologize quickly."

Leonard sighed. "I don't see why I would have to apologize for being a couple minutes late. Just get in the car now, or you'll be late for work."

"Don't you mean we'd be late for work?"

Leonard shook his head. "No, I meant you. In case you forgot, I'm already in the car and I can leave right now, with or without you. And don't forget you would first have to go back to the apartment to put on your bus pants, and then wait for the bus."

"Oh, alright," Sheldon said as he finally stepped into the car.

Leonard listened to his inner devil for once and sped away without giving Sheldon enough time to buckle up.

"Leonard! I haven't fastened my seat belt yet!"

He glanced at Sheldon, hiding the grin that was building. "We're in a hurry, aren't we?"

"Honestly, Leonard, this new woman you're having coitus with is a bad influence on you."

"She is," Leonard asked, cursing himself immediately.

"Don't you see what she is doing? She's come in between us, physically separating us. In addition, she seems to have no regard whatsoever towards the roommate agreement."

Again, Leonard glanced at Sheldon, his eyebrows up high. "What do you mean? She's respected your wish to not be witness to our... coitus as you call it, and not stay in the apartment."

Sheldon acknowledged his point with a small nod. "Yes, but I believe that was intended to placate me. Would you believe last Saturday I received a letter from an attorney she apparently hired? It puts into question many of the sections in our roommate agreement, stating they are ambiguous and when disputed would have to be explained in your favor."

Leonard couldn't help but chuckle. "It's probably not as bad as you think." Leonard could feel Sheldon's eyes on him as he turned his head in shock.

"Not as bad? Leonard, that roommate agreement has been the basis of our continued coexistence, not to mention our friendship! Your lady friend is clearly jealous and is trying to separate us."

"Sheldon, she's not trying to separate us. She just wants to have a normal relationship, without having to deal with your weird demands."

"They are not weird demands, Leonard. They're well thought out terms, geared towards maintaining our healthy coexistence, which is mutually beneficial."

Leonard just shook his head, deciding to not respond. He wouldn't be able to win, anyway.

"Do you know that her attorney states that all disputed sections are to be ignored until a mutually agreed upon resolution replaces them?"


Penny frowned at seeing an envelope on her desk. She hung up her jacket by the door and before walking toward her desk and picking up the envelope. She retrieved the contents and noticed it was a formal legal document. She started to smile as she saw what case it was, a smile that continued to grow into a wide grin the more she read.

"Thought you might like it."

"Holy shit!" Penny yelled at the sudden voice, her hand on her chest. "God damn, Rob, you nearly gave me a heart attack."

"Sorry," her attorney friend apologized. He walked in and sat in the chair across from her. "As you've seen, there are a lot of things in this agreement that are never going to hold up in the real world. It's clear to me this document was drafted by someone with a basic knowledge of laws and contracts, but it's extremely thin on actual definition."

Penny nodded, once again focusing on her friend's legal document. "Sheldon is going to have a fit when he gets this."

"He received his copy this Saturday," Rob replied, grinning slightly. "Our delivery man said the guy was really something else."

Penny's eyebrows rose. "Wait, you did this through the legal department? Won't you get in trouble when Sheldon pursues this? Because I can tell you, he will."

Rob shook his head. "Penny, you know the legal department is available for non-business related disputes. I already cleared it with my department head, and since she likes you so much and you've never needed any personal representation before, she gave it the green light. After she was done laughing at some of the more absurd sections in the roommate agreement."

Penny giggled. "I'm pretty sure part of her willingness to support this, is because she likes you."

Rob smiled. "I agree that her being my wife might have a little bit to do with it. Then again, she's shot me down a few times, so she knows how to separate her job from her private life."

"You bet I know," Sheila answered from the door. "Hi, Penny," she added. "I just came by to assure you the legal department is going to handle this pro bono."

"What? I can't ask you to do that," Penny said, fearing this whole joke was going to get out of control.

"You didn't ask," Sheila pointed out, as she sat down next to Rob. "We offered. There are currently no big cases going on, you've never needed our representation, as Rob pointed out, and believe me that your case is not going to cost much anyway."

"Are you sure? Leonard mentioned Sheldon has done some crazy things. What if he takes it all the way to court?"

Sheila shrugged. "I'm sure we can handle it. I have a feeling the judge would have a hard time keeping his laughter in."

Penny shook her head. "I don't know. It feels like I'm taking advantage of your department." Penny paused, not sure if she should mention the reason. Instead she just reiterated her main concern. "I just feel bad about it. I'm sure the accountants wouldn't be too happy about such a frivolous use of company resources."

Sheila just laughed. "Are you kidding? You're personally responsible for three marriages and, as of this weekend, an engagement for key people in that department."

Penny blushed slightly. "I'm not sure you can say I'm responsible... Wait, Peter popped the question?"

"Actually, no," Rob replied. "Amanda asked him."

Penny felt great about this development and squealed excitedly. "Those two are just perfect for each other."

"Yes, and they wouldn't even be together if you hadn't set them up." Sheila said. "Just like you did for three other couples in that department. Trust me, when they found out it's about dealing with your boyfriend's roommate, they gave it the green light."

Penny's eyes went wide. She hadn't mentioned anything about Leonard, except that he was a friend. "What?"

"Like I said before," Rob replied calmly. "Dr. Cooper had a few things to say when he received his copy. Apparently you're the, and I quote, dreadful woman Leonard is having coitus with, end quote."

"Dreadful? He called me dreadful? I barely spoke with him, maybe a few minutes!"

Sheila chuckled. "Good to hear you're not denying the coitus part."

Penny knew she was blushing. "I... uhm..."

"The point is," Sheila continued, "after helping so many in our company finding someone to spend their lives with, everyone's rooting for you to have your own happiness. That's kinda hard to achieve when your boyfriend's roommate has these ridiculous rules."


Leonard grinned as he read the text Penny had just sent him to tell him her friend had sent a legal document to Sheldon. Despite his annoyance at people who'd text while walking, mostly because they weren't paying attention, he quickly replied Sheldon had told him and wasn't very happy about it. He smiled as Penny sent him a few texts explaining her company's legal department as well as the financial department were supporting her and would even pay legal expenses should things go in that direction, though that seemed highly unlikely according to her lawyer friend.

He rounded the corner, still reading Penny's last message and promptly bumped into a woman coming from the other direction. "Oh, god, I'm sorry," Leonard apologized, at the same time vowing to never text while walking ever again.

"Oh, that's alright," the young woman replied, grabbing a number of papers that had fallen on the floor. "I've been the cause of more than one texting accident, so I was bound to be on the receiving end." Once she was finished gathering her papers and putting them back in the folder, she stood back up and smiled. "I'm Alex. Alex Jensen."

Leonard looked at the outstretched hand and back up at her face. "Oh, uhm, Leonard." He shook her hand. "Hofstadter. Leonard Hofstadter." He saw a look of recognition appear on her face.

"Oh, Dr. Hofstadter," she exclaimed, smiling brightly. "Experimental physics, right?"

Leonard smiled back at her. "Yeah. Just call me Leonard. Dr. Hofstadter is my father. And my mother. And my sister." He paused, wondering what to say that wouldn't make him seem like a bigger idiot than she probably already thought he was. "And our cat," he blurted out, immediately cursing himself, since that didn't meet the criteria of not coming across as an idiot at all. "Although, I'm pretty sure Dr. Boots Hofstadter's degree was honorary." Way too go, Leonard. Really saved your face there. Not. "So, what brings you here?"

"Oh, I just had an interview with Dr. Cooper. I'm now officially his assistant as I work on my dissertation."

Leonard frowned. "Really?"

Alex nodded empathically. "Oh yes. I had an opportunity to work at Fermilab - they asked me - but come one, when you've got the choice between Fermilab and Dr. Cooper, there's really only one choice you can make."

Leonard barely preventing himself from saying "yeah, Fermilab" outloud. Instead he asked, "So, what's the topic of your dissertation?"

"I'm looking for Trojan asteroids at Earth's L-Five Lagrange point," she answered. After a brief pause she added, as if to explain why she chose that particular subject, "my dad's an astronomer at SETI."

"Oh, SETI, the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. You should introduce him to Sheldon," Leonard said, only half joking. "The search is over." It boosted his confidence when she smiled.

"So, what kind of research are you doing?"

Leonard shrugged, knowing he couldn't divulge too much information about the research he had just started on. "High-energy lasers."

Alex's interest was obvious in her expression. "Oh. Military?"

Leonard shook his head, deciding that lying was better. "Not yet, but I can remove unwanted hair from two miles away."

Alex giggled. "You're very funny, Leonard."


Penny frowned once more when her phone still didn't display a new message notification. Leonard hadn't replied to her last message at all. Even if he had to focus on his work or something, he would've at least sent her a message to tell her that, wouldn't he? Had he been too distracted by her texts, causing an accident in his lab? Was he okay? She didn't want to sent another text, afraid she might make it worse if something had indeed happened.

Penny gasped and put her hand on her chest when her phone suddenly rang. She frowned when the caller was identified as Andy's school, and instantly her worry for Leonard shifted toward her son. "Yes?" She listened carefully, her frown deepening. "Yeah, I can be there in half an hour," she said, confused. Ending the conversation, she grabbed her keys and purse and headed out of the office. She poked her head in the office next door and said, "Hey, Charlene. Could you cover for me? I just got a call from Andy's school and they want me to come get him."

"Sure," the brunette said.

Penny thanked her and rushed to her car. She had to consciously stop thinking about what could've possibly happened that she had to come to school to take him home. The only time she'd been called in to school was after the first time Andy had defended himself and the school administration had tried to put the blame on Andy instead of the bully. They'd almost gotten away with it too, until she realized the school had installed cameras to ensure the safety of the students. She had subsequently insisted on seeing the tape, which had been met with resistance.

First they had said it was because of privacy, but Penny said that it concerned her own son, and she only wanted to see exactly what had happened. Next they'd claimed nothing had been recorded, which Penny had doubted, since that would put the school in a lot of trouble should some crazy person come in and do something terrible to the students.

It had taken her a call to the police department before she was shown what had happened, which had clearly shown Andy had simply defended himself, without using excessive force. More importantly, it had shown a teacher had watched and allowed the bully to hit her son more than once, and had only stepped in when Andy had hit his opponent once.

Penny noticed her knuckles going white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly and she eased up on her grip. They better not try to put the blame on her son again, or she was going to raise all kinds of hell in the administration office! Then again, she'd rather deal with that than with an injured son.


"What the hell, Andy?!"

Andy remained silent as his mom began her rant while they were driving home, pointing out his martial arts classes were meant for defense, not to attack others, how he was smart and should've handled whatever had been going on using his brains instead of his fists.

And he knew she was right, but that didn't change the fact he just had to do something. He had tried using his words, but it hadn't helped at all. They'd just kept pushing his buttons until he'd snapped and hit two of his opponents. And he knew he'd hit them pretty hard, too, using his martial arts training to add extra force.

"I can't believe you did something that stupid!"

Andy winced and turned to his mother. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have let them get to me." He sighed. "They just kept on talking about... stuff."

His mom glanced briefly in his direction, a compassionate expression on her face. "I know you are sweetie, but I'm still gonna ground you."

That shocked him. She had never grounded him before. "What? For making one stupid mistake?"

"Yeah, well, you used a lot of force. That one guy nearly hit his head on that locker corner. Just 'cause you tougher or better doesn't give you the right to do something like that."

"But, grounding me? I'm going off to college in a few months!"

She glanced at him once more, this time anger coming to the front. "Well, for someone smart enough to go to college, you should've known better. You're grounded for two weeks."

"Two weeks?"

"Keep arguing and I'll add another week."

He huffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest.


"Hi Amber," Penny greeted the teen.

"Hey." She thrust out her arm. "Andy forgot these," she added, handing over some text books. "Not that he really needs them, but, still."

Penny accepted the books. "Thanks." She paused, trying to decide on what to say next. "Do you know what happened? Andy won't tell me why he hit those guys."

Amber fidgeted nervously. "Well, uhm, the guys were teasing him for not having done... uhm... you know... stuff... with girls, even though he's going to college."

Penny raised her eyebrows slightly. "He's eleven, of course he hasn't done any of that!"

Amber smiled, but still seemed uncomfortable. "They... uhm... suggested he should... uhm... next time I would..."

Penny raised her hand. "I think I understand where this is going."

Amber was red faced, but clearly needed to add something. "It got worse when one of the girls mentioned I hadn't even... you know? And then the guys started teasing me..."

Penny again interrupted the girl with a raised hand. "Listen, Amber. There's nothing wrong with waiting until you feel ready. I know it's hard to take my word for it, considering what happened to me when I was even younger than you are now, but it's the truth."

Amber nodded and waved her hand dismissively. "I know that, and it didn't really bother me. The guys did tell me I should've been more like you. Andy really kept his cool, until they said they thought you were a total MILF and would..."

Again Penny raised her hand once more. "Right, right, got it." She paused, then sighed. "At least I understand why Andy did what he did, but it was still wrong."

"I don't think he wanted you to know," Amber said, looking a little apprehensively. "Could you not tell him I told you about this, please?"

Penny nodded. "I won't tell him, I promise. Thank you for telling me, though."

The teen shrugged. "Sure. I better go."


"Hey, you," Penny said, a little breathlessly.

Leonard raised his chin, smiling smugly at being able to take her breath away by kissing her. "Hi, yourself," he said, then followed her inside her home. "I'm really sorry for not responding to your last message," Leonard began as he moved to sit right beside her. "I've always hated people who'd text while walking, because they never pay attention, and here I went and did the same, knocking some poor woman over."

Penny smiled. "I did wonder why I got no reply. I even feared I had distracted you too much and cause a big accident in your lab, or something. Then I got distracted when Andy's school called."

"Oh," Leonard asked, eyebrows raised in surprise. "What happened?"

"He got in a fight and hit his two opponents pretty hard. He could've hurt either one really badly. He's grounded for the next two weeks, though I may allow an early parole, after Amber explained what happened."

Leonard listened as Penny explained why Andy had lashed out and tried to make light of the situation. "Great, more high school guys going for a girl I like."

Penny chuckled. "Don't worry, I'm not interested in high school guys, and definitely not in two cocky guys who like to make fun of girls who are actual smart and not do something stupid like getting pregnant at sixteen."

Leonard put his arm around her shoulder. "Hey, it wasn't stupid, just an unfortunate accident. You shouldn't think of that whole thing as being a mistake."

Penny sighed. "I suppose. And for the record, I never thought Andy was a mistake. A surprise, yes, and I might have timed it better, but having him was never a mistake."

They were silent for a while, Leonard unsure what to say or do in this situation. After a minute longer, he chuckled lightly. "Would you believe the girl I walked into is actually Sheldon's new assistant?"

Penny raised her eyebrows, but a bit of her upbeat spirit seemed to return at the change in subject. "You're kidding. From what you told be I didn't think Sheldon would even think anyone would be smart enough to work for him."

Leonard shrugged. "He probably doesn't. I don't think Alex has any idea what she's gotten herself into. When I asked Sheldon on the way back home, he mentioned he had decided he could use a grad student to go over his old work, things he wrote when he was like six. All because Peter Higgs' paper, written fifty years ago, was initially rejected but recently proven to be right all along."

Penny frowned. "Oh, like the Higgs boson?"

Leonard raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Yeah, that's right."

Penny looked smugly at him. "Didn't think I knew that, did you?"

Leonard became nervous, worried he had offended her. "Oh... uhm... well, it's not really your thing, but I guess you picked up stuff from Andy, who probably was so excited he told you all about it and..." Penny had silenced him by putting her lips on his.

Penny smiled at him after the kiss had ended. "Relax, Leonard, I was only teasing. So, this Alex expects to have him help her with her dissertation, but will instead be doing all the menial tasks Sheldon thinks are beneath him? Poor girl."

Leonard nodded and smiled. "Yeah, and she has really interesting subject, too. I would've suggested her to seek out Raj, but he wouldn't be able to talk to her anyway. We talked a little, I told her what I was working on, well the things I can talk about, she even thought I was funny. She also told me a bit of herself and her dad's work at SETI. She's a really nice girl," Leonard finished, smiling fondly. His smile faded at Penny's expression. "What?"

"She was flirting with you," Penny said, looking hurt and insecure. "And you were flirting right back."

Leonard stared at her with an open mouth, unsure what to say. Alex and he hadn't been flirting, had they? That couldn't possibly have been the situation, could it? He felt Penny move slightly away from him as the silence went on longer and longer, while Leonard tried to determine what had been going on between Alex and him during those few minutes. "Uhm..."