Note: Chapter three, take two!
I hate being that fussy fic author who posts and deletes but I really messed up. I don't know why I even posted it when I knew I hated it. Shame me, I deserve it. I hope this one makes more sense! Thank you for your patience!
"But what if I don't like it?" Erza asked, touching the edge of her new school uniform skirt. The pale yellow button-up shirt had a cross embroidered on the right breast along with the name of a saint Eileen knew she wouldn't recognize. She hadn't been raised religious and until now Erza hadn't been exposed to organized religion. However, the Catholic school had better ratings than the local public school and the tuition wouldn't break her bank.
"I promise it'll be fine. You're just jittery because tomorrow's your big day!"
"Are you sure I can't stay in pre-school for another year? Churches makes me nervous."
Eileen sighed and moved Erza's uniform to the overstuffed armchair in the corner of her bedroom. When she took a seat on the edge of the bed, Erza closed her eyes as she brushed familiar scarlet hair back away from her daughter's face.
"A church can't hurt you, love."
"What if they want me to pray? I don't know how to do that."
"If praying is a thing you feel like you want to do, I'm sure the sisters will help you." Eileen leaned down and smiled. "It's kind of their job."
Erza twisted her fingers in the hem of her nightgown and Eileen prepared for the question she knew was coming.
"Can't I go to school with Jellal?"
Eileen continued to run her fingers through Erza's damp hair and said nothing for a long moment.
"Sweetheart, Jellal lives in another part of town. And that means –"
"It means he goes to a school for rich kids and we're not rich?"
"Where did you hear something like that?"
"I heard one of the ladies at your ballet studio talking about Anna and she said they're rich and that's why Anna doesn't work and Jellal gets to –"
"Erza, listen to me," Eileen said with a gentle firmness. "Gossip is ugly, the money you make doesn't decide how much you're worth."
"How much money would we need for me to go to Jellal's school?"
"Probably a small mountain," Eileen whispered, turning to press a kiss to Erza's forehead. "Ready for bed? You've got a big day tomorrow."
"Maybe it's too big, mom."
"Erza, you'll shine no matter what. You're smart and kind and everyone will love you."
"You sound like Jellal."
"Well, maybe that means he's a smart boy."
Erza wrinkled her nose. "He talks too much."
"I'm pretty sure he'd cut it out if you asked."
"Mom?"
"What is it, love?"
"I'm proud of you." She smiled and threw her arms around Eileen's neck. "I'm glad you're my mom."
"Oh, sweetheart," Eileen whispered. "I'm proud of you, too."
Eileen tried not to rush through her closing procedures at the teashop but couldn't help herself. After three years, though, she could afford to give into the rush and rely on muscle memory. Besides perhaps its aging owner, nobody knew the ins and outs of the teashop better than Eileen.
Now that she was one of Crocus Ballet's principal dancers, she preferred the late shift. Once Erza was safely at school, her mornings were spent in the troupe's second floor practice room where she worked with a choreographer. In the afternoons she practiced with her peers, and then three nights a week she closed the teashop. Her income from dancing would have covered her bills and childcare but the small cushion was nice – a thing she hadn't ever had the luxury of until recently. A small part of her had grown to worry about the elderly woman who owned the shop, too. Eileen didn't feel entirely comfortable just… leaving.
She could hear her phone ringing from her bag even as she flipped off the last of the lights. She recognized the ringtone as Anna's and didn't hurriedly fumble for the phone like she might've if it were Erza's sitter.
"Hey," Eileen said with a sigh as she set the phone to speaker and pulled off the sneakers she kept for work in favor of the rain boots.
"How'd it go?"
"Good, I assume." Eileen shoved her arms into her coat and pulled the hood over her head. "I told Erza I'd be home on the seven o'clock train."
"I'm sure she has a million things to tell you about her first day of school."
"I've been worried about it all day."
"She'll be fine. When I picked up Jellal he was nothing but morose and told me he was hungry." Anna's laugh drew a smile from Eileen.
"He takes after you, I think. All that snacking."
"I can't help it if I have a high metabolism," Anna said defensively.
"We should all be so lucky," Eileen murmured eyeing the last tray of scones that would be sent to the food bank down the street in the morning. She decided against the snack and finally locked the shop's back door. The rain was not much more than a sprinkle but the thunder promised a proper storm. "I'm sick of all this rain."
"What if I told you that I could cheer you up?"
"I'd ask if you had a weather machine." Eileen held her phone up to her ear and began the short walk to the train station at a brisk pace.
"Even better. In two weeks the Stella ambassador will be visiting Crocus on official business."
"Okay…" Eileen trailed off and glanced up at the sky again as the raindrops began to fall thicker and heavier.
"He and his wife, and the Minister of Foreign Policy have secured tickets to opening night of Don Quixote."
Eileen stopped on the sidewalk and nearly caused a pileup of pedestrians. "What?" she gasped. "Are you sure?"
"Absolutely sure."
"Uh –" Eileen glanced around in embarrassment and started walking again. "How do you know this?"
"I heard from the receptionist. She said a courier from the government house came over today and picket up a bundle of tickets reserved for the ambassador, his wife, and the Minister's family."
Eileen's words were stuck in her throat. She performed for locals and visiting officials all the time but the Stella ambassador was a known connoisseur of the performing arts and his wife, though long retired, was a prima ballerina in her day and held a lot of sway in ballet circles around the world. The opportunity to dance in front of her –
"Eileen?" Anna's voice cut through the chaos of her thoughts.
"Yeah, I'm here."
"I hope I didn't freak you out. You have no reason to be nervous."
"I think I'm going to be nervous anyway," Eileen said with a small laugh. The train station was crowded, loud, and Eileen felt the press of commuters all around her. "Hey, Anna, let's talk about this tonight, okay?"
"I'll call you when Jellal's in bed."
"Right." Eileen slid her phone into her pocket and navigated through the crowd. A loud boom of thunder from outside drowned out the voices just as she stepped onto the train. She didn't allow herself to fully absorb what Anna had said to her until she sank down onto a seat. The train doors slid closed and jerked into movement. Eileen's thoughts rattled and rolled over one another seemingly in time with the train's wheels over the tracks.
Don Quixote was a very old piece and one of Eileen's favorites. She'd long fantasized of making the famous Kitri Variation with the fan her own. The sequence was difficult and required a presence of mind Eileen respected. An already complex ballet paired with an audience who would be able to pick out even the smallest flaw was more than enough to shake her confidence.
The rain pelted the street when Eileen stepped out of the train station five blocks from her apartment building. She hid her bag and hands inside her raincoat and began the trek home. Sometimes she thought it might be prudent to move closer to the station or even purchase a car for herself but the thought of spending that much money, however necessary or helpful, made her stomach swim with nausea. Eileen had to very often remind herself of what she could afford now but still hated spending the money. She took comfort in the dollar amount she'd squirreled away since the pay raise that came with the title of principal dancer.
One block away from home, Eileen wrapped all her apprehension up in a box. She didn't want to spoil Erza's excitement over her first day of school with personal things. Erza was an anxious little girl and needed her full attention or she'd know something was amiss. Their apartment building was old but stubbornly clung to its pride. Ivy crawled over the iron gate that surrounded the property, giving it a breath of youth, but the gate itself squealed with age and rust. If ever she did decide to move, Eileen would miss the red brick and flower boxes that outshone the building's flaws in the spring.
The moment Eileen opened the door to her apartment Erza squealed. Still in her uniform, she dashed across the floor of the living room and tugged on Eileen's raincoat.
"You're home!" Erza exclaimed, barely acknowledging her sitter gathering her bag and inching past them both to the door. Once the door was shut and they were alone, Eileen focused entirely on her daughter.
"Tell me all about your day!" She guided them both to the couch. Erza crawled almost directly over her and gave her a run down of everything to do with kindergarten. The commentary didn't stop until her mouth fell open into a wide yawn.
"Sorry, mom," she muttered, curling into Eileen's side. "I've been saving all that just for you and now I'm out of gas."
Eileen laughed. "Don't apologize, love, I always love to hear about your day. Did you get to call Jellal earlier like you wanted?"
"Yeah." Erza smiled up at her. "He said he nearly starved to death because snack time wasn't until late. I felt fine all day and I guess that means his school isn't so great, huh?"
"I suppose if you're rating schools on the availability of snacks then you win this round. Did you eat already?"
"Yeah." She yawned again. "I couldn't wait."
"It's okay, sweetheart. Let's get you into the bath and then bed."
Eileen couldn't stop fidgeting. She fussed with the lace of her bodice and the tulle of her skirt. She'd checked everything twice and flexed her feet once again. The opening night of Don Quixote had sold out well in advance and even though she'd performed in front of a packed house many times, she still felt nerves. The vase of stargazer lilies on her vanity had a card attached but Eileen didn't need to check it to know they were from Anna. By the end of the night there'd be many others but these were always delivered in advance.
The sounds of the orchestra warming up reached Eileen's ears and she met her own eyes in the mirror. Tonight she'd be weighed and judged by one of the very best and she couldn't afford to slip even a little. Not to mention the smaller, more private audience back stage. Anna hadn't auditioned for Don Quixote at all and had arranged for Erza and Jellal to watch opening night from the wings. Sometimes Eileen wondered how much longer Anna would tolerate the rigors of professional ballet before she finally walked away from it.
A quick knock on her door sent Eileen's heart racing.
"Two minutes!" the stage manager shouted. Eileen inspected herself in the mirror one last time before nodding.
"Show time," she whispered before opening the door of her dressing room and joining the chaos in the hallway.
The sound of applause was deafening. Eileen couldn't see beyond the stage lights but she knew that somewhere among the folds of velvet curtains her daughter's eyes were watching from the wings.
Later she would revisit the evening in detail but in the moment, everything was a whirl. She rushed off the stage and then returned for a bow. Bouquets of flowers were passed around and Eileen felt like she'd never catch her breath.
When she finally returned to her dressing room a bouquet of roses so deeply red they were nearly black took up an entire armchair. She didn't have time to inspect the card because Anna and the children burst through the door. Erza finally got to touch the layers of red and black tulle and lace of Eileen's costume and Jellal regaled her with his review of the intricate rope system that controlled the curtains. From the corner of her eye she spotted Anna leaning over the roses. Her grin was both smug and sly.
"You've got an admirer in Lady Martínez," Anna said smoothly.
"Who's that?" Erza asked, pulling away from Eileen to brush her fingertips over the rose petals.
"Lady Martínez is the ambassador of Stella's wife," Anna explained, tucking the card back into the bouquet. "She used to be a dancer herself."
"Is she as good as my mom?"
"Not a chance!" Anna said with a laugh. "Nobody's as good as your mom."
"Alright, that's enough flattery," Eileen said, itching at the flat plane of her hair that had been sprayed within an inch of its life. "Why don't you guys go on and I'll meet you by the backdoors after I change?"
"Come on, kids," Anna said with a wave at Eileen. "Let's go grab some cake and call the driver."
Once they'd gone, Eileen shed her costume and left it on a hanger. She rinsed her hair in the deep sink in her washroom and changed into something soft and warm. The blood red roses carried an intoxicating scent and Eileen couldn't help her deep inhale. They smelled like success. Like victory. Before leaving the dressing room she grabbed the vase of stargazer lilies and left the smaller bouquets for the cleaning crew.
On impulse, Eileen took Anna up on her offer of a nightcap. She let go of the prospect of sending Erza to school the next day and at nearly midnight left her daughter and Jellal to their Disney movies on the futon bottom of his bunk bed.
Anna and her husband lived in a townhouse on the wealthier side of uptown. Not counting the converted basement, the Fernandes home was easily five times the size of Eileen's apartment. Several years prior, when Eileen first visited, she hadn't failed to notice that Anna did not share a bedroom with her husband. Since then she'd learned a few key facts about Anna's marriage – the most important being that it had been born of legal necessity. She didn't know every dirty little detail but she understood that Anna's own father and her father in law were both incredibly greedy men who had no problems trapping their children in an arranged marriage at eighteen.
After quietly pulling Jellal's bedroom door shut, Eileen joined Anna in the sitting room outside her actual bedroom. Anna pressed a lowball glass of bourbon into Eileen's hand and grinned. She held up her glass for a toast.
"To you," she said loftily. "To the best Kitri there has ever been in the history of Don Quixote."
"You're too kind." Eileen downed the bourbon and fell into a chair. Her feet ached.
"No, I'm not. You were great. Too great for the Crocus Ballet." Anna refilled her own bourbon glass and took a seat next to Eileen. "You should've seen Erza's face during your solo. Her eyes were wide as pies. She said you looked like an angel. Your fouettes were flawless."
"I wonder if she would've had a better time in a box. Backstage is so –"
"Are you kidding?" Anna scoffed. "She worships you. Watching from the wings was so exciting for her." She sighed dreamily and leaned into Eileen's shoulder. "She reminds me of you. There's something in her eye when she watches you dance. She wants it."
"I hope she knows she doesn't need to dance to impress me."
Anna looped her arm though Eileen's. "She knows."
"Your house is so quiet compared to mine. I've got a new neighbor below me and he's got a thing for reggae in the early morning."
"Acnologia is gone until Christmas," Anna said quietly. "Not that he's a noisemaker when he's here."
"Do you ever get lonely here now that Jellal is in school all day?"
"Sometimes. I used to get lonely when he was a baby, too." She laughed once and then fell silent for a long moment. "I took a few lovers. Did I ever tell you that?"
"You didn't." The admission tightened a vice around Eileen's heart. She didn't like being confronted with the fact that Anna was married. Until her husband came up in conversation she could always pretend there might possibly, even if only in her wildest dreams, be something more between them. Eileen always felt a little on the edge with Anna. Like at any moment their friendship could suddenly take a hard left and turn into something… else. Their closeness pushed a boundary Eileen hadn't ever crossed before. It both excited and terrified her.
Anna sighed again. "They were women. I've never been very partial to men and only ever went to my husband's bed once. Our parents are religious." She waved her hand dismissively. "Consummation and all that."
"So you got pregnant after only one go?" Eileen couldn't help her curiosity.
"No," Anna said with a laugh. "Jellal is the product of IVF and a lot of money. Acnologia wanted a child to shut his dad up and neither of us were very interesting in facilitating that… organically. He's a good father, though, and becoming a mother has made me feel happier than I ever thought I'd be in this life."
"I've only ever been with the one man." Eileen blurted. It seemed to be a night of impulse. "When I came back from the Ballet de Midi I was restless stupid and hooked up with the guy who delivered the flowers after shows. He was older than me, and a total waste of time. Eighteen year old me had bad priorities."
"I think most men fall into that category," Anna said softly, curling a strand of Eileen's hair around one finger.
"I didn't make him wear a condom and I got pregnant. My parents freaked out and made me marry him even though he had absolutely nothing to offer." Eileen's eyes fixated on the tray of crystal glasses and decanters across the room but she didn't see them. "He… wasn't a good man. We left Crocus and I stayed with him for three years before packing my bags and leaving with Erza."
"I'm sorry," Anna whispered, releasing her hair and sliding her hand into Eileen's. "I'm sorry parents are shitty. Your husband didn't deserve you or Erza."
"I haven't spoken to my parents since the day I got married. They told me I was a disgrace and ruined my own career. I know they're here in the city and I'm sure my mother, being my mother, knows what I do now."
"You're better than her," Anna insisted firmly.
"Thank you for being my friend," Eileen murmured.
"Eileen –" Anna glanced up at her quickly. "I hope you realize that I consider you the best friend I've ever had in my life – and I haven't had many, to be honest. You shine in a way I never will. If you ever feel like –"
"Don't do that," Eileen whispered. "You do shine, Anna. Besides my daughter, there isn't anyone else in this world I care more about." She sucked in a deep breath and suddenly stood. Anna followed and pried the glass from her hand.
"What is it?"
Eileen's heart raced and her skin tingled. She was perched on the razor thin edge of friendship and more than friendship. Was it worth the risk? Was there a risk at all?
"Sometimes I think of you," she whispered in a rush. "And it's got nothing to do with ballet or the kids or any of that." Eileen shook her head. "I'm not great at this. I don't have lovers and I don't know how to –" Anna's fingers brushed the apple of her cheek and Eileen's words fizzled.
"I think of you too." Anna inched closer and her breath fanned over Eileen's cheek. The scent of bourbon was more intoxicating than the blood red roses sent by Lady Martínez. "Is it horrible that I'm glad to be your first?"
"Kiss me," Eileen breathed just before Anna's lips pressed against hers.
Kissing a woman wasn't at all like kissing a man. Anna's lips were soft, pliant, and sweet. And patient. She tasted of the bourbon and peach lip balm. Her hands slid over Eileen's shoulders and neck until her palms settled over her cheeks. When she pulled away Eileen thought she'd never breathe again.
"You know where the guest room is," Anna said in a voice so low she almost missed it. "But maybe you could stay with me instead?"
Eileen tilted her head to the side and kissed Anna again. It was a new and electrifying thing she didn't think she'd ever tire of.
"Take me to bed," she said with a sigh against Anna's lips.
