Combat, I'm ready for combat
I say I don't want that, but what if I do?
'Cause cruelty wins in the movies
I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you
Easy they come, easy they go
I jump from the train, I ride off alone
I never grew up, it's getting so old
Help me hold onto you
I've been the archer
I've been the prey
Who could ever leave me, darling?
But who could stay?
Once upon a time, Bella Swan had wanted to take her own life.
As if to fulfill some fairytale, some childish delusion, she had practically begged for it. Down on her hands and knees she would go to get a taste of it when the bikes she and Jacob built had simply not been enough thrill, enough danger. Her hands skinned raw and oozing blood all down her forearms she would feel, trying to make some great escape when death actually had come knocking for her. Ruby-like eyes and a candied fragrance suffocating her had caused a twist in what would have been an otherwise sad tragedy of existence. A life snuffed out like candle flame at bedtime, too young and far too willing, and before she'd even truly lived, truly loved.
Part of Bella, though, was almost happy as she stumbled and limped out of those dense, grievous woods. With new found hope she did so, had no clue all the while she was being watched over by guardians that enjoyed playing hide and seek behind tree trunks in the dark. As for her guardians in question, they too were happy to see she had found her way out of the maze, impressed even at her resilience.
Sam had considered having one of them phase back, making up some sort of story to happen upon her so they could guide her to deserving freedom. But by this point, she was already moving with purpose, and as they went to follow at a distance they realized she had been traveling in the right direction at last. Maybe she had guessed and been lucky, they thought, the five of them split into two groups at either side of her. They kept a rather long distance, didn't want to startle her again, as Sam had believed she'd been put through quite enough for one day. He had even attempted to send Jacob home, but Jacob had argued to stay at least somewhat close to her, the imprint still so fresh and hard to shake, and he'd won that fight in the end.
They followed just in the distance, her own personal protectors, even as she stumbled upon that worn, beaten down piece of metal all red and rusted parked just where she'd left the old thing. As she turned the ignition, and its trusted engine sputtered with life, revived, headlights cut through the abyss—five pairs of eyes reflected gold from where they studied her behind the trunks of trees and foliage. And as the girl raced home, shaken with fright from her close encounter with death, they followed her to that small white abode she and her father felt secure. Just to bid her a parting goodnight, though she couldn't have known they were still watching over her. Up the steps she ran, blood drops dry around the ankles of the dirtied denim she wore, and into her father's arms she threw herself as he opened the door at the sound of her truck's engine.
"Dad!" she had practically cried out, and her father, never quite big on affection, had stiffened either at her unexpected hug, or the name she addressed him that he'd never once heard pass those lips, or perhaps it was both at once. The wolves weren't sure, weren't keen on prying into an intimate moment from where they lurked in the woods. But Charlie had soon recovered, wrapping his arms around her small shoulders, ones Jacob so badly wanted to hug himself.
"Bella, you worried me, kiddo," he had whispered into her hair all in disarray, relief washing away whatever fear had been chewing at him when he'd come home only to discover their house empty. And Bella hadn't known what'd come over her, to call him that word; dad, but he was really and truly, and she hugged him tighter still, grateful for the first time in a long time that she had made it out alive—that she could see him again. Then he was leading her inside, maybe for a simple cooked meal, something quick and easy as he liked to make it and something Bella would too be grateful to taste, knowing it could have all been taken away.
And when the door had finally been sealed shut, cutting the wolves' line of sight on the girl they'd only an hour or so prior risked their lives to save, one by one they began to retreat further into that dark, familiar forest they had each learned to call a second home.
Jacob was the last to turn away, eyes trained on the front windows, watching for sign of life and movement within. A shadow dancing across the glass just behind drawn curtains here, a quiet laugh from the girl he loved there, wholesome conversation he could not take part in. And it was at that particular thought, that his heart became oddly heavy in his chest, and he let out a tired breath through his snout, bowing his head.
I just want to see her, he thought, I just want to make sure she's alright. But he knew, and Sam had commanded it, that there would be no visits. Not until they could sort this whole mess out, regroup and decide a plan as a pack, a unit, a family—as they now were.
It was Embry whom paused his trek behind the others, chancing a glance at his friend over his shoulder. He knew all too well, the pain of leaving another behind, when it was the furthest from what was truly desired. Even if the other couldn't understand, even if it was for their own safety, it didn't make it hurt any less. He knew that. His ears, colored as if dusted with coal, twitched and flicked with emotion, and he turned fully then to join Jacob at his side, brushing his muzzle by his friend's shoulder in a comforting manner.
I know you love her, Jake, he said, voice like a soothing whisper against the sweeping current of their conjoined thoughts, their twisted and fused emotions still running high from the hunt. But she's safe, now. Because of you. She's exactly where she needs to be right now. We just need to figure out a plan, then we can go from there.
I know, Jacob broke his gaze from their kitchen window where figures moved within, it's just-
You don't wanna leave her, Embry stated, and as their eyes met, there was what Jacob thought a mutual understanding flashing within Embry's blackened eyes, as if he too knew the trials and tribulations Jacob was now plagued with. He supposed he did. I get it, but this is what's best. I know it hurts to leave her, but you have to, at least for now. Trust me, I understand.
Without another word, his friend turned and began heading back into the trees that provided cover, only stopping momentarily when Jacob spoke once more. Thanks, Embry. I'm glad you're here.
Happy to be, he'd replied, tone light and somewhat cheerful, and for the first time he felt he meant it, despite the abundance of issues reaching boiling point in his day to day life. For just this one small moment of time, Embry was happy to be here, with his pack, a protector for those whom needed it most.
"Well," Bella paused, chewing on her lower lip as she pressed the phone to her ear, "call me when you get the chance." She held the landline between her shoulder and cheek, hesitating. "Bye," she finished, the parting leaving her throat like a sigh as she hung up the call.
In the kitchen, Bella twiddled her fingers, hands fluttering as if meaning to pick up the phone once more to ring the Black home, but she had already called twice today, and received no answer. She was worried, really, about Jacob. Still no word from Quil, and Jacob missing in action, Bella was left to her own devices. While Charlie spent his days at work busy with incoming missing person reports, Bella paced the living room, the kitchen, and after dinner when the food had been eaten and Charlie had turned in for the night, she paced the floor of her childhood bedroom instead.
Charlie had known how upset she was, taking it upon himself to ring the Black's line and leave a message about how he wasn't all too thrilled how Jacob was worrying his daughter. That the least he could do was return a phone call.
In the dead of night, the chill of springtime wind crept through Bella's bedroom window that ran parallel her bed. Every bump in the dark roused her from an already fitful slumber that left her in cold sweat, and a scream lodged still in her throat, half formed and dying upon consciousness. The nightmares had returned, far worse now than she could last recall. Jacob had been chasing them away, before he'd cut contact with her, always pulling her out of the horrors trying to eat her alive. These night terrors were vivid, that same feel of being hunted in the forest lost and with no light accompanying each of them. But no matter how many times she dreamed of death's icy grip around her delicate wrists, it never did take her, never had the chance to.
It was on one of these nights, when she had been tossing and turning upon the mattress, legs tangled in the sheets, that she had heard tapping on her windowsill just from the other side. And she had sat up in bed then, with a start and eyes blown wide, horrified of the monster that she believed to be hiding beyond the pane. As soon as the noise had come, it was gone once more, like clearing fog. Bella had stepped hesitantly to her window, peering out into the vast emptiness, but there was nothing there. And as she had stood by the glass, fingers pressed up against its cool surface, she watched the trees. At the time, she hadn't known what she was waiting for—a budding feeling of anticipation. She must have stood there for a long while, eyes playing tricks for she could have sworn she'd seen shadows shifting in the woods. But soon, as each night had been, her eyelids grew heavy and her head heavier still, and she eventually found her way back to the soft embrace of her bed hours before sunrise.
That night, Bella dreamt of wolves, like the five she had seen lost in the forest, when she had been so close and certain she would die. In the fantasy her mind created in sleep, they chased away hair that burned in sunlight like fire, and when she woke, she did not do so with a scream but with a released breath. They had given her another chance, hadn't they? She believed so, felt no fright when she saw them walking near her in her dreams, as if to surround her. A barrier, so that nothing could ever harm her again.
But dreams are just that, dreams and nothing more. It was up to the person on how they would create their lived reality.
So now, as Bella paced her bedroom once again on another silent night, air coming through cold in ways she hated—ways that reminded her of the grip death had once kept on her, of the life she'd been so intent to end, and worst of all the infatuation she'd once felt for a killer—she stared at the pictures pinned to her cork board hanging on the wall. Jacob, his radiant smile and soul that shined outward, bringing her back to life day by painstaking day.
I have to see him, her mind made up, as she stared at the photograph. Something's wrong.
Bella had been worried, thoughts that Jacob might have gotten caught up in Sam's gang at the forefront of her mind. Like Embry, a name she was careful to never speak around Quil. At the thought of her friend, the drive to go to La Push was even stronger, and she made a mental note to go by his house, just to check on him. Slowly, Bella pulled free the tack holding the photograph in place, bringing the picture close to her face as if it held some swelling truth, just there in the pixels.
Always, her mind brought her back to that wolf, that umber fur raised upright and eyes so like his. Jacob, she had thought then, couldn't even make sense of it now as she whispered his name once more to the emptiness of her room. Why Jacob? Why had he come to her then? Had she simply sought comfort in those horror filled seconds? A pull, like thread wound around her wrist now where once had been undead hands, beckoned her to La Push; to Jacob.
I'm going to see him. Tomorrow, I'm going.
I don't see why you don't just tell her, man, Jared said, passing Jacob's wolf to follow behind Sam, the clouds an array of oranges and purples in the dimming sun. The pack had agreed, after a few days of gathering their bearings, that Bella would need to be let in on the secret, and had left it on Jacob's shoulders to find the time to tell the truth. She was an imprint, after all, and she would have to learn eventually. Jacob had been the reluctant one, trying to fight something beyond his control.
They were making their rounds as usual, Embry and Paul having just been let off of their schedule. The pack had been on high alert, spreading out to Forks to protect the Swan house in shifts, along with the normal ground they covered. Since they had killed that one, no other had come, but Sam knew and was sure to remind them that there was another with hair like a match struck against nightfall.
I already told you, Jacob responded, I don't wanna put this on her. She doesn't need this right now. He thought back to Embry, how he'd considered his words of advice. He'd been right; this was for the best. Bella had been through too much, too quickly, still left picking up the pieces of her fractured heart and unable to mend the cracks. After what they did to her, his voice had bite to it as he thought this, Sam and Jared hearing him clearly. And as he thought of her, and of the Cullens, her words at the theater came through the clutter in their shared minds, though the pack had already seen this specific wound within their newest member many times over.
Feelings that Bella did not see him that way, words spoken of her fractured soul and how she didn't believe she could be helped. It was a pain his pack shared with him, as they shared about everything else.
The longer you wait, the harder it'll get, Jared told him. I'm not gonna pretend I understand, you know, with her being involved with the Cullens. But we all think you should tell her. A spitting venom from Jacob, at the mention of their family name, but Jared didn't seem to mind, and continued. Plus, she probably knows more than we do about leeches. She could help us.
It was seconds after this that Paul's voice was blaring through all of their heads, sounding panicked. His words came to them broken, tripping over themselves in haste.
What is it?
Sam had paused just ahead of the other two, lifting his head high in the air, alert and ready to fight. His first thought had been that another vampire had crossed onto their land, but smelling the air brought no sickening scent like rotting fruit, just the softened floral and comforting scent of spring.
It's her, Paul was yelling, and the three of them could feel him racing through the forest, tracking their scent and pulled to his brothers like a magnet. It's Bella Swan! She's here!
On the reservation?
Oh, fuck-
She's here? Jacob asked over Sam's own question, over Jared's loud exclamation, shocked. Where is she?! You saw her?
No! Paul screamed, and they could feel him close, even before they saw his silver form breaking through the trees. She saw me!
Such a secret unearthed had unfolded like this:
Bella had been driving, over the pot holes in the narrow roads on the reservation, heading to Quil's house. She had committed the way to memory alone, tires rolling over the asphalt in silence, no music to drown her blooming nerves. The lonesome road that would take her to the Ateara house was dark, no lights to guide her along the road and thick woods along the passenger side, with overgrown grass leading to another tree line beyond on the driver's side.
She'd had notebooks and loose sheets of paper stacked on top of the dashboard, and as she brought the truck to a stop at the sign, ready to make a right hand turn onto the dirt road that would take her where she sought to go, it had all come sliding off and crashing to the floorboard with no one to pick them up but herself. Road empty, she'd kept her foot on the brake and reached down to grab the fallen books, placing them in the empty passenger seat instead.
Bella muttered angrily to herself as she did so, frustrated in more ways than one. She had already stopped by the Black's home, but no one had answered the door, and after waiting most of the daylight there expecting someone to come out and greet her, she'd finally put her truck in reverse and headed toward Quil's. The sun had already begun to set when she'd pulled onto the road that had this stop sign, and she had even considered turning around, worried about showing up unannounced by dark. Stubborn she was, though, and her concern for her friend outweighed the rest.
I can at least see Quil, she reasoned, and maybe he's seen Jacob.
And it was as she looked back up at the path stretching on before the windshield, that she had seen a familiar face come stepping out of the trees.
It had been Embry Call, just a ways ahead up the road, pulling on an old shirt as he seemed to have his attention on something just within the thicket. What she saw next had startled her, a large head of a wolf peeking out from the foliage, greater than any average one. Its silver fur glistened in the minuscule sunlight, approaching its set on the horizon. Then, it had darted back into the tree line, out of sight, as if it hadn't been there at all. That was, until another figure stepped out next to Embry not even a full minute later, half clothed and dark hair windswept. She recognized him as Paul Lahote, a boy from the reservation Jacob didn't seem to be fond of. Part of Sam's group, she knew, and now for certain could confirm the same for Embry. In the dimming sun, the reflectors of her truck's headlights shone ahead on the road, and she leaned forward in her seat, hands tightly on the beige wheel until her knuckles had gone white and heart thundering in her chest.
"What?" Was all she could think to choke out, mind racing, images of the wolves she'd encountered in the forest over a week prior swimming in her mind. She blinked rapidly, sucked in a shuddering breath, and sat completely still in the driver's seat. Paul is? Embry is? The wolves- he is, they are, her mind was running away from her, thoughts half formed and crowding forward. They are them, the wolves! They're- they can shape shift- Paul just did, I saw it, I swear I saw him- how many of them are there? How many? She stared at them, engine rumbling away, a loud buzz in her ears. Five, there were five I saw. They can change form- Bella could not even register the tightness she possessed on the steering wheel, her eyes gone glossy and unblinking, unwavering. Jacob, why Jacob? He's- he's one of them. He's one of them!
As if they'd heard her internal screams, both turned to look down the road, appearing nearly like small blurs from their distance. In the light reflected on the headlights, even over the space they possessed from her stalling truck, Bella could have sworn she'd seen their irises glint like flame. Like a mirror was their eyeshine in the darkening street.
"Fuck! What's she doing here?!" Paul had yelled then, words muffled from how far away they were, and Bella watched Embry scream something at him, before the larger of the two rushed back into the woods and out of her field of vision.
"Go get them! I'll take her to Emily's!" This was what Embry had said, but she hadn't caught it, his words sound only against the ringing in her ears.
Bella was frozen, even as Embry rushed toward her truck. His tapping on her driver side window was what seemed to break her state of shock, and she turned her head to look at him, a nervous smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. Slowly, as if stuck in a daze, she rolled down the window.
"Hi, Bella," he greeted, his own hair in a perpetual mess she noticed now that he was closer. He looked tired, uneasy. "You saw all that, huh?"
She could only nod, registering her eyes had begun to sting. Quickly, she blinked to will it away, loosening her grip on the steering wheel.
"So I guess the wolf's outta the bag," he attempted to joke, afraid she might press the gas and keep going. Most didn't live out this far, the Ateara house surrounded by forest far down that dirt road Bella had been about to turn onto like tucked within a crescent moon, and the only car that did come this way was usually Joy's own. Joy herself had seen the pack, once or twice, but they hadn't needed to worry because she knew what they were.
The same couldn't be said for Bella Swan, and Embry needed to keep her from going to that blue house. "Come on, let me take you to Emily's," he said next, and Bella had unlocked the door before she'd had time to even think about it. It was strange, the calmness washing over her, as Embry pulled on the handle and helped her out of the driver's seat.
"Emily?" she asked, confused as he walked her to the passenger's side. He cleared the books she'd placed there, back on the floorboard, and Bella hadn't even cared to put the soles of her sneakers atop them. They'd been trash, filled with letters she'd written for Edward, things she should have gotten rid of long ago, she now realized.
"Yeah," was all Embry had replied with, never much for words as she had known him to be, climbing into the driver's seat. He shifted the gear to reverse, backed into the grass, and turned around on the narrow road. Bella stared at him the entire drive, didn't even care that he was driving her beloved truck. She was unsure what to say, had so many questions to ask, but then Embry was speaking again as they pulled up to a house she'd never been to. "The others will be here soon."
The brakes squealed as the truck came to a stop, and Bella studied the faded gray house, the chipping paint of its blue front door and the colorful flowers in bloom on the porch. Something about it felt tranquil, hidden in the large pine that surrounded it. She hadn't even noticed Embry at her door until he was lifting her out of the seat, which he did with ease she noticed, as if she weighed nothing at all.
"I'm back," Embry called as they came to the door, "Bella's here."
Bella stepped inside after him, hesitant. The house smelled like fresh baked goods, warmly lit with cedar wood beams and open shelves. Hanging on walls, there was colorful tribal art and woven jewelry decorated with beads and shells alike draped on a hook along one beam of wood. It was an open flooring, the living room on one side and a small white rounded table with chairs in between it and the kitchen which was hidden partly by a small bar area.
"Bella?" Emily asked, and it was then that Bella had caught sight of her, within the kitchen and back turned to them both. She had a dish towel over one shoulder, and when she turned, the breath caught in Bella's throat. "Jacob told you, then?" she asked, pulling the towel from her shoulder to wipe her hands clean, having been busy cooking.
"Told me what?" Bella asked, just as Embry interrupted her question.
"Not yet," he answered, pulling out a chair for Bella to sit at the rounded table. He took a place next to her, and began weaving vibrant threads between his fingers that had been left there. It was half beaded, bright red and black and white, soft colored cowrie shells breaking the beads in groups. He seemed anxious as he moved his fingers about, Bella thought. "She, uh," he paused, eyes flicking up to find Emily's, "she kind of saw Paul."
"Oh," Emily replied, taking a seat across from Bella. She too wore beautiful handwoven necklaces, at least Bella assumed they were. Her hair, glossy and long like the boy that sat next to her, but there was one thing Bella couldn't help but look at: the scars that ran down her face, to the back of her hand.
"What hasn't Jacob told me?" Bella asked again, "I mean, other than…" she trailed off, coming up empty for what to say.
"I think he should tell you that himself," Emily spoke softly, her voice just like the energy she held. Freshly cooked bread and meats rested atop the bar, waiting for Sam and the other's return.
"I sent Paul to get them," Embry stated then, eyes focused on the jewelry he was weaving. Over the weeks, Emily had taught him how, a piece of knowledge from the Makah tribe. He hadn't been decent at it, at first, but now could create with ease. It was a calming habit, something to distract him from patrol and the danger he and his pack mates found themselves swept in.
"What are you making?" Bella asked, tearing her eyes from the scars on Emily's beautiful face, watching Embry curiously. The comfort of this house, and the safety she had felt when she had first caught sight of that wolf lost in the woods enveloped her, as if to cradle her weary heart and mind.
"A gift," he told her, "for Quil. It's almost his birthday." He grew quiet after, mouth forming into a frown. "How is Quil?" The question was asked quietly, barely above a whisper. Embry knew he shouldn't have asked, that it would only make him feel worse, but he couldn't help but do so.
"I don't know," Bella answered truthfully, "I've tried to call, but he hasn't answered. He misses you and Jake."
"I think he'll like it," Emily commented, trying to rid the tension in the room. She knew keeping this secret from his best friend was hard enough, had consoled him over it multiple times by now. But Sam was certain he would phase, so the worst of it was playing a waiting game.
"Emily taught me how to make these," he lifted his head from the cord in between his fingers, to glance at Bella. He pushed away her words about Quil, offering her a shy smile instead partly for her sake and mostly for his own. "She kind of takes care of us."
Bella nodded, despite her confusion and lack of answers. She pulled her long hair back behind her ears, and wiped her palms on her jeans to get rid of the sweat collecting there. "So you guys, like…" she paused, looking between Embry and Emily and then down at the table top. "You're wolves?"
"They are," Emily said calmly, "it can be a bit of a challenge being engaged to one," she laughed lightly, "making sure everyone is fed and whatnot. They tear through my kitchen."
"We were going to tell you," Embry spoke up, then, "but Jacob didn't want to yet. He's still kind of new."
"Jacob is one, too?" Bella asked next, though she already knew in her heart it was true. Even here, in Emily Young's house, she felt an inexplicable pull. Guided by invisible thread, to something, to someone, and that was him. She knew it, though she couldn't explain why.
Emily's knowing eyes were her answer, black like the night beginning to form around them. "He is."
"I'm just glad we found you when we did," Embry confessed to the table, "before that thing could get to you."
Bella thought back to Laurent, to how cold his hold around her wrists had felt, the fear and the peace that found her when she'd looked into that wolf's eyes, bleeding on the forest floor. For a moment, she hesitated to speak, to say what she had felt as she looked into red eyes and rushed home into her father's waiting arms all those days ago.
"I am, too," the words left her lips with a surprising ease.
"What were you doing out there, anyway?"
Bella kept her eyes trained on the white table before her, knowing she didn't have an answer that would make sense. "I was just… looking for something," was all she provided, foolish wishes she had been so desperate to hold onto something she now was left wanting to bury, to forget about.
"Jacob and I took care of it," Embry told her, and at his words, she looked up, shocked. She had assumed Laurent had gotten away, knowing just how fast their kind were. "You don't have to worry, we've been keeping watch at your house, too." Another shy smile he gave her, before turning back to the necklace in hand.
"He wasn't alone," she informed them, "there are more."
"We know," came Emily's voice, like a balm for her worries. "It came onto our land, a while back," she rested her hands on the table, clasped them together. "She got very close to my house, and Sam phased," Emily continued, gesturing at the scars marking her dark skin.
Bella sat across from her, shocked to hear this, couldn't help the way her eyes began to sting at the picture painted for her. That a mess of web she had been trapped in, had affected not just her, but these people. Innocent people. Kind people. The kitchen grew solemn as Emily spoke this horrible truth, and Bella brought her hand up to wipe at her eyes, all the while visions of blood and chaos invading her mind. She had thought, many months ago, something quite different about vampires. So put under a spell, she had believed it some happily ever after, but this? How could blood and death be anything more than a nightmare come to life?
"I'm sorry," she found herself apologizing, for what she didn't know, "I didn't realize-"
"There's nothing to apologize for, Bella," Emily consoled her, "what happened has happened. We just need to keep moving, right?" And Bella nodded, as she spoke once more. "Scars are proof you've survived. We'll get through this, just as we have gotten through everything else. Whatever is coming, we'll face it. The pack will protect us from them."
"It's what we do," Embry agreed, remembering the words Emily had offered him not long after he first began phasing himself, that being a guardian was honorable. And it was, he thought, would do whatever it took to keep the people he cared for from harm, and that included their newest addition in the girl sat beside him. "We exist to fight them."
"This isn't the first time our people have dealt with invasion." It was these words Emily spoke that began tear fall from Bella's brown eyes, the stress and weight of it all coming down upon her like some giant, immovable mass. "But we survive, and we keep moving. You're part of us, now, Bella. We know what they've put you through, they've put us through the same."
Like a floodgate opening, tears spilt forth, onto the white table where Bella hung her head. No longer could she turn away from it, the pain and terror that'd been forced upon her. The way she had been used and discarded, then played with as if prey, only to be found just in time, still drawing breath. Emily got up from her chair, walked along the table and wrapped her arms around Bella's shoulders, allowing her to cry, to scream if she pleased. Holding tightly to Emily's scarred hand, Bella sobbed, for the time wasted, for the girl she had been who had longed to die for what she had mistaken as love. For whatever innocence had been stolen from her, just as the Cullens had taken everything else when they'd left Forks, leaving this current devastation in their wake. Left her, broken and barely breathing. Left boys to fight a war, friendships severed and scars formed.
"It's alright," Emily shhed her, smoothing her silky brown hair like she was some small child, and for a moment, she felt like she was. "We won't let anything happen to you."
"Promise," Embry finished, reaching out to place a comforting hand on her shoulder.
Here was safety, Bella felt, at long last finding it. Here, was a home.
