Arizona sat down in the attending's lounge sofa. Being the only one in the room she decided instead to lay down, extending her very tired leg. Dr. Robbins leaned her head back and took in a deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. She was beyond thankful for the day to be over. It was becoming harder and harder for Arizona to make it by these days. She found herself with no energy, no motivation to do anything. Her once "super magic smile", as Callie liked to say, lost its warmth and genuineness.


"I feel tired. Like all the time. I thought being a surgeon was exhausting, but uh—I was wrong. Being tired is exhausting. All I want to do is sleep but I can't. I just lay there, wide awake, but completely exhausted," Arizona exhaled in defeat, "I'm not making any sense, and trying to explain this to you is-"

"Exhausting," Dr. Wyatt finished Arizona's sentence for her.

"Yeah," Arizona agreed.


The lounge door swung open loudly, startling Arizona from her moment to peace.

"Dr. Robbins? Sorry to bother you I know you're done for today but we have multiple MVC cases coming in and the paramedics are telling me that there was an 11 year old boy involved. Can you stick around?"

Arizona sat up, "Yeah, I'll meet you in the ER. What's the ETA Hunt?"

"3 minutes out," the chief of surgery replied, "Thanks Robbins."

He walked away letting the door swing shut on its own. The blonde lethargically stood up. She placed her hands on her hips and rolled her neck to the left, holding the stretch for a few seconds, and then to the right to do the same.

"Let's go," she heaved to herself.


"Why do you think you're so tired all the time," Dr. Wyatt said, pouring her patient a glass of water, and then another for herself.

"I'm tired because it feels like I'm constantly battling."

"Who are you fighting?" Wyatt respectively pried.

"The day," Arizona sighed, "It started with the leg. I would wake up and look to the foot of my bed at the leg."

The word "leg" rolled off Arizona's tongue with disgust.

"I would see it and I would dread getting up to put on the damn leg. The leg became the worst part of my day. But then a few days passed and soon the leg wasn't the only obstacle."

Arizona swallowed and continued speaking, "The parents. I used to like talking to the parents, I used to take pleasure in telling them that their kid was going to be fine, that their son rocked his appendectomy or their daughter crushed her tonsillectomy. But now? Now I hate talking to the parents, I absolutely hate it."

"And the kids," Arizona looked down in shame, absolutely hating herself for feeling this way "I resent the tiny humans. I get angry at them for getting sick, for coming into my hospital, for making me fix them," she took in a sharp breath and exhaled slowly, "it started with the leg, but now my whole day has become a never ending train of obstacles, obstacles I'm tired of battling."


"Crap, crap, crap," Arizona mumbled under her breath. She put her stethoscope on the unconscious patient's chest, first the left side and then the right.

"Crap!" she said almost yelling this time.

"What do we got?" Alex Karev entered the trauma room, still tying his trauma gown on.

"There's no breath sounds on either side, he's not breathing, and I can't find a heartbeat," Arizona was performing cpr frantically on the boy's chest, "Paddles! Hand me the paddles!"

"Here I got it," Karev stepped in and placed the paddles on the little boy's chest, "Clear!"

No heartbeat.

"Clear!" Karev tried again.

Nothing.

"Scapel," Dr. Robbins called out.

"What are you doing?" Alex asked.

"Subcutaneous crike," she replied, putting the stainless steel tip to her patient's throat, "I don't know how long he hasn't been breathing for."

With the incision done in two seconds flat, Arizona started tubing her patient. As she pumped air into her patient she spoke, "Karev, charge it to 300. Let's try one more time."

"Clear!" Karev shouted. The two doctors looked hopefully at the monitor but no heartbeat appeared.

Arizona sighed, "Time of Death 7:33."

She pulled off her gloves and dumped them, walking back to the locker room, slightly envying that child.


"You want to hear something funny?"

"Okay," Dr. Wyatt said.

"When the plane crashed, when we were all stranded there, when I was dying… I prayed so hard to live. I don't pray and I 'm not religious, but Callie is, so I prayed. I prayed for 11 days straight to live so that I could make it home and see my family."

Dr. Wyatt listened intently, waiting to see where Arizona was going with this

"And now," the blonde continued, "I'm home and I'm alive. Except all I can think about is dying."

Arizona chuckled, "Ironic huh?"

"You're having suicidal thoughts Arizona?" Dr. Wyatt was getting concerned.

Arizona laughed.

"Is suicide funny to you Dr. Robbins?" Wyatt asked dryly and unamused unlike Arizona.

Still laughing a little, "No, no, no, not at all Dr. Wyatt. It's just-," she paused looking for a way to explain her reaction, "being accused of having suicidal tendencies when you don't have suicidal tendencies can sound a little ridiculous at first. But I'm sorry, that was totally inappropriate and crass of me. I'm sorry."

"Mhmm," Wyatt seemed dissatisfied, "So explain what you mean when you say all you think about is dying."

"When I have some time to myself my mind can't help but wander to the car crash, or the plane crash, and wonder how nice it would be if I had died in those. I picture big semi-trucks ramming into my car on the way home, buildings collapsing on me, or a brain aneurism I didn't know I had bursting and killing me instantly," Arizona replied almost too nonchalantly, "Cause in those scenarios I would be dead. Meaning I wouldn't be here, living in hotel room, missing my leg, and hating my life."


Dr. Robbins stood in front of her locker and took off her shirt. She threw it in her bag to take home then reached into her locker to retrieve the blouse she came in with this morning when an she found herself being hugged from behind.

"Hello Dr. Robbins," Callie whispered sultrily into her wife's ears.

Callie tightened her embrace on Arizona and began placing soft kisses along the top of her back.

"Callie I'm tired," Arizona pleaded.

Torres spun the blonde around and now placed kisses on her collarbone, her hands resting on the small of Arizona' back.

"Okay," Callie said between kisses. "So how about," another kiss, "we go," a kiss, "to an on-call room."

Callie's hands began dropping, slowly inch by inch, until they were on Arizona's ass. Callie then lifted her head and put a sloppy kiss on her wife's lip but it didn't last long. Arizona broke it off and pushed her away.

"Callie," Arizona snapped, "not today."

Dr. Torres furrowed her brow, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Arizona pushed Callie's hands off her rear and went back to changing.

"Arizona?"

Dr. Robbins didn't reply, she just continued packing her things.

"Arizona!" Callie said louder now, reaching out and grabbing her wife's arm to get her attention.

Arizona's eyes shot down to the hand that had just been placed on her.

"Don't," she growled and stormed out.

Callie raced behind Arizona, but when she caught up to the smaller woman, she didn't stop. She flew past Arizona and headed straight toward Dr. Wyatt's office, and when she got to the door, she burst in unannounced and demanded angrily with shaking rage, "What did you do to my wife?"

"Dr. Torres right?" Wyatt replied calmly.

Callie continued yelling, "She was doing better, we were getting along, I was this close to having her back. All of a sudden she won't let me touch her and she's biting my head off! What did you do to my wife?"

Dr. Wyatt took off her glasses and coldly stared Callie down, "Dr. Torres, being an orthopedic surgeon, you should understand better than anyone that if a bone has healed incorrectly, it is necessary to break that bone again for it to have a chance to recover properly. Your wife just re-broke every bone in her body and she is in unimaginable pain. Pain you and I will never know unless we have been through what she's been through. And even if we go through what she has gone through, we still wouldn't understand completely because we're not her. Now, please close the door behind you and don't ever barge in here again."


The silence in Wyatt's office was deafening; and in moments like these Arizona took them as opportunity to explore her therapist's office. It was very office like, very hospital-y. It was simple, metal file cabinets in the corner, plain wooden coffee table, no throw pillows on the couch; Arizona liked it. She liked fancy décor in her home yes, but in a shrink's office? She believed fancy vases in the corner and designer sofas were hiding devices shitty therapists used. Wyatt's office was simple, no need for flash; Arizona liked that.

"Tell me about Dr. Boswell ," Dr. Wyatt said, putting a stop to Arizona's wandering eyes.

Arizona was completely caught off guard.

Dr. Wyatt saw the shocked look in her patients eyes, "You know word travels around this hospital Dr. Robbins, that shouldn't be news to you."

Arizona cleared her throat and shame washed over her face.

"I- I can't."

"Saying these things out loud is how you progress Arizona."

The blonde nodded, "I know," she said, "It's just so horrible, I can't... I can't bring myself to say it."

Dr. Wyatt didn't speak. She simply sat there patiently giving Arizona as much time she needed to talk.

After a few minutes their session had run out of time and the red-head began packing away Arizona's files, "We can continue next week Dr. Robbins it's fine-."

"I liked it," Arizona finally spoke, barely audible.

"I'm sorry?"

"I liked it. I liked every adulterous second of it. The way she looked at me, the way she touched me, it- it felt good. Really really good. I wasn't the cripple and I didn't have any baggage; it was like I was the old Arizona again and I liked it. I regret hurting my wife, but I don't know if I regret sleeping with Lauren."

"Thank you for sharing. I'll see you next week."