(I don't care what the show did with the Lich King, Billy, and The Enciridion. Even though that episode left me very confused I'm still going my way with this thing.)
Chapter 10 Love hurts like hell
Finn sat on the top of a boulder, meditating. He had been there for hours. The only movement he made was the slow motions of Finn's hands that resembled tai-chi. The reason for this is that Finn was doing better in Soturi's training, better than the king of Mars had predicted. But there are just some things that you can't do in the astral plain. He moved his hands as if he were pushing air up from his legs, though his chest and into both of his arms. Finn had been doing that same thing over and over again. Sitting at the bottom of the boulder was Eli, he had just finished sharpening both of his swords with a stone he had found on the ground. Eli turned the stone around so he could see that a fourth of the stone had been worn away. He plucked a blade of grass and dropped it above the sharpened edge of his sword and it was sliced in two as it touched the blade. He looked up at Finn, who was still doing his tai-chi. Eli let out a sigh, his boredom reached to no end. He saw a stick on the ground, picked it up, and made a tiny spear out of it. Once he was done with that stick, he drove the unsharpened end into the soft ground next to the boulder. Eli repeated this until there was a small protective fence surrounding the boulder. Which is quite a feat, since the boulder is about eighteen feet in diameter. He even made several watch towers that were connected to the fence every six feet, that was a foot and a half long. As Eli stared at his completed work, he realized that it was about five o'clock, based on the position of the sun.
"Finn, remind me why you brought me out here to watch you do your yoga." Finn opened his eyes and looked down at Eli.
"Um. Because, it's to… Actually, I really can't tell you why."
"Why not." Eli said, crossing his arms.
"Uh, to quote my 'friend', fear can spread just as fast as rumor." Eli merely grunted and rolled his eyes.
"How much longer do you think you're gonna be? 'Cause I'm planning to take Marceline out tonight." "We're only going to be here for another thirty minutes, tops. And don't worry dude, it's nowhere near time for dusk. But do you think you could do me a favor?"
"Sure, what is it?" Eli mumbled as he turned his head away.
"Could you go and find me a black rock about the size of my fist." Eli nodded and walked off in to the distance to find a black rock. 'Good, he's gone. I hope you were right Soturi.' Finn thought as he put his finger tips together and spread them apart. Finn closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and began to concentrate, very hard. Eventually a small sphere of white light, no bigger than a dime, appeared in between his hands. A hum coming from the sphere could easily be heard and as it slowly grew in size, Finn separated his hands until the sphere of light was about the size of a soda can. He then pushed the sphere into the boulder he was sitting on. As the deeper the sphere went, the more Finn lost his concentration, his hands slipped and the sphere disappeared. Finn wiped the sweat from his brow and looked down into the perfect circle that was five inches deep. He placed a finger on the side of the hole, and it felt cool to the touch. "Whoa." He said quietly.
"Here's your rock." Finn looked up just in time to see the black rock hit him in the fore head.
"Ow!" Finn said as he placed a hand on the impacted area.
"You didn't have to throw that, Eli."
"You didn't have to drag me out here, Finn." Eli said, a small smile fastened onto his face.
Finn slid his way down the boulder to talk face to face with Eli. "I just need you to do one more thing, and then you can leave. Okay." Eli let out a sigh.
"You promise." Finn nodded as he looked off in the distance and pointed to a large tree that stood about fifty meters away.
"Go stand in front of that tree, with your arms stretched out and your legs spread apart. And make sure your eyes are closed. Got it?" Eli said nothing, he just walked toward the tree. It took him two minutes to reach the tree and get in position.
"Like this!" Eli said loud enough for Finn to hear him.
"Perfect, and remember to keep your eyes closed!" Finn said as he pulled out three daggers from his pack and held all three in between his palms. "Oh, I really hope this works." Finn said as he closed his eyes and let go of the daggers. But instead of falling, the daggers just stayed there as if a ghost was now holding them. Five months of Soturi's training had been worth its while. Finn pushed his hands forward and the daggers flew in the path Finn had chosen, straight at Eli.
Eli stood patiently at the tree, waiting for something to happen. It piped his curiosity when he heard a loud whistling in the air. He opened his eyes and saw the three daggers just before they planted themselves in the tree at the exact same time. "What the…!" Eli didn't dare to breathe another word. Everything else was scared out of him, almost like his lunch just now. And it was a good thing Eli didn't move. Because the first dagger landed just an inch from the left side of his neck, the second landed directly under his right armpit, and the third dagger was right under his crotch. With shaking hands, Eli pulled the two daggers out and let them fall to the ground. He slowly looked down at the dagger that was between his two legs. It took five seconds for Eli to realize that the blade hadn't even made contact and then he removed that from the tree as well.
Eli walked back to Finn with his hands still shaking. When he reached Finn, Eli was ready to wrap his hands around Finn's throat. But that's not what he had in mind. He spoke in an almost inaudible voice. "Finn, I don't know how you got three knives to come at me at the exact same time, and I don't want to know. But, for the love of God, NEVER DO IT AGAIN!" He screamed at the top of his lungs.
"I-I'm sorry Eli, I…"
"Sorry, SORRY! YOU ALMOST PUT A PERSONAL ENGRAVEMENT ON THE FAMILY JEWELS, AND ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS SORRY!"
"Well what do you want me to…?"
Finn stopped in mid-sentence when a large shadow passed over him and Eli. The two followed the shadow and it was attached to a giant that stood in between two trolls, each holding a strange looking weapon. And standing on the giant's right shoulder were three goblins, each of them had different battle scars. "Eli Bates and Finn the Human!" One of the goblins yelled. "Six months ago, on this date! The two of you took part in the slaughter of our brothers! And now we shall avenge the fallen by placing parts of your bodies on each of their graves!" Finn and Eli were standing there, speechless. The giant and the two trolls were standing on a hill thirty feet away, but that wasn't far enough.
"Oh crap." Finn said as he drew his sword. Eli did the same after he said.
"You can say that again." Finn didn't hear the sarcasm in his voice and took him seriously.
"Oh crap." He said again, this time striking a fighting pose.
Finn staggered along as he carried Eli to the closest safe place, Eli's house. The victory against their attackers did not come easy, and not without a hell of a beating. Finn limped a little faster when he saw the building inside of the small hill. Eli looked up and saw that the sun was beginning to set.
"Marceline's gonna' be really mad." Eventually the two made it to the front door. Eli opened the door with the one arm that wasn't over Finn, but his hand ached as he turned the knob and pushed the door open. As they moved into the house, Eli called out. "Anna, get stuff out of the freezer." Anna's head appeared in the doorway that leads into the kitchen.
"What happened to you two?"
"Long story short sis', we almost got our asses handed to us on a silver platter." Eli said as Finn placed him down on the couch and stepped back. Anna came back into the room with as many frozen packages as she could carry. She almost dumped them on Eli, who let out a sigh of relief.
"I'm just gonna go home." Finn said.
"Why? I mean it wouldn't hurt to stay a while, would it?" Anna said, not looking directly at Finn.
"Actually, it might. Because I'm pretty sure Eli is still pissed at what I did to him earlier, and I would like to get back into my own bed before my legs give out."
"Oh, okay then. I guess." Anna said bleakly as she turned back to the pile of frozen's on her brother. Finn's chest started to, but he couldn't tell if it was his heart hurting, or a rib. He turned around and took two short steps to the door before he began to lean forward.
"Too late." He said as he fell and landed face first on the floor with a grunt. Anna managed to help Finn onto the sofa, next to Eli.
"I think there's some more stuff in the freezer, I'll be right back." Anna returned to the kitchen to look for more frozen products.
"Finn, how long are you going to keep her going like this?" Eli whispered.
"What do you mean?" Finn asked.
"You're the definition of clueless. My sister really likes you, man." Finn leaned forward in surprise but recoiled back in pain. "Okay, you remember that whole Ricardio business a few weeks back, when you and Jake were poisoned with, zanoits I think they were called." Finn nodded. "Well before Anna came into the room where we put you all, I had the princess play a trick on her. Just for a laugh ya' know. I made her tell Anna that you had been turned into a vegetable, and that you might never wake up. You want to know what she did." Finn nodded again, only wanting to listen to what he had to say. "She went ballistic. I actually had to calm her down by slapping her on the side of her face. Not that hard, but not too light either. So I'm telling you to ask her out when she comes back in here. 'Cause I don't know how much longer she can keep this up."
"I-I don't know if I can."
"Finn, even if you fail epically. In her eyes, you're still technically the last guy on earth, technically."
"Eli, shut up." Finn said sarcastically before Anna came back into the room with her arms filled with frozen objects wrapped in paper towels.
"I hope you don't mind having frozen meat wrapped in paper towels on you." She said right before one of the meats slipped out of her arms and fell to the floor, causing a domino effect with the rest of the meat. Anna gets a tad bit klutzy when she's nervous. She bent down to pick them up one at a time. And when she wasn't looking, Eli nudged Finn in the side with his elbow.
"Um Anna, c-can I ask you, something." Finn stuttered out, his face turning a distinctive shade of red. Anna pulled her head up with a slightly anxious face.
"Sure, what did you want to ask me." As she talked she could feel the blood pool in her cheeks.
"Uh, well I was wondering, if you don't have any plans, that you, uh, might…" Eli cut Finn off by speaking in an English accent.
"For Christ's sake man, spit it out." Finn's face turned redder as he finished what he was saying.
"I was just wondering if you don't have any plans next week, that you might want to go do something with me, like a-a date?" Anna stood up, several frozen pieces of meat held in her arms.
"Y-yeah, I'd love to." She said, smiling shyly. Anna then remembered she still had the meat in her arms and placed it Finn's aching body parts and went back for the rest on the floor.
"Hey Anna quick question. Where's Dad?"
"He went to the library at the Candy Kingdom because something's really been bugging him."
"Oh, well I hope he comes back soon. I'm sure he'll love to hear this good news." Eli said with an evil smile. Twenty minutes later, the Captain returned with a thick book under his arm.
"Did you two get hit by a train or something?"
"No, we got the biggest ass kicking of our lifetimes."
"Actually, I would rank that as my third." Finn said, taking some of the thawed meat off of him.
"But guess what happened while you were out." Eli said with the same evil smile. Michal shrugged.
"What?"
"Finn asked Anna out on a date for next week, when I suppose the both of us will be able to wiggle our toes again with ease." Michal's face showed an expression of delight.
"I needed some good news today." He said as he placed his sword against a wall and put the thick book on a table next to the door. The cover of the book read 'Dreams, Gateway to a Person's Subconscious, Soul, and Future'. The author of the book was printed in a small golden print, Dream Warrior
"Anna if you would please take Eli into another room. I'd like to talk to Finn in private."
"Wait what." Finn said with his eyebrows raised.
"Anna you never took Latin in school, right?"
"No, I took Spanish, why are you asking."
"Oh, no reason." Eli then began to speak in Latin so only he could boast of his actions. "Sit vindicari disco optimus servivit cum congelata cibus."(A pun in Latin, translation "Revenge is a dish best served with frozen meat.) As brother and sister walked out of the room, Anna whispered into Eli's ear.
"I'm getting the idea that you had a hand in this." Eli smiled at her.
"Don't be silly Anna, I can't even feel my hands."
"So, you're taking my only daughter out on a date, am I correct." Michal said as he took a seat next to Finn on the sofa, placing one arm over his shoulder.
"Next week, to be precise." Finn said nervously.
"Well Finn, as a father. It's my job to put the living fear of God into the poor soul who decides to date my daughter." Michal removed Finn's hat and placed it on his lap. "Don't get me wrong, but I did see this coming and am fully prepared." Michal kept a straight face as he looked into Finn's eyes and spoke in the most serious voice. "Now I'm going to tell you this, only once." Michal brought his free hand up to Finn's neck and began to tighten his grip on Finn's shoulder. He used his thumb and three fingers to grab Finn's windpipe and then used his pointer finger to keep Finn's jaw shut. That and the death grip on his shoulders made Finn's nerves flare up. "If you hurt her in any way. I will hunt you down like an animal and mount you on my wall. Do you understand me?" Right now Finn was scared out of his mind. With the way Michal was talking, Finn couldn't decide if he was joking our not. But based off of the Marine Captain he knew, he knew he was dead serious. Finn couldn't talk due to the pressure on his windpipe. So he did his best grunt and nod. Michal released Finn from his grasp and stood up. "Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some more reading to do." The Captain said as he retrieved the thick book from where he had left it and went somewhere in the house to read it. Finn rubbed his neck as he realized he was alone in the room and so he thought aloud, just out of habit.
"Note to self, never throw a dagger at another man's crotch ever again."
(I'm going to be taking a little break from 'Rigentum' so I can work on something that I've been dying to try, an epiphany if you will. It's a new kind of fan fiction, even though it's been done twice before on this website. I'm the only one to give it a name. I won't give you guys any spoilers, but I will say that it'll transform the way you look at Adventure Time.)
