Chapter Eleven

A/N: Thank you to Veridissima for reviewing the last chapter.

Jocelyn rubbed her knuckles into her eyes once again, more bothered about stopping the tears than relieving the burning there. The pain was nothing compared to the agony in her heart.

Magnus had pulled Luke aside the moment he came home, explaining in brief and factual terms exactly what he knew of the baby. The younger man had given little away, concealing his emotions well as he moved to embrace his wife. He was not one to keep things bottled up, but after all Jocelyn had suffered at the hands of Valentine, it was all he could do not to punch the wall, knowing it had all happened again.

Jocelyn was still in Luke's arms when Magnus began to speak again. "We don't know that this was Valentine."

"Yes, we do." Jocelyn cut across, her voice more bitter than Magnus had ever heard from her. "No one else has attempted the kind of experiments Valentine has, and most of them had been performed on me. I was pregnant during the Battle of Alicante, it must have been then. I don't know how, but it must have been."

Magnus nodded slowly, acknowledging the futility of his words. Of course they knew it was Valentine, he just could not find the words to tell his widow, who had suffered at his hands for so long, that even dead she was not safe from him.

"So what can we do about it?" Luke spoke up, running his hands tenderly over his wife's tangled red curls. "There's got to be a way to mitigate the effects, to try and reduce the damage he's done."

Jocelyn looked up at her warlock friend, her eyes wide and pleading. It was the same expression she had worn when she first brought Clary to his door; desperation, fear and overwhelming love. It broke Magnus' heart to have to shake his head.

"There's nothing we can do." he admitted sadly, watching Jocelyn's face crumple, her head turning to rest in Luke's shoulder once again. "Without knowing the exact experiment Valentine has done, it's too much of a risk to try and counteract its effects. What would cure a child with one affliction could kill a child with another. It's too dangerous."

"And the only person who could tell us what he did is ashes on Brocelind Plain." Luke's voice was almost as bitter as Jocelyn's, his expression fueled by anger and hatred. What his Parabatai had done was unforgivable, the most despicable act he had ever committed towards the two people who had loved him most in the world. If Valentine was not already dead, there was no doubt it would be Luke's hand that slayed him.

"So there's nothing?" Jocelyn asked. All the determination was gone from her voice, her once proud stance wilting like a deflating balloon. "We just have to wait?"

"It's the safest option." Magnus confirmed, blinking frequently. He had met many Shadowhunters over the centuries, all of whom had faced their own troubles. He had never met one who had suffered so much for so little.

Jocelyn's expression changed, a fierce kind of numbness overtaking her body. Luke, who felt the change in her body, knew what she would say before she said it. He could feel his heart tearing in his chest.

"But it's not the only option." The redhead spoke slowly, enunciating each word to make sure Magnus understood her completely. The warlock frowned, uncertain. "For all we know, this baby is another monster, just like Jonathan. So that gives us another option, the same thing I should have done the moment he opened his eyes."

"Jocelyn, no!" Luke exclaimed, before Magnus had a chance to speak. He had released her from his embrace and turned her to face him. His grip was fierce on her arms, only for a second, before he relaxed his hands. "We're not going to do this. We can't do this."

"We can't do this?!" Jocelyn all but shrieked, rising from the settee. She had always been a calm woman, never prone to making a scene, but now her resolve was crumbling, the calm façade slipping away to reveal the storm brewing beneath. "Luke, you don't understand. I can't give birth to another child like Jonathan. To spend months hoping that everything would be alright, only to have that hope ripped away from me! You don't know how painful that is, to see your child slip away right in front of your eyes and I can't go through that again! When Valentine experimented on a baby in my womb, it turned into a demonic shell!"

"And the other one was Clary!" Luke cried out. Jocelyn fell silent, her fists unclenching. "Or had you forgotten that? Yes, Valentine's experiments created Jonathan, but they also created Clary, the most important thing in the world to both of us. If you'd known what he had done to her before she was born, would you have made the same decision you're making now?"

"I did know." the redhead whispered, a tear beading on her closed lashes. "But that was different. I knew that was angel blood, I knew it couldn't have corrupted her like Jonathan. This time, I don't know anything. This baby could be a monster as well."

"Or it could be fine." Luke slowly stood from the settee, stepping forward slowly and catching his wife's hands in his own. "Jocelyn, we have to give this a chance. Even if this baby was one of Valentine's experiments, it's still a baby. Our baby. And don't you think our child deserves the benefit of the doubt?"

It was as if a spell had been lifted from her, as Jocelyn's face crumpled and she collapsed into his arms, heaving choking sobs as she clutched his shirt. Magnus caught Luke's eye and nodded. He would not be needed any longer, thank goodness. Now he had to leave them to come to terms with their decision.

"It'll be alright, Joss." Luke whispered, her childhood nickname rolling easily from his lips. It was simpler to think back to that time, before the Circle and Valentine and all that came after it. Back when he was just a little boy and all that mattered what that she was the most beautiful creature under the Sun. He had not known what love was then, but Jocelyn was it.

She did not answer him, burying her head further into his chest and they settled down onto the settee together, Luke relieved and Jocelyn pulling herself back from the brink of grief. They fell asleep that way, Luke's arms wrapped protectively across Jocelyn's stomach, as if strength of will could keep their child from harm.

When she awoke, Jocelyn's eyes were aching, her cheeks still vaguely damp from tears she had cried even in her sleep. 'I will not cry anymore.' she told herself, the old determination familiar as it rushed through her veins. 'I've got a job to do. I need to protect my baby- our baby- and to do that, I need to find a way to know what Valentine has done. I need to find someone who can tell me.'

A/N: I hope Jocelyn wasn't too OOC here, but I think, however happy she is to be having Luke's child, her first thought of Valentine's experiments would have been Jonathan and all her regrets over what she 'allowed' him to do. Lucky she has Luke to remind her of the alternatives. Please review!