Chapter Seventeen
A/N: Thank you to Veridissima for reviewing the last chapter.
As the water of Lake Lyn glinted in the distance, Jocelyn could not help but wonder how it had all come to this. The lake had once been her place of refuge, the centre of so many childhood memories filled with sunshine and laughter, and Luke. Now, all she saw was the darkness beneath the surface, and the shadows cast by the trees.
This time, she was not alone. Luke had refused to leave her side, as had Clary, and then Simon and Jace refused to leave Clary, and on and on it went until the whole sorry party stood on the bank. Team Good, they had jokingly called themselves, after the war was over. But this did not feel like a joke anymore.
"I'm here." Jocelyn called out, hearing her voice echo across the water. She could see the surface already beginning to ripple. "Lilith, I know you can hear me. You wanted me to come; well, here I am!"
"I never told you to bring half of Idris along with you." the demon whispered, and the whole group turned to see her stood on the edge of the lake, almost as if she could take a step backwards and float on the surface. The irony of that was not lost on any of them. "I'm surprised. You never seemed the type to draw a crowd, even when you were younger."
"This isn't a crowd, it's a group of people who love me, who I want to be here with me now." Jocelyn corrected, her voice sharp as the edge of a blade. "I've always relied on that need for someone to love me, Lilith. You know that better than anyone, because you used it against me."
"I never claimed to love you, Jocelyn." Lilith protested sarcastically, a vicious smile curling at her lips. "Valentine did that on his own. That's if he ever loved you at all. From where I'm standing, it seems more like you were the only one stupid enough to fall for it."
"Careful." Luke warned, a growl at the back of his throat. Perhaps it was not the best idea to have him here now, if she did not want to run the risk of Lilith being torn limb from limb, but his hand clutching hers was one of the only things keeping her from running away.
Lilith laughed openly, folding her arms across her chest and looking remarkably like a teenager for a woman who had lived thousands of years. "I never thought I'd be taking orders from a wolf."
"This is his baby as much as mine." Jocelyn bit back, clutching Luke's hand tighter. "You can't expect either of us not to fight."
"Oh, Jocelyn, but I did not come here to fight." Lilith whispered, the sudden picture of innocence. To see her now, they could almost see why Adam thought he was safe. "You were right, I know you almost better than anyone. I know that your motherhood is what matters most in the world to you. Or now it does, at least. That's why I would like to offer you another chance."
Jocelyn frowned at Lilith's sudden change of heart. A chance at forgiveness was the one thing that the redhead had wanted all along, a chance to right the wrongs she had done to Jonathan. And that was what made it so very difficult to believe, a little too good to be true, especially coming from a demon who was notorious for having no heart at all.
'But she loved Jonathan.' her mind prompted, unbidden, throwing her certainty into chaos. 'She probably loved him more than I did, certainly before those last moments. No one would have thought her capable of that love, but it was true.'
Jocelyn stared unblinkingly at Lilith, green eyes locked on inky black. She did not flinch at all. True, that could mean any number of things, perhaps foremost among them that the demon was a good liar. Or perhaps that she was not lying at all.
"You're going to reverse what you did to my baby?" Jocelyn's voice trembled with hope. She wanted so much for it to be true, for the solution to the thousandth problem facing them to be that simple.
Lilith smiled, a genuine smile free from the malice her expression usually held. "Even better than that. I'm giving you a choice. You can keep your little werewolf baby, watch all your dreams for them come to life and run the risk that the child does not survive at all. Or I can give you something else, something you've wanted for twenty years, ever since the day you found that horrid journal in the cellar. I can give you your Jonathan."
Jocelyn's heart stopped in her chest, her lips parting in heartbroken awe. Her mind had been transported back to a year ago, when she sat on the floor of a grand palace hall, cradling her dead son in her lap. Back then, she had prayed to the angels to give her more time with the child she had never had the chance to know. Now, it seemed that the demons would grant her prayer.
The redhead blinked away the memory, but her eyes would not clear. She barely saw Lilith's face through her tears, only heard her soft whispering voice. "I'll give you three days to make your decision. Meet me by the lakeside when you're ready."
And just as quickly as Lilith appeared, she was gone again, leaving the gathered group in utter silence. Jocelyn did not turn around from the lake. She did not want to see their faces; confused, sympathetic, judgemental. Instead, she leaned her head onto Luke's shoulder, trying to remind herself to keep breathing.
"It'll be alright." Luke assured her, wrapping his arms around her, but even he did not seem convinced. And why would he? It was the life of his child that had been put under threat by Lilith. By her.
'But the baby might not survive.' she reminded herself sadly, remembering the conversations she had shared with Magnus since his original check on her pregnancy. He had allowed her the joy of knowing her child was alive in the womb for a week or two before he had clarified his position; that the demon blood would likely keep the child alive, but that it might die when it was born anyway. 'If she gives me Jonathan, my Jonathan, I'll still have lost that time when he was a child. But he'll be alive, and he'll love me, and I'll finally get to make things right.'
It was an impossible choice, Jocelyn knew, as the sobs began to wrack her body. She was still a soldier at her core, and her mind revolted at the idea of breaking down in tears in front of her young daughter and her friends, but there was something stronger that overcame her. She had three days to choose which way to destroy her life, another crushing weight of guilt upon her shoulders. No matter what choice was made in the end, she would be a mother who had sacrificed her child, and that was enough to shatter her heart into pieces.
A/N: Sorry for the intense emotion, but I felt like Lilith would not make things that easy, and that Jocelyn would be genuinely conflicted about being offered this choice. So what will happen next? You'll find out soon! Hope you enjoyed and please review!
