Chapter Nineteen
A/N: Thank you to Veridissima for reviewing the last chapter.
Luke did not know what to believe. His wife had spent two days trapped in a pit of misery, and yet when he went downstairs in search of a coffee on that third morning, she had emerged into the sunlight. The haunted look in her eyes was gone, replaced with an emerald-like shimmer the man had worried he would never see again. Seeing her smile, her messy hair a fiery halo round her face… Luke had never seen anything more beautiful.
"You didn't come back to bed last night." the man commented, waiting until he was sure Jocelyn knew he was there, so he did not startle her.
"I fell asleep downstairs." she answered with a shrug, pouring her own cup of coffee and retrieving another mug from the cupboard for his. The moment she was done with her task, she lifted her head to met his eye, to remove any doubt that she was keeping the truth from him.
"Were you alright down there?" Luke asked, pressing gently for more information. "I mean, what with the baby being so close, I know it's hard for you to get comfortable."
"Actually, it was the best night's sleep I've had in months." Jocelyn confessed, relieved to not feel the heaviness of a lie caught in her throat. She had not realised how much the deceit was choking her until it was gone. "It was just what I needed."
Luke smiled tentatively, like he could not quite trust himself to be happy. Jocelyn could hardly blame him for that, however much it hurt. True, she had had her world torn apart these last few months, but so had he. Her husband had suffered in silence by her side, holding her through every heartbreak and promising to stand by each decision. He deserved the truth.
"Okay, if I tell you something, do you promise not to think I'm crazy?" Jocelyn asked. Luke frowned, confused, but nodded all the same. "I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I was back home at the manor house, before it burnt. It was so beautiful, it was exactly how I remember it. But I wasn't on my own… Luke, I saw Jonathan."
Luke's mouth opened a little, his eyes bright with shock. "Jonathan?"
"He spoke to me." Jocelyn continued. Something at the back of her mind told her she was speaking too fast, that Luke would think her crazier than he probably already did, but she pushed the feeling back. She had summoned the courage to tell him the truth once; she was not sure she could do it again. "He told me not to trust Lilith, Luke, he said not to bring him back."
The man sighed deeply, collapsing into the nearest chair. Jocelyn was quick to follow.
"Do you think it was really him?" the man asked, stumbling over his words. It was not a common topic of discussion, communicating with the dead in a dream, and Luke was not quite sure how to handle it. "I mean, do you think that's even possible?"
"I don't know." she answered. Her tone was a bit blunter than she wanted it to be. "It felt real. But maybe I just wanted it to be."
Luke caught his eye, his lip beginning to tremble. He did not dare to hope. "You mean, you wanted to see him?"
Jocelyn took a deep breath. It felt like betrayal to speak the words, like she was abandoning the memory of her only boy, the one she had longed to hold in her arms without fear since the day he was born. "No. I still miss him more than anything, but I needed to make my peace with it. Jonathan… he gave me a chance to let him go."
Finally, as her words began to sink in, a smile slowly spread across Luke's face. His eyes were sympathetic, but behind them was the joyful realisation that the thing he had wanted for so long, that he had offered up for the sake of his wife, was going to be given to him after all.
Luke reached out to rest a hand on his wife's belly, feeling the baby stir under his hand. He had not dared to do so for so long, afraid of becoming attached to a child he would have to give up, but now his heart was full to the brim with love and he was not afraid to let it overcome him.
"You know, I never realised how long I was waiting for this moment until it was here." Luke laughed, looking up at his wife. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Jocelyn smiled back at him, her green eyes sparkling. The man could not help but wonder if their child would have those eyes; he could not imagine anything more beautiful.
"Well, we're not going to have to wait much longer." Jocelyn assured him, lacing her fingers with his. "Tonight, we go back to Lake Lyn, and that will be the last time. Lilith will go, we'll have our baby, and everything will be okay."
It was a mantra she repeated in her mind every waking moment, watching the sun rise and begin to fall in the sky. But it did not stop her heart racing, beating so loud she could hear it booming in her ears. As nightfall drew nearer, the last few hours given, Jocelyn's arms wrapped around her stomach, cradling the child within. 'I'm never going to let anyone hurt you.' the woman professed. She did not speak the words out loud; only she and her baby needed to know. 'Not Lilith, not the Shadowhunters, not the werewolves, not anyone. Not ever.'
The last of the sunlight still hung in the air when Luke and Jocelyn set out for Lake Lyn. It was golden and beautiful, the same light as from the dream, and the redhead could not help but smile. It was as if Jonathan was by her side one last time.
It was no more than a few minutes' walk to the lakeside, but in that short time, all the light seemed to fade away, the cloaked figure stood by the water's edge already little more than a shadow. Jocelyn shuddered, wrapping an arm around her belly once again, protecting the child within. She would not back down, she would not let Lilith steal another of her children.
Not ever.
A/N: I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter; next one will properly get the action going! Please review!
