A big, fat "Thanks" again to all readers, whether you left a comment or not! Now your patience will be rewarded, the secret of Charlies past will be revealed in this chapter:

"Hey, what are you hiding yourself alone in here, there are bunches of new admirers waiting for adoring you!"

Charlie turned around: "No Adam, I don't want any admirers, I just want to be left alone."

"This is very wise of you my dear Charlotte, let us focus on one admirer only - me! Look at me please, I have something important."

"No, please let me go Adam, I am totally torn out, good night."

"You are kidding; you cannot leave me alone right now. Please, you need to listen to me!"

Adam had lifted her up, took one of her hands and turned her towards him: "The livery stable is surely not the most romantic place on earth but at least we have the moon and the stars. Charlotte Virginia Mathews, will you please do me the honor..."

During these words he had searched for something in his pockets. Charlies eyes followed his moves with increasing fear and when he had fetched from one pocket a little box, she broke away from him and gasped, apparently terrified:

"No, don't do that! Stop please, let me go!"

"Charlotte what's wrong? I do not try to kill you, I am just proposing. Please do not ruin my speech, it is of course mainly by Shakespeare, but I thought you'd like him. Now listen: 'Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments. Love is not love'* .."

"No, for heavens sake stop this Adam, I cannot, I will not marry you, just don't say anything more and we forget about that."

He frowned; clearly he had not expected such fierce reaction.

"No, I will surely not forget about it Charlotte dear, don't tell me you would be surprised by this! I do love you with all my heart, I want to share my life, my dreams, my joys and also my sorrows with you. Please become my beloved wife and give my life the purpose to love you and to take care for you. Whereby - just for the record - I will never deny your capability to take care for yourself! When I see you or speak to you or even only think of you all the doubts and questions, I am usually struggling with, seem to vanish, and I feel a serenity I've never known before. You just do me good and it would be my utmost pleasure to do you good as long as we will have time on earth! Let us not waste even another hour rather 'let's go my treasure, to satisfy with pleasure the painful joys of love!'"

Charlie had buried her face in her hands and shook her head now. When she took the hands down to answer, he saw that her face was completely wetted by tears:

"I am so sorry but I am no good for anyone, it is not your fault, only mine, but I cannot marry you."

"What nonsense is that? I don't believe that you would not feel at least a bit for me! However if you think it would be too early we can of course wait until you feel ready."

"No please, do not make it still harder, I cannot marry you, believe me, and now let me go."

He stopped her: "Now will you please have at least the kindness to tell me why, don't you love me?"

She just shook her head.

"Then why? If you are not - let's say untouched - you need to be very brave now in case this comes as a surprise to you, but neither am I! I do not care for your past; I want to have a future with you!"

"Don't you listen; there is no future for us, never, at least not as a married couple."

"What is that suppose to mean?"

Charlie took a deep breath and began: "I love you Adam, truly, madly and deeply, more than life itself, but a marriage is out of question. However..." she hesitated "... I do not need anyone's blessing to love you in every sense of the word, if you could abstain from that as well, I would not mind...well...if you know what I mean..."

He took a long gaze at her before he continued: "Wait a minute, let me get this straight - you refuse my proposal for marriage but would agree to become my mistress?"

"Well... yes!"

"What kind of insane idea is that and what the hell would it be good for? Do you have already another husband or what?"

He had added the last question to underline the absurdity of the whole idea. But when he saw Charlies face now, that had become a mask of fear and horror, he realized appalled that he had apparently hit the bulls-eye with this inessential remark:

"You have!" he starred bewildered at her. "You are a married woman!"

He shook his head in complete discomposure, while he was stepping back. "Goodness, I am definitely the most stupid imbecile on earth. Congratulations, you really had trapped me! Tell me, was it because of money? No, no I still don't think you're the greedy type, so you probably did it just because you could! Hope you enjoyed fooling around with me. You actually did an excellent job in this, hope you are proud of yourselves!"

"No Adam, please do not say such things, I did not play foul with you, I've never lied to you, I .."

"Please have at least the decency to spare me that kind of crap." And he turned around to leave the stable.

Charlie feared to faint, when he turned around and came back a few steps:

"Just tell me one more thing, when you refused Joe's proposal, was that special offer, I mean to commit adultery, also included?"

She winced back as if he had slapped her face. To her own astonishment she managed to remain upright until he was out of sight, then she gave in and slumped down to cry her eyes off.

XXXXXXXXXX

Some two hours later, Roy Coffee came into the city hall where the dance was in full swing and looked for Ben.

"What is it Roy? Are you off duty now and can have a drink with me?"

"No Ben, please come with me it is about Adam."

"Adam? Anything serious? I hoped very much he would have a very happy night tonight."

"Come with me, I'll explain."

When they went over towards the jail Roy filled Ben in: "He started a brawl at the Sazerac and is completely drunk; you need to take him home."

"What? Are you sure we are talking about my eldest son?"

"I know Ben, I know, it is completely out of his character, but no doubt, see yourself."

On the bunk in the cell there was actually lying Adam with his flouncy stage shirt torn apart and his hands as well as the face full of blood and scratches. When he saw his father approaching he sat up:

"Hi Pa, join my party, but you need to bring along the drinks, Roy took my bottle away."

"Adam what the hell happened to you? Where is Charlie? You have left together and I thought you had something to talk about."

"Oh we did talk, and do you know what Pa? You where right again, you always are, ain't that boring?"

"What are you talking about, and again where is Charlie, did anything go wrong?"

"Everything Pa, everything went wrong."

"So she did refuse?"

Adam laughed sardonically.

"No, not completely, probably I should be flattered; she just refused to marry me. And do you know why?"

He cackled and went on:

"No, I guess not in a thousand years. Your favorite daughter in law-to-be is already married to someone else, ain't that a joke?"

"What?"

"Great, ain't it? But you are not the only one she fooled, I was even more foolish, I have been dumber than a love-sick school boy. I would have abandoned my whole family for that woman and do you know what is even worse, I still would."

Adams voice, which had nearly flipped over in the beginning because of the faked cheerfulness, had become quite and low now:

"Can I please go home Roy, I promise I will not swig myself to death tonight, at least not within the city boundaries, and for the damages in the Sazerac give them that, it should cover everything I smashed, as well as my fine."

He took the little box out of his pocket and threw it on the floor.

"No!"

Roy and Adam winced when they heard the bellowing voice of the Ponderosa patriarch.

"No, you will not dwell in self pity and drink yourself into stupor tonight; we will go right over to the Martins and ask her for an explanation."

"I'm not interested."

"You will come with me, because you do want to know, I've known you all your life, you want an explanation."

"And give her the satisfaction to see me in that miserable state? No thanks!"

"So put your head into some cold water and ask Roy for a shirt, will you give him one Roy? Your hands need to be cleaned and treated anyway. Let's go over to Paul's house!"

Without further contradiction Adam did as his father had told him, probably he really wanted to hear an explanation. He could hardly be humiliated any further tonight; it did not make a difference. When they went into the street, Adam felt halfway sober again.

"Hey what happened?" they heard familiar voices. Hoss and Little Joe came over from the city hall.

"Where have you been all evening? We heard that Adam was in jail? What nonsense is that?"

"Come along and you will learn everything!"

So a bunch of five men knocked at the door of the Martins. Paul opened: "Hi Ben, Roy, boys. What happened, is someone hurt?"

Ben answered for all the visitors: "Yes, Adam, but that's not the point. We need to see Charlie."

"At this time? She's already in her room, I can take care for Adam."

"No, we need to talk to her."

"And this can't wait until tomorrow?"

"No Paul, unfortunately not. You should listen as well by the way or did you know that she is a married woman, who probably ran away from her husband?"

"What? Who is making such insinuations?"

"Doctor Mathews herself." Adams voice sounded that icy, that Paul realized that there was something awfully wrong.

"Good, I'll fetch her."

And a few minutes later the five visitors, the Martins and Charlie sat in the parlor. Charlie was a picture of desperation, the eyes red and swollen, the hair loose and rumpled and the dress stained and wrinkled. However she looked straight into the faces of the others - except one. She could not help to notice the irony: A couple of hours before she had struggled with herself whether to leave or to confess, now both things would probably happen.

"This is my trial I suppose, but I am already packing, I'll leave town tomorrow, you do not need to worry."

"Wait a minute" Ben's voice boomed, "not that fast. Leave if you want, but not before you gave us an explanation. Everyone in here and many more in town have welcomed you as a friend and we thought you would consider us as friends in return, so we think we have the right to ask you why. Why did you lie to us?"

"In short? Because I had to. My intention was to leave you all out of this, just because you had been that kind to me, but I have messed up everything, I know and if you are ready to listen to me at all, I will explain. I have however to reach back a bit."

"Go ahead! I've always appreciated a good tale!"

Charlie wondered how Adam managed to make his voice sound that cold; all the warmth she had loved in it so much was gone. Well, this would probably not be the only thing which would be gone by tonight.

"I don't know, whether it will be a good tale, but it is a true one. I really need to reach back quite far so I have to ask for a little patience."

Charlie sighed deeply and began: "My Grandfather, Henry Mathews, is one of the big plantation owners down South. He considered himself and the whole family as a kind of royalty. Therefore he was extremely disappointed that my father - his only child - was not very interested in cotton or tobacco but went to law school back East. To make things worse, he met my mother there, who was just the daughter of a late musician, far from coming from any noble family. They married and at least my mother had the decency to die in childbirth and was out of the way. Only a few months later my father was killed in a duel, defending something what they down South consider to be related with 'honor'. So my Grandfather was left alone with me, a baby.

To my luck this Grandfather had a sister, who had been a strong disappointment to him as well, because she had also insisted to marry for love and not for money. Moreover she had become incredibly happy in that marriage with a simple brewer until he died. Aunt Freddie - her real name was Frederica - lived in a mansion near Savannah breeding Arabian horses and playing chess with her friend, the local physician Doctor Simmons.

Aunt Freddie had no children of her own and took me in. She did not only give me a home but loved me with all her heart, she became my whole world, my whole familiy. Being an independent woman of her own she took special care for my education. She did not send me to one of those boarding schools, where they teach girls to become something to be displayed in a new carriage or the like. No! She gave me tutors for Latin and Greek, for math and sciences and of course for languages, literature and also arts and music, to worship the heritage of my mothers family as well.

Due to Doc Simmons' influence I was interested at a rather early age in medicine. Aunt Freddie took my intention serious, that I wanted to become a doctor and so I learned from Doctor Simmons how to sew and bandage wounds instead of embroidering cushion covers. On top there were my beloved horses; I just had a wonderful childhood.

Then came the day that changed everything, Aunt Freddie died suddenly. Doctor Simmons offered to take me in, but for Grandfather this was inappropriate and I had to return to Aspenvale Manor, Grandfathers plantation. At first it was not too bad, he avoided seeing me and I was mainly left alone, so that I could read or ride as much as I wanted to.

One day, it was my sixteenth birthday; he called me into his study and introduced me to a distant cousin of ours with the name of Edwin Mathews. I had never seen that guy before, he was approximately forty and I disliked him at first sight. Grandfather told me that I would be married to that man the very same day and I should be grateful that someone from an honorable family like the Mathews had agreed to take me at all."

Charlie took a deep breath and continued: "I took my horse, a few things and ran off. Of course I was caught just a couple of hours later; I did not have even the slightest idea where to go to. Still wearing my dusty riding gear I was drawn before the altar. The local minister married me off to that Edwin although I shouted 'No' as loud as I could. Of course nobody was interested in what I thought. Without returning to my Grandfathers house, without the chance to pick up some more of my personal things than the stuff I had grabbed for my futile escape, my now husband went off with me to his place. I did not know where this happened to be and he felt no need to tell me. Then..."

Charlies voice broke and she had to swallow before she was able to continue: "At first I only wanted to die, but then a kind of miracle happened. Apparently we were in Philadelphia and he had filed an application for me for the medical school for women there. Despite my young age I passed the admission exams and I was accepted. I surely owed this only Aunt Freddies careful education. Then I really was allowed to go to medical school. In a way – being at college - I was in heaven, on the other hand ... well..."

Jillian Martin, who held one of Charlies hands already for a while, threw in:

"We know dear, no need to explain."

Charlie looked grateful at her and went on:

"He had always some hired guys around, he called them his 'valets', but they were surely just bullies. He or one of the valets brought me to school in the mornings and took me home in the evenings. The longer it took, the longer he vanished for weeks or even for months, but there was always a valet to watch over me.

I often wondered why ever he had married me because he obviously did not have the slightest liking for me, he rather seemed to detest me, whereby I still have no idea why."

Paul Martin slightly coughed and interrupted: "Some men do not care for affection in connection with their carnal desires, quite the contrary, maybe it was like that."

"Maybe, but even with regard to that he rather rejected me. He demanded ... his ... marital rights not too often. Just from time to time, when he returned from an absence for example, he used to 'clarify the circumstances' how he put it. No, he rather preferred to beat me up."

"Wait a minute" Ben interrupted "he did what?"

One could have heard a needle falling to the floor now when Charlie quietly continued:

"He beat me up, because I was a useless piece of crap, a spoiled brat, a burden for him and ungrateful for his generosity or because he had spent that much money for my useless education or I had made any other mistake. Sometimes he did it with bare fists or he kicked me or took a cane or his favorite, a belt, whatever there was at hand. Later he did not care for giving me reasons, he just did it.

Of course he never beat me into the face, because that would have made visible bruises, he aimed carefully only to the back or the stomach or the legs."

Hoss had risen during the last words, apparently he was unable to listen quietly and asked trembling all over: "Please Miss Charlie, tell me that this is not true, who on earth could do such a thing?"

Charlie looked at him with a sad little smile: "For such an affectionate soul like yours Hoss, this will probably sound as if it came from quite another world, but sadly enough it is true. Had you guys never wondered why all my dresses are completely closed up to the neck? This is why!"

Having said this she opened the upper buttons on the back of her dress and turned around to let the others see what there was hidden by the fabric. On the fair, otherwise immaculate skin, there were visible a number of scars on her upper back, some white, fine and rather unobtrusive, a few however were bigger and more knotty, which appeared like whiplashes and could impossibly be overseen.

At that moment Adam jumped up and rushed out of the house, where the others heard him retching. Paul, who had treated Adams hands before, asked softly:

"Hadn't there been anybody who could have helped you, my dear?"

"Maybe I could have found someone to help me, but at that time I felt completely isolated, all alone in the world. Besides this I was afraid to involve anyone else. One of my professors at college seemed to suspect something; she had started to ask me questions about my marriage and my home. I did not give away a thing out of fear, but one day we heard that she had been killed one night on her way home. Probably a robbery, but I could never get rid of the feeling that he had something to do with it."

Tears were running over Jillian s face and she asked: "I think we can end this now, can't we?"

"No please Jillian, let me finish, once Pandoras Box has been opened, everything needs to come out. There is not much left however. One day I realized that he would beat me to death in the end. I prepared my escape shortly before the official end of my college days as careful as I could. I arranged to receive my diploma a couple of days before the official awarding because of a story about my dying Grandfather, which I made up for my tutors. I gave the valet in charge - I had chosen a day where it was a recently hired one, who was not completely familiar with our routines - a wrong time to pick me up.

With the diploma and a little money, I had collected for quite a while, I did not return to the house but ran to the train station and bought a ticket to the most far away place I could afford. It was just New York. I had no idea where to go there, when a woman approached me. She was the Madam of a brothel and realized at once, what there was wrong with me. She took me with herself..."

When Charlie saw the alarmed gazes of her audience she interrupted: "No, no do not worry! It is not what you might fear; I was very lucky that that special madam picked me up. She was incredibly good to me and understood what I had been going through. Apparently quite a lot of women end in brothels because of violent husbands, this is one thing I learnt there. The women allowed me to stay and gave me the chance to recover. Later they became my first patients. It took me two months to regain the strength to leave that house.

Since then I have been trying to make my way as a physician. I could not change my name, because it is on my diploma. I am sure he is still looking for me, whenever I became aware or just suspected that he had found my trace, I moved on and so I came here, hoping he would loose the track in the wilderness. Not in my wildest dreams I had imagined to meet people like you here, with your all-embracing, killing kindness that knocked me off completely.

A thousand times I have been telling myself that I must leave you, because otherwise I would have to fill you in about my shameful past and sweep you along into that mess of fear and violence, but I couldn't, I simply couldn't. I have fallen in love with all of you, so I closed my eyes and stayed.

So, this was my tale. Now you know my whole past, my secret."

Adam broke the silence that followed these words with a hoarse voice: "Why didn't you tell us, why the hell didn't you tell us about that?"

When Charlie answered all the distress and fear, she had kept to herself so long, seemed to break out: "How?" she shouted at him, "how should I have done that and when? When we met first? 'Hey guys, my name is Charlie and in case one of you should turn out to be the love of my life, forget it, I am married to an insane brute!' Like that? Should I have put you in danger as well?"

He came nearer "Yes, you should have. Do you think there is any danger in the world I would not be willing to face on your behalf?"

"And do you think I would let you face that danger on my behalf?"

"Probably not, but this is precisely what I will do now. How do you think about a divorce?"

Upon these words the rest of Charlies self control was over, she started crying and between the sobs she spluttered: "Of course I want to be divorced; I want so much to get rid of him, so much. Not only because of you, I don't want to be afraid anymore!"

Adam took her in his arms and said quietly while he caressed her hair and her face: "My darling Charlotte, nothing of this had been your fault. Please dear, try to calm down. You are not alone any longer; I am there for you to ease your burden, share your load with me. I will not let you go through this alone. Let us all have a good nights sleep and with a cleared head we will think of something to solve that problem. We will solve it, do you hear me? I am there for you."

"And so are we!" Joe's words made Charlie smile in tears:

"One for all and all for one? Please do not play heroes; I do not know exactly what he is up to, but I know for sure that he is dangerous, really dangerous!"

Ben added: "This is not the time for detailed plans, but we will do something about it, that much is for sure. Charlie, listen to me - irrespective whatever there will happen between the two of you -" he put one hand each on Adams and Charlies shoulder "you have a family now. I want you to know that."

Jillian took again one of Charlies hands: "You can count on Paul and me as well, my darling. Maybe we are not that useful with a gun like the Cartwrights, but you will always have a home at ours." She rose, wiped her tears away and continued: "Guys, it is really late now! Let us have some sleep. Come on Paul, let's go upstairs. You will all stay at the hotel?" she asked towards the Cartwrights.

The men nodded. "Shall we meet at ten tomorrow and go to the picnic together?"

"This is a good idea Jillian, we'll make a plan tomorrow, come on boys." and Ben drew Hoss and Joe towards the door.

Roy slightly tapped Adams shoulder and handed him the little box that was thrown on the jails floor a kind of eternity before. Then Roy left as well.

Adam and Charlie were alone now for the first time after the failed proposal. Adam broke the embrace. He lifted Charlie on his arms and sat down, placing her on his lap. Softly he tried to dry the tears on her face and asked:

"Will you ever be able to forgive me what I said to you in the livery stable?"

"There is nothing to forgive, I deserved all that."

"How can you say such a stupid thing? You did not! I just felt so torn into pieces, so very much betrayed, I just wanted to lash around me and to hurt as much as I could in return. I am so sorry, I should have seen how devastated you had been yourself."

"I have been afraid all the time that something like that would happen. It was not your fault, just mine."

"You are wrong, my sweet ignoramus. But how could you let me out of this and not let me help you?"

"Do you have the slightest idea, how hard it is to speak about such a shameful thing?"

"Do I really have to explain to you that none of this - do you listen? - none of this is your shame, nothing!"

"I just wanted to keep you away from that disgusting story! Just as you try to protect your beloveds and this man does mean danger!"

"Haven't you read the bard: 'The course of true love never did run smooth'**? But by keeping your secret we would never had got a chance to put an end to it. We are going to change this now together, agreed?"

Charlie hesitated for a moment but then she nodded slowly. "Agreed! I am terrified to the core about that, but I suppose, you would not agree to leave the matter alone now?"

"No, no way! I will not be at rest again before you are rid of that guy and we will become happy together in the end! Let me be your companion for now, and at a later time, we take up the issue of marrying again. Can we agree on that?"

"It sounds perfect."

"Good, than please take this!" and he pressed something into her hand.

It was an engagement ring with a big emerald and an equally big diamond with the same cut and sitting each on a golden string, which were entwined with one another.

"I want you just to keep it for now, later we'll see what we make of it, alright?"

"Oh this is so beautiful, thank you!"

He kissed her softly: "Try to sleep my love, we'll go on tomorrow."

"No please, hold me still a bit, do not send me away that easily yet."

"Easily? Oh Lordy, you have no idea..."

A little later she went up to her room and he made his way over to the hotel. On the porch of the hotel he saw Hoss waiting for him.

"Something wrong, no rooms available?"

Hoss looked deadly serious at him: "I just wanted to say brother, if you ever should mistreat that girl and I should find out, I'll beat the crap out of you, I swear I will. You've got me?"

Adam nodded and replied, deadly serious in return: "No objections!" and both they went inside.

*Shakespeare Sonnet 116

** Shakespeare A midsummer night s dream , Act 1, Scene 1 Lysander