A/N: I meant to have this published before Valentine's day, but since it is midterm time at the moment I seemed to have gotten behind in my writing. Sorry its late!


St. Valentine's day was fast approaching and with it came a warm excitement. This feeling, like Christmas, made some people so happy and others very sad. It was evident that most of those around me were happy to celebrate St. Valentine's Day for decorations were being hung in our dinning room.

Jane and Daisy approached Ceecee and I one day and asked us to cut red and pink hearts out of an old dress so we could hang them around the room. For Valentines night the King was hosting a Masquerade ball and we were told to remain in our dinning room unless one of the 50 bells hanging on the walls rang. Everyone was excited for our own little party, everyone but Marian. But that was to be expected.

Since the night out with Ceecee, I had not seen Jesse and I wanted it to remain that way. When we got back to the castle I put Ceecee to bed and sat down with a quill and parchment and wrote a long letter to Andrew. I did not tell him of my infidelity but I told him about everything else and that I missed him deeply.

The guilt bothered me for weeks and weeks and I could not find a cure for it. I woke up this night with another nightmare. I had the same dream every night where Andrew found out that I wasn't pregnant and accused me of having sex with Jesse. It always ended with a noose around my neck and my family staring up at me with expressions of pure disappointment. I sat up wrapped tightly in my blankets and sighed as I heard Ceecee's soft snoring.

I wrapped white blanket around my shoulder and left the room. As I walked into the hallway I shivered. It was dark and cold; the only source of light came from the moon shining in through the windows. I shivered at the eerie silence and started walking down the hallway. I didn't know where I was headed but I just kept walking. I soon became aware of the feeling like someone was walking behind me, matching my every step. Paranoia kept causing me to look over my shoulder but resulted in seeing the same empty, dark hallway. I pulled the blanket tighter and picked up my pace.

Then I heard the sound of footsteps behind me. I felt my heart quicken and I started running down the hall. My heart pounded as I ran threw the corridors and up and down stairs. As I raced down a flight of winding steps I knew that I had to get away, to hide somewhere.

When I reached the bottom of the steps I pushed open the first door that I saw and quickly shut it behind me. I pushed all my weight against the door and panted as I listened for footsteps on the other side. Tears formed in my eyes as I started to relax.

"Susanna?" a tired voice startled me, causing me to jump. When I turned around I sighed.

"Oh it's you Father Dominic." I smiled and pulled the blanket tighter. My hair was wild and I blushed at my inappropriate appearance.

"Are you alright?" he asked, looking up from me as he knelt on the stone floor in front of the dimly lit altar. The prayer candles were lit and illuminated the gentle face of the Virgin Mary.

"I-I-" I looked behind me and sighed. "I couldn't sleep."

"Neither could I. I had the feeling that I needed to be here." He looked up at Jesus hanging over the altar and blessed himself. "Now I see why." He turned and smiled at me. "How can I help?" he asked.

" I- uh…I didn't come here on purpose father, sorry. I was just…walking." He nodded his head and frowned.

"Is there nothing you would like to talk about?" His hair was wild, as if he had rolled out of bed and came straight here. His warm smile made tears spring into my eyes.

"I-I have been having the same nightmare for weeks now." A tear betrayed me and rolled down my cheek,

"I see." He was quiet and politely looked away when so I could wipe my tear. "What was it about?"

"My husband." I sighed. "It's always about him. He says the same thing over and over."

"What does he say?"

"That he is ashamed of me. And then I am hanging with a noose around my neck while my family stares up at me with disapproval." Tears were streaming down my face now.

"What were you being hung for?" His voice was soft and gentle, yet his gaze forced me to continue speaking.

"Adultery father." I looked away embarrassed, my face heating up.

"I see. Did-How did these nightmares all start? What changed to make you dream this way?" As he spoke he watched me, studying my reaction. I looked at the ground and remembered that Momma said lying to a priest was the worst sin anyone could commit. I took a deep breath and clasped my shaky hands together.

"I kissed another man." My voice was no louder than a whisper. He was silent for a moment and I held my breath waiting for him to lecture me or condemn me to hell. Instead he grabbed my shaky hands and smiled.

"Let's have a seat Susanna." He said and lead the way to the front row pew directly in from of Mary. I looked at her ashamed of myself and she looked down on me with kind eyes. I took a deep breath and turned to Fr. Dominic.

"Do you love this man?" he asked calmly. I froze and stared at my hands. "Don't be afraid Susanna. You are in the presence of God. He knows how you are truly feeling."

"I don't think so." I whispered.

"But with some time you could fall in love with him?" He asked. I nodded because words had escaped me. He took a deep breath and looked up at Mary. "Do you love your husband?" I tensed at this and quickly looked at him. I was ready to say yes, to continue with the lie, but I couldn't lie to this man.

"I-I love him as my husband. He is a good man and cares for me deeply." Tears sprang into my eyes.

"I understand." He said and was silent for a moment. He seemed to be studying the statue of Mary. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "I was in love once."

"With a woman?" I asked and he gave a look like "is that a joke?" I smiled and blushed. "Sorry of course with a woman. Was it…recently?"

"Yes." His voice was quiet and serious. "I think perhaps I am still in love with her." I nodded as he spoke and my heart hurt for this man.

"What happened?" I asked. His tired blue eyes gave off a whole new meaning to me now. I no longer thought it was from the long nights of prayer. I knew that it was the long nights of praying to not be in love with this woman.

"She was a child hood friend. When I was growing up, before my mother died our parents used to talk about how we would one day marry and join the two houses together." He smiled. "We used to pretend that this sickened us. That we were too good of friends to be married to each other." I smiled and he shook his head. "After my mother died, my father sent my brother and I to the monastery and I didn't see her again until I was 22." His brows furrowed for a moment and then he smiled. "She was married by then. With two beautiful children and I was an ordained priest. But when I saw her, a whole unfamiliar feeling took over me." He smiled at me.

"I had never been attracted to women. Don't get me wrong, the pretty ones caught my eye, but I had never longed for them." He looked at me directly in my eyes and I nodded, knowing what he meant.

"So what happened?" He was silent and studied his hands. I itched to know the rest of the story but didn't want to rush him.

"Nothing. Eventually we parted ways."

"I thought you said recently?" I asked, slightly pushing my luck. He smiled at me and laughed.

"A bright one." He said and winked. "The point I'm making Susanna is that we have a duty. Whether it is to a husband or to God, we promised to be faithful and trustworthy. We need to remember that these are temptations and these temptations are trying to pull us away from God and from our promises. Do you understand?" He asked and I nodded. A tear rolled down my cheek and he patted my hand. "You can do this. If an old man like me can than you can." He smiled and I laughed in between sniffles.

"Thank you." I said.

"Thank you." He said and I smiled knowing that he was going to keep my secret just like I was going to keep his. As I walked through the same dark hallway I wasn't afraid and barely noticed the cold breeze. As I climbed back into bed I felt relaxed and relieved. As my head hit the pillow I was asleep, in the best sleep that I had had in a very long time.

As I mentioned before the kind was throwing a masquerade ball for St. Valentine's Day. February 14th drew near the king seemed to become more restless and agitated. He would snap at the servant who dint cut the paper hearts into perfect flowers. He would snap at the servant whose roses were not pink enough. He paced his room late at night and made Ceecee run all over the palace getting things for him that he didn't need.

As the guests started arriving at the castle I noticed that the King disappeared. He stayed in his room and didn't leave. He rang the bell for Ceecee almost every time she sat down and by the end of the night she was exhausted. We spent half an hour setting up the tables, laughing and joking with the other servants about the pompous guests that would be arriving.

"Not too loud, they might hear you." Daisy said as she swept the oak floors.

"Let them hear, they deserve to have their egos deflated." Jane snapped. "Don't you agree Alexander?" She said as she floated around the young boy who served me wine when I came for the coronation. He smirked at me and I rolled my eyes.

"I suppose so." He spoke with a deep manly voice, although his face was still the face of a child.

"I just love seeing the women." Daisy said as she held the broom to her chest. We stopped and stared at her and she blushed. "No not that sillies. I mean their dresses. What I would give for a dress that beautiful." She said with a sad smile. "To dance at a party like this one." She said and started twirling with the broomstick. We chuckled as she pretended that she was dancing with the Prince of France and clapped our hands as she pretended to be dancing with spectacular moves.

"What is this?" Marian screeched as she appeared in the doorway. "Dinner is to be served in exactly two hours and this place is hardly ready." She scowled. "Get back to work or I'll tell the king." Her eyes lingered on mine and I looked away with an agitated sigh.

I bent down and started rearranging the bouquet of red roses that sat in pink vases. "How do you suppose he gets flowers like this in the winter time?"

"From Spain." Jane said across the hall at the other side of the table. "They get shipped to him days before the party and he keeps them in nice warm rooms."

"How do you know this?" Alexander asked.

"He has Daisy and I watering them every hour. By the time we're done watering them we have to water them all over again." She said and we all chuckled.

"The measures that some go to achieve perfection." I said and smelled a pink rose before moving on to lay out the dishes. They were the same gold dishes that I had used when I was here last. I laid out the plates and Alexander followed closely by with the soup bowls. Jane laid out the cutler and Daisy put out the goblets. After all the tables were set, Jane plumped the king's pillows and Alexander lit the fire. I dusted the windowpanes and Daisy mopped the floor. We stood at the doors and marveled at our masterpiece.

"Well done group." Alexander said placing a hand on Jane's shoulder and one on Daisy's. Both girls blushed at his touch and exchanged looks of pure joy. I smiled at him and he gave me a wink knowing the effect he had on these women.

"Now that we're done we can go and have our own party." Jane said.

"Are you coming Alex?" She asked grabbing onto Jane's hand and looking up at Alexander longingly. I looked away, trying to hide my laughter.

"I might stop by." He said. Being a stable boy meant that he slept in different quarters than us. He helped us with the table because we needed all the hands that we could get. His green eyes had gotten more mischievous in the months that I had not seen him and he walked with a certain confidence now.

"I hope you do." Daisy said and giggled as she and Jane practically skipped down the hallway. I looked at Alexander and he smirked at me.

"Oh how I worship the ground you walk on Alexander. You are so magnificent. I wonder why I was so blessed as to look upon thy face!" I mimicked and he chuckled closing the doors.

"Jealousy is not a suiting colour for you Susanna." He said and I snorted.

"Jealous? Of who? Them or you?"

"Them of course." He leaned close to me. "You wish I would pay that much attention to you." I laughed at this and his eyes brightened.

"I've got enough people paying attention to me to last me a life time."

"Who your lonely old husband?" At this different voice I spun around and blanked. Alexander nudged me in the side and we both bowed

"Your highness." Alexander said.

"We were not aware that you were present." I said standing up and looking at him. Beside him stood Paul, who stared at me with squinted eyes. And on his other side stood Jesse who tried to keep the smile from my lips.

"Paul? Have you met Miss Simon yet?" Adam said stepping forward and grabbing my hand gently. "She is the one who saved my life at my coronation last fall." He said pulling my forward and smiling at me. I found myself lost in his brown eyes for a moment. They held a secret that I could tell wanted to get out. I looked towards Paul as I was be presented and he looked at Adam as if I were a scabby rat from the sewer.

"Pleasure." He said turning his nose up at me.

"Ignore my rude cousin Susanna. He thinks he's better than the king himself." Adam said, linking my arm through his and leading me away from his cousin. I looked at Alexander with wide eyes and he stared back at me with the same expression.

"So tell me Susanna. How are the preparations coming for my party?"

"The hall is finished Sire. But does Marian not report this to you?" I asked looking at him.

"Marian? The fat grumpy cow of a woman? I suppose she does."

"No normally he leaves her to report to me." Jesse said from behind and I didn't dare look at him. As I was in his presence I was trying to remember Fr. Dominic and his temptations. Adam chuckled and stopped at the entrance to the Round Tower.

"I must depart. But I hope to see you at the party tonight." He said kissing my hand. I blanked at him.

"She is a servant girl Adam. She is not welcome at the party." Paul said and Adam blinked at me. He smiled and shook his head.

"Miss Simon is welcome at any of my parties as long as she wishes to be there." He said and I felt my cheeks heat up. He winked at me, nodded to Alexander and walked through the doors. Paul glared at me as he marched by and Jesse flashed me a quick smile before he walked through the doors. I watched as the doors closed and then let out the breath I had been holding on to.

"What was that?" Alexander asked startling me from my thoughts.

"What was what?" I asked brushing off my dirty dress and walking down the hallway.

"Miss. Simon is welcome at any of my parties." He mimicked.

"Who's jealous now?" I asked smiling at him. He shook his head and we walked in silence for a moment. When we came to the hallways that separated our dormitories he grabbed my hand.

"Susanna…"I looked at it and then at him with confusion.

"What is it?"

"You are…I consider you one of my greatest friends." He said smiling and I nodded. "I just want to warn you…"

"Warn me? Against what?" I said with a chuckle. But his eyes did not sparkle like they did when he laughed.

"Adam."

"The King?" I stared at him with shock. He jumped, looked around and grabbed my arm, leading me closer to the wall.

"I'm serious Susanna. Be very careful around him."

"Why? What do you think he's going to do?" I asked smiling at him.

"I don't know. But he is getting used to the idea of getting whatever he wants and no one saying no to him." Alexander spoke with a scowl.

"Now I shall tell you to be careful. Be careful how you speak Alexander. Some might think it is treacherous." I smiled at my friend and he sighed.

"Do you not see it Susanna?"

"See what?"

"How the king fancies you?" I blushed and laughed.

"Now Alexander…that's ridiculous."

"He looks at you like a lion looks at a gazelle." I laughed.

"Have you seen a lion look at a gazelle?"

"Alright he looks at you the way Big Tom looks a steak and kidney pie." He said with a grin and I chuckled.

"That's not very nice." I said still laughing.

"Just, be careful around him." He said, smiling yet serious.

"Alright dear brother. I shall do as you command." I mimicked and he kissed my forehead.

"Like a good sister should!" he winked and backed down the hallway. "See you at the party Madame." He said bowing and I rolled my eyes and went into my dormitory.

"Come on Susanna. Dance with me." Ceecee said grabbing my hands. Her eyes were glossy from the many glasses of wine she had drunk. I smiled and let her pull my up off of my chair. My head was light and my eyes were heavy but I still managed to dance around the room with her. When the song ended I collapsed into a chair beside Big Tom and Ceecee landed in his lap.

"Woah there Cecily." He said nervously.

"Nice catch Tom." She said. "Mind if I just sit here for a second. My head is spinning." She said and rested her head against his shoulder. In his arms she was tiny as a child in her fathers arms. He looked down at her with a small smile and I looked away. It must have been all the ale and wine in everyone's stomach, for everyone seemed to have paired up. To their disproval, Alexander had picked neither Jane or Daisy but another young stable boy named Ashley. They sat in the corner locking lips with each other despite everyone's gazes of disapproval. I smirked at Daisy's trembling lip and Jane's scowling face and shook my head.

The only person not having fun was Marian, who sat in a corner writing on many pieces of parchment. I looked around at all the drunken fools spilling their drinks, flirting with one another and sighed. I got up and stumbled over to where Marian sat.

"Enjoying the party Marian?" I asked sitting across from her and pretending not to notice the scowl on her face.

"I hate parties." She said and turned back to her letters that she was now trying to hide.

"Who are you writing too? Your husband?" At this I let out a laugh and was shocked at myself for doing so. I covered my mouth and looked at her hard face.

"Why is that funny?" She asked and I blinked.

"It's not. Well its funny that you are writing to your husband when I am out here getting drunk and ignoring mine." I said lying. I had already written to Andrew this morning and wished him a happy St. Valentine's Day.

"Yes well, it just proves who is more mature than the other." She said and I nodded. It was like watching in slow motion. Daisy stumbled over to tell me something and the drink in her hand slipped and landed on Marian's white skirt, that she had put on for the party.

"You idiot girl! Look at my skirt!" She shrieked and everyone stopped and stared at her. She looked around the room and barked, "What!" Everyone jumped and returned to what they were doing. She scowled at Daisy and marched past her, leaving her letter on the table.

"Marian wait!" I called after her collecting her papers and ink, but she stormed into her room and slammed the door. I looked at the smudged ink in my hands and sighed. My eyes roamed over the words miss you and only friend and I was compelled to read the rest. She talked about the silly girls and the how she felt like she had lost a little bit of weight, but I had never noticed. She mentioned the rash on her inner thigh had gotten worse and it was now starting to bleed. I cringed as she described other things that were happening to her. I would never write this to Andrew, it was way to personal.

As I found the first page I realized that this was not a note to a husband but a note to her mother. I quickly dropped the pages and looked up. She stood at the other side of the table horrified. I jumped from my seat and held them up to her.

"I wasn't…I was going to b-bring them to you." I said nervously. There were tears in her eyes and her face was as pale as a ghost. She stared at me as if I had stabbed her with a knife. She gently took the letters from me, without even breaking eye contact. Without another word she left the party back to her room again where I knew I would not see her for a long time. I sighed and turned back to the party. Alexander and Ashley walked past me, and he gave me a wink before he kissed my cheek. I smirked and shook my head as he left.

My gaze flicked to Ceecee and I stared at her. She was touching Big Tom's cheek fondly. I sighed and shook my head. Because of the wine in her stomach Big Tom was now going to get the wrong impression from her and would end up loving her even more, especially if things escalated. I looked away as she leaned towards him and kissed him.

"It's not fair!" Daisy pouted beside me.

"What's not fair?" I asked.

"That everyone has someone to love but us." Jane said from my right side. I smiled at them and shook my heads.

"Why don't you just have fun, dance and sing? Love will happen when you're ready." I said.

"You sound like an old lady." Daisy chuckled.

"You're only a year older than us Susanna." Jane pointed out and I shrugged.

"I feel like an old lady."

"Because your married?" Daisy asked and I nodded. They were both quiet for a second.

"Do you like being married Susanna?" Jane asked.

"Of course."

"What's the best part?" Daisy asked.

"Um…"

"It's the sex isn't it? I've heard that its amazing!" Jane said her eyes glazing over and she got lost in thoughts of sex.

"It is a good part of being married, but I think the best thing is knowing that someone is waiting for you." I said with a sigh.

"Well now I fell even worse." Daisy said with a bigger pout and I chuckled.

"Even Big Tom has someone. Although it would be very difficult to love him." Jane teased and I rolled my eyes. I watched as Big Tom's huge hand held Ceecee's legs close to him.

"Gross." Daisy said and we all looked away.

"What's the secret to catching a man?" Jane said looking at me. I looked down at the two girls and smirked.

"I don't know? Being yourself I guess."

"That's boring." Daisy said.

"The worst advice Susanna." Jane said and the two of them got up, linked arms and went to talk to some of the boys playing instruments. I smiled as I took a sip of my wine.

My eyes roamed the room again and stopped at the sight of a scabby looking young boy frantically searching the room. I stood up and went to him.

"What is it darling?" I asked him. He looked as if he were 11 or 12 years of age.

"I'm looking for Mrs. Susanna Fitzpatrick." He squeaked.

"That's me." I said with a smile.

"A note for you. It's urgent." He said and thrust the small piece of parchment into my hands. I looked at it and then at the paper and turned it over. I broke the wax seal and lifted the paper open.

Susanna,

There was an accident at the Hunting Horse and Andrew has been stabbed. It doesn't look good Susanna. It seems that he will not make it. Please get here as soon as you can for I fear that he wi—

The rest of the letter I could not make out for teardrops had made the ink run and the words illegible. I looked at the boy who stared at me with a worried expression. I looked around the room, unsure as to what I was supposed to do.

"I-Uh-" I placed a hand on my head. "Can you get me a horse?"

"You can use mine." He said and the two of us left the party and raced through the halls of the castle. We pushed past a couple in bright red outfits with feather masks on their faces. We pushed through the doors and raced out into the softly falling snow. A black horse stood off to the side and the boy handed me his riding cloak.

"It's pretty dirty and small, but it will keep you warm." He said with a small smile. I blinked back my tears and kissed his cheek.

"You go back to that room and grab yourself a warm bowl of stew and a cup of ale. If anyone questions you tell them that Susanna Simon said it was ok. Stay there until you can manage to get back home." I said and he grinned at me.

"Thank you Miss."

"Thank you." I said. I pulled the traveling cloak over my head and mounted the horse. I gently kicked its sides and the horse's body tensed and started picking up speed.

My hands were numb after ten minutes but I ignored it and edged the horse to go faster and faster. The wind and snow whipped my hair in all directions that I was sure that I looked like a mad woman. It would take me forever to get home from here if I took the main roads. So I decided to cut inland, which only caused the horse to become more exhausted from racing through the thick snow.

As frost started growing on my eyelashes that small cottage came into view. Dr. Smith's black carriage was sitting out front and as I rode up to the house Jacob came running out to greet me. I tossed him the reigns and jumped off the horse.

"How bad is he?" I asked and Jacob couldn't answer. I raced past him and into the house. Everyone was huddled by the fire. Mother Fitzpatrick knelt by Andrews's head while Dr. Smith hovered over his stomach. "Andrew?" I asked gabbing onto his hand and kissing his head. They all looked at me with sad expressions. "Is he going to be ok?" I asked, studying my husbands pale face and damp blonde hair. Dr Smith looked at Mother Fitzpatrick and they never spoke a word.

"Susanna?" His voice was soft and ragged. He wheezed when he spoke and my heart broke when I heard it.

"Andrew. Oh your ok!" I said and kissed his head again. Tears sprang into my eyes. He smiled again and gulped in air.

"I'm glad I got to see you again before…before"

"You're not going to die Andrew. Dr. Smith just told me so." I ignored 's looks of protest.

"Take care of our baby!" He said, giving my hand a tight squeeze.

"Andrew I-" I blinked at him.

"I love you too." He said. His eyes flickered and a sigh left his lips. His eyes stared at me, piercing my soul and his hand went limp.

"I…Andrew…Andrew!" I shook his hand and Mother Fitzpatrick let out a wail. Debbie appeared out of nowhere and wrapped her arms around Mother Fitzpatrick and led her away.

"I'm sorry Susanna." Dr Smith said, his face wet with tears.

"How…Why…How did this?" I asked and noticed my father and brothers faces all looking back at me with sadness.

"There was a fight Susanna." Papa said.

"A man made a comment about you and Andrew got angry and…well…" Jacob went quiet and stared at Andrew's dead body.

"He…this isn't possible…"I said and stared down at the man who less than two months ago had proposed to me, promised to remain mine for the rest of his life, who introduced me to a whole new set of feelings. This man who had taught me that I had to be responsible and take action for my mistakes. He lay dead in front of me. With this realization my body started to shake and all the emotions took over me. The room went black and my head hit the hard muscle of his chest.