Pranking time. You can all shut up now :P
Many thanks to obsessed01616, BlOo KiSsEs, and Heki564 for your reviews to the last chapter!
Eridan woke up before his alarm again and took the fastest shower he'd ever had in his life. He only slowed down for coffee and to make absolutely sure he had everything he needed for this morning—the bottle of honey he'd modified was in his bag, along with his textbooks, laptop, and camera. On second thought, he stuck the bottle in a plastic bag to ensure it didn't ooze on any of his electronics. It would figure if karma saw fit to punish him early.
He texted Feferi and told her to be ready to go early, too. It was imperative that they arrive before Sollux. If they didn't, there was no way his plan would work and he'd have to postpone it until next Monday, and that was unacceptable. He had to strike while the iron was still hot.
He knew better than to explain to her why he wanted to be early. She'd already tried to tell him to let it go, that he and Sollux were even (he'd made his snide comment and Sollux had retaliated), but he still didn't like it. Captor had humiliated him. He couldn't let it go, couldn't let it rest. He wouldn't, either.
But he'd assured her that he'd behave. He felt a bit guilty about lying to her, but it wasn't hurting her and she'd be over it soon enough anyway. He hadn't been planning on telling her he liked her anytime in the immediate future, either—what was the big deal with waiting a few more months? It wasn't like she'd expressed a romantic interest in anyone else. He might worry then, but until then, he would keep his silence until a more opportune time.
However, he realized that his biggest issue in implementing his master plan was actually separating himself from her. She would no doubt not let him leave the table if she suspected he was going to do something malicious, or tip off Sollux and ruin the whole thing. If she were to leave the room for some reason, though... His mind began running through scenarios of how he could distract her or get her to leave.
He needn't have worried, though. Almost immediately after sitting down at their table, Feferi stood right back up. "I'll be right back—I have to go to the little gill's room."
"Um. Okay?" He raised an eyebrow but watched until she left. That was bizarrely convenient. He looked around and made absolutely sure Sollux wasn't there yet. Once he'd confirmed, he dug the bottle of honey out of his backpack, took it out of the plastic bag, and slunk over to the other bottle of honey. As surreptitiously as he was able, he switched the bottles and hurried back to his table, hoping no one saw him.
Eridan sat back down and cast a wary eye over the other occupants of the cafeteria. He didn't think anyone else had noticed—one of the girls he'd seen with Sollux, the one with the short dark hair, was completely distracted by another blond girl who was sitting with her. Perfect. Now it was a waiting game.
Fortunately, Sollux woke up with his regular alarm on Wednesday morning. Today was already better than the day before. He fumbled for his glasses and went to shower, making absolutely sure he'd put in his contact lens afterward. Already, he was feeling better about today.
After finishing off the leftover pizza in his fridge, he caught the bus to school and was sidling into the cafeteria, scoping out Aradia's table, by seven-fifty. She was sitting with Kanaya again, along with a blond girl Sollux didn't know. He didn't quite know what to make of that, but he set his backpack down and took a seat anyway.
"Hey, Sollux!" Aradia said. "This is Rose, one of Kanaya's friends."
The blond girl waved in greeting, and Sollux nodded. "Hey," he said. She was pretty, with hair that had probably been bleached that light-blond color, judging by her darker eyebrows and the fact that she looked like she wasn't completely Caucasian.
Kanaya looked like she was feeling better, too. Her whole demeanor seemed brightened and, best of all, she didn't have her head on the table anymore. She even had a cup of coffee on the table in front of her, reminding Sollux that he'd been meaning to have some tea. "I'll be right back," he said quickly, and got up.
He took a Styrofoam cup, stuck a teabag in it, and filled it with hot water. Once it had steeped, he threw away the bag, popped open the bear of honey, and emptied a generous amount into the cup.
He supposed he should have known something was wrong from the get-go, but he still hadn't quite woken up yet. His tea didn't smell quite right, but he ignored it and took a big gulp.
He nearly gagged, dropping the cup on the floor. Jesus Christ, what the Hell?! It tasted like hot sauce or something! Someone ran up behind him and he straightened up. It was Aradia.
"Are you okay?" she asked anxiously.
"Yeah, I think..." Then he heard that laughter. It was definitely the "I'm laughing at you" variety as opposed to the "that was a really funny joke" variety, and he turned his head to glare at whoever the fuck was laughing at him.
Eridan Ampora. Of course.
Feferi was getting up from the table, an irritated look on her face. "Cod damn it, Eridan, grow up," she snapped, stomping out of the cafeteria, but Eridan kept right on laughing.
"I bet he did that," Sollux grumbled.
"What happened?"
"I think he put hot sauce in my tea."
"You got it out of a tea bag, Sollux. I doubt it," she said in a way that was probably intended to be soothing, but he wasn't convinced. Then he saw the honey. That was an open container. He snatched it off the line and tentatively sniffed the cap. Yep, definitely hot sauce. "Smell that."
She gave him a doubtful look but smelled anyway. Her expression changed almost instantly. "Oh, my God, that is nasty!"
"See?! I told you! And he's over there just laughing his head off, so you know it's his fault!"
"Sollux," she started, but he turned around, grabbed his backpack from the table, and stormed out of the cafeteria. Eridan Ampora was going to pay for this.
Once the commotion in the cafeteria died down, Eridan picked up his camera and looked at the picture he'd caught at the exact second the look of shock, anger, and disgust had appeared on Sollux's face. It was almost hysterical, and he applauded himself on a plan smoothly executed. Aside from Feferi's huff (which he understood, but that wasn't the point), he'd gotten off pretty much scot-free, too. Judging by the glare Captor had shot at him before he left, he was probably off to do some plotting of his own, meaning he had his own nemesis now. He liked that prospect, assuming Sollux understood the unspoken rules of this arrangement: no vandalism, no killing flies with shotguns, and no civilian casualties. Harmless pranks warranted harmless pranks, not slashing tires.
If Sollux Captor slashed his tires, Eridan would make sure he paid for them. Still, that kind of measure was baseless and low. He was of the opinion that Captor would be smarter than that, maybe even his intellectual equal. He was actually rather excited to find out how Sollux planned to repay him. If he was right about Sollux, he might even be amused when the strike came.
"It was Eridan, that asshole with the hipster glasses and the camera on his table," Aradia explained.
Kanaya looked thoughtful. "What will Sollux do in response?"
"I have no idea. I think Feferi tried to warn him about this yesterday—although I really don't think she knew what he was planning—and he said he'd strike back if he was hit, so he's probably going to play a prank on him."
Kanaya nodded. Rose remained silent, ever the detached observer. Abruptly, Kanaya said, "His last name wouldn't be Ampora, would it?"
"Yeah, that's him."
"I see."
"Why?"
"Well, if memory serves me correctly, I believe he is another of Vriska's ex-boyfriends."
Rose raised an eyebrow. "How many exes does she have? It's like Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, except she's the evil one."
Kanaya cracked a smile. "I believe that would make me Roxy, then?"
"I count two exes that I know," Aradia said. "Kanaya and now him."
"I have a friend," Rose explained. "John Egbert. So that's three I've met in person."
"There's also Tavros Nitram. He attends this school as well," Kanaya said. "Although he's now seeing someone else, which is fortunate for him. I'm sure there are others scattered about the tri-state area."
"No doubt when she saunters in, a dozen people will dash out crying," Rose half-joked.
"I'm sure it will be an intriguing experience."
Aradia sighed. "No doubt." She chanced another glance at Eridan, who was playing with his phone now. "I wonder which evil one came first—Eridan or Vriska?"
"An interesting query. From what I know of Vriska—a fair bit, to be sure—I would assume that her nature rubbed off on him. However, I know next to nothing about Eridan, save his name, so I couldn't judge with any degree of certainty."
Rose pulled out her bag of knitting materials and fished out her latest project, a pink scarf for her sister. Knitting helped clear her mind, helped her think. "Aradia. You said you believe Sollux will attempt to retaliate against Eridan, correct?"
"Probably. I've hardly ever seen him so angry." Aradia raised an eyebrow. "Actually, now that I think about it, he doesn't really let his emotions show all that often. It's only where Eridan is concerned that he becomes a bit... volatile, I guess is the word I'm looking."
"A curious sentiment."
"Eridan has a way of getting under his skin, I guess."
"Agreed," Rose said simply. "Although if Eridan harbors a grudge against him, enough of one to pull a prank on him—no doubt with the anticipation of a returning salvo—one might be inclined to suggest that the feeling is mutual."
"And what makes you think Eridan expects him Sollux to retaliate?"
"He made no secret that it was him who pulled the prank. He wanted Sollux to know. He would also know, based on the incident on Monday, that Sollux has the capacity to seek revenge. So why not? From what I've seen of Eridan, he only really has Feferi as a friend. Maybe this is his alternative to friends—enemies."
Aradia nodded slowly. "I think I see what you're getting at. You could very well be right, too."
"Well, the proverbial ball is in Sollux's court. It won't be long before we see how well Eridan's 'frenemy' courting plays out."
Sollux knew better than to retaliate when he was angry. It was best to wait. Ampora would be on his guard, expecting something today or tomorrow, maybe Friday. He'd definitely expect something before the end of next week, and as Sollux sat in the library, sipping on freshly-made tea with the honey mercifully not spiked with hot sauce, he allowed himself to ponder how paranoid Ampora would be if he just... didn't seek revenge. No doubt Eridan assumed he would be repaid in kind, but what if he wasn't? What if a week, two weeks, a month or more passed and Sollux still hadn't gotten his revenge? It would either drive Eridan crazy (maybe causing him to pull another prank on him), or maybe he'd be lulled into a sense of false security. It would be great to strike back then, after Eridan thought the storm had blown over, but Sollux didn't have the patience for that.
He wouldn't get his revenge today, though. No, now he needed to think, to plan. He had no delusions—Eridan had had two days to contemplate his revenge, and Sollux figured he'd need at least that long to come up with something just as good.
Still, the inner promise that Eridan would receive his comeuppance was enough to calm him down, at least a little bit. The trick was finding something Eridan loved and ruining it, however temporarily.
An idea began to form at the back of his head, and he smiled to himself. This whole "evil genius" thing could work out well. He drained his cup of tea, threw away the Styrofoam cup, and went to Coding class. He just needed a bit more time and he'd be ready to implement his master plan.
He was five minutes early to class and he slunk to his seat. To his surprise, Equius Zahhak appeared out of nowhere and loomed over him. "Are you alright?" the bigger boy asked, and Sollux nearly fell out of his chair.
"Yeah, fine. Why?"
"Aradia told me what happened in the cafeteria this morning."
"Ah."
"What will you do?"
Sollux sized up Equius. The other boy was nearly six and a half feet tall, and he could no doubt snap Sollux in half if he put his mind to it. He might be a useful accomplice. "Let me answer your question with another question," he said, no longer caring about his lisp. "Do you work on cars by any chance?"
"I do."
"Would you be interested in helping me pay back a little bitch?"
I already know what I plan on doing with Sollux's revenge BUT! If anyone wants to give me more suggestions, I would be greatly appreciative because my brain hurts and I've never been a very prank-oriented person.
Make it happen.
(Also, in another version of this chapter that I almost wrote, Sollux's revenge was going right up to Eridan, grabbing him by his shirt, making as if to punch him in the face, and then actually kissing him. Then he would shove Eridan back, walk out, and promptly collapse on the grass outside because he'd be hyperventilating so much. Eridan would then have a mini gay crisis.)
