15 acts and an intermission and I'm only like five days into this story (Saturday to Wednesday omfg). I do believe the next act will have Sollux's revenge but still, KEEP SENDING ME IDEAS FOR PRANKS! I've gotten some pretty good ones so far, but I need more!

Many thanks to Kerra-Chan, crimsonkoteto, grimjaws, thepeopleofthecrysis, obsessed01616, BlOo KiSsEs, TheShipperOfShips, and Touch of Black for your reviews to last act! (Also, I know everyone wants some sloppy Erisol makeouts, but the fic isn't even half over. That would be bad for pacing!)


"I am surrounded by absolutely incompetent morons," Karkat groaned.

"What do you mean by that? You mean like, they're incompetent at being morons making them actually pretty smart, or—" John started, but Karkat interrupted.

"Shut the fuck up, Egbert, no one gives a shit!"

He couldn't tell for sure, but he thought Dave rolled his eyes. "What happened now, short stuff?"

If Dave had been sitting next to Karkat instead of on John's other side, he would have smacked the back of his head. "Fuck off, Strider."

Dave and John exchanged glances. "Well, jeez, Kar, I thought you wanted us to ask," John said patiently.

"My lab partner for the whole fucking semester found it advisable to piss off my tech support for the foreseeable future! Between the two of these assholes fighting, I'm not going to get any work done!"

"Eridan?"

"What did that douche-magnet do?" Dave asked, interested in spite of himself.

"I don't fucking know, Terezi told me and she heard it from Aradia, but something went down this morning and now Sollux is out for Ampora's blood and I can guarantee they're going to put me right in the middle of their hate-flirting. I cannot deal with this right now!"

"Ah, yes, life is so hard for you right now, Vantas. The entire universe isn't bending to your every whim and now your days are fraught with struggle." Dave settled back in his seat and laced his fingers together behind his head. "Oh, and you got the number of a hot, albeit blind, chick and she's actually into you for once."

Karkat went red. "You don't know that! She might not be!"

"True. In fact, I have no idea why she would be. You're a horrible person." A teasing smile twitched at the corner of Dave's mouth and John let out a giggle.

"No, you're not!" he protested, still grinning. "I'm sure she likes you."

Karkat's blush deepened. "I am so not even worried about that right now!" he lied. "With Captor and Ampora fighting and my computer's hold on functionality tenuous at best, something's liable to explode and it's probably going to be $700 worth of electronics!"

"Well, then, I guess you have two options," John said soothingly. "You can get them to stop fighting by giving them a common enemy..."

"Or?" Karkat asked, not sure he actually wanted to know what was going on in Egbert's head.

"Or you can add fuel to the fire and join their prank wars!"

Dave smacked his forehead, damn near knocking his glasses off his face. "No, John. That sounds like a terrible idea. Not everything can be solved with practical jokes."

Karkat rolled his eyes. "Fuck, Egbert, sometimes Gamzee makes more sense than you!"

"Hey, speaking of the Juggalo, I haven't seen him in awhile. Does he still even go here?" John asked.

"Yeah. I have no idea what classes he takes, though. He won't tell me. I'm pretty sure he skips them anyway. Tavros would know for sure, though." Karkat glanced at the front of the room. Their teacher was a short, amiable man who couldn't hear past the fourth row unless you shouted and could hardly see past the sixth. The trio always sat right in the back of Professor Deuce's class, so they could talk unnoticed—even the people around them didn't care, since most of them were asleep anyway. Still, Karkat rather liked Deuce. He hardly ever gave homework and he made Karkat look like a normal-sized person.

"He's probably taking classes he can skate off easily," Dave drawled. "That's what I'd do, anyway. No offense, but he doesn't seem like the brightest guy."

Karkat shrugged. Considering Gamzee was his best friend and he was Gamzee's best friend, he didn't know all that much about him. Surprising, considering the guy was also his roommate. In fact, the only thing Karkat could say about him with any degree of certainty was that he smoked a lot of weed. That didn't surprise him, though.

Maybe next semester he'd take a slew of easy classes with him. After this semester, his brain could use a vacation.


Splash!

Feferi was two hours early for swimming practice, but that was fine with her. The pool was empty aside from her, allowing her extra time and space to just float. She'd dived in and slipped right to the bottom, and now she was floating there, inches above the pool floor, looking up and holding her breath. She'd been swimming for almost eighteen years—she had quite an impressive lung capacity at this point. She wouldn't have been surprised if she randomly sprouted gills.

Whenever she was stressed, she swam. One of the many things she and Eridan had in common was their love of the water, but there was a difference there. Eridan loved being in the water, wading in it, but not necessarily being one with it. Feferi, on the other hand, would have gladly never come out of the pool or the lake or the ocean if she had the choice. She felt like she was truly one with the water, and she loved to swim. She wasn't the fastest swimmer—she preferred going at her own pace as opposed to competition swimming—but being on the swim team gave her an excuse to use the school pool, so she took it. It was where she went to clear her head, her way of staying sane. And right now, Eridan was driving her crazy.

She'd told him to let it go, that messing with Sollux was a mistake, that they were even. She'd made him promise he wouldn't play a prank or get his stupid revenge on him, and then he turned right around and did it anyway. He was such a child sometimes.

Anger bubbled up in side of her but she forced herself to stay calm. She knew if she got pissed off, she'd try to inhale, and even though she hadn't come close to drowning once, it was always a lingering concern. But that was another reason she went into the water to calm herself—it forced her to think about her breathing (or lack thereof).

After four minutes, she shot to the surface and sucked in a lungful of sweet air. That first breath after being submerged was always the best, and she smiled. No matter how much Eridan pissed her off sometimes, she couldn't stay angry at him forever.

She kicked her feet up and straightened out her body, allowing herself to float on the surface. Now, of course, it was Sollux's turn. He had told her only yesterday that if Eridan pulled anything, he would strike back, and she didn't doubt the truth to his words. The way she saw it, Eridan had whatever was coming to him. She'd failed to explain it to him earlier, but maybe after whatever Sollux did for his revenge... Well, she didn't begrudge him that. She wished one of them would let it go and had the feeling that Sollux would be easier to reason with than Eridan, but she felt like getting through to either of them would be a pain in the ass.

No matter how smart Eridan thought he was, Sollux was smarter—she could tell. It was her job to keep Eridan out of trouble, even if she supposed he deserved it. She had no doubt that Sollux could destroy Eridan if he put his mind to it, but she also knew he wasn't malicious enough to actually do it. She sighed.

She really needed to punch Eridan in the face once in awhile. While he wasn't wearing his glasses, so she didn't break them. Or she could punch him in the back of the head. Lord knew he deserved it.

Her watch beeped at her, informing her that it was ten o'clock. Only forty-five minutes until swim practice started. In fifteen minutes, her teammates would start trickling in. She'd had quite enough of being by herself by now, so she was looking forward to some company. Jade was usually good for a laugh, and Kankri had a tendency to belly-flop into the pool first thing. Even though he was usually fairly reserved, the water seemed to bring him out of his shell, at least a little.

Feferi hauled herself out of the pool, laid her towel on a bench, sat down, and put her hair up in a sloppy bun. She probably should have done so before she got her hair wet, but she was beyond caring. She was ready for some hardcore swimming practice.


Sollux was quiet all through lunch. He was plotting, although he already had a good idea for how he was going to get revenge against Eridan. He didn't feel like discussing it around Aradia, though.

Equius didn't ask him about it, either. He'd agreed to help Sollux and Sollux had explained his idea. The taller boy found the plan ingenious, but Sollux had also sworn him to secrecy. Equius was good at keeping promises, he figured. The guy had an honorable streak a mile wide. If he promised something, you could rely on him to keep it.

Aradia wouldn't approve, though—neither of his plan or his using her sort-of almost-boyfriend as an accomplice. She shot curious glances at Sollux, as if she wanted to ask but wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer. But when Nepeta asked a question, Aradia blinked. "Sorry?"

Nepeta giggled. "I said, that furriend of yours, Kanaya? That's her over there, right?" She pointed over Aradia's shoulder to a table across the room, to where Kanaya and Rose were having lunch.

"Yeah. That's her—the dark-haired one."

Nepeta leaned forward, inadvertently dragging her sleeves across Equius's face. He brushed them out of the way but otherwise ignored them, barely seeming to notice the way she was sitting on him. "Who's the blond with her? They look cute together!"

"That's Rose," Aradia said slowly. "She's Kanaya's friend, but I don't think she's... well, I guess I don't really know, but I'm pretty sure she's straight." She glanced at Sollux, as if for confirmation, and he shrugged.

"I got no idea," he said.

"No, but look! Rose is actually listening to what she's saying! You can tell furrom all the way over here! It's so cute!"

"You ship everyone with someone," Equius said, but Nepeta gave him a playful swat on the top of his head.

"Of course I don't! Not everyone!"

Aradia laughed. "Okay, then, who don't you ship with someone?"

Nepeta looked skyward for a moment, putting her hand to her chin. "Me," she said after a moment. "But that's okay, because I haven't found the right purrson for me yet!"

"That doesn't count," Equius said. "Try again."

"People I haven't met!"

Aradia shook her head, smiling. "They don't count, either."

"Teachers!"

"Okay, I guess that's legit. But still. You ship a lot of people."

"I look at it like this: I see two people who I think should be together. Sometimes I'm wrong, but mostly, I'm not. I don't actually do anything to push them together—mostly," she added with a grin when Aradia raised her eyebrows, as if to say, "Oh, really?" "I just sit back and think about how adorable they are! I'm not actually interfering in anyone's life! See?"

"I suppose you could be worse," Aradia acknowledged.

"Yep! But I know that I've been wrong befurr, so I don't get involved! Everyone's happy!"

"It's still a bit strange," Equius said. Nepeta swatted at him again.

"So who do you ship with Sollux?" Aradia asked with a mischievous grin at him. He looked up, wishing he could shoot lasers out of his eyes.

"You don't want to know who I ship you with?"

"I already know who you ship me with," Aradia laughed, and Equius seemed to blush.

Nepeta grinned. "I'm not saying. I think he'll hit me."

"Sollux doesn't hit people."

"I don't know about that—I came pretty close to hitting Eridan today," he said. "But yeah, I don't want to know."

"Good, 'cause I'm not telling!"

Aradia laughed and Sollux looked back down at his notebook. He had more important things to worry about anyway. For example, the sketch he was currently working on.

He'd thought long and hard about the sunglasses idea yesterday and decided he liked it. After giving up on TV, he'd scoured the internet to see if he could find prescription sunglasses in the style he wanted, but to no avail. He'd have to think of something else. In the meantime, he was content to draw them out several times.

Equius saw the drawings, too. "Interesting design," he said.

"Uh. Thanks."

"Do you actually own them?"

"Nah. I tried to find some online. Nothing, at least not that I can get a prescription for." He looked up and Equius was smiling again. "What?"

"I can make them."

"You—what?"

"My brother and I are both rather handy. He has glass cutting and shaping equipment at home. I'm fond of metalworking, myself."

Sollux looked down and back up. "You can actually make these?"

Equius nodded.

"How long would it take?"

"The weekend. Maybe longer, depending on your prescription strength."

"My eyes aren't too bad."

Equius shrugged.

"How much are we talking?"

"Horuss finds glassworking to be a hobby. He would probably do it for free."

"And the frames?"

"The material would be inexpensive. Would $20 sound fair?"

Sollux dug into his wallet and pulled out two ten-dollar bills. "Done." He'd only known the guy for two days and already Equius was proving himself to be a valuable friend. If they were able to pull off this prank, it would make his whole month.


Equius can do everything.