I could feel hot air on my face and the smell of spoiled meat. I scrunched my nose and opened one eye. Those bright blue eyes smiled at me and I closed my eyes again. "What are you doing up here? You're supposed to be on the floor!" I scolded sleepily. I rolled to the other side and felt Lucan nudge my back. He wasn't used to this sleeping in business and wasn't about to let me get away with oversleeping. He kept nudging me and then he licked my ear and I was suddenly awake. "Gross!" I said, wiping the saliva out of my ear and throwing back the soft blankets. Lucan was buried beneath them and struggled to get out. I stood back laughing as I watched him desperately try to get out. When he appeared from underneath the blankets with it between his jaws I freaked.
"No! Let go!" I said pulling on the blanket. He pulled back thinking it was a game. When the sound of a stitch snapping filled the air, my hand mechanically collided with Lucan's nose and then dog let go. He stared at me with big sad eyes and I instantly felt guilty. "Oh Lucan." I said grabbing the now 50 lb puppy and putting him on my lap. "I'm sorry." I said. He licked my chin three times and then jumped off. He stood at the door, watching me expectantly. I sighed and wondered why I had thought having a dog would be fun.
As I watched Lucan race through the back garden to the forest I noticed that the place was very quiet. We had only been here for two days, but in the morning the dogs would all be barking and playing, getting ready for the hunting to begin or for their long walks. I went back into the house, leaving the door open for Lucan and searched for Maria. Instead I found Spencer in the parlor reading a book.
"No hunting today?" I asked standing in the doorway. He jumped and smiled at me. His tired grey eyes, hidden behind small circular spectacles, studied mine and for a brief second he looked upset. Then he smiled.
"Maria took the dogs on a walk today." He said and I noticed the sadness in his smile. I thought about pressing further but decided against it. "Tell me, why did you chose that name?"
"What name?" I asked.
"Lucan?"
"It was moth…my brother's idea. He wanted to name him after a knight, and my mother-in-law loves the tales of the Knights of the Round Table. Out of all of them Lucan seemed to fit."
"Because he was the most loyal." Spencer said nodding to his book.
"Why did you choose the names for your dogs?" I asked noticing old Louis, lying by the fire. He was what Spencer called an Otterhound, with curly, golden matted hair that often hung in front of his eyes. He slept peacefully in front of the fire like he normally did.
"All of the dogs are named after famous King's and Queens. For example, Louis was a rebellious one who was married off at a young age and was not on good terms with his father." Spencer said looking sideways at his books.
"What are you doing?" I asked leaning forward.
"Researching."
"Researching what?" I asked looking at the brown leather book that looked larger than the bible.
"Dogs breeds. I think I've discovered what type Lucan is." At the sound of his name, his royal highness paraded into the parlor with a long stick in his mouth. He twirled in three circles and lay down to chew on the stick. I shook my head as I sat on the floor by Spencer's feet and he offered the book to me.
"His breed…what is it?" I asked truly curious.
"He is an English Mastiff." Spencer said pointing at the book. There was a bold title saying English Mastiff and then a drawing of a dog that looked very similar to Lucan. There were diagrams of feet and height, charts on life expectancy and how fast they could run. "It says that his breed are very calm and affectionate to its master, but it'll attack if protection is required." He said with a smirk and I smiled back. The thought of my dream with the men in black and white came to mind and I watched my dog chew the stick furiously.
"What-What else does it say?" I asked swallowing the rock in my throat.
"It says that they rarely attack unless it is provoked, but instead will pin the unknown human, or threat until its master gives them the ok. But they are, like I said, kind and gentle and good with other dogs. Often referred to as the "Giant Teddy bear." We both looked at Lucan who was lying on his back with the stick in his mouth. "There's more."
"What?" I asked smiling.
"It says that male Mastiffs can weigh anywhere from 150 to 250 lbs." He said eyeing me with a smile. I blanked.
"That's more than I weigh." I said, remembering the time that Gina and I weighed ourselves on the large meat scale in town. The butcher had scolded us yet we laughed the whole way home.
"I'd say by his size that he's roughly three to four months old." Spencer said putting the book on the table beside the chair and moving towards Lucan. The dog froze as he watched Spencer crawl towards him. Then, thinking it was a game; he rolled over and went into a playful position. Spencer copied him and I sat back amused as he studied my dog.
"What on earth are you doing?" Maria said watching her husband with a smile.
"I'm researching." He said and was then bombarded with dogs licking his face and jumping on him.
"How was your walk?" I asked and Maria smiled slightly. I noticed that her eyes were puffy and she was dressed in black.
"It's a beautiful day out." She said avoiding my question. "We should eat outside today." She said holding out her hand for me, watching Spencer wrestle with the dogs. I laughed and dodged the wrestling match as I grabbed onto her hand. "You're wearing pink!" She said eyeing my pink dress that Gina had lent me.
"Is that bad?" I said my face heating up and my hands touching the fabric.
"It's wonderful!" She said with a bright smile. "Let's eat I'm starving."
We were served breakfast in the garden, by Stewart, the butler and Eliza, the cook. Although Maria and Spencer liked to keep things proper and made sure they were always obeyed, they occasionally invited the two to dine with them. Eliza looked small and delicate, but when she talked she had a mouth like a sailor, with a low class accent. Her light brown hair was tied back in a neat bun and her dark green eyes showed every emotion she was feeling. As requested, she wore a white gown with a soft blue apron and a white cap.
Stewart was an older man. He was tall and skinny, bone thin actually with a baldhead and soft brown eyes. He had a thin white mustache and wore a black suit and always bowed when you greeted him, even though he was at my class level.
He and Spencer had been friends from their youth and Stewart had followed Spencer wherever he went. When the men were younger, Stewart had been a mischievous womanizer, and at the age of 18 impregnated the village whore. When the news came out, the town turned on Stewart and he was forced to marry the woman, and eventually leave his home. When his child was less that three months old, the woman left and Stewart was stuck penniless with a small baby. Spencer had given him a job when no one else would and for that Stewart felt like he owed Spencer his life.
"It's so nice outside today." Maria said with a sigh as she turned her face up to the warm sun.
"But them storm clouds ain't lookin' too promisin' misses." Eliza said, pointing to the dark clouds that sat on the horizon. Maria sighed and looked at her plate of eggs and ham. She started picking at eggs and her brows furrowed. I looked at Spencer who was watching her as well.
"So Stew, how's young James doing?" Spencer said, eyeing his wife quickly before turning to his friend.
"He's doing well. Studying law in London." Stewart beamed at the mention of his son.
"He must be coming home soon?" Spencer said and Maria raised her head.
"I…I think he should be home in a fortnight."
"Well you must bring him here to visit." Maria said smiling brightly. "I would love to see him again and he can meet our lovely Susanna." She said to me and I nodded.
"I shall tell him. Thank you." He smiled and looked thoughtful for a moment. "I have a fear that he is going to come home to tell me something of great importance."
"Oh?" Maria said, taking a bite of her eggs.
"How do you know?" Spencer asked and Stewart smiled.
"He wrote, in his last letter, that he needed to speak to me about a pressing issue. And he talked about how his age and how time seems to slip away from him."
"Sounds like 'e's wantin' to get hitched, so it does." Eliza said with a smile. It was hard not to notice the great poverty that she came from, especially when the evidence was smiling at your face. Her teeth, which were perfectly straight, were a faded brown colour from the tobacco she smoked and the ale that she drank.
"Yes Eliza, I was thinking that as well."
"Married?" Maria said with a smile. "Well that is something."
"Have you met the girl?" Spencer asked.
"Only once. She is the daughter of a farmer, and sometimes works in the palace." His eyes flicked to mine. "Jane I think her name is." I let out a breath as I realized I had thought it was Ceecee.
"Jane? I think I have met her." I said and everyone looked at me. Maria gave me a worried expression and I blinked at her.
"Oh you must've met her when we met at the King's coronation." She said smiling yet her eyes said something completely different. I watched her for a second and then smiled.
"Yes that's where we met. Nice girl, very funny." I said and took a bite of my buttered toast. The rest of the conversation passed by me unnoticed as I tried to figure out what had happened between Maria and I. She was acting strange all day. Maybe it was my doing? Maybe she was tired of me being here? It wasn't until the rain clouds were almost directly overhead that we all went inside. We each grabbed two dishes and carried them into the kitchen. And then the rain poured from the sky.
It rained for three days straight. I love the sound of the rain; it has always brought comfort and peace to me. But after three days of reading books and stitching a pattern on a piece of fabric, I got bored. On this day, the rain had stopped for an hour before I decided that I wanted to take a walk. I slipped on a dark green dress and my traveling cloak.
"Susanna?" Maria called my name as I passed by the parlor door. The candles and the fireplace lighted the room, because the sky was still dark and cloudy, even though it was just after lunchtime. I popped my head in the doorframe and gave my best smile. "Where are you off too?"
"I'm just going to let Lucan out for a run. Do you mind?" I asked, as if I would've asked my mother.
"Of course not." Spencer said peering at me over his glasses.
"Just be careful." She said, looking out at the sky. "That rain could start at any minute."
"I will be. We're not going far." I said with a smile. I bid farewell and shut the large oak door behind me. I stood in the doorway and inhaled deeply. The smell of the rain in the air gave me goose bumps. Lucan looked at the soaked green grass and then up at me.
"Well go on you big baby." I said and he raced forward, splashing in the large puddles. A couple of Spencer's dogs came running from the forest and started to chase each other around the front drive. I smiled and lifted my hood to cover my hair, which I wore down, and headed for the forest. I figured I could explore the forest and not get as wet as I would in an open field.
The forest was darker than I had expected and it took me a few stumbles before my eyes adjusted to the light. Lucan and the twins, Isabelle and Eleanor surrounded me as we ventured through the forest. Lucan barked happily as he chased a small white rabbit around the forest and Eleanor followed merrily behind him. Isabelle never strayed to far from my side and even when a mouse crossed her path she never barked.
About half way through our walk, Eleanor (a Manchester Terrier and the baby of the pack) started barking and I noticed that she was running down a path. I quickly followed her lead and walked down the narrow dirt path that wound its way through the forest. Isabelle stayed by my heel as we walked, while Lucan and Eleanor raced each other. About 15 minutes down the path we came to a clearing.
The clearing was a small open circle with neatly trimmed grass and the sound of a stream on the other side. In the middle of the clearing was a grave. I blinked at it for a second before I walked towards the head stone. It was a small head stone that once was white and now was grey. There were a group of white flowers with a blue ribbon tying them together, laying on the grass at the foot of the stone. They were wilted and destroyed from the constant rain, but the ribbon still stood bright against the green grass. I knelt down in the saturated grass and touched them gently, before I looked up and read the grave.
Theodore Anthony spencer mcdonald
1654 – 1660
I blinked and read the name three more times before realizing that Lucan was barking at me. I looked up and noticed that it had started to pour. Lucan, Eleanor and Isabelle stood in the clearing waiting for me. I looked at the grave one more time and then walked towards the clearing, shaking.
As we got towards the house I became aware of the sound of my name being called. The dogs heard it too for they started barking and raced through the trees. I, still shaken by the unhappy truth, walked through the trees and blinked against the rain.
"There you are!" Maria shouted from the doorway. By now I was completely soaked, but I never noticed. All I could feel was sadness and as I looked into her face two hot tears rolled down my frozen cheeks. I could see nothing else but her worried face in the doorway. I became aware of a pair of warm hands touching my arms and being pushed towards the door. When I was in front of Maria she frowned at me and wrapped a wool blanket around my shoulders. I couldn't look away from those blue eyes that were studying me, asking if I was hurt. I wondered if he had her eyes, or her blonde curly hair. I wondered if he loved dogs like Spencer had or if he liked to read books.
"I was so worried about you." She said and rubbed my shoulders.
"I'm sorry." I said watching the floor so I wouldn't cry.
"It's lucky that Mr. DeSilva stopped by or else I would've forgotten all about you." She gave a quick laugh to indicate that she was joking, but I didn't hear her. At the sound of his name my breath caught in my chest and I looked up. Standing a foot in front of me was Jesse. Either I had forgotten how handsome he was, or he was more handsome soaking wet. His black hair was plastered to his head and his black tunic clung to ever muscle in his upper body.
"Are you alright?" he asked, taking a step forward. I blinked at him and then nodded, too afraid to speak.
"She's soaked to the bone." Maria said. "Come dear and get a change of clothes on." She said leading me to the door. I spotted the locked door and the tears filled my eyes again. Maria opened my bedroom door for me and gave Stewart instructions for getting Jesse warm clothes. She quietly closed the door and turned to me.
"What were you doing out there? Trying to drown?" She smirked as riffled through my clothes in the wardrobe.
"I…I was walking and never noticed the rain." I said standing by the window and watching the window cry.
"Susanna?" I blinked and looked towards her. She held out the pink dress from earlier that week. Her face held no smile and she watched me carefully. "Susanna, are you alright?" I heard the words but all of a sudden my head felt light and I could no longer feel my body.
I awoke to the bright sun pouring through the window. I blinked and tried to shield my eyes but it did nothing. The sun illuminated everything from the white blankets to the wardrobe to the dust in the air. It made everything sparkle and shine and gave me a sense of warmth and comfort.
I sighed and stretched my arms above my head and blinked at the light. There was a single pink flower on the table beside my bed along with a glass of water, cold water that had beaded on the outside of the cup. I noticed that my throat felt like sandpaper and reached for the glass of water. I gulped it furiously and sputtered when I swallowed too much.
"Drink slowly." Someone said from behind me. I turned and blinked. He smiled at me and I couldn't help but notice how white his teeth were. They were small and perfect. His grey eyes sparkled and there was a twinkle of happiness in his eye.
"Hello." I said.
"Hello." He said and blinked at me. "Are you feeling better?" he asked.
"I…I think so. Was I sick?" I asked sitting up straighter and noticing how sore my arms are.
"You were." He frowned and looked out the bright window. "They were all very worried."
"I'm sorry I worried them." I said looking at the way the light shone on his golden curls. He smiled at me and scooted closer. He sat beside me crossing his white stocking legs and pulling at the black collar on his bright blue tunic.
"Do you like staying here?" He asked me and I smiled.
"Very much."
"She likes having you here." He spoke with a tiny voice and he picked at the white blanket. I watched him, his tiny hands pick at the blanket, his gold hair curl around his face like a pillow, his thin legs, though very long for such a small boy.
"Do you miss them?" I asked, my voice raspy. He looked at my face and smiled.
"I'm never gone away from them." He said. "I just wish she wouldn't cry so much." He sighed in a child's way and studied my face. "Will you tell her?"
"Tell her what?"
"That I don't want her to cry anymore?" He looked at the window and stood up. "Please?"
"Of course." He smiled and kissed my cheek before he jumped off the bed. "Wait. How did it happen?" I asked and he froze, as he was about to climb out the window.
"It's in the past, nothing to worry about now." He said, giving me a wink and jumped out the window.
"I think she's waking up." A deep voice said and there was a fluster of movement to my right.
"Susanna?" a soft voice spoke my name and I turned my face towards it. I opened my eyes, which felt like they weighed eight tons and tried to focus. Gold curls framed a face and I closed my eyes. "Quick, get the doctor." The soft voice hissed and I tried to open my eyes again. I became aware of the smell of grass and meat. I scrunched my face and turned away. Then a hot wet tongue licked my cheek. I opened my eyes again and looked the first thing I saw were two bright eyes staring at me. I smirked, which was more difficult than I had every noticed and attempted to raise my arm. But it was stuck.
"How are you feeling?" Maria said, appearing above Lucan.
"Like Lucan has been sleeping on me." I said, my voice weak and raspy.
"He has been sleeping on you." Spencer's voice said somewhere to my left. "He hasn't left your side since you fell." I noticed that Lucan was the reason why my arm was stuck. I struggled to pull it out and he smiled and blinked at me. I patted his head and then sighed, I was suddenly exhausted.
"In here doctor." Maria said and I blinked at the ceiling. I noticed that it was dark and six candles were the only reason why there was light in the room.
"Is she alright?" a deep voice said and I blinked, trying hard to figure out whose voice it was.
"Ms. Fitzpatrick?" A small chubby man with a long nose and large black glasses peered down at me and felt my head. "How do you feel?" I smirked at this. I felt a many different things but explaining them would be difficult.
"Fine." I said and closed my eyes. "Just tired."
"Tired?" Spencer chuckled. "You've been asleep for almost a week." At this my eyes burst open.
"A week?" I said trying to sit up, but my head felt heavy and I sunk back down. Plus the doctor and Maria were pushing me back under the blankets.
"You had a bought of Scarlet Fever." The doctor explained. "Which was probably brought on by being in the rain too long." I sighed and nodded. "You've gotten through the worst of it. Just rest and drink lots of water."
"We were so worried." Maria said touching my cheek. "I was afraid that you wouldn't make it."
"But you talked in your sleep, so we knew there was hope for you." Jesse appeared at my side and smiled as he sat in the chair next to it.
"You're still here?" I spoke in more of shock than curiosity.
"He hasn't left." Maria said, giving me a knowing smile.
"I…I had to make sure you were alright." He said looking at Maria's face before back at mine. "Being our dearest friend, his Highness would've made me come back anyways." I smiled at him and Maria snorted.
"Dear, lets get Susanna something to eat. I bet she's starving." Spencer said giving me a wink. If I wasn't so tired I would've blushed but I smiled slightly and shut my eyes. When the door closed I exhaled deeply and felt Lucan's large head rest on my stomach.
"He's very protective." Jesse stated.
"I've never been in a place of harm." I said looking at the dog and patting his head. Jesse sat quietly watching him and that's when it dawned on me.
"Did he hurt you?" I asked.
"He caught my hand, when I…well it was an accident." Jesse said with a smile.
"I'm sorry." I studied his hand and saw no bandages or marks.
"It was nothing serious." He smiled. "No we are on good terms." He said patting the dog's head. Lucan licked his fingers before resting his head back on my stomach, never taking his eyes off of me. "Do you always talk in your sleep? Or is this fellow Theodore a new friend of yours?" He smiled but I could see the hint of jealousy in his eyes. I smirked at him and shook my head.
"Wouldn't you like to know." I said and closed my eyes, pretending to go back to sleep.
"You wont tell me?" He asked, his voice filled with amusement.
"No, because it is more fun to watch you be jealous then it would be if you were to find out the actual truth." I said, keeping my eyes closed despite my longing for looking into his eyes. He was quiet for a second and then I felt his hand grab mine and Lucan growled. I opened my eyes and noticed that he was leaning towards me. I patted Lucan's head and he stopped growling.
"If you weren't sick I would kiss you now." His voice and the feel of his skin set my skin on fire and I blinked at him.
"I…I…" My mouth felt dry and my heart beat so loud I bet he could hear it. The door opened and I quickly pulled my hand out of his gasping for air.
"Eliza is making you hot soup." Maria said not even blinking at our linked hands. Jesse rubbed his hand on his leg and stood up.
"I must write a note to the king. He wanted to be here, but a matter at the palace kept him there." Jesse smiled, though it did not reach his eyes. "He will be pleased with the news that you are awake. He cares for you." He said touching my arm and I smiled. "He'll never forget all that you have done for him." Jesse said and I blanked. The feel of Adam's lips on mine and his hands on my legs made my heart jump and I looked into Jesse's eyes to see if he knew. But the smile on his lips was too kind to know that I had betrayed him. I couldn't speak, so I just nodded and smiled slightly as I watched him leave the room.
"He fancies you." Maria said straightening the sheets.
"I have noticed." I said trying to hide my smile.
"But the king fancies you as well." Maria said and gave me a sly grin.
"No, the king feels indebted to me for saving his life. We are just friends." I argued despite the kiss that was shared on my birthday, I chose not to believe that Adam loved me. No I knew he didn't love me.
"Well, from where I stand you had two young, eligible men waiting by your side." The way she said eligible made me laugh and she smirked as she sat on the bed, in the same spot that the child had sat. The smile fell from my face and I struggled to sit up.
"Maria?"
"Yes?"
"I…When…How did it happen?" I asked without looking at her. When her silence became too heavy I looked up. She stared at me with a shocked expression.
"I don't know what you mean." She squeaked and even though I knew that she did know I repeated myself.
"The grave…how?"
"I…You…you saw it?"
"I came across it in the woods." I said.
"You shouldn't have been there." She said with a scowl and got off the bed.
"Maria I didn't mean…"
"You shouldn't go there. It is none of your business." She opened the door, tears streaming down her face.
"He came to me." I shouted and she froze. "Theodore, he came to me." She looked at me, her face full of anger and I blinked. "He has blonde curly hair that frames his face, and bright grey eyes that slant when he smiles. And the most perfect set of white teeth I have ever seen. He wore a blue tunic that had a black collar and short sleeves, and bright white stockings. He had lots of freckles and a birth mark on his cheek. He has-"
"Stop it." She said, her hands shaking. "Stop talking about him like he is here."
"But he is here." I said. "He told me to tell you that he is always here." She shook her head and leaned against the door.
"That's impossible."
"He asked me to promise him that I would tell you." I took a deep breath. "He wishes you wouldn't cry anymore. He says he is always here with you and you needn't cry for him when he is never far away." She stared at me with pure sadness.
"You're lying to me."
"Why would I lie to you?" I ask, my head feeling heavier than usual.
"I-I can't take this." She said and left the room in a flash. I stared at the now empty spot and blinked. A movement in the window caught my eye and I looked over to see two grey eyes watching me. He blinked and looked sad, but he nodded his head and smiled before vanishing.
In the middle of the night I felt the bed sink and I rolled over and opened my eyes. The rain had stopped and the moon shone through my window. Her blue eyes were puffy and studied my face carefully.
"How did he look?" She asked me and I blinked at her, wondering what she was talking about. Then I remembered.
"Happy. Very healthy, like the perfect little boy." I gave my best smile and she chuckled.
"He wasn't perfect, but he was mine." She sighed and closed her eyes. "He was six years old, a month after his birthday. He had this tree that he loved to climb and told me that one day he would climb to the very top. I never thought anything of it, because he was always a big dreamer and still very small. One day I went out into the garden and there he was in the tree, at the very top. I panicked and shouted at him, startling him. I-" she closed her eyes tightly and took a shaky breath. "I scared him and he slipped. His hand let go of the branch and he…he…" I blinked back tears and grabbed onto her hand. "He was so brave and smart, and he could make Spencer and I laugh until we were in tears. But that day…I stayed in bed for weeks, without eating or drinking anything and Spencer," She took short breaths. "He went out and spent the entire day cutting that tree to pieces and burning it in the yard. The two of us…we will never be the same."
"He would 13." I said, thinking back to the bundle of flowers. She opened her eyes and smiled.
"Every year I add an extra daisy to the bouquet, which I imagine you found." I smiled and she squeezed my hand. "He used to pick them for me and put them in my hair. Momma, you are the prettiest princess of all, he would say." Tears streamed down her face. "What I would give to have him tell me that one more time." I felt a hand on my arm and turned to look. Theodore smiled at me and nodded. Then he disappeared and reappeared on his mother's side. He kissed her cheek and touched her head. She took a deep breath and the tears stopped. He smiled at me, held a finger to his lips and disappeared.
"I'm sorry." I whispered and she looked at me. A small smile appeared on her face and she shook her head.
"I'm glad you are here Susanna. It may seem silly but I feel like I have a special kinship with you that I can not share with anyone else." I smiled and nodded in agreement. "Telling you was hard, but it has made me feel so much better. Thank you." She said and bent her head towards mine. I smiled and closed my eyes. This woman had offered up her darkest secret to me. She was no longer a distant friend, but more like a sister. As we drifted off to sleep I wished that one day I could make this pain go away, that one day I would be able to confide in her the way she confided in me.
